Movies That Were Probably Made By a Spasm of Six Year-Olds on Acid: The Top 75 Action Films Poll Results Thread

gonna read thread again

Guessing The Raid 1 and 2 would stand a chance. They seem like classic material.

haha when i typed that post i'd totally forgotten john woo directed MI:2. oops.

yeah the raid is dope. threadbare characters and all that but if you wanna see some awesome fighting in close quarters, man, you are going to get a shit-ton of it.

MI:2 is the only one of the series I'd be resistant to rewatching.

Dr. C, go watch Dawn of the Dead and the Bournes pretty much now. You must.

I really should get on this To Live & Die thing, huh.

The resurgence of this thread suddenly makes me want to ditch my umpteenth Larry Sanders rewatch for some First Blood or Ronin.

Or Cobra. It should've won, we all know it.

oh my god if I had voted in this La Femme Nikita would have been my top 5 or maybe even my #1, v v underrated go see it at once

There is definite racism or some racist caricatures in The Rock, my recollection of the Alcatraz tour scenes when the Marines take over is that a couple characters are used for comic relief in a way that's pretty awkward. It's an interesting movie w/the extremely serious and well-performed Harris and Morse duo going against the more heightened comic weirdness of Cage and Connery. The most memorable performance aside from the stars is probably Gregory Sporleder as a psycho Marine, plays like a particularly vicious hybrid of James Cagney and David Patrick Kelley and makes good use of his limited role. Which is to basically be the Waingro to Ed Harris' McCauley. (speaking of Heat!)

if you haven't seen The Wild Bunch and Once Upon a Time in the West, that would make a lengthy but hellaciously great double bill.

To Live and Die In L.A. is the single most mindfucking movie on the list, it's one that I have shown a few different people and they've come away with a thumbs up and mild PTSD every time.

The Woo films are both great, just operatic cornball beauty that feels like they belong in a parallel universe. When I watched them on VHS w/shitty dubbing back in my teen years they changed my life.

Dawn of the Dead is the best zombie film ever but it's not as much an action movie. But the action is really wonderful and lurid and gorgeous in its gruesomeness, and the four main performances are all exceptionally good. Unlike most performances in zombie flicks (one slightly related key exception: Sarah Polley in the DotD remake.)

From the list of unwatched, the only ones I'd pass on or save for last are probably Sin City (looks good but kinda lame), Crank (feels like an "early era Vice Magazine" action film at this point tbh), and maybe Taken (benefited in this poll from being a recent release and Liam Neeskn being frankly quite awesome, but it's not great.)

The Rock also has some really cruel homophobia in the form of a comic-relief sissy that like actually pissed me off

feel like if i charged omar with the duty of mounting a passionate defence of any or all of the three movies hes suggests skipping he could do it

Well I'll say this for all of them:

Sin City is not boring and goes all the way, it really does bring the graphic novel to life and Mickey Rourke is almost surreally on-point in recreating his character in what I guess is basically a live-action performance. The gore is wonderful, I deeply enjoyed the noir elements. It's mostly lame in it being extremely empty for the most part, it's very much a "see once and never again" type film. I'm not regretting seeing it but I also felt like it gave me nothing.

Crank is probably diminished bc its mostly shit sequel just tried to recreate it and go one up on everything without doing anything new, but the original is really smug and self satisfied and Statham I think is at his most unlikeable in these films. It's also probably a bit racist. However it is insane. I give it points for sheer unbridled insanity. It comes off more like a Troma picture than any typical Hollywood action film. Which earns it some respect.

Taken is I think very well-directed and Neeson's role is more than just The Speech, he's an unstoppable and fearsome presence physically and that coupled with his set of acting skills keeps the entire thing moving. It's got some nice low-grade Eurotrash vibes throughout, but it is also racist. Crazy how the plot hinges on the girls deciding to follow U2 on tour or whatever, I appreciated that touch. It's funny though how i think culturally Taken is the Neeson action film everyone talks about (understandably perhaps) while in the meantime every single non-Taken franchise action film he's made since is better.

mad max fury road would top 5 imo

― the clodding of the american mind (darraghmac), Sunday, March 11, 2018 12:56 PM (six hours ago)

mad max 2 isn't even on the list!

has anything come out in the last six years that would have stood a chance?

Definitely: Mad Max Fury Road, John Wick, The Raid

Probably: Dredd, Edge of Tomorrow, Snowpiercer

Outside bets: MI6 Rogue Nation, Fast and Furious 6, Wonder Woman, Baby Driver, Green Room

also Raid 2

im pretending that ppl voted mad max, a searing budget transvestite social drama, but were thinking of mad max 2 the great action movie. it helps.

edge of tomorrow, john wick and MI6 all def make list yeah

if taken were made in the seventies and nobody had heard of it i think it would be an ilx sensation.

sin city looks great, is funny, is probably the hottest movie of all time, fair to say the action isnt actually great in it maybe.

think yr point on cranks experimentalism is key.

Wonder Woman would open up some doors - I don't remember much about the fight scenes apart for the terrible one in the french town, but Civil War and Black Panther have some great ones - on the one hand you could claim that it isn't really an action movie if the protagonist is never in danger, on the other hand Arnie.

There would be some Fast & Furious vote splitting, I suspect - real headz love Fast Five, and it didn't even make this poll.

xp MI6 comes out next month? It's MI5 yez are thinking of.

My unwatched, some of them glaring

72 VANISHING POINT
69 (TIE) THE HURT LOCKER
67 (TIE) BRANDED TO KILL
66 ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
65 SIN CITY
62 (TIE) TAKEN
61 MAD MAX
60 JAWS*
57 COLLATERAL
53 (TIE) MIAMI VICE
50 LA FEMME NIKITA
48 TOTAL RECALL*
47 THE WILD BUNCH
46 THE GREAT ESCAPE
45 COMMANDO
44 THE KILLER
41 BULLITT
38 DAWN OF THE DEAD
37 TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.
34 CRANK
27 BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA*
24 POINT BREAK*
23 BATTLE ROYALE
22 THE THING
20 POINT BLANK
17 NORTH BY NORTHWEST
14 THE FRENCH CONNECTION
8 HEAT

Happy to watch any of these movies not directed by Michael Mann.

* indicates that I know them well enough to joke about them.

mi
mi2 urlight uhjackitt uhpockett awful hair
mi3 pope overrated
mi4 undercover undercover undercover
mi5 does this exist or is the desert one also the above one
mi6 opera underwater

also day and knight is an unofficial mi imo

I might start a thread on to live and die in la the action movie for people who know action movie tropes but were ready to see them absolutely eviscerated

which is also a brilliant action/cop movie like

mad max 2 (aka the road warrior) placed didn't it? can't load the thread on my phone but surely.

and AF wow, sit down and watch jaws straight through, you are in for a TREAT. or wait for someplace to show it on the big screen and see it with an audience, it rules. french connection also with scheider and also great. neither one is really full on "action" movie but both classics. the one car chase in french connection is worth the whole movie, and you also get some great cat and mouse detective stuff, and hackman.

Road Warrior was #16. I suspect Fury Road would make the top 5. My guess would be it would have an okay shot at #1. And it might deserve it!

otm to both posts

FC is my favourite ever i think

also gotta say if you enjoy anything about schwarzenegger or OTT ridiculousness in an action movie, you will love commando. get a group of friends together and go to town. i think as a kid the box convinced me it was gonna be heavy and boring, and no aliens or sci-fi stuff to hook me in, but it's basically a quippy, silly, video game, complete with a string of mini-bosses on the way up to the big showdown. fair warning it also has possibly the highest body count of any movie in the whole list, and mostly all in the last like 20 minutes of the movie. he kills so many people!

yeah he does!

also fair warning, the dead people are almost all Henchmen Of A Central American Banana Republic Strongman, which probably qualifies on the racism trope-o-meter.

casting irish lads would have looked funny tbh

i mean ok but cmon but ok

Full list, for anyone who can't load the thread:

75 APOCALYPTO
74 INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM
73 GOLDFINGER
72 VANISHING POINT
71 DIRTY HARRY
69 (TIE) THE HURT LOCKER
69 (TIE) DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE
67 (TIE) CON AIR
67 (TIE) BRANDED TO KILL
66 ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
65 SIN CITY
64 INFERNAL AFFAIRS
62 (TIE) DEMOLITION MAN
62 (TIE) TAKEN
61 MAD MAX
60 JAWS
59 THE FUGITIVE
58 CASINO ROYALE
57 COLLATERAL
56 THE INCREDIBLES
55 ENTER THE DRAGON
53 (TIE) MIAMI VICE
53 (TIE) KUNG FU HUSTLE
52 GET CARTER
51 AKIRA
50 LA FEMME NIKITA
49 DISTRICT 9
48 TOTAL RECALL
47 THE WILD BUNCH
46 THE GREAT ESCAPE
45 COMMANDO
44 THE KILLER
43 THE FIFTH ELEMENT
42 SPEED
41 BULLITT
40 YOJIMBO
39 LE SAMOURAI
38 DAWN OF THE DEAD
37 TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.
36 THE MATRIX
35 INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE
34 CRANK
33 THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
32 THE BOURNE IDENTITY
31 THE WARRIORS
30 THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
29 THE BOURNE SUPREMACY
28 ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST
27 BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA
26 THE DARK KNIGHT
25 PREDATOR
24 POINT BREAK
23 BATTLE ROYALE
22 THE THING
21 KILL BILL VOL. 1
20 POINT BLANK
19 THE TERMINATOR
17 NORTH BY NORTHWEST
17 STARSHIP TROOPERS
16 THE ROAD WARRIOR
15 THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY
14 THE FRENCH CONNECTION
13 THE SEVEN SAMURAI
12 ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK
11 HARD BOILED
10 BLADE RUNNER
9 LÉON: THE PROFESSIONAL
8 HEAT
7 RONIN
6 CHILDREN OF MEN
5 ROBOCOP
4 TERMAINTOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY
3 RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
2 ALIENS
1 DIE HARD

I'm surprised at the poor showing of martial arts movies. They don't seem to have been ruled out, since Enter the Dragon is on the list.

there were definitely some in the nominees (see: TOP 100 ACTION FILMS OF ALL TIME NOMINATIONS AND DISCUSSION THREAD ) but they're swamped by stuff closer to the American Blockbuster Action Movie template...

big trouble in little china tbf

Okay, I guess I need to rep harder for Cobra as it ticks a lot of Dr. C's Commando boxes. It's the most ridiculous movie ever. The baddies are satanists who ritually clank fire axes together in an abandoned warehouse. Marion Cobretti is the most overly try-hard badass in history.

Couldn't find an uninterrupted clip of this scene, so you're missing the bit between these two clips when Cobra crams his newspaper inside a bbq grill and tosses his housekeys like a hardman in an attempt to impress all zero people who are watching him:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32sLgUoj91o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SxN_U2H0Xc

All to the tune of Miami Sound Machine. More like Camp-brah, amirite.

i love the OTT final monologue of the Night Slasher, what is he even talking about?

You want to go to hell? Huh, pig? You want to go to hell with me? It doesn't matter, does it? We are the hunters. We kill the weak so the strong survive. You can't stop the New World. Your filthy society will never get rid of people like us. It's breeding them! WE ARE THE FUTURE!

a layup for Cobra:

Marion Cobretti : No!
[aims his gun]
Marion Cobretti : You're history.

separately, i wanted to gauge ILX interest in a crime/thriller/mystery/detective/film noir poll. i don't think it's been done, it would cover all eras, etc...

there are a lot of films that i think slipped through this poll and some others that would be interesting to discuss in a rollout.

that could be cool! i was looking up lists of movies under that basic umbrella recently cause my friend wanted to do a "noir" marathon but they were feeling pretty broad-minded, at one point the shortlist included like, The Getaway and Sugarland Express alongside Midnight Run and Pierrot le Fou. unfortunately we got started late and only got through Chinatown and uh, Brick. anyway though i like it... pretty huge range of things to cover... could be cool, could be unwieldy, probably would be fun. i'd assume things like TLaDiLA and Le Samourai would qualify despite their 'action' placement...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wk-jT9rn-8

xp re Cobra, i love that Miami Sound Machine song.

totally down for a crime poll.

It's funny though how i think culturally Taken is the Neeson action film everyone talks about (understandably perhaps) while in the meantime every single non-Taken franchise action film he's made since is better.

True. I particularly liked Run All Night, A Walk Among The Tombstones, and The Grey. Haven't seen The Commuter yet.

This life's HARD man, but it's HARDER if you're stupid! aka CRIME/MYSTERY/THRILLER/NOIR movie POLL nominations thread

the William Friedkin poll

to live and die in la well discussed in this thread

I'd searched for Warrior with no results, then expanded the entire thread and ctrl+f'd every mention of "mad max" without Road Warrior showing up, so blame Americans for this I guess

yeah Fast Five is the real golden point of the Furiouses

AF: I thought I'd seen Jaws, because I knew every reference well enough to joke about it for decades, but watched a remaster in the cinema five years ago and realised that I'd just read some of the novel and all of the MAD magazine version when I was a kid. It's really good, definitely worth seeing with an audience

Crank is probably diminished bc its mostly shit sequel just tried to recreate it and go one up on everything without doing anything new, but the original is really smug and self satisfied and Statham I think is at his most unlikeable in these films.

this is crazytalk, Chelios is adorable (and tbh more of a real person than almost any Statham character). Spy is probably the only film he's better in? BUT: the biggest crazytalk is thinking that there was any way Crank 2 could possibly go OTHER than one-upping everything. And in fact they do plenty that's new in the course of that, like two characters transforming into kaiju of themselves in the middle of a fight scene.

its no 16 on the list

surely statham career-best in snatch

yeah but as Road Warrior, not Mad Max 2. outside the fold, there was no indication it placed

i had a lot of fun on this thread. back in the day.

i'm a bit Statham-agnostic, i think his brand of brute charisma has its charms but not all of the time. i'm completely down with any style or type of movie but Crank didn't work for me as well as it did on others, ultimately. my beef w/it is ultimately pretty limited, i won't argue much one way or another, not even for Crank: High Voltage which i just couldn't get w/whatsoever. i have no issues w/Crank placing, nothing in this poll for me is a total hard pass.

most Statham films are pretty empty, but he's got to do something to keep busy until Neveldine & Taylor win $113,000 on a scratch-it and make Crank 3 in a weekend with an iphone

ten years since we polled Statham!

hey, this guy knows what's up:

also, Crank 2 is in no way worse than Crank 1 - it just simply couldn't exist without the former, and is openly a distillation and exaggeration of the wondrousness of its predecessor. It is truly a tragedy that this was a box-office flop, and that we shall be denied the otherwise inevitable glory of CRANK 3-D.

― oh sh!t a ¯\⎝⏠___⏠⎠/¯ (sic), Thursday, July 15, 2010 10:35 AM