Quieting the Imps in Your Brainz

in places with stadium seating i imagine diving from the upper rows and body splashing into people down below.

I've always been described as an exceptionally divergent thinker. Any given situation has suggested a multitude more, each more absurd than the last. Therefore, this topic fits snugly within my realm of experience.

Basically at an early age I would always imagine my female teachers on the toilet, and quickly scrunch up this thought because it was so illicit...but it kept on coming back. This was probably a scatological rendition of a basic and incomprehensible sexual drive.

Later in life I could never pass a fruit-bearing plant without wishing to sample its delights. I knew well there was a fair chance I'd be poisoned. I only sampled if I was sure of safety but by god was I tempted (see also: mushrooms).

Throughout, I have always wanted to say things that might be construed as inappropriate. Often I have said them. You all know this.

Erm...ok. Let's ratchet things up a bit.

The imps tell me to punch *through* peoples' faces.
The imps tell me to dignify any moment of solemnity with some sort of subversion. Despite being the one i'd actually obey most, this is an increasingly resistable impulse in my maturity.
The imps tell me to kick small animals, just to see how far they can fly.
The imps tell me to dive in front of trains and then try and lie beneath them.
The imps tell me to initiate sex on public transport with strangers.
They tell me to climb in the cabin of a metro and drive away (this happened last week).
They tell me to walk insane distances between two vaguely-known locations.
They tell me to insert things where they shouldn't be inserted (interpret this how you will).
They tell me to experiment with everything, and say no to nothing.
They tell me to put objects on train-lines and thus cause the most beautiful crashes I can.
To talk animatedly about air disasters to strangers when flying.
To look at mens' cocks in sports changing rooms.
To cut off my own cock.
To put my friend's cat in the guinea-pig cage where the latter would undoubtedly be killed.
To go to a poetry reading and recite the most horrendous necrophiliac verse.
To throw (or skim) stones at the heads of maritime swimmers.
To run across motorways.
To trash my bass.
To apply for Big Brother, and once there, to gleefully do the weirdest shit I could think of.
To drop objects such as coins or chairs out of high windows.
To sleep with my friends. Of both sexes.
To smash glass.
To shave my head.
To go about in drag.
Also yeah, to do what Kerm just said. Or better still, to push someone in front of me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGPcSd7DDLk

There is such inscrutable darkness within the human consciousness and it is there to be confronted, interpreted, or even engaged with.

LJ do you have a guinea pig?!?!?!?!

My friend's guinea-pig. Princess Mumu.

To cut off my own cock.

Probably for the best, considering...
The imps tell me to initiate sex on public transport with strangers.
To sleep with my friends. Of both sexes.
They tell me to insert things where they shouldn't be inserted (interpret this how you will).

if you are having the impulse to rape on public transport maybe u should be lobotomized.

LJ I hope the darker impulse you act on is to post pictures of Princess Mumu.

look at cocks, it's good for you

two things:

initiate sex != rape, it requires someone of similar mind to agree that this is in fact a good idea
and more importantly, these are devilish whispers of the Perverse Imp, like throwing yourself off cliffs or whatever have you...you're NOT GONNA DO THEM jesus dude

i mean c'mon this is a thread for every single dark notion you've ever countenanced cut a guy a break here

guineapigphotos

you been cut soooo many breaks it's not even funny. i mean, no one's even posted lj_in_a_dress.jpg yet!

Awwww now I feel bad for encouraging Louis to post but he makes a good point:

and more importantly, these are devilish whispers of the Perverse Imp, like throwing yourself off cliffs or whatever have you...you're NOT GONNA DO THEM jesus dude

That's the whole point!

Now I have to go and read the whole list . . .

To talk animatedly about air disasters to strangers when flying.

If you are ever sat next to me on a plane and do this Louis I swear to god my imp will tell me to punch you in the face and I can't promise that I'll be able to keep it quiet.

I can't find any, Abbott :(

lol Erica do you feel bad because I'm copping flak? Or because I've gone monster?

Also I don't ACTUALLY do any of these, tempting as they all are

in places with stadium seating i imagine diving from the upper rows and body splashing into people down below.

― Kerm, Tuesday, July 7, 2009 1:19 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark

This is actually a big one for me. I was at a baseball game recently and kept imagining what would happen if I did this.

You should be lobotomised.

Louis I feel bad because ppl are giving you a hard time. I would venture to guess that your imps are no stranger than a lot of those other posters would never actually admit to having.

c'mon now louis, regardless of the total lack of respect i have for you, i don't seriously think you should be lobotomised. uh, my "imp" told me to say that.

They tell me to walk insane distances between two vaguely-known locations.

I don't know ENBB, this is kind of unforgivable.

Naughty imp! You should have quieted him though :( xp

also lol Dan

^_^

hahaha ha ha?

imp is a creepy word

it's like gimp without the g. or limp without the l.

I sort of love it tbh.

my imps get annoyingly loud when i'm hungover (or prob still slightl;y drunk) and stuck somewhere i don't want to be.

http://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo1.gif

^^^ my imps.

when i see a hot guy with a great round ass i wonder what it would be like to bury my face in it but i don't think that's an "imp" as much as a "healthy libido"

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

http://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gifhttp://www.cslab.ntua.gr/%7Ephib/images/doom/anim/troo0.gif

^^^ quieting my imps.

Elmo see that's different because it's not completely absurd unless maybe you're imagining doing so right then and there on the street or wherever it is you may see said person

my lovely lady imps? xps

haha there's definitely a libido-imp crossover elmo but i'm talking about situations where sexual contact would be remarkably inappropriate or even damaging, i.e. a sports changing-room, a train etc...in your situation, it could be highly appropriate and logical.

Basically what ENBB just said.

in some cultures it is considered rude NOT to bury your face into a hot stranger's great round ass

On especially frustrating days at work I have impy visions of picking up my keyboard and smashing my target (boss, coworker, customer, etc) across the face with it. This vision is usually a lot like that fantasy scene in High Fidelity where they hit Tim Robbins in the face with a phone and his teeth come flying out of his mouth like candy corn.

ie there is usually rock music and jack black somewhere

and a dream chamber

Next time I get the urge to lick a stranger I'm going to blame this guy. He looks like just the sort of imp would would encourage me to do such things:

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c287/expatrica/imp.jpg

the thing with asses, and burying your face in them, is that if the person is walking it's hard to get down on your knees in time to position yourself before they walk away. this is why my imps usually just tell me to give it a good hard smack as i walk by.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THh1pPWEoWs

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Not an imp.

Also, I don't remember that scene being that funny from when I actually watched that movie. lol.

My imps tell me to spit in the faces of drunk, sexist boys or to tell prostletyzing Christians that God doesn't exist.

lol xp

i dont have these really anymore which is good? or maybe i let them out enough when drunk

I don't know. The article seems to suggest that it's totally normal.

But a vast majority of people rarely, if ever, act on such urges, and their susceptibility to rude fantasies in fact reflects the workings of a normally sensitive, social brain

or do like a run up the wall backflip as it goes by

get nutted by a door indent as the thing's pulling to a halt

sometimes i think about how easy it would be in almost any situation to suddenly do or say something -- not necessarily something violent or actually physically harmful, just very inappropriate -- that could have huge consequences. just how thin the line is. like, one moment i'm joe respectable citizen, just here looking over the display cases at a jewelry store, and the next i could just pick up a chair and throw it through the window and suddenly my life would be different.

(this has been reinforced for me by interviewing people in prison. they were just going along, living their life, until one day they decided to do maybe just one thing, and suddenly that thing -- which maybe only took a few minutes, or an hour -- defines their entire life.)

OK I'm sorry but I have to and HH I hope that you won't be mad I'm posting this because while maybe not an IMP, this is still pretty great:

[18:37] Heave Ho: i get persistent visions of people fouling their clothes
[18:38] Heave Ho: though that is prolly not what you're talking about
[18:39] Me: how do you mean?
[18:39] Heave Ho: when i'm talking to them
[18:39] Heave Ho: i imagine that they are incontinent
[18:39] ME: hahahaha ok
[18:39] ME: that's funny
[18:40] Heave Ho: mostly when i've not had a good nights sleep
[18:40] Heave Ho: gtg bye

^^^yeah you're always only one action from irreversible change, this feeling becomes especially acute when fatally fast and massive things like cars or trains are whizzing by

why, i have some scissors on my desk right now

xp

Khariq, if yr reading this, <3

btw - That exchange was completely out of the blue. Imps discussion bringing ppl out of the woodwork!

I don't reall know if that qualifies as an imp thing but I have a very common thing where I think about falling down and smashing my jaw : like walking down the street I see myself falling on the pavement, or in the bathroom I imagine slipping and my jaw smashing against the sink or whatever.
There is one urge I've had and actually indulged in : closing my eyes while driving on the highway for a few seconds at a time.

(07-07) 15:28 PDT Rising Sun, Md. (AP) --

A Delaware man faces drunken driving charges after he was pulled over for speeding in northeastern Maryland and a sheriff's deputy noticed he wasn't wearing any pants. A spokesman for the Cecil County Sheriff's Office says 41-year-old Jonathan Schultz "was driving commando."

The spokesman, Lt. Bernard Chiminto, said Schultz was stopped Saturday near Rising Sun for going 69 mph in a 50-mph zone.

The deputy smelled alcohol and noticed that Schultz was partially covered by a towel from the waist down. The Newark, Del., resident told the deputy he'd lost his pants, but the deputy didn't find any pants in the car.

I thought that "commando" referred to wearing no underwear, not wearing no pants.

There is one urge I've had and actually indulged in : closing my eyes while driving on the highway for a few seconds at a time.

I've done this while cycling. It may or may not be indirectly the cause of me very almost dying that one time and winding up with a whole bunch o' bitchin scars. LOLOLOL Ignore ur imps!

It's tough to ignore those bastards, they're loud! But yeah I usually don't do what they tell me to, except for the three or four times I did actually close my eyes. I'm pretty sure I don't really wanna die on a highway with my eyes closed.

Also, it's not really what's being talked about in this thread, but I keep having flashes of the same things. Like smashing my jaw like I said upthread. Or, when I step into a room, I often spend like a second or two thinking about a ball bouncing against all the corners of the room, checking to see if it's possible for the ball to do so.

Plz tell the imps in my brain it's too early to open the tequila.

forever quelling the urge to hit the wee x when downloads are at 99%

working retail is like an aphrodisiac for imps

― a sad little creature (latebloomer), Tuesday, July 7, 2009 6:02 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This isn't really about stopping myself from doing stuff that my mind tells me to do, but rather about this constant, involuntary chattering noise that used to be inside my head. I worked at a video store for a while and whenever I was shelving videos, my fucking brain would choose one of the vowels from the title and howl it out as an "o" like the dog from the cookie crisp commercial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipzgLVydkMs&feature=related

So like I'd be walking around this long wall, day after day, with hundreds of movies and they'd be resounding in my head like:

Bruce AlmOOOOOOOOOOty!!!
DrOOOOOOmcatcher!!!
Lord of the ROOOOOOngs!!!
My Big Fat Greek WOOOOOOOdding!!!
SOOOOOOOOcretary!!!

Fuck! Agggggh. Jesus. I've never told anybody that.

LJ - I miss you.

Woah, I didn't even realize little guy was gone.

My mind has taken to replacing the word "crazy" with the rapper name "C-Rayz Walz". And considering that I use the word "crazy" like a 1920s jazz man... God, will ECT help with this?

i have a theory that it's impossible to have imps/earworms/any number of mental maladies while doing hard math in your head, and another theory that mathematicians are too good at math, and need successively harder problems not to go mad, and that's why they go mad so often.
maybe cure is worse than disease though?

wow kkvgz that's really c-rayz walz

c-rayz walz was no pumpkinhead

A few years back I remember it seemed like there was a mild ilx obsession with the british ASBO, or Anti Social Behavior Order, which is part of their legal system. I don't think people even talk about it much these days. But the idea of it worked it's way into my brain and began to take over, such that it sometimes creeps into my brain in the form of "ASBOlutely!" or even "Anti Social Behavior Order - lutely!"

missed your true calling as a writer of tabloid newspaper headlines imo

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/70964/TV-show-is-font-colorredAsbofontlutely-fabulous.html