there should be a random googler week. open the board up so that people don't have to log in. just for fun. for a week.
― scott seward
cosigning this, sounds fun
― sleeve, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:33 (six years ago) link
then don't send them a text like thatthere are ways to approach this if you are serious. if you want 100 reasons not to do it, i can come up with those tooi am reminded of this https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/12/opinion/real-men-might-get-made-fun-of.html
I know there’s pressure not to be a dorky, try-hard male feminist stereotype; there’s always a looming implication that you could lose your spot in the club; if you seem opportunistic or performative in your support, if you suck up too much oxygen and demand praise, women will yell at you for that too. But I need you to absorb that risk. I need you to get yelled at and made fun of, a lot, and if you get kicked out of the club, I need you to be relieved, and I need you to help build a new one.
― weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:34 (six years ago) link
Bullies do more than just bully, the rest of the time they might be interesting, intelligent, entertaining - whatever you want an ilxor to be.
― Video reach stereo bog (Tom D.), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:35 (six years ago) link
I feel like there was a year or two where there were so many faps and people all really socialized a lot off board. That died away, people kept some friends, went to friendster/myspace/fb or not. I was a late fb joiner and never used it until Trump got elected and I felt a need to connect more online because I was also traveling a lot and didn't have permanence. That has kind of led me back to ilx.
― Yerac, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:36 (six years ago) link
Other people often like the bullies and overlook and excuse the fact that they are arseholes.
― Video reach stereo bog (Tom D.), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:37 (six years ago) link
yes, there have been many bullying enablers.
welcome back yerac. there used to be a lot more irl socializing but i chalk that up to age/major life changes. i still prefer to see people/socialize irl but this will do in a pinch.
― weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:41 (six years ago) link
Yeah, everyone got old and tired. I look back and think it was kind of odd that ilxors went out every weekend together. But it was fun.
― Yerac, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:44 (six years ago) link
― Video reach stereo bog (Tom D.), Tuesday, February 27, 2018 9:37 AM (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Otherwise decent posters tittering at assholery (presumably at least in part because they don't want to get hit with the asshole stick themselves) is one of the more disheartening trends I've seen on the board. But just human nature, I guess.
― Here Comes The Brain Event (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:56 (six years ago) link
I'm not shy about calling out even posters that I like when they pull a dick move.
― Here Comes The Brain Event (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 15:57 (six years ago) link
Lookit
Sometimes windbaggery is arseholery sometimes hobbyhorsing is arseholery sometimes soapboxing is arseholery sometimes naivety is arseholerySometimes zinging is arseholerySometimes tho it might be good
No hard and fast rule but rly again the wounds should be well licked by now if the zing era hit anyone that hard
― Simpson L. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:07 (six years ago) link
then invite them back! that's my idea.
― weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:07 (six years ago) link
idea: if you're a male and you want to increase the ratio of men-women on ilx but you don't want to invite women to come post maybe just stop posting yourself that'll help the ratio w/ a minimal amount of effort on yr part
― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:09 (six years ago) link
Well yeah
― direct to consumer online mattress brand (silby), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:10 (six years ago) link
As a 99.9% ILM poster I really like the plug.dj room and I’d love it if it was populated 24/7.
― Siegbran, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:15 (six years ago) link
oh it's definitely time for a return to the plug room
― ogmor, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:28 (six years ago) link
― Video reach stereo bog (Tom D.), Tuesday, February 27, 2018 7:35 AM (one hour ago)
and they're not always the same posters, too! some grow into it, others grow out of it. It's obvious (with a few exceptions) from the large number of posters and posts on this thread, that we're not even thinking of the same people as "bullies" ... not that the thinly veiled "we all know who is a horrible" discussion is particularly "nice" either, considering it could easily be read by the persons in question. Both tendencies are kinda shitty to be on the receiving end of ... not that I haven't been on the giving end as well. This place can be a challenge to act like a decent person.
― sarahell, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:45 (six years ago) link
it's always a little jarring to see siegbran post on ILE. siegbran and gottpunch the only people i look to on ilm for music recommendations. which is why i'm not there that much.
― scott seward, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:51 (six years ago) link
I would like to invite roxy and JBR and tehresa and tokyo rosemary and some others back to more regular ILX posting but i also can understand that maybe they all left for reasons that also included wanting to break free from habitual posting on a website.
i want MAX to return!
― omar little, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:55 (six years ago) link
Max, the guy, that was responsible for treating people like shit irl and getting paid for it -- you want that dude back?
― sarahell, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:58 (six years ago) link
MAX couldn't handle opposing viewpoints.
― A is for (Aimless), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 16:58 (six years ago) link
i think positing that ppl leave ilx bc it's mean is giving ilx way too much credit. the internet is far crueler. ppl leave ilx bc it's boring and has little original insight to offer. this is partially bc posters w/ original insight have abandoned the site and the posters that have remained are excellent at writing punny trump nicknames - a skill that, alas, is not in high demand as supply is at historically high levels. if you really like breathless takes on every twitter politics update of the day tho ilx is at least one of the top 50 sites for such content.
― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:01 (six years ago) link
Lookit #2
If we're going to start a weighing up of individual named posters good and bad:
1: give each their own thread at least2: max is a loooong way down the list on a positive/negative analysis
― Simpson L. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:03 (six years ago) link
Nonsense, ILX is freer of Trump puns than most of the internet - you mostly just have to never click on the rolling US politics thread, which is a good idea anyway. xpost
― Daniel_Rf, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:05 (six years ago) link
what does down the list mean though
― imago, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:05 (six years ago) link
i think positing that ppl leave ilx bc it's mean is giving ilx way too much credit.
It's not even that
It's a misdiagnosis
Seen through a very narrow lens of ilx now
Which isn't as good but isn't zingy
But it's kind of ridiculous really to continuously repeat the assertion
― Simpson L. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:05 (six years ago) link
i'd like to think we're all intelligent enough to know that not everyone has the same ilx experience. some posters avoid the mean parts, others are drawn to the mean parts. some posters blend in and are not targeted. others (who are still posting here) have gotten monumental amounts of shit from other posters. others who have experienced only a fraction of that shit have left over it.
― sarahell, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:09 (six years ago) link
Real talk here: I feel like Branwell and LJ have been the most shat upon posters in the 9 years I've been posting here.
― sarahell, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:10 (six years ago) link
xpI've thought about it. I don't post that much, don't really have a lot of connections to folks at ILX, get most of my music news elsewhere, and tbh was never the most apt messageboard guy anyway, even when I was on them every day. I like that ILX never became facebook, as far as likes/quantifiable feedback, but otoh sometimes it feels like Twitter. So, if I left, it would be because I was finally ready to say "I dgaf whether someone I don't know thinks my post is otm". I don't need to be at the table, or at least not this kind of table. Where's the table that can read your innermost thoughts and validate your innermost valuables without you having to be sociable about it? Oh yeah, it's the embittered solitary novelist table.
― Dominique, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:12 (six years ago) link
it's not really that we're too cruel or not cruel enough. we should be less cruel to eccentric unique posters and more cruel to landfill posters. instead we mock the posters who stand out (and therefore contribute to the site) and let the idiot contributions from the ilx peanut gallery go uncommented upon.
― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:12 (six years ago) link
ppl posting one word "otm" posts have been a blight on this site for as long as i've been here. if you're not adding anything with your post why are you posting?
― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:13 (six years ago) link
otm
― ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:14 (six years ago) link
someone invite tynan back
― mh, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:15 (six years ago) link
― sarahell, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:15 (six years ago) link
ilx really puts the 'mean' in 'average'
― Dat Login was the dname u doofus (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:15 (six years ago) link
sarahell otm about the wide variety of user experiences
― weird woman in a bar (La Lechera), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:16 (six years ago) link
*must not post OTM here*
― Video reach stereo bog (Tom D.), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:17 (six years ago) link
block poster / killfile helps a lot w the landfill iirc
― droit au butt (Euler), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:17 (six years ago) link
― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:12 (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Too simplistic again imo.
Worth isn't a binary.
Unique behaviour can be as shitty or as boring as anything else.
― Simpson L. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:17 (six years ago) link
Tom D. otm
― sarahell, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:17 (six years ago) link
i keep thinking the board misses the self-important ambitious posting of yore but then i look at the self-important posters who are left
― ogmor, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:18 (six years ago) link
I may have been shat upon but I've had the near-indestructible private school self-confidence to just keep on at it. Others haven't had the privilege of such a robust psychological defence
― imago, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:19 (six years ago) link
constantly seeking out hazing is a way to live, I guess
― mh, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:21 (six years ago) link
No LJ you're just oblivious I think
― Simpson L. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:21 (six years ago) link
imago is deeply beloved by me, he reminds me of my brother
― omar little, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:21 (six years ago) link
mh - i think the term for that is "power bottom"
― sarahell, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:22 (six years ago) link
If LJ were my brother he'd have had it battered out of him early enough that it would have stuck but he is what he is and we're fond of him in our own way
― Simpson L. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:22 (six years ago) link
I had some "friends" who were genuinely jerks when I was a kid and it took me a number of years to realize that I'd fight back against them by being passive aggressive or finding modes of conversation they hated and using them. Horrible way to live.
― mh, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:25 (six years ago) link
when i was a kid i didn't get along w/ a lot of the other students who i felt were bullies and cruel. one time i asked someone who was mean to me why they didn't like me and they said that it was because i didn't like them. this must've been around 5th grade. it lead to a lifelong journey of noticing how the attitudes i express, sometimes subconsciously, sometimes w/ just looks or snide remarks, but never taking responsibility for the affect i was putting out, actually generated the responses i got from people. it's v rare that someone bullies bambi. generally they're bullying some covert passive-aggressive bully who thinks they're bambi.
― Mordy, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:28 (six years ago) link
Victim blambing
― Simpson L. (darraghmac), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:29 (six years ago) link
People def bully Bambi, key word here is generally in your case
― kolakube (Ross), Tuesday, 27 February 2018 17:33 (six years ago) link