"before turning the crossbow on herself"

certainly they need to at least look at automatic crossbows

https://youtu.be/Veszrg1TErk?t=24

crossbow duelling, earlier today

googling images of crossbows in order to work out the mechanics of how the suicide might have happened has led me to find a pistol crossbow on sale for just £49.95 including three bolts

i guess this is it lads i’m a crossbow man now

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C81QTQwW0AEgfBM.jpg

A man who suffered "horrendous injuries" when he was shot with a crossbow has died in hospital.

Gerald Corrigan, 74, was struck outside his home on South Stack Road, Holyhead, on 19 April at 00:30 BST.

North Wales Police have now confirmed Mr Corrigan died, nearly a month after he was injured.

The force previously urged the crossbow shooter to come forward and said its investigation into the attack was continuing.

Mr Corrigan had been trying to fix a satellite dish on his home when he was hit with the bolt through his upper body and right arm, police said.

they haven't been this hot since the 12th century

hot cross bows

this guy gets it:
https://www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/crossbow_crimes

macduff investigating a mysterious double murder

I've had a shotgun pointed at me once during an armed bookies robbery and it was the closest I've ever been to actually shitting myself. But I reckon if the robber had pointed a crossbow at me I'd have fucking delivered it!

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/04/16/americas/fake-delivery-man-crossbow/index.html

xps

perhaps the coroner might have re-open the Rod Hull inquest.

five bodies now: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/14/world/europe/germany-crossbow.html

"Crossbows are listed as a sporting weapon in Germany and can be bought by anyone 18 or older." good to know, deems did you realise this?

de.ems

katniss everdeems

vg

Wonder what the chances are that an unbridled jarting spree will occur in my lifetime.

Perhaps even punctuating my lifetime.

I very much enjoy the phrase "unbridled jarting spree"

so is this the urbandictionary jarting or what

https://smithdeville.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/dart.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D6iz18sX4AATOMG.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D6iz18uX4AUQdjn.jpg

(is this abt dany's heel turn?)

recently bought some homemade mead at a county fair. it was amazing. i wonder how good torsten's mead was

or indeed is

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/947699/hero-grandmother-shoot-crossbow-burglar-henry-vincent-richard-osborn-brooks

https://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/Anji-Rhys-shot-an-intruder-with-a-crossbow-947699.jpg

feel like maybe teens with knives have been overshadowing this phenomenon unduly

Straying into nakh territory here, possibly, but how soon we forget the self-proclaimed Crossbow Cannibal.

my current theory is that all this apparent forgetability is intrinsic to the choice of weapon

I rewired the Chain Street flats in Bradford where he lived. Site was partially closed one day over a murder. #memoriesofmurder

I said to one of the cops: this looks like the work of a right bloody.. erm.. Knife wielding rapscallion.

Cross bows have a shorter effective range than rifles and are single-shot, not repeating, but they are seriously capable as a projectile weapon. At short range they could penetrate chain mail.

*glumly takes chain-mail back off again*

my current theory is that all this apparent forgetability is intrinsic to the choice of weapon

― mark s, Tuesday, 14 May 2019 17:47 (sixteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

imperfect recoil?

In the early evening of 25 March 1199, Richard was walking around the castle perimeter without his chainmail, investigating the progress of sappers on the castle walls. Missiles were occasionally shot from the castle walls, but these were given little attention. One defender, in particular, amused the king greatly—a man standing on the walls, crossbow in one hand, the other clutching a frying pan he had been using all day as a shield to beat off missiles. He deliberately aimed at the king, which the king applauded; however, another crossbowman then struck the king in the left shoulder near the neck.

game of owneds

nobleman REKT by EPIC HEADSHOT

In 1135, William II overindulged during a raucous evening, after which he slept poorly, tormented by bad dreams. The next morning… he was less than enthusiastic about his plan to hunt that day. But hunt he did. Unfortunately for him, the only other member of his party, aiming his crossbow at a stag, hit the king instead. The Chronica Maiora tells us: The shaft flew, and glancing off a tree pierced the King full in the heart, so that he instantly dropped dead.

my favourite probable myth about Richard I is that on his death bed Richard forgave the lad who shot him but as soon as he was dead his own side executed the fuck out of him

Clearly we're going to need to poll all of the kings injured or killed by crossbows.

Edward II's dad died falling off a horse.. so I suppose getting accidentally crossbowed is slightly more dignified.

William II even

and yet Ted Nugent is tragically still alive

double alive gonzo

Wang Bang Sweet Bow Twang

william ii's brother henry is the surfeit-of-lampreys guy, if we're ranking dignity

lol! hate it when that happens.

I know one of the Scottish James's got killed by one of his own cannons exploding when he standing beside it.

is that absolutely agreed upon

Quick google, James II and some water cannon bought from the German police some cannon bought from Flanders.

im having one of those days

kinder where are you i need you

I GOT THAT ONE

once you flagged it

look and its been a hard half decade for anyone not me im sure but theres a stage where the "puns you had missed" thread is going to light up and give off heat like a spinning forge with the material ive been banking and if it isnt soon ill be dead before its half cleared thats all ill say

that thread's going to go completely dead as we all lose our faculties and just read comments and nod, not registering one way or another

tenureless grip on reality nest pas

not sure I would've got that without the hint
mebbe

I'm still bitter I never got recognition for a pun I made on a The Apprentice thread about 8 years ago

well if you must ask
- someone got fired in some kind of baking/ sandwich task
- it was the peak of RMDE usage

go on

we need a support group imo

maybe it can be on this thread about crossbow crimes

crossover appeal

sorry, my takeaway arrived

"rolls: my demise"

aha

longbow murders are much funnier than crossbow murders imo

I could not find one, but here's a compound bow murder
https://patch.com/new-jersey/haddon/sentencing-man-convicted-bow-arrow-murder-delayed

the longbow beats the crossbow, my idiotic friend

No results found for "funniest longbow murder".

xp there's probably a gif for that; wasn't actually calling anyone idiotic

"Police now say a German sex guru specializing in medieval bondage directed lesbian sex slaves in bizarre murder-suicide"

this thread is now one of the top search results for "longbow murder" if you exclude the keyword "luhrs" to eliminate pages referencing The Longbow Murder by Victor Luhrs.

fuck that guy

we've got haters just accept it

luhrs bowmann