Now Tilda Swinton, who I don’t know and never heard of, has joined them.
Ivanka showing some her dad's takedown skills
― We were never Breeting Borting (President Keyes), Tuesday, 26 March 2019 15:56 (five years ago) link
wonder if anyone ever heard from this Tilda character after this golf-related stance
― mh, Tuesday, 26 March 2019 16:02 (five years ago) link
not exactly right for this thread but my god this reads like a clickhole article, right down to the guy's bio. i kept waiting for the twist
https://www.androidpolice.com/2015/09/25/jbl-xtreme-and-flip-3-review-competition-destroyed/
― Lil' Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 April 2019 22:52 (five years ago) link
Rhino poacher trampled to death by elephant; remains eaten by lions
― Kardashev scale sex tape (Sanpaku), Sunday, 7 April 2019 03:42 (five years ago) link
Better than they deserve tbqh
― moose; squirrel (silby), Sunday, 7 April 2019 05:54 (five years ago) link
Haha, came to post that same story! How about this one:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/apr/06/sentencing-their-dog-to-death-how-the-anti-vax-movement-spread-to-pets
"Sam Kovac can’t say for sure what prompted it, but in the past few weeks the Sydney veterinarian has been faced with the same alarming, beguiling question over and over: “Will this vaccination give my dog autism?”
(Article would be funnier if it didn't involve dummies doing the wrong thing for their poor pets)
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 8 April 2019 01:51 (five years ago) link
Cue Temple Grandin on the natural state of non-human mammals resembling human autism.
― Kardashev scale sex tape (Sanpaku), Monday, 8 April 2019 05:15 (five years ago) link
https://fox8.com/2019/04/11/florida-man-arrested-outside-olive-garden-after-eating-pasta-belligerently/
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Monday, 15 April 2019 15:36 (five years ago) link
whither emily post?
― d'ILM for Murder (Hadrian VIII), Monday, 15 April 2019 15:45 (five years ago) link
However, before being placed in handcuffs officers gave Padgett a paper towel so he could wipe the pasta off his face.
wipe privilege
― We were never Breeting Borting (President Keyes), Monday, 15 April 2019 15:58 (five years ago) link
That's funny!
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 15 April 2019 16:37 (five years ago) link
https://www.hs.fi/ulkomaat/art-2000006096630.html
This is a Finnish newspaper, but the headline translates to:
The beluga whale Norway thought to be a Russian spy is in fact a therapy whale for children
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 7 May 2019 12:32 (five years ago) link
lol
― pomenitul, Tuesday, 7 May 2019 12:37 (five years ago) link
just you and meeat fudge banana swirljust you and mewe'll travel round the worldjust you and metherapy whale
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 7 May 2019 16:20 (five years ago) link
a former Netflix creative director just raised $1.6 million for a startup that sells "straight edge" water in tall boy cans and their tagline is "nothing's better than water at murdering your thirst"https://t.co/KJI6Dx0tWd pic.twitter.com/dXBva5A0uP— Ryan Broderick (@broderick) May 7, 2019
― gbx, Tuesday, 7 May 2019 19:35 (five years ago) link
I'd buy that.
― don't mock my smock or i'll clean your clock (silby), Tuesday, 7 May 2019 19:46 (five years ago) link
Is there an inverse for this thread? Because I was 100 percent sure this was actually a real article/quote.
John Bolton: ‘An Attack On Two Saudi Oil Tankers Is An Attack On All Americans’ https://t.co/Dgny7ss6pJ pic.twitter.com/nvxyCtNCVh— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 15, 2019
― zama roma ding dong (Eric H.), Wednesday, 15 May 2019 20:24 (five years ago) link
hahaha i thought the same when i saw it just now
― Screamin' Jay Gould (The Yellow Kid), Wednesday, 15 May 2019 23:26 (five years ago) link
Looks like we've come full circle:
https://babylonbee.com
― pomenitul, Tuesday, 21 May 2019 22:00 (five years ago) link
"I'm sorry, I know we're trying to worship the King of Kings here, but am I the only one around here who knows the difference between 'its' and 'it's'?" he said after shouting for the worship band to stop the song. "Does anyone else in this freaking church have any freaking idea where an apostrophe is supposed to go? ANYONE!?!?"
from one of the few non-abortion stories
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 22 May 2019 13:45 (five years ago) link
the one about Jesus writing OWN THE LIBS in the sand was pretty good, I'll give 'em that.
― Evans on Hammond (evol j), Wednesday, 22 May 2019 14:16 (five years ago) link
It's just the word "models," but this one made me go 'WTF does Kendall Jenner know?' for a second:
So Far, Models Are Predicting a Trump Victory in 2020
― dinnerboat, Tuesday, 28 May 2019 16:54 (five years ago) link
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D7sj6GmWsAA30Ez.jpg
― mookieproof, Wednesday, 29 May 2019 06:42 (five years ago) link
talk to transformer foreign policy
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 29 May 2019 15:09 (five years ago) link
I hear a gram of American freedom costs you two family members
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 29 May 2019 21:09 (five years ago) link
US energy department rebrands fossil fuels as 'molecules of freedom'
― despondently sipping tomato soup (Sanpaku), Thursday, 30 May 2019 01:21 (five years ago) link
Oh, shit, you beat me to this...
― despondently sipping tomato soup (Sanpaku), Thursday, 30 May 2019 01:22 (five years ago) link
EVERYTHING
― Flood-Resistant Mirror-Drilling Machine (rushomancy), Thursday, 30 May 2019 01:26 (five years ago) link
This
Trump and Macron's symbolic friendship tree 'has died'
and this
Milo Yiannopoulos named marshal for 'Straight Pride' parade
― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 10 June 2019 11:55 (five years ago) link
I think it's a sign of how ridiculous things have gotten that neither of those stories struck me as particularly absurd or onion-esque when I read about them earlier.
― Roz, Monday, 10 June 2019 14:28 (five years ago) link
Justin Bieber challenges Tom Cruise to a fight
― I don't get wet because I am tall and thin and I am afraid of people (Eliza D.), Monday, 10 June 2019 14:31 (five years ago) link
not gonna lie i would def pirate a pay-per-view stream of that match
― God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own. (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 10 June 2019 14:32 (five years ago) link
Fraser Anning candidate who is robot sex expert given Queen's birthday honour
https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2019/jun/11/fraser-anning-candidate-given-queens-birthday-honour
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 11 June 2019 07:48 (five years ago) link
"Eating giant crab legs for YouTube has made her a millionaire, she says."
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/11/style/youtube-mukbang-bloveslife-bethany-gaskin.html
― joygoat, Tuesday, 11 June 2019 15:33 (five years ago) link
For Trayce's story, some context: Fraser Anning is an Australian Nazi
― And according to some websites, there were “sexcapades.” (James Morrison), Friday, 14 June 2019 03:46 (five years ago) link
Yes sorry I meant to add context as to who he was but got distracted. Also I should have pasted his photo, good god.
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Friday, 14 June 2019 04:08 (five years ago) link
If anyone LOOKED like a Nazi who wanted to fuck robots...
― And according to some websites, there were “sexcapades.” (James Morrison), Friday, 14 June 2019 06:28 (five years ago) link
The Onion a month ago pic.twitter.com/LTdVtwD42f— Doug Hageman (@DougHageman) June 14, 2019
shit that is an onion article ...
― calzino, Saturday, 15 June 2019 16:37 (five years ago) link
got another capitalism greatest hit. i will give you one hundred thousand dollars if you can guess the brand by the end pic.twitter.com/bwfJJLabg4— Ryan Simmons (@rysimmons) June 27, 2019
― mookieproof, Thursday, 27 June 2019 18:45 (five years ago) link
lol, i thought that was the superbowl cotton ad; ending cracked me up
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Thursday, 27 June 2019 19:50 (five years ago) link
hahahaha wut
― d'ILM for Murder (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 27 June 2019 21:13 (five years ago) link
omg
― gbx, Friday, 28 June 2019 17:23 (five years ago) link
darkhttps://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/31/business/jeffrey-epstein-eugenics.html
Jeffrey E. Epstein, the wealthy financier and accused sex trafficker, had an unusual dream: He hoped to seed the human race with his DNA by impregnating women at his vast New Mexico ranch.
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 31 July 2019 20:06 (five years ago) link
Jeffrey Eugenides
― The Ravishing of ROFL Stein (Hadrian VIII), Wednesday, 31 July 2019 20:10 (five years ago) link
Dairy Queen burgers are not made of human flesh, county coroner is forced to confirm https://t.co/5aHIFFVfcR— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) August 25, 2019
― hedonic treadmill class action (Sanpaku), Sunday, 25 August 2019 20:51 (five years ago) link
They should have gone full-Onion with this one, e.g. "The suspect, who bears an uncanny resemblance to the two-time Oscar and three-time Golden Globe-winning star of such films as Argo and Batman v. Superman, is believed to be in his mid to late 20s."
https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2019/09/11/ben-affleck-look-alike-wanted-after-milton-lcbo-theft.html
― dinnerboat, Wednesday, 11 September 2019 14:21 (five years ago) link
Newsweek abases itself, again:
Massive Semen Explosion after Blaze Hits Bull Artificial Insemination Facility, Firefighters Forced to Dodge 'Projectiles'
― hedonic treadmill class action (Sanpaku), Wednesday, 18 September 2019 06:36 (five years ago) link
bullkake
― The Ravishing of ROFL Stein (Hadrian VIII), Wednesday, 18 September 2019 11:35 (five years ago) link
Ugh. Don't you hate it when that happens?
― StanM, Wednesday, 18 September 2019 12:07 (five years ago) link
lol I was thinking "What does Glenn Beck have to do with this now?"
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Wednesday, 18 September 2019 13:52 (five years ago) link