Why was 6 afraid of 7?

i was gonna do that paddy whack joke earlier (frog substituted for a small terrier, which is clearly funnier) but tbh when my bouncing brick masterpiece was soo ill received before i felt it wouldn't be appreciated.

Hey Nick - knock, knock . . .

WHo's there?

The interrupting cow

The interrupting cow...

why is the oasis soup so popular?

because you get a roll with it

x-post MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yes!

(well done)

TAKE A BOW!!!

(I am troubled by how much time I spent deliberating over whether to dotdotdot it and also where I should stop to allow you the most impact with the punchline.)

sorry i interrupted it.

bah I was going to controversial mod edit that joke

There's a toad walking along the road carrying a bag of balls and I'm heading up the road behind the toad when a couple of the balls fall out of the toad's bag and roll towards me. I pick them up and jog after the oblivious toad. When I'm almost upon him, I tap his shoulder and ask "Do you want your balls, toad?" to which he replies "Do you want your fucking cunt kicked in?"

three nuns are sitting on a park bench, when a dodge lookin dude slinks up wearing a floor length mac. he jumps at them suddenly and flings open his coat, to reveal an erection like a bodybuilding baby's clenched arm. the nun in the middle immediately has a stroke.

the other two couldn't quite reach.

irl lol

rly? i thought we were aiming for groans not lols

^ story of my sex life right there, btw

Ian, I got really good results from the chicken/NYT joke as told to my family. They all gave a thumbs up.

Granted, that's coming from my brother who tells jokes like this one:

"Did you see in the news about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere."

I like that joke!

A nun is walking on the sidewalk, pushing a baby carriage. A passer-by comments:
- Little monastery secret?
- No, a cardinal mistake.

Why did the monks go crazy?

They realized the book said 'celeBRATE.'

A lot of my jokes I am condensing from long, long (boring) jokes.

A grasshopper walks into a pub and says, "One beer, please!" The bartender says:
- Whoa! Did you know we have a drink named after you?
- What, "Dave"?

I love that joke.

I think I need to order a grasshopper some time.

Now that I see what it's made of I think I change my mind.

corduroy pillow is pretty much my fav joek

Ramon and Pepe are trekking through the Mexican desert on the run from the federales. Water supplies are low and they are completely out of food. At the point of total despair, Pepe spies a tree in the distance... As they draw closer they see the branches are festooned with succulent rashers of bacon. Abandoning caution, Pepe sprints towards the tree, and is immediately opened fire upon by a platoon of soldiers hiding behind nearby rocks. With the last of his strength, he crawls towards his shocked comrade and shouts, "Ramon! Is no a bacon tree! Is a ham bush!"

Two legionnaires are lost in the desert, they've been wandering for several days without food and water, and are nearly resigned to the fact that they will soon die from dehydration, when as they reach the top of a sand dune, they see a big, bustling market laid out before them. Naturally, they can't believe their eyes and think it's a mirage, but as they draw closer, they can hear the stallholders' cries, and they eventually reach the market and realise that it's really there.
So the legionnaires rush up to the first stall they can and cry to the stallholder, "Stallholder, we have been travelling in the desert for many days, and have had no food or water. We shall surely die soon unless you have some you can sell us - tell us, do you have any sustenance for us?"
The stallholder shook his head and replied "I'm sorry, but all I have to sell is a load of bowls full of jelly, topped with custard and cream, and lovingly sprinkled with hundreds and thousands."
The legionnaires look at each other, mildly surprised, and move on to the next stall, where they ask the stallholder, "We shall surely die soon, unless you can sell us some skins of water."
The stallholder looked at them embarrassed, and confessed "Gentlemen, tragic as I admit it is, I have none of the ingredients necessary to life for which you ask me... all I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with hundreds and thousands, with a little cocktail cherry in the middle at the top ... I cannot help you..."
The legionnaires look at each other in desperation, and run on to the next stall, where they demand of the stallholder, "Look mate, we need water or we'll die. We've been travelling without water for days and need some now, Do you have any you can sell us?"
The stallholder looked at his curl-ended shoes in shame as he confessed, "Sorry, fellas, I can't help you either. All I have to sell you is a bowl of jelly, with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands."
The legionnaires carried on through the market, stall by stall, asking each stallholder whether they had any water, but each stallholder gave the same reply, all they had to sell was a bowl of jelly with cream, custard and hundreds and thousands. Dejected and resigned to their grim fate, the legionnaires left the desert market and walked off into the setting sun. As they did so, one turned to the other, and said, "That was really odd - a big market in the middle of nowhere, and all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands." The other turned to face his companion and replied, "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar..."

The best way to follow up the interrupting cow joke is with this:
Knock knock
who's there?
interrupting giraffe.
and while they're saying "interrupting giraffe who" puff up yr cheeks with air and act like yr chewing on something.

so these two old ladies were out pickin potatoes

one of em lifts one up outta the ground and says "why, this reminds me of my husband's balls!"

the other one's like "wow, they're that big?"

"no, they're that dirty"

Has anybody here ever read any of O'Brien's Keats and Chapman jokes?

i sure haven't;
lay 'em on us!

The New Adventures of Keats and Chapman: A Selection of Improbable Tales
Mathews has long been an admirer of Flann O'Brien, especially his famous Keats and Chapman sketches. Here he attempts to re-invent the style and wit of the short pieces, with original columns done in the style of O'Brien's sketches. He succeeds wonderfully. Previously printed in Hot Press, each column humorously builds up to a punch line, based on a pun.

-is it that?