love* in the time of plague (and by love* i mean brexit* and other dreary matters of uk politics)

My grandad just died of COVID19. He was 85 and got pneumonia in his lungs. According to government figures he would’ve been around the 465th person to die - I don’t believe these numbers

— georgina (@georgina_199) March 26, 2020

I am just laying out the fact that 50% of ventilators are already exported by companies in Ireland with no other observations whatsoever

No10 confirms that UK is not taking part in EU initiative to bulk buy ventilators and other equipment needed to tackle coronavirus. Asked why, Boris Johnson’s spokesman says: “We are not a member of the EU.”

— Benjamin Kentish LBC (@BenKentish) March 26, 2020

lol we’re all gonna die

BoJo... otm.

As I’ve said before, the ventilators are useless without the nurses. They’re extremely difficult pieces of equipment to use and you can kill someone horribly if you don’t know how to use them. (The intrusive ones, don’t think the issue exists with the non-intrusive ones.)

Oh for fuck's sake @ ventilator Dyson issue

dyson make machines go suck

dyson make machines go blow

how hard can it be to make a ventilator when you have that kind of expertise locked down already

Also how hard can that be for an inexperienced nurse to operate? As long as they get the suck and blow functions the right way round we're golden.

imaging waking up with the rona in hospital, a henry hoover smiling at you from from atop the bedside cabinet, its pipe shoved firmly down your helpless gullet

Henry hoover is a union man, he wouldn’t stand for that kind of scabbing

Front page of the sun today

Tomorrow's front page: Prince Charles tests positive for coronavirus at 71-years-oldhttps://t.co/1XQXl5doyj pic.twitter.com/RjW6zYEjcy

— The Sun (@TheSun) March 25, 2020

stupid question - has any journo explored the question of what "self-isolating" means for a dude who can't tie his own shoelaces?

like, he'll be "self-isolating" with upwards of a dozen underpaid toadies who won't have access to bonus rona tests if they get ill

rspca were capturing that swan to deploy as his manservant, abusive lads were actually making an intervention on behalf of the proletariat

Lol come on, no one is setting foot in the palace without a test.

Can you catch covid from licking boots? No wonder they’re so worried about the spread.

Despite posts yesterday highlighting issues of people still visiting the #PeakDistrict despite government guidance, the message is still not getting through. @DerPolDroneUnit have been out at beauty spots across the county, and this footage was captured at #CurbarEdge last night. pic.twitter.com/soxWvMl0ls

— Derbyshire Police (@DerbysPolice) March 26, 2020

well surprise, surprise, the cops are just making up their own rules now. i thought the point of the government measures was to achieve social distancing, and not about inflicting misery on all and sundry just cos

I suppose the problems emerge if you get in an accident on the way or your walk? In general though if you're going to do your exercise surely it's better to do it miles away from anyone else rather than in the streets/a crowded park?

derbyshire police going full judge dredd on hill walkers in open countryside while londoners are still crammed into each other’s armpits on public transport, u luv 2 see it

it's almost as if the police are dicks who will always interpret any power given to them in the most authoritarian way possible

I was out on the tops in the dark last night and was actually getting nervous when I saw the copper chopper!

thinking twice about incorporating a booze and baccy run into my government mandated exercise brought to you in association with Sports Direct today

being an arsehole rozzer
√not essential

The new regulations are out https://t.co/UXv9SKKXqj

— Daniel Sandford (@BBCDanielS) March 26, 2020

Basically everything not selling food, medicine, petrol, etc ordered to close.

well surprise, surprise, the cops are just making up their own rules now. i thought the point of the government measures was to achieve social distancing, and not about inflicting misery on all and sundry just cos

― ymo sumac (NickB), Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:37 (one hour ago)

I suppose the problems emerge if you get in an accident on the way or your walk? In general though if you're going to do your exercise surely it's better to do it miles away from anyone else rather than in the streets/a crowded park?

― Matt DC, Thursday, 26 March 2020 14:40 (one hour ago)

I called my mother today and she was complaining that the head of Dorset & Devon Police (?) had been on the local news telling people they shouldn't get in the car and drive to somewhere secluded to exercise, which I had thought was totally within the rules?

seems dumb for my self-isolating parents to be constantly walking up and down a series of residential streets and the nearby reasonably well-trodden Scenic Path when they could drive for 2 miles and be somewhere with nobody for miles around (like, for nearly 2 miles, perhaps)

I understand that the announcement may have actually meant "don't drive to the beach or some other obvious tourist suntrap you numbskulls" but that's a bit different

(xp, thanks SV)

"for children to travel between separated parents"

I guess it's good that this is an exception but it's actually bad for my family, as my cousin's ex makes her drive literally hundreds of miles across the country after work every Friday to drop the kid off for the weekend, and she lives in the same village as my/our gran and her parent/my uncle+aunt, who do a bit of childcare for their grandkids and also (used to) drop in on my 90+ gran often - which used to be a very nice arrangement, but now those two family tasks are a bit incompatible, especially if the kid is picking up germs from halfway across the country every week

so I was really hoping she'd stopped doing that, and could point at all the govt guidance to say why not, but if it's a spelt-out exemption then her ex will probably insist

I suppose there are almost certainly more cases where this is a good rule than where it's a bad rule

+Dry Cleaners, Post Offices, Banks, Pet Shops, Vets.

Wondered what the story was on heel bars as being seen as essential.
Hoping that they have been properly categorised, like.
& cobblers since I like having my boots done properly.

heel bars are where you get keys cut also

need keys for locking up my huge stockpiles of toilet rolls, rice and lager ffs!

tell me more tell me more

One thing I think many British people may not understand is that the 'government will cover 80% of your salary if you can't work because of coronavirus' scheme is actually very similar to how regular unemployment benefit works in a lot of Europe

— Jon Stone (@joncstone) March 26, 2020

i for one welcome comrade covid-19’s efforts to ensure the uk’s regulatory alignment with the eu

it's all these British mugs deserve for voting for tory cunts for over 40 years, they are so full of class-ridden masochistic self hatred they'd chod on prince Charles' toxic Covid 19 addled cock if he commanded them to by royal decree.

ilx’s lawyers have asked me to step in and make it clear that any and all previous allegations linking prince charles to forced oral sex remain unproven

lol! when he talks about monstrous carbuncles to his servants he doesn't mean modern architecture!

Grim lol about the fact that, after 15 years of rampant demonisation, most of the country will be on benefits from next month.

yeah but it’s different when I’M on benefits, not like THOSE dole-bludging scum

the nu disease era curtain twitchers with benefits are looking out for people who have more than one walk/supermarket delivery/garden wank a week!

sorry for gratuitous crudeness, got a big booze-pile in today - started supping mid-aft.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EUDVlBIWoAAU-tr?format=png&name=900x900

he's done it again!

who's the hideous mutant on the far side of the stairs!!? we're not in kansas any more!!

BREAKING: Chancellor @RishiSunak announces HUGE support for self-employed - taxable grant worth 80% average monthly profits over last three years, up to max £2,500 a month.

— Pippa Crerar (@PippaCrerar) March 26, 2020

cool to see pesto during the sunak press conference repeatedly describing this and other measures as a ‘bailout’ for taxpayers as opposed to, y’know, how a decent functioning society should always operate

lots of precariat/low-paid self-employed twitter are saying these measures are still inadequate/punitive to the poorest. Why am i not even slightly fucking surprised.

If big Johnny Mac was doing this, Bobby P’d be openly wondering if Princes Charles and Philip were well enough to rise from their respective sick and deathbeds to lead a coup.

will they do it off this year's tax return if I submit it in april? otherwise I'm going to get a completely inadequate amount. and I'm not really sure why? why needlessly punish people who have complicated work situations or are recently self employed?

— joe (@cillanoir) March 26, 2020

The looming collision with the middle classes and Universal Credit is going to be painful for the middle-classes and potentially also for the goverment: https://t.co/U4ePEYjkB1

— Stephen Bush (@stephenkb) March 26, 2020

The first is that that it doesn’t provide any support for people who became self-employed since April 2019, who are going to be funnelled towards universal credit and many of those who are receiving salary protection (both salaried and self-employed) likely will end up having to claim as a bridging measure.

The self-employed are generally proud people. Many will struggle with the thought of having to sign on for universal credit if they don't qualify / need help faster.

— Paul Brand (@PaulBrandITV) March 26, 2020

unlike those fucking feckless benefits scum eh? cunt!