Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Buddhist Woman: "I met your brother when I was down at the printers. He's very like you, even his voice."

Steve: "Yeah, he is. We say a lot of the same things too, so whenever I'm out with him I sort of know how he's going to phrase things and express himself."

Buddhist Woman (perfectly seriously): "Well, you see, you might have known each other in a previous life. You might have made a connection in a previous life."

Me: "Couldn't it just be that they're related to one another?"

Steve: "Errrrrrrrrrrr....."

Hi David

Have you got any plans for the computer I’m on at the moment? I’ll be gone in a month anyway ...

Hi Lucy

I think it will probably remain here at PDU (possession is nine tenths of the law!) as one of the assets of the University.

David

Hi David, you thick bastard, do you really think I'd try to walk off with a computer when my contract ends?

They're drying on paper towels in the office bathroom as we speak.

i used to sit opposite a dude with a paperclip collection. i wrote about it here once. fucked if i can find the thread now.

compared to some of the spunkers i've worked with since, he was a godhead.

I'm tired of me and my colleagues getting stuck with tasking on shit that the customer really honestly ought to be doing for themselves. I know it's bullshit to go on about "not in my job description" but why the fuck can't our unit chief do his own goddamned google searches for products? He does next to jack shit otherwise all day.

Very angry. Good night.

JESUS H! That is probably the most retarded thing I've ever heard! I mean, how expensive ar paperclips? And so what if they're dirty?

I'm cross because it's my last day of work and my boss won't let me leave till 8pm.

this is how her side of the conversation went:

"so if i'm doing it online, what do i put where it says 'how many years' no-claims bonus?'"

[pause]

"ohh, right. so you can't just lie about that?"

[pause]

"riiight. that would explain why the last quote was so cheap. i just put '10 years'". [cue much giggling and me approaching homicide level]

also, our fucking server has just gone down. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Grimly/Stet, I saw your esteemed publication ran a story on this earlier in the week, although it said that a decision was due in January (this was what we thought too but they've decided to let staff know first). Coincidence?

I explained the noun/verb thing and told him the trick is to devise a device to help him remember, but he looked pissed off because I didn't take the bait and ask him all about the Important Business of applying for a Chinese trading licence.

thass good! i've always used "advice" and "advise" to illustrate the difference, but this is better.

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his
arm out his window and gave the woman the finger....

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That's 642

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give one the finger? ...... I think not.

From my boss. He sends me things like this all the time. He thinks they're funny.

ME: "OK mary what are you shouting about?"
Fatty: "LUNA, LUNA DI LUNA?"
ME: "WTF IS THAT?"
FATTY: "That wine i brought in for Kristin a month ago."
Me: "What does that have to do with me being awake?"
Fatty: "Thought you'd want some wine."
Me: "Get away from me, im half asleep."
Fatty: "LUNA, LUNA, LUNA DI LUNA."

At this point i got up and walked away.

Someone here the other day received a hoax email warning from a customer, and decided she'd better click on "Forward" and "All users". By the time I had a chance to go and moan at her, she'd already received three other complaints about it from senior managers.

spending two hours trying to insert a picture into a word document

The office secretary here often has to insert pictures - company logos, and so on - into Word documents. And she can NEVER remember how to do it. Even though she does it every week or two, EVERY SINGLE TIME she tries to insert it by clicking Open, and then phones me up to say: "I can't open this image! It's just gibberish! Word says it can't convert it to anything"

this annoyed me. i hate it when people confound my expectations and make me feel guilty.

yeah, i have one who whistles maybe a bit too much but otherwise i've yet to work with someone (at this job, anyway) who really rubs me the wrong way. that's what the patrons are for!

but it's true though!

ari up!