the boris project: slouching blond beast who can or shrunken cowardly lump who was never going to

my seven year old insists on calling boris "joris bonson"

He might not get to do that for very long if he can't carry Parliament.

This level of evasiveness would be a terrible look in an election campaign because all it does is create space for rivals parties to set out their stalls. It didn't work for May in 2017 and it definitely won't work now that the field is more crowded. It'll work this time because no one who matters cares about Jeremy Hunt.

(xpost there's almost certainly a DJ called Joris Bonson)

https://soundcloud.com/mc-loud-3

BJ has appointed IDS his campaign lead

the quiet man is back

IDS knows a thing or two about being a successful leader of the Tory party. Boris can rest easy at last.

if only I could find that online txt file of the IDS spy-thriller novel again. it was an absolute peach.

the architect of universal credit takes on another huge project destined for similar success, jeremy cunt must be shitting it

jeremy cunt must be shitting it

Jeremy Cloaca

I might still have the IDS book saved somewhere, i'll check the computer later

https://bookos-z1.org/book/1503308/5f367d

you can get it here as a txt file!

Found it

She looks in the mirror and stares at the wrinkles
That weren't there yesterday
And thinks of the young man that she almost married
What would he think if he saw her this way?
She picks up her apron in little girl-fashion
As something comes into her mind
Slowly starts dancing remembering her girlhood
And all of the boys she had waiting in line
Oh, such are the dreams of the everyday housewife
You see everywhere any time of the day
An everyday housewife who gave up the good life for me
The photograph album she takes from the closet
And slowly turns the page
And carefully picks up the crumbling flower
The first one he gave her now withered with age
She closes her eyes and
Touches the house dress that suddenly disappears
And just for the moment she's wearing the gown
That broke all their minds back so many years
Oh, such are the dreams of the everyday housewife
You see everywhere any time of the day
An everyday housewife who gave up the good life for me
Oh, such are the dreams of the everyday housewife
You see everywhere any time of the day
An everyday housewife who gave up the good life for me
Oh, such are the dreams of the everyday housewife
You see everywhere any time of the day

John Grande, art dealer, lover, international man of mystery, tough bastard. possibly a character based on a composite of himself and boris

"Yeah," Laura Buckley replied. She continued to watch John as he
climbed up the track, "You know, Alice, he looks kind of sad, don't you
think?"

"I don't know about that; he's good-looking anyway." Alice van Buren
laughed, then laid her towel out. "Even if he was a bit skinny." She
took a magazine out from her bag and put on her dark glasses and lay
down.

Laura continued watching John as he walked up the path and over the
ridge. "A sad-looking guy .. ." she muttered, her voice trailing away
as she sat down.

the ladies love a complex character...

idsky idsky him sad

Beautiful.

Am I dreaming it or did Boris write a novel too. Two great literary titans together at last

do not want

Seventy Two Virgins
by Boris Johnson
HarperCollins £17.99, pp336

A gang of comedy terrorists penetrates the heart of Parliament. A Tory MP's researcher is to blame for the worst security breach in centuries. Ministers look on aghast as Westminster is defended by grand old men in silk stockings, breeches and ceremonial swords.

The determination of our times to trump the best fiction can conjure was illustrated again last month when protesters burst into the House of Commons, comprehensively scooping the plot of Boris Johnson's novel, Seventy Two Virgins, for sheer effrontery and farce.

The author imagines a group of Islamic militants pulling off an equivalent coup de theatre in the adjacent Westminster Hall, just as the US President is delivering a tiresome speech. A bicycling Tory MP whose buffoonery masks acute intelligence and a classical education - he might sound familiar to some readers - is the last, unlikely hope of the free world. One should not spoil the ending but you might just be able to guess.

I was so sure you'd made that up i had to google it. Didn't realise HarperCollins was a vanity publisher.

This is postmodern fiction

short, predictably awful thread on boris' novel here

I am looking again Boris’s novel 72 Virgins (that’s the title not the readership). Sex between two characters is described as the man “do[ing] that wonderful thing to her again”.

— Marina Hyde (@MarinaHyde) June 13, 2019

I understand Boris wrote this on holiday. Presumably it was quite a short holiday. pic.twitter.com/ruxcgwcYIg

— Anna Mazzola (@Anna_Mazz) June 13, 2019

"As buxom as all get out"

I was so sure you'd made that up i had to google it. Didn't realise HarperCollins was a vanity publisher.

"A sad-looking guy .. ." she muttered, her voice trailing away as she sat down.

LOL, this making buses from crates thing is gobsmacking.

he's barely there any more you know

when he starts building replica scale model panzer tanks out of wood there will be a stout defence of the Wehrmacht by the english media.

I hope these buses he makes out of wine crates are properly ventilated unlike the mobile saunas he foisted on the poor sweltering commuters of London during his tenure as Mayor (aka the Most Successful Politician In the History of Humanity).

Jeremy Corbyn is thinking about the bus lie as he flicks through his Big Book of Manhole Covers tonight and giggling.

Speaking of manhole covers WHY are yours all still RECTANGULAR? it is absurd

Ask Jeremy Corbyn, he's the expert.

*more giggling*

i'll have you know, some of these manhole/drain covers have very interesting foundry origin stories ... fascinating stufzzz zzzz!

Full disclosure here: i always look for dates and origin of steel!

UK needs to up its game. In japan manholes are an expression of local pride:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/xi94oab5yvplgqb/IMG_3118.JPG?raw=1

I wonder if Jeremy knows about Drainspotters on NHK world?

the bus interview reaction is yere "delete your account" moment

normal country that is calm and posting like it usually does

A spokesman for Boris Johnson denies he has been wearing the same pair of socks since Saturday and insists he has "multiple" pairs

— John Stevens (@johnestevens) June 25, 2019

xxp nailed on, if he didn’t know before he def googled “Japanese manhole covers” after he got asked about his hobby on the one show.

(some of the ones around here are hexagonal, as well as the standard round and rectangular)

Don't let Boris see or a whole bunch of perfectly functional but bendy manhole covers will be replaced by some retro manhole covers that cost 5 time the price and disappear pensioners.

LOL, this making buses from crates thing is gobsmacking.

― Orpheus Knutt (Tom D.), Tuesday, 25 June 2019 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's "wheat fields" level. I wouldn't be so sure he'd win his own seat, never mind a general election.

I guess he can't discuss his real hobbies in public

All this rampant BJ stupidity is giving you all false hope. Bitter recent experience all over the world shows no matter how fucking obviously incompetent, crooked and laughable someone is, they'll still get hold of power, keep hold of power, and make everything worse. He'll be in for years.

IDS has apparently been brought in to "inject some discipline" into the campaign and some unimpressed insider was quoted on R4 as saying his only claim to fame was presiding over one of the worst periods of modern tory history. lol, you can only work with the tools available, and they are missing out a couple of his accomplishments there.

I don't really believe he makes those fucking buses. Just a misjudged attempt at cultivating his idea of charming "eccentricity" imo.

Theres no false hope because if he drops out then Hunt comes in. There's no discernible difference, once you get past the headlines

Just a misjudged attempt at cultivating his idea of charming "eccentricity" imo.

He cba

"Bitter recent experience all over the world shows no matter how fucking obviously incompetent, crooked and laughable someone is, they'll still get hold of power, keep hold of power, and make everything worse."

Our recent experience is Theresa May and she lost her majority. It's true she still did a lot of damage, and hasn't yet left but still. Quite a few differences between Australia (where the left appears to be the End Mil type) and here.

End Mil = Ed Mil, autocorrect otm