Friday the 13th: Jason Goes to POLL

Going too deep into the postgame worldbuilding wrt these characters whose initial conception basically began and ended with 'dude in weird mask kills folks for...reasons?' is how we get Michael Myers the druidic golem (or whatever the hell that nonsense was).

Oh god, the Cult of Thorn

My current personal hot take on the franchise is that the TV series trumps the movie series. It is such wonderfully cheesy goodness.

The episode with the evil compact that made people obsessively fall in love with the wielder, who then felt compelled to kill them, was great

Oh god, the Cult of Thorn

― When I am afraid, I put my toast in you (Neanderthal), Monday, October 28, 2019 8:39 AM (five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

i put myself through the nightmare on elm street sequels this year and it's official: halloween is still the worst horror franchise i've ever seen (still love almost every movie in it though)

Mind, the whys and hows of these movies' mythologies are of course pretty meaningless; Carpenter got it right the first time when he simply hand-waved Michael away as "pure evil" or whatever. But even so, in the case of Jason specifically, his death due to counselor negligence is the entire impetus for the first film, so to have him alive after all implies he was not only living alone in the woods for 25 years or so, but that his mother was totally unaware he was still alive. (Was there any throwaway line in the first one like "they never found his body"?) Credit Part VI and beyond with this, at least they make him a full-on worm-food zombie, which explains his take a licking, keep on ticking invincibility.

shout factory blu box looks siiiiick

https://www.shoutfactory.com/product/friday-the-13th-collection-deluxe-edition

if you watch Friday the 13th backwards, a hockey goalie heals murder victims by walking away from them

— kim. (@KimmyMonte) August 30, 2020

I watched the first 4 of these last October, they are all terrible but so far my ranking is:

4
2
1
3

last night I picked this back up with 5/A New Beginning, it's wild!! so sleazy but also like almost entirely gore-free??? and full of sloppy continuity errors and exceptionally bad acting (I can't tell if the acting is even worse than the other 4 films or it's just as bad and I've just forgotten). The weird goth/new-wave girl might be my favorite F13 character of the series so far.

I was binging F13 last year and made it up to Part VII before I had to stop. I really should try to finish up the series at some point, but I'm in the middle of going through Halloween at the moment. Part 5 definitely has the worst acting. My favorite bit is the douchey greaser dude singing "rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tooie! rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tooie!"

The new wave girl is awesome for poppin' and lockin' in front of her Alan Parsons Project poster.

bingeing

I put off watching F13 for so long because the premise seemed so boring, and last year I decided I owed it to myself to watch them, and everything I assumed about them ws 100% correct.

The new wave girl is awesome for poppin' and lockin' in front of her Alan Parsons Project poster.

― peace, man, Wednesday, October 6, 2021 11:47 AM (seventeen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

otm

i love part v, it's so gross

I feel like I've posted this on ilx before, but here is a decent song/video about Part V, A New Beginning by Wolfie's Just Fine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG8iAtpavK4

Genuinely enjoy Part VI, which is a surprisingly smart and funny installment, and not even just relative to most of the movies, which are generally unreasonably stupid. Part IV will always be my fave, as far as the more traditional Friday the 13th movies go. I do love the meta opening of the remake, though, which they successfully pulled off a second time with the remake of My Bloody Valentine (which remains my favorite of these standard-issue slashers).

really excited for steve to get to part vi, i really love pre-scream self-aware slashers and that's one of the very best

The only movie critic I trust, Vern, is reviewing all the movies, one a day.

Part I

Part II

Part III

"the first movie is actually good for what it is" is something i fundamentally agree with so he's off to a good start

they're all good though. except for jason goes to hell, which is bad but fascinating. and the remake, which has a few good ideas but is dull and unmemorable outside of them

Omg his reviews are brilliant

A little later we see a different rabbit dead on the road. Maybe it’s just for scenery, like the dead armadillo in THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. But this guy is not roadkill. Doesn’t it seem like Jason is supposed to have killed him? What I am proposing is that rabbits can sense Jason, and Jason knows it. They’re like dogs to Terminators. If he doesn’t want people to see him coming, he has to kill all the rabbits in the area. And if so that means the best way to be safe from Jason is to carry a rabbit around in a cage, like Jean-Claude Van Damme in THE SHEPHERD: BORDER PATROL. Think about it.

Part 5 definitely has the worst acting. My favorite bit is the douchey greaser dude singing "rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tooie! rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tooie!"

ugh vii is the BEST goddamn you

it's def got the coziest-looking sweaters

Yes, the outhouse scene is definitely from the same movie.

VII isn't bad but all the gore got hacked out! I'm a big John Carl Buechler fan so I want to love it more than I do. I'll probably watch these all again next year and revise my opinions.

2, 4, and 6 are the ones for me. 4 being the uncontroversial favorite.

1 is good too, but y’know… I like Jason.

I’m thinking about marathoning Halloween this month, realized I’ve seen almost none of the sequels past 3.

honestly I got the first five years ago to binge watch and I got so bored I didn't even finish.

I like trashy slasher and I love voluminous franchises with needless sequels, but while I've seen all of these now (except Jason X, and Jason Takes Manhattan), it was purely due to academic interest.

that said, I like I and VI

VII isn't bad but all the gore got hacked out! I'm a big John Carl Buechler fan so I want to love it more than I do. I'll probably watch these all again next year and revise my opinions.

One and two have a nice grainy grime to them, though they're a bit boring and rote. By 3 I feel like they start to go too far in the other direction, overboard with the bright sitcom lighting and self-aware (in the worst sense) gimmicks (even more than the pokey 3D shit).

Goes to Hell is a piece of shit (though the only one I've seen in the theater!), but the intro scene is awesome.

One thing that really bothered me about 5 was that when the guy gets twisted to death against the tree, they keep cutting back and forth from the hands twisting the wooden rod to the guy's face, and all of a sudden the rod-twisting switches from counter-clockwise to clockwise and it was so apparent and I just had this moment of like "damn, they just stopped trying for this one", also Pam running away from fake-Jason at the end and falling and rolling around over and over and over was like extra EXTRA stupid, even by F13 helplessness standards

I’m thinking about marathoning Halloween this month, realized I’ve seen almost none of the sequels past 3.

my feelings on the sequels

Halloween 4 - mostly crap, cool ending
Halloween 5 - mostly crap, crap ending
Halloween 6 - whether you watch the original or director's cut, CRAAAAAAP
Halloween: H20 - weird flick, mostly cos Myers has to drive 2,000 miles to get to Laurie Strode. very dated because shitty Creed songs play during the movie. but pretty good!
Halloween: Resurrection - awful awful terrible shit this is like American Pie: Halloween featuring a very OTT Busta Rhymes, god I hated this era of horror

(not part of this series but)

Rob Zombie Halloween - lol fuck this movie
Rob Zombie Halloween 2 - didn't see, see prior comment

and then

Halloween (2018) - wow this actually is fun, stupid moments aside (like the Loomis-esque doctor who turns out to be an OTT weirdo)

my favorite thing about the first three Fridays is they can be summarized as such

Friday the 13th - no Jason, mommy is killer
Friday the 13th, Part 2 - Jason has paper bag over head
Friday the 13th, Part 3 - Jason now found a mask

the Jason in 3 is infuriatingly sedate, I remember telling Brad last year that his demeanor was basically like, bored dad ambling around the barbecue waiting for something to do, like he doesn't even want to be there

"his pulse never went above 85 bpm"

I used to love these dumb movies and seeing them in the theaters was part of the fun, but I got really turned off to seeing them in crowds when we went to see Freddy v Jason and the crowd went uncomfortably nuts, screaming in giddiness when Jason killed Kelly Rowland's character. It was gross and weird.

the only redeeming thing about 3 was this character's necklace, a miniature boot on a string?????

https://i.imgur.com/9dmipeO.jpg

I will also say that 5 movies in I continue to be surprised at how tame they are, like ALL of the gore has been cut out and somehow all of the footage was lost and we don't have restored directors cuts of like, any of these???? titties aside, every single one of these has felt like an edited-for-tv version

Halloween: H20 - weird flick, mostly cos Myers has to drive 2,000 miles to get to Laurie Strode.

there needs to be a film to document the Myers road trip IMO

As it turns out, there is a shadow transportation app out there that helps get slashers from point A to point B, called Slyce.

LOL

turns out Michael Myers does speak, just wait til you fuck up his omelette at Waffle House - you won't hear the end of it

I will also say that 5 movies in I continue to be surprised at how tame they are, like ALL of the gore has been cut out and somehow all of the footage was lost and we don't have restored directors cuts of like, any of these???? titties aside, every single one of these has felt like an edited-for-tv version

"Hey man, make sure you give me five stars, but watch those finger knives on the leather please."

my feelings on the sequels

Halloween 4 - mostly crap, cool ending
Halloween 5 - mostly crap, crap ending
Halloween 6 - whether you watch the original or director's cut, CRAAAAAAP
Halloween: H20 - weird flick, mostly cos Myers has to drive 2,000 miles to get to Laurie Strode. very dated because shitty Creed songs play during the movie. but pretty good!
Halloween: Resurrection - awful awful terrible shit this is like American Pie: Halloween featuring a very OTT Busta Rhymes, god I hated this era of horror

(not part of this series but)

Rob Zombie Halloween - lol fuck this movie
Rob Zombie Halloween 2 - didn't see, see prior comment

and then

Halloween (2018) - wow this actually is fun, stupid moments aside (like the Loomis-esque doctor who turns out to be an OTT weirdo)

Yeah, during my current rewatch, I got up through 4, then skipped to 2018. Might revisit some of the other entries later. I watched the first Zombie entry years ago and don't remember too much about it, but I heard that the second one is the better of his two.

i mean slasher movies from the 80s also just seem a bit tamer because they used to threaten X ratings for much more benign shit back then, so a lot of the more OTT stuff got shelved or 'edited' to cut away or were merely implied.

whereas nowadays you can show a brutal decapitation on a Marvel television show that is ultimately otherwise considered PG-13 ish (Daredevil) and nobody bats an eyelid.

Halloween 3 fucking rules though

8 more days to Halloween
halloween
halloween

omg neanderthal, watch jason x immediately

or don't and just put on Moonraker or Superman 3 or something instead