I have also never knowingly heard this
― kelp, clam and carrion (sic), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 05:00 (five years ago) link
literally never heard this
― gbx, Tuesday, 19 June 2018 05:17 (five years ago) link
I've also never heard this! according to google books, variations on the expression have been popping up for at least 145 years:
1872: a German newspaper describes "Wenn meine Tante Räder hätte--" ("if my aunt had wheels...") as a Berlin figure of speech
1882: "Wenn meine Tante Räder hätte, wär' se 'n Omnibus!" ("if my aunt had wheels, she would be a bus!") (from a book of Berlin words and sayings)
1884: "If my aunt had wheels she would be an omnibus,',' says the proverb."
1925: "As one of the players very, truly remarked: 'If your grandmother had had wheels she might have been a motor bus.'"
1932: ""Oh yeah? Sure. If my aunt had wheels she'd be a trolley car!"
1936: "Finally the little meanicano grew very tired of so much 'if,' and so he said to the tourist: 'Si, señor, si tuviera ruedas mi tía vieja, fuera bicicleta,' 'if my old aunt had wheels she would be a bicycle.'"
1966:"You know, there is an old folk saying in America: “If my grandmother had had wheels, she would have been an automobile"
― the yolk sustains us, we eat whites for days (unregistered), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 06:15 (five years ago) link
gonna cast a write-in vote for
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG9qSHPwykk
― the yolk sustains us, we eat whites for days (unregistered), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 06:16 (five years ago) link
"I've a hole in my arse, does that make me a flowerpot?"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 19 June 2018 06:50 (five years ago) link
bicycle anything else is forced and desperate
― tired culché (darraghmac), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 07:25 (five years ago) link
Shared this on fb last year Αν η γιαγιά μου είχε καρούλια, θα ήταν πατίνι ("If my grandmother had wheels she would be a skateboard"
― U. K. Le Garage (wins), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 07:51 (five years ago) link
Honestly I’ve never heard this expression
No option for soil as she’s dead
Chose pram
― sunburst N snowblind (Ross), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 07:53 (five years ago) link
Bike is how I've heard it and if my Aunt had balls she'd be my Uncle.
― I'm Finn thanks, don't mention it (fionnland), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 07:59 (five years ago) link
everybodys granny is dead lets keep this on point ppl
― tired culché (darraghmac), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 08:08 (five years ago) link
The closest I’ve heard to this was a football coach who screamed “grandma was slow but then she died” at us almost every practice.
― louise ck (milo z), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 06:07 (five years ago) link
“but”?
― valorous wokelord (silby), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 06:16 (five years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j13sMmVwiFE
― Making Plans For Sturgill (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 06:27 (five years ago) link
bus obv
― No purposes. Sounds. (Sund4r), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 14:07 (five years ago) link
Well ye cannae push yer granny aff a bus
― Minister of the Pillow (fionnland), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 14:08 (five years ago) link
I've seen it in writing a lot but I don't think I have heard someone say it.
― No purposes. Sounds. (Sund4r), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 14:09 (five years ago) link
"Trolley" is the only way I've ever heard it. (Along with the variant "trolley car.")
― Eliza D., Wednesday, 20 June 2018 14:12 (five years ago) link
Never heard this and I'm a granny
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 15:37 (five years ago) link
If my granny had wheels she'd be a danger.
― kelp, clam and carrion (sic), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 16:45 (five years ago) link
Grandma, you must be a trolley because you are short for trolley car or trolley bus.
― how's life, Wednesday, 20 June 2018 16:59 (five years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.
― System, Thursday, 21 June 2018 00:01 (five years ago) link
I have heard it! Version I heard was "trolley car". When I first heard I thought the person saying it was insane. Had no clue what it was supposed to mean. Same person once said "he put the manure in the trunk and drove into the wall" which was also an attempt to communicate some sort of layered meaning I'd imagine
― Evan, Thursday, 21 June 2018 00:50 (five years ago) link
i mean it's kind of reassuring that there are probably thousands of these idiomatic sayings floating around in history connected to some sort of humor that's eternally lost to us.
― i want to get cancer (map), Thursday, 21 June 2018 01:46 (five years ago) link
Skeeter Davis - If I Had Wheels
(...I'd be a motor car and put you in the driver's seat)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbeoM7jOpbI
If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his sittin' down place
― Hideous Lump, Thursday, 21 June 2018 03:00 (five years ago) link
xp what's unclear about this one tho
― tired culché (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 June 2018 07:07 (five years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.
― System, Friday, 22 June 2018 00:01 (five years ago) link
― tired culché (darraghmac), Thursday, June 21, 2018 8:07 AM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
uhh you get a boner when the barber razors your neck
― i want to get cancer (map), Friday, 22 June 2018 00:11 (five years ago) link
genuinely had never heard this. only version I have heard is the "if my (aunt/granny/mother) had balls she'd be my (uncle/grandad/father)" one.
― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Thursday, 28 June 2018 03:11 (five years ago) link
Also see : Are you a Benny tied to a tree?
― Mark G, Thursday, 28 June 2018 06:12 (five years ago) link