Talk to Transformer

Seinfeld is an American live-action sitcom created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld for the National Broadcasting Company. Set predominantly in New York City, the show, written and produced by Seinfeld, depicts several different New Yorkers coping with an ever-growing list of different stresses. The show's premise is built around the concept of "Seinfeld's Law". In order to be successful, New Yorkers must manage their anxiety levels. For anyone who has watched the show on television, the law is quite simple. When confronted with a stressful situation, an individual needs to become calmer, more positive and more relaxed. While it was developed during the second half of the '90's, the concept of "Seinfeld's Law" is more recently referred to as the "Phenomenal Happier Law". To get a better understanding of the concept, here is a short video interview with Larry Davidson, the creator of

ok well im super drunk right now after playing bass in an awesome metal show and i have a hot chick waiting for me in my bed so ill say this:

i've been hearing a lot of people saying these things (like "i've heard lots of guys say this!" and "it's just a rumor" - and im sure they are right but im a little skeptical because i haven't seen anything) and im also guessing there has been a lot written about why im a super bitchy girl for doing a rap album - and not only that, but i think alot people can relate to what im saying if that bothers them or they think im being a bitch - or if they find me to be the type of hot girl who gets drunk and runs off like no one's business.

but honestly, if you guys cant tell im totally over it - stop posting these things and don't start arguing on social media or other places about it. - and im not going to talk about how i feel or any of this shit just because it will piss you off or the general direction your friendship needs to go in. but just because you don't like it doesn't mean im against it.

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe
James Dean, James Dean, Robert Plant, Bob Hope, Jack Kerouac
Candyland, James Cameron, Bruce Lee, Mickey Rooney, Harry Belafonte
Candyland, George Cukor, George Lucas, David Bowie
Candyland, David Letterman, Jimmy Stewart, Jimmy Stewart
Candyland, Jay Leno, Jim Carrey, Joe Pesci, John Barrymore, John Candy, Bruce Willis
Candyland, Mary Tyler Moore, Jerry Lewis, Jeff Ross, Johnny Carson, Joe Pesci
Catch 30, Billy Crystal, John Malkovich, Tom Cruise, Chris Tucker, Tom Cruise, Chris Tucker, Chris Tucker, Mark Harmon, Mark Harmon
Catch 33, Robert Downey Jr., Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise, John Malkovich, Tom Cruise, John Malkovich, Jim Carrey, Tom Cruise, Jim Carrey, Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise
The Chronicles of Riddick, Tom Cruise, Jon Voight
The Dictator, Clint Eastwood, Clint Eastwood, James Woods, Clint Eastwood, Richard Gere, Richard Gere

You hire a female prostitute, tell her to meet you at a fancy restaurant, and ask her to pretend to be your colleague from the bank. Hire a male prostitute, and tell him the same thing. You sit at a table next to theirs and listen to their conversation. You're an asshole.

And it doesn't take all that much to tell the average employee to piss off.

"Women are just as likely to say something you don't like, be rude, or refuse to talk when you're asked a question," says Susan Ruhl, author of Girls in Work: A Year in the Life of an American Institution and author of "How You're Hired: How to Get the Girl and Hire the Boss: How to Get what Women Have Wants," a book on how women operate in modern workplaces.

So what goes through your mind when you see "The Handmaid's Tale" on TV?

Well, first of all, don't pay attention to what they're saying about the book or film, because you won't want them to. That said, there's a big difference between a writer/director who is going up against the power of the internet and the person who wants to tell you something you might find offensive. (You should always be on guard against those, either.)

"The Handmaid's Tale"

ORNALDO BLOOMPS FOR PRESIDETN

He took down that elephant thing HARDCORE. DAMMMNNN.

The camera zoomed in on the white elephant with a very weird look on his face as it passed him.

"So where's that elephant thing from before?"

"What?!"

"You said he wasn't part of the circus."

She blinked slowly at him. "That's not true. That's not an elephant. It's not white."

"I just thought you might enjoy seeing the elephant at work." His laugh was really trying to be sweet… she turned around to see he wasn't done with her yet. "He wants you to watch that white thing get the meat out of it's legs."

"I would!" the girl laughed. He was in the best mood she'd seen him in the last few days. She'd just gotten a call for more stuff for her little friend while he and the mother went hunting. He'd just come back from hunting two deer.

She couldn't believe it. "You have to watch," she told him. "It's so funny. I can tell he thinks this is hilarious... and it is."

"Okay, but this is not a circus, and don't pretend it's all your fault!" He just gave

I like to smear creamy oreo filling all over my body then my midget boyfriend does the ritualistic milk jug dance around my cream covered body. Sometimes we invite the neighbors to watch or even join in! Wanna come over tonight? You wanna talk cookie sluts??? Let's talk cookie sluts???

If you want to know where my sweet tooth lies, read on.

What I like eating at the cookie cutter hole, and why…

A cookie cutter hole in town takes two hours to bake. The cookie cutters are basically three large holes in the middle of a bakery; just put an actual cookie in the one that is inside, and let it hit the fire, and it's ready. And then that is my perfect day for all of you.

So I love these cookie cutters so much it is nearly impossible to resist! They are fun!! They have such subtle flavours, and we LOVE my secret ingredient peanut butter – peanut butter (because that's what I think they used to do all the time!).

Then, we'll take our little girl to the cookie cutters to watch a bunch of cookie cutters, then let her lick her fingers…

I have a little girl…

And she always makes eye contact to my face when I ask her to.

We love to watch her in the peanut butter and jelly sandwich

This thread is reminding me that there really is a huge database of nonsense at this site

We're fucking in a car, shooting heroin
Saying controversial things just for the hell of it
Selling melanin and then suffocate the black men
Start with misdemeanours and we'll make a business out of them
And we can find out the information
Access all the applications
that are hardening positions based on miscommunication
Oh Fuck your feelings
Truth is only hearsay
We're just left to decay
Modernity has failed us

And I'd love it if we made it
Yes, I'd love it if we made it
Yes, I'd love it if we made it
Yes, I'd love it if we made it

We are an urban elite
Our culture has collapsed
We are addicted to fear
We use drugs to mask their violence
We're going to have to deal with this
Just wait for it
Please, please do this thing
Don't hurt me, don't harm me
We can always use the last word
We are dying
No one will remember this
We're dying
No one will remember this
This is the real me
I'm fucking numb
I'm fucking numb
I'm fucking numb
The real me
I'm screaming for you
Please Don't hurt me, don't harm me
We can always use the last word
We are dying
No one

damn

When it comes to investing, your natural reactions can get in the way. It's human nature to overthink, overreact, and, at times, be overwhelmed. With Vanguard Personal Advisor Services, an advisor serves as an emotional circuit breaker so you don't abandon a well-thought-out investment plan until your life is put through a physical pain—one whose duration will never exceed the time it takes for you to recover from that physical pain. After all, if all you have to do is forget to wear pants everyday, forget to brush your teeth, forget to run a hose cleaner, you won't be suffering a physical crisis like you would if your life was taken from you immediately. Our personal advisors are your lifeblood if you want to invest successfully. They are the people helping you recover from the most common financial calamities, like unemployment, illness, loss of independence, and divorce. There's also little matter of if. If an investment advisor tells you your investments are risky or are losing money on them, you can go back to them and ask for another advisor. You can be assured of getting a second advisor in just three to four months. The process can be done for you completely online. When you are ready to begin investing, we'll walk you through the basics. Now let's look at the best-selling personal investment adviser . What is it all about?

Here is a list of the most popular epithets in America:

FUCKED

Used in a derogatory sense to describe a gay person, especially with regard to the female body.

FUCK ANIMAL

A homophobic slur.

FROG FUCK

A sexual reference to the female anatomy.

FUCK DIFFERENTLY

Said as a way to tease female sexual organs or organs not suitable for sexual intercourse.

FUCKING BRO

A form of male flogging to a woman by using two hands and three fingers to force a woman's juices down the woman's throat. A woman can suffer significant pain from this. (You can usually get away with it if the man is in your right hand).

FAG FUCK

A derogatory term for males.

FROM A BOARD

The female partner: "You know what this means? No more playing games with my boyfriend."

FULL SIDES

A word or phrase that is offensive to women.

FRUIT SUCK

This was used to describe the woman who does the washing if, like a lot of women's-owned businesses, women's businesses are owned by men.

GIANT LEE SUCK

Used by older lesbians as a slur to describe men's cock

☝🏾 This one caught me off guard

my goodness

I was expecting it to have been trained to be racist. I was not expecting it to be homophobic.

Ew, I put a cocteau twins song lyric in, and porn came out :(

NOT THOSE SORT OF PEARLY DEWDROPS YOU STUPID ROBOT.

Or rather that overtly homophobic, I’m not that naive

fucking bro

FROM A BOARD

The female partner: "You know what this means? No more playing games with my boyfriend."

Damn straight, had enough of his settlers of catan BS.

<b>T'was brillig, and the slivy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths outgrabe.</b> — O I am a passe-mimsy mannequin

(Auld Drink of Misery - 1.2.20.13-28)

When it is evening and all you people of this world are drunk, I came to thee to drink. I said, "I will put my hand down," but my hands were taken, and I had no power to go on after that, so I went in for a draught; and at a low draught I found a fair maiden; she was in a poor mood and had no strength to carry herself as gracefully as she should; and when she was drunk she fell against the edge of a steeple, and was drowned. (Auld Drink of Misery - 1.2.20.18-37)

(Auld Drink of Misery - 1.2.20.22-35)

In the morning: "Auld Drink of Misery, I am come to drink." And to my great disgrace and vexation I drank of his misery. (Auld Drink of Misery - 1.2.20.

No one saw him disembark in the unanimous night, no one saw the bamboo canoe sinking into the sacred mud, but within a few days, there was that long-forgotten spirit that walked on the ocean's floor, the spirit that looked out from the sea and saw what was right in its eyes."

-The Great Wave, by E.D. Housley, ed. Charles W. Miller

I had the great privilege and good fortune to be able to watch "The Great Wave" as it was broadcast by the PBS radio network on January 29, 1974.

In order to get in touch with my great grandfather (who was the lead on this one) about getting the footage out I gave him a few pointers on who I actually am, what I really believe about the world, even what my mother used to use to say.

It was only when he saw the clip online (that video here) that he agreed to answer a few questions that I had concerning The Great Wave.

The Great Wave will appear on the PBS History channel in the spring of 2017. Watch it live in the clip above – in the next installment – on "The Nature Conservancy, and all its projects…and all our works, as a reminder to come back and continue our work of conservation."

My great-grandfather's last visit to San Francisco

I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay
It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away
The bird shot arrows at my car, then threw us around it
One time I was watching a ballerina in the street and she hit a bird that flew at her and it was dead
After leaving her home she tried to attack a bird that was laying on the sidewalk
My cell phone started to die and my dog was trying to call for me from it when I grabbed it from the tree
It threw one ball at my head and I was scared of the bird and tried to hide it (I could hear it screaming in the background)
He was eating some fruits off the tree
The whole thing took two hours
I heard one of my dogs get hit hard by the bird
I went to the veterinarian, he said it could be rabies.
I tried to take care of the bird myself to see if I could stop it and the vet was saying it could be any combination of things.
The doctor said if a bird was on its own and was flying there was a high chance it would get hit by something or if a bird was too close to it and the bird could fly away
Then the whole bird attacked, I ran into my neighbor's garden that is about 200+ years old and the birds got away. I couldn't

Do you know the way to San Jose?

The answer is not. Go in the direction of the lake.

And even though you're going nowhere else, be sure to wear sunscreen. The sunscreen industry and beachgoers alike want this to be a beach year.

The sun has been rising in Southern California for a decade, so people need to cover this area with sunscreen, especially when the temperature's not far behind.

A lot of sunburns – including sunstroke and skin abscesses – are the result of this disease. The good news is that most are caused by the bacteria called Candida. They're usually very hard for people to identify: they're hard to see or feel. And while they may look like these in the mirror, they're actually tiny fungi. It takes a lot of work on your part, and it's worth the money in the long run.

A few places do have some really good beaches – they include Hacienda Road (about 10 miles south of downtown Oakland). And those are often right in the middle of San Francisco bay. I've also got good places near Lake Merced (where Lake Powell flows into Lake Tahoe). The Sierra is a great place for vacationing in the winter, when it doesn't get very cold outside and there's nowhere to go to the beach. But they're a bit of

It was all a dream, I used to read Word Up! magazine
Salt-n-Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine
Hangin' pictures on my wall
Every Saturday Rap Attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl
I let my tape rock 'til my tape popped, and I just kept it up
And then finally I got some money and it started to sell
I was selling records at all the places in the city, that was cool
But they got too far the city was just too hot for them
And when they broke through in a different city they got the whole city
That was a tough place being down on your luck
They just didn't know what to do
So at that point I was on the edge of my own ledge, so to speak
I had this feeling that if they got ahold of me I could get on my feet
I thought, well I can take care of myself
And I was like man don't worry bout it I ain't nothing to worry about
I ain't got nothing, don't make no trouble, don't put no blame
Now I wanted to be a writer for some reason
I know that's where I was coming from, because the best books have a narrator
And sometimes you have to tell them everything you know, that's where I am

riverrun, past Eve and Adams, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth, Castle and Environs. Here, in our neighbourhood, are three towers, one of stone, one of wood, and one of stone and stone of wood. All the towers are not more than fifteen feet square, and the wood about twelve feet. We see some great stones in the tower, for a base. We see a church of St Augustine with great tower, and other churches, and a very great pile of a kind. The church of St. John the Evangelist has a tower, of wood and stone; but the church of St. Paul has not yet been built. In Westminster Abbey stands St. John, the head, with the other heads of the saints there, standing between the north and the south wings. On the hill-side there is a great chapel, called the Abbey.

The people were gathered into the church before the doors were shut; after the order of the prayer, they all retired towards the castle. I am not sure that every one is in this place all together, being divided in a narrow way, in order that the people may form an army against the Duke of Albemarle from the east and west, if the other armies of the French should attack the town

Elsinore. A platform before the castle.

FRANCISCO at his post. Enter to him BERNARDO

BERNARDO: Who's there?

FRANCISCO: Nay, answer me: stand, and unfold yourself.

BERNARDO: All is in order.

FRANCISCO: Then I will explain it to you.

(Scene of the Castle.) JOHN: What say you?

JOHN: Yes.

BERNARDO: Come here, and look.

(Enter Bernardo, to whom they have given the key.)

JOHN (to him) Come down here, Bernardo.

(Enter Bernardo.)

BERNARDO: Sir,

there is another servant here.

(Enter his servant.)

JOHN: Sir, I am, the man in the purple cape,
a man who is of such intelligence that it seems to me a great surprise his master is dead, and he has told me this. He says his master's servant has taken something, of which he has a vague suspicion, but I do not know whether he meant him to be dead or alive. He gives me a key, and tells me to go to the stairs.

BERNARDO: What

Weird facts about cats:
1. An American cat, named "Tiny," is believed to have killed 13 people when he attacked a man on the street.
2. He lived on the streets of Miami for seven years and once was caught on video, naked and covered in feces.
3. While he survived, he may have been euthanised because he was a dog.
4. His name is now given to an 18-year-old man who was killed on a train by a man who had his finger stuck into his rectum.
5. His name has become synonymous with 'cat man' and in an infamous YouTube video, which went viral, he is shown licking and playing with his fingers in order to gain sexual intimacy.
6. He is also known as 'The Cat God,' who told his family that he could change the world as a man and a cat god if he chose to.
7. In another famous YouTube video, a cat called 'The Man' was seen holding a sign that said 'I am the man because I am an ugly cat.' According to him if he walked past that sign he would die of heart failure.
8. In 2007, a cat called 'Bunny' was caught on camera doing the famous cat dance while having sex with a man.

Ten famous YouTubers
1. Alex Jones
2. Alex Jones
3. Alex Jones
4. Alex Jones
5. Alex Jones
6. Alex Jones
7. Alex Jones
8. Alex Jones
9. Alex Jones
10. Alex Jones
11. Alex Jones
12. Alex Jones
13. Alex Jones
14. Alex Jones
15. Alex Jones
16. Alex Jones
17. Alex Jones
18. Alex Jones
19. Alex Jones
20. Alex Jones
21. Alex Jones
22. Alex Jones
23. Alex Jones
24. Alex Jones
25. Alex Jones
26. Alex Jones
27. Alex Jones
28. Alex Jones
29. Chris Vaught - The Truth of Alex Jones

uh

the terrible band name I made up did not fool this machine at all - it sees right through the ruse, and then beyond through the ruse behind all music writing

That’s when Germs decided he had to have Peter in his new band, Acid Nutcrack. But where exactly were the fans for Peter in Acid Nutcrack?
What really stuck with me about this story isn't exactly how great Peter's guitar solos were or how he played acid. It's how little people knew about Acid Nutcrack, or what they knew about Peter. How Peter felt about the music he played and how many folks knew? What Peter would write down about Acid Nutcrack were his thoughts, not what other people said about it.
What Peter would write down were his thoughts. But, because there were no tapes or CDs or websites about Acid Nutcrack, he often wrote in plain terms, and there were no reviews of the band. This was a very dangerous, very unusual practice, in a genre very similar to music criticism I've been working in for some time.
What this meant was that Peter wasn't allowed to write, but anyone could write a review of him about Acid Nutcrack. The person writing reviews for Acid Nutcrack would do it, on their own time, and there would be no editing, no revisions, nothing. The reviewers were free. There was no oversight over who reviewed it, no editing or corrections

doe, a deer, a female deer
(Re!) ray, a drop of golden sun
(Mi!) me, a name I call myself
(Fa!) far, a long, long way to run
(So!) sew, a needle pulling thread
(La!) la, a note to follow so
(Ti!) tea, a drink with jam and bread in it
(Da!) dia, a word that means "thistle"
(*Tengi*) tengi, a Chinese word for tree(Teng*) tochui(ta-meu) a Chinese word for water
(Mi-tu, Mi-tung) I don't like it, I can't understand it
(Nui) nui, a river , river in the mountains
(Ao-fu) afun, a tree or fruit, a fruit of a tree
(Ni!) na, a little tree
(*Rin-po) iyongi, a snake's nest, a nest of snakes
(Si!) shui, Chinese word for a stone
(Ko!) lo, a little stone
(Ko!) ni, a snake's nest, a nest of snakes
(Ti!) kon, a stone
(Ko!) lo, a little stone
(Ti!) kon (to kon) lo,

Daisy got a restraining order:

Daisy Daisy, give me your answer, do
I'm half-crazy, oh for the love of you please
I just wanna be left alone with you, let me not be alone
(Oh for the love of you please
I just want you forever)
I'm so, so, I'm so, so, I'm so very, very, very very
This makes me want her, oh for the love of you please

100 Best First Lines from Novels

1. Call me Ishmael. —Herman Melville, Moby-Dick (1851)

2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)

3. A man's fortune is like a fish's, and a woman's a fish's tail: it may be small, but it has great power. —Alice Latham, Mr. Pestilence (1857)

4. I always feel uneasy when I am present before your tribunal of opinion. —John Ruskin, Pride and Prejudice (1825)

5. I would rather eat a dog than drink a glass of water: because the two are so far from one another. —Mark Twain, On Being Old (1894)

6. ʡʳoʼe ʳᴛqʼu ʔᴥᴇ.ʼʊ —Benjamin Franklin, The Federalist Paper No. 27 (1787)

7. I always like the people in the hills — John Maynard Keynes, In Search of Superstition (1925)

6. ʡʳoʼe ʳᴛqʼu ʔᴥᴇ.ʼʊ —Benjamin Franklin, The Federalist Paper No. 27 (1787)

I can't stop laughing at this. It reminds me of this bit of nonsense from an old MAD Magazine, where they plugged new dialogue into an existing EC Comics 3-pager.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uMtOyRvOzFw/VQ46qRwJoNI/AAAAAAAAC4w/X2V-i9r1rSw/s1600/MAD%2B11%2B1954-05%2BMurder%2Bthe%2BStory.jpg

Twelve drummers drumming
Eleven pipers piping
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking
Seven horses a-walking
Six kings a-shaking
Five kingpins a-screaming
Four kings a-dragging
Three kings a-hurt
Two lords a-clapping
One lord a-shaking
One lady a-lounging
Ten men a-mouthing
Five queens a-punching
Four ladies a-pounding
Three ladies a-squeaking
Two guys a-shaking and laughing
One young male a-singing
One older male a-shocking and crying
One female a-shaking and crying
One knight a-showing his teeth
Four lords a-shaking and crying
Three lords a-screaming and yelling
Two knights a-screaming and shouting
Two princes a-scoffing at the crowd
One great queen a-screaming and screaming
One queen a-screaming and screaming
One queen a-crying and shivering
One cardinal a-shaking

You know the day destroys the night, night divides." --The Great Gatsby --"I'm an adult, and I need a partner. Why are girls so lonely?" --Martha Stewart --"To be sure, it is better this way and more happy than that -- but if the two of you do find each other, it should last forever. It is in the nature of the two of you to find each other." --Anne Frank --"If, as you say, there is no tomorrow, no time, nobody will believe you, you're dead. There is no death in hope or despair, nothing is lost to be discovered. You have already been given this life and you should continue to carry on." --Dante --"Nothing is greater than death, and nothing is more dangerous than a mistake. You must not be ashamed to be afraid; your father was murdered, and many others who have made mistakes must be." --Jesus Christ --"Love is a gift from God." (Luke 2:16) --Moses -- "You can't change what is true with what you don't know!" --Jesus --"You need to love what you can get through being true to yourself." --Dante --"If you hate your parents, you can take that hate and turn it into joy." --Gospel Doctrine --"I will never give up my good work in

Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever
Nothing to worry about
Strawberry fields never die
Just to make you feel better
I'll sing 'bout you and you'll just get better
Til you see that you're all right
Strawberry fields, we'll stay long after the world ends
Just you to sing, no one's got to know
Strawberryfields forever
Strawberry field
Strawberry, strawberry fields forever
Strawberry fields, we'll just stay forever
I need to buy more strawberries
But I still want to go on the strawberry farm
Strawberryfields forever (Strawberry fields forever)
Thanks for the support, we're playing like it's no play
Let me tell you I'll still leave you be
I want you to feel like me when you know you're wrong
(Treats himself to one of the best songs ever)
I want to sing your name in my heart, like I've been doing for years

Please note that utility data for the entire campus is also included. This was the only data made available with the application, and in order to accurately estimate and verify savings, individual building meter data will need to be obtained from the campus. Please read this FAQ entry regarding the utility data for each campus for more information about how to obtain university utility data.

Note: Data for all buildings with less than 20 students are not listed below. Data is based on available hours for the specific building.

College-Wide Data

Total Savings - University of Florida / Gainesville Campus - $5.6 Million

Average Savings per Campus - University of Florida / Gainesville Campus - $3.7 Million

*Note - College savings percentages appear consistent with total numbers and are only for the Campus data, since there are a range of variables.

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like.

In a nutshell, my father was a great guy. Very generous with all he had, and I loved him dearly. We had so much fun, as his children would attest, but he had more than one "buddy" during my childhood, and they all ended up being miserable failures: two who died, and one who gave up on me long ago.

My mother was also a little bit weird.

When I was 12, her father had died in a car crash on his way to work on a Sunday morning. When she was six or seven, she began to think she was going to kill her mother to protect my father's life. A year or so later, she began to think she would kill me, too, to protect me from someone.

I got mad and broke his neck (in the worst way possible). I later learned that my mother really believed in that. So, in 1999, I joined a Christian militia. I was in charge of organizing, writing letters to their leaders, and talking my way among them. When it came time to pick a location we were going to go, we decided to do a base camp near an old army base.

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is so goddamn amazing.

jfc it's ottessa moshfegh

xpost

"Show me show me show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream," she said
"The one that makes me laugh," she said
Threw her arms around my neck, as if I was her biggest fan, I felt her body heat on my shoulders
We stood outside a store and we both held hands
I could feel my hair against her head, as if she would make me a new haircut
We walked over to a diner and we settled in to eat
I could feel my hair against her head, as if I would make me a new haircut
We sat by the pool and tried again, again with her, as if I was her biggest fan, I felt her body heat on my shoulders
She looked at me and laughed at my jokes
She looked at me and laughed, "Oh no. I cannot be a bad girlfriend now. I don't want that baby on the way in."
I heard her walk down the street carrying the door open
And I was so excited for it to fall and I had gone from being a bad girlfriend to a hot girlfriend, and I wasn't going to let it happen, so I ran back to the hotel room while her head was still pressed to my shoulder
I closed the door behind us, because if I didn't, she was just going to keep me there for the rest of my days

the fake biggie lyrics and the list of slurs are especially getting me

Du bist wie eine Blume
So hold und schoen und reinstellen nicht sehen, so wohl zu wieder dem Blume. Diese seine Nacht, nur unser Blume.
Schweig er für durch einer Zeit, dagegen zu den Nacht en besondere.
So die Schöne zu der Wichtig und abei dafür, welche kann die Führung zu eingeben, unnehmen das Stellung in der guten Zeit. Das Höhn mit eine Blume sein und mit dem Führung wir stücklich mit deinem Blume und erst du auch auf wir en erwendigen Blume.
Durch einem ersten Zeit im einfach zusammen sind, dass alle Blume so es sein dazu besuchen.
So die Schöne so zu zeichnen, während konzept sich mit eine Blume durch einmal, das sieg er sind, der wollen wieder der Wichtig von Wiesen.

Translation

You are like a flower
To see so beautiful and beautiful and pure not to see, so well again to the flower. That night, only our flower.
He kept silence for a while, but for the night it was special.
So the beautiful one to the important and for which one can enter the leadership, take the position in the good time. To be the head with a flower, and with the guidance we cut in pieces with your flower, and first you also on the flower we need.
For a first time im simply having all the flower so visit it.
So to draw the beauty so, while concept with a flower by once, which he triumphs, who again want the importance of meadows.

OK, I tried these out on an actual kid and they are every bit as good as the real ones.

Funniest Jokes For Kids
1. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield.

2. What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A rocket chip!

3. What makes a chicken to fly like a star?
A lot of egg yolks!

4. What makes a pig to curl up in a ball, like a dick?
2 kids, the ones who have no parents.
One gets a head start, and the other one is stuck with a tail.

5. Joke about the size of a cat's eye.
Who says that cat eye makes eye contact?
Me!

6. What is an old cat doing in here?
Shopping.

7. What should I eat when I grow up?
Finger meat.

8. What is a chicken wing and whose ears does it rub on?
A chicken wing! It has ears but its got no skin!

9. What is a rabbit in a basket?
A rabbit in a plastic bag.

10. What's the funniest kid-related joke in the world?
A horse that's running on two legs. Can it stop? I think not.

11. The whole world is a joke! A joke that makes me laugh every time I hear it!

12. Do babies love chocolate?
Nope! They hate it!

Here's some riddles from Batman 66

Riddle: Why is an orange like a bell?
Answer: Because both need to be peeled

Riddle: When is the time of a clock like the whistle of a train?
Answer: When its two to two

Riddle: What has yellow skin and writes?
Answer: The Bible - I can read it at any instant

Riddle: Where is the first word that was written on a map?

Answer: The word "BETCH" and I don't know why

Riddle: The answer to this is this: There is no end

Answer: The question is how you decide when that happened

Riddle: Where is the middle of America?

Answer: I believe that to be where they are talking about

Riddle: In Paris, I never get wet and I never fall

Answer: I was always afraid of that but I don't get wet because I am tall and thin and I am afraid of people

Riddle: Why are the people so funny?

Answer: Because they are so dumb. And I'm really, really clever

Riddle: How do we know how to read a book?

Answer: Because we have a picture of a book (I'm reading this book that's about the Beatles) and we sit in the front

Street names for marijuana include:
Bud
Dope
Ganja
Grass
Goulash
Gulli
Green Jumbo
Yield
Dankville
Deluxe District
Smoke
Pabst Blue Ribbon
Weedie
Grass Czar
Weed-Czar
Weed Czar
Raffaello
Voodoo
Weed
Wiggon
Oomph
Kremol
Krow
L-Pepper
11. Skunk Peeps
Ganax

Coca Cola also released some interesting advertising, in hopes of putting a positive spin on things.
The ads featured a young American girl wearing white pants, the slogan "Do smoke pot" written over her, and reading "Coca Cola knows what it's like to do nothing all day" over the television.
It seemed like a pretty innocent advertising trick, but it really did get people thinking, and eventually led to more campaigns and the release of "Marijuana for Children".
If you look at the first paragraph (a photo of a girl smoking a straw), you can see a similar advertising campaign they were doing for "Cocaine for Children" in June of 1967.

That last part reads like George Saunders

from a random list of stack overflow questions:

Alleged sexist comments charges presented toward me
Do adult Russians normally hand-write Cyrillic as cursive or as block letters?
Is it OK to bring delicacies from hometown as tokens of gratitude for an out-of-town interview?
Looking after a wayward brother in mother's will
What does War Machine's "Canopy! Canopy!" line mean in "Avengers: Endgame"?
What do you call the small burst of laugh that people let out when they want to refrain from laughing, but can't?
Cecil replies to your e-mails and asks you to leave a line in "Dawnbringer" as your name when you go home
Which part of "The Secret Diary of Anne Frank" did you love about?
What happened to your beloved dog at the end of "The Wolf of Wall Street"?
Is it OK to use a different name for your "secret agent" codename in a work book?
How many men should a female reporter dress like?
Is there a better way to have sex than with a woman?
Who are the people who come out of the toilet seat you were standing on in "Saving Private Ryan?"
How do you treat strangers if you're having to take them home to sleep because they were drunk?
Is it OK to use "Eagle Flight" as your name

Though my favourite single one came from an earlier attempt:

What do you call the phrase "Fuck All You Hairy People You Live With" used by people who love and live with hairy people?