These are like the opposite of clickbait, so mundane you couldn't possibly want to know more than what the headline makes obvious. Video games aren't satisfying if you're not good at playing video games. Who would've thunk it? Dartboards aren't that much fun if you're not good at throwing darts. Let's read the entire column and learn why...
― Lee626, Thursday, 4 March 2021 12:53 (three years ago) link
When the curiosity gap becomes an unfathomably vast chasm
― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, 4 March 2021 12:55 (three years ago) link
he might be a secret MI5 operative, like when he climbs a tree he's not looking for conkers he's spying on Aaron Bastani or something.
― calzino, Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:00 (three years ago) link
Chapter Seven: In which my obsession with West Browmich Albion goes too far!
https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1811189628/pooter_400x400.jpg
― mahb, Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:27 (three years ago) link
These are all works of art in their own right, but I can’t ever look at the teeth cleaning one without laughing (100% success rate), so that.
― scampless, rattled and puce (gyac), Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:30 (three years ago) link
I find that one actually touches on something vaguely interesting about the mind
― Alba, Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:32 (three years ago) link
Very very difficult choice, but it’s the dishwasher one for me.We did a charity baking competition at my old work and Chiles came to help with judging and he brought Lee Dixon with him (uninvited). Can’t believe he hasn’t written about it yet.
― crisp, Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:38 (three years ago) link
We did a charity baking competition at my old work and Chiles came to help with judging and he brought Lee Dixon with him (uninvited).
Would 100% vote for this.
― Portsmouth Bubblejet, Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:46 (three years ago) link
I feel like the existence of this kind of column was just about plausible in the days of physical newspapers, flicking through the g2 section while half-awake during your morning commute,
Physical G2 still exists and has to be filled!
― Alba, Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:46 (three years ago) link
if chiles wrote every non-guest column in that paper it would be an improvement
― no (Left), Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:52 (three years ago) link
has it really been more than a year since he didn't want brits to have to resort to fanny?
― no (Left), Thursday, 4 March 2021 13:53 (three years ago) link
i was thinking about the impossible platonic perfection of our Adrian's blokeishness only this morning when i heard him on the radio for a minute, and can only conclude that somehow, in some sense, he has become a bit, destroyer of worlds
― The Scampo Fell to Earth (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:19 (three years ago) link
He wont end well
― beware the ídes of mairt (darraghmac), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:21 (three years ago) link
he's already beyond ending, he's the universal unconscious
― The Scampo Fell to Earth (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:22 (three years ago) link
These all each perfectly map to an "and thats ok/and heres why" entry
Chilesbot grows
― beware the ídes of mairt (darraghmac), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:24 (three years ago) link
It's gotta be 'My idea of happiness? A strimmer and a bramble-choked path.' One for the Real England thread.
― pomenitul, Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:26 (three years ago) link
My first drive in an electric car was going swimmingly - my dad would be world champion.I'm glad to be back in church - and I should know.The perfect vegan sausages from a dry mix - is it because they are unpronounceable?You’re never too old to climb a tree - And all it took was wire wool and elbow grease.The secret of my hard-won mindfulness - And all it took was wire wool and elbow grease.I'm pruning and planting, but one gardening mystery remains - grow a lemon tree.It doesn't matter how clever you are - but printers I hate from the bottom of my heart.I've decided what to do with the rest of my life - grow a lemon tree.I've started listening to my friends' music recommendations - A bargain bag of beauty.I panic-bought a dartboard - even if there's hand sanitiser instead of holy water.You’re never too old to climb a tree - So why can't I spare two minutes to clean my teeth?I have finally mastered the dark art of sourdough baking - I found it in a chore I used to hate.Searching for solace in lockdown - luckily I've discovered the perfect bread-free sandwich.With the kids locked down and not on the town - is it because they are unpronounceable?Seven weeks in - A bargain bag of beauty.It doesn't matter how clever you are - A strimmer and a bramble-choked path.Never mind machines getting cleverer - what other meat-free joys of the 70s did I miss?Searching for solace in lockdown - Here's how to do it.What will I do when travel restrictions lift - until the warning light flashed.My first drive in an electric car was going swimmingly - but printers I hate from the bottom of my heart.Lockdown has slowed me down - but in an SUV I am treated like a pariah.Searching for solace in lockdown - but lockdown has made my life much simpler.I am the world's nicest driver - And all it took was wire wool and elbow grease.
― ledge, Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:44 (three years ago) link
make your own here:
https://codepen.io/ledgr/full/rNWreeM
― I don't want to have a barbecue - is it because they are unpronounceable (ledge), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:48 (three years ago) link
Hooray, football is starting again! But hang on - turns out I am a shockingly mediocre player.
― I don't want to have a barbecue - is it because they are unpronounceable (ledge), Thursday, 4 March 2021 14:51 (three years ago) link
Ah looks like a Ross Barkley one got in there by mistake
― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:12 (three years ago) link
omg ledge
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:16 (three years ago) link
Dishwasher Dad all day long for me, Clive
― ukania west (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:18 (three years ago) link
Chileswriter is oddly addictive, thanx ledge.
― mike t-diva, Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:28 (three years ago) link
It makes a handy display name generator.
― Ranch dressing improves everything - I'm dreading it... (ledge), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:42 (three years ago) link
I'm pruning and planting, but one gardening mystery remains - luckily I've discovered the perfect bread-free sandwich.
― The Scampo Fell to Earth (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:43 (three years ago) link
What is it like to be a Adrian Chiles
― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:44 (three years ago) link
Looool
― The Scampo Fell to Earth (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 4 March 2021 15:45 (three years ago) link
One must imagine Adrian Chiles happy
― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, 4 March 2021 16:00 (three years ago) link
lol
another vote for the dishwasher here
― imago, Thursday, 4 March 2021 16:12 (three years ago) link
he should post on ILMhttps://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVrYsq1XYAIFYyc?format=png&name=small
― no (Left), Thursday, 4 March 2021 16:50 (three years ago) link
flashback to when some of us had a silent track called AAA by aaaa on our ipods.
― Cocteau Twinks (jed_), Thursday, 4 March 2021 18:47 (three years ago) link
A Toby jug full of piss - Stewart Lee
― mahb, Thursday, 4 March 2021 20:50 (three years ago) link
I've beefed up the chileswriter with graphics and all new genuine Chiles content.
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 11:53 (three years ago) link
Huge
― beware the ídes of mairt (darraghmac), Friday, 5 March 2021 11:54 (three years ago) link
You see, the lockdown has its good points.
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 11:56 (three years ago) link
"Croatia has enchanting words for genitalia. Shame no one's asked for mine."
So many quotable though.
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 11:57 (three years ago) link
It doesn't matter how clever you are - That’s why I love Birmingham
― mike t-diva, Friday, 5 March 2021 11:57 (three years ago) link
“I’ve started listening to my friends' music recommendations – is it because they are unpronounceable?”
― Scamp Granada (gyac), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:09 (three years ago) link
My idea of happiness? There’s still racism in English football
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:11 (three years ago) link
https://i.postimg.cc/mZJqtkkc/DD530-FF0-109-F-4477-BB05-D4813192-DBBF.jpg
― Scamp Granada (gyac), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:12 (three years ago) link
I'm expecting ledge to end up being interviewed by Adrian Chiles about this.
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:14 (three years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/hZgoUQ1.jpg
lock thread
― grab bag cum trash bag (sic), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:18 (three years ago) link
I am the world's nicest driver - is this terrifying mask the only answer?
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:20 (three years ago) link
I like it when you get one where the only reason you know it's fake is over exposure to all the genuine variants.
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:26 (three years ago) link
Looking forward to the article where he muses about how socks go missing in the washing.
― Dan Worsley, Friday, 5 March 2021 12:33 (three years ago) link
ledge that is amazing.
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 12:56 (three years ago) link
On the eve of my 52nd birthday, I’m targeted by a site for attractive, 52-year-old singles. End their anonymity
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 12:58 (three years ago) link
My idea of happiness? You’ll never get a good night’s sleep again.
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 13:02 (three years ago) link
anyway i’ll stop this now but it’s giving me a great deal of pleasure. (that’s me not voodoo chiles)
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 13:03 (three years ago) link
Music is a shortcut to joy. And it hurts
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 14:13 (three years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/IfBiSEN.png
― ledge, Thursday, 30 March 2023 13:45 (one year ago) link
The bloom may be off the semi ironic “he never misses” rose but chiles generator is still a banger is basically how I break it down to an extent
― michel goindry (wins), Thursday, 30 March 2023 13:55 (one year ago) link
It's now updated with all of his columns (260, apparently) and I've automated the parsing, though it's a bit buggy. Next stop a twitter bot, unless twitter dies first.
― ledge, Thursday, 30 March 2023 13:59 (one year ago) link
tired: most pooterish AC columnwired: most 'pooterish AI column
― mark s, Thursday, 30 March 2023 14:04 (one year ago) link
People are too in on this now e.g.
I thought I was immune to being fooled online. Then I saw the pope in a coatJoel Golby
― nashwan, Thursday, 30 March 2023 14:27 (one year ago) link
https://twitter.com/_ChilesBot
― ledge, Thursday, 30 March 2023 15:00 (one year ago) link
i like these columns.
― treeship., Thursday, 30 March 2023 15:04 (one year ago) link
Fake
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jun/05/pet-ill-never-forget-sea-monkeys-orgies
― Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 5 June 2023 14:04 (one year ago) link
The mere mention of some of the people on this podcast will make some people spontaneously combust but, there's no doubt about it, Adrian Chiles gives a great interview: https://www.anotherslice.com/quicklykevin/dc181a49-e557-4e4b-8e13-706976ce6632
(It's the Quickly Kevin 90s football podcast. Chiles is on to talk about West Brom obviously, but he talks a lot about his time hosting BBC/ITV football coverage.)
― Stars of the Lidl (Chinaski), Monday, 5 June 2023 15:18 (one year ago) link
Quick let's do ten incredible and super-British Adrian Chiles columns in a row one pic.twitter.com/wtOvto1bBP— BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL (@edsbs) June 15, 2023
― a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Friday, 16 June 2023 02:31 (one year ago) link
the most beautiful phrase in the English language is not "cellar door" it's "I panic-bought a dart board"
― frogbs, Friday, 16 June 2023 02:39 (one year ago) link
Some even need to be seen in context to be even funnierhttps://t.co/FgddxIiAG0— The 984 (@The_984) June 15, 2023
― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 16 June 2023 16:59 (one year ago) link
That's easily the best column, you don't even need to read it.
― xyzzzz__, Friday, 16 June 2023 17:23 (one year ago) link
You don’t need to read any of them, that would be doing it wrong
― Grandall Flange (wins), Friday, 16 June 2023 17:26 (one year ago) link
Ok Chile's has competition
I'm not sure what the Daily Mail thought they were getting for their six-figure Boris Johnson column, but I doubt 1,000 rambling words on why he took appetite suppressants for a bit, but gave them up after they made him feel a bit sick, was it. pic.twitter.com/naN1B3q4yy— Adam Bienkov (@AdamBienkov) June 16, 2023
― xyzzzz__, Friday, 16 June 2023 19:02 (one year ago) link
I want the follow-up where he tries meth instead.
― a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Friday, 16 June 2023 19:30 (one year ago) link
Ha, my first thought when reading Johnson's column (yes, I went there) was "he's no Adrian Chiles". It's surprisingly poorly executed, and does nothing for his alleged reputation as an eloquent and witty columnist.
― mike t-diva, Saturday, 17 June 2023 12:14 (one year ago) link
I had a torrid time with some pitiful, dried-out geraniums on a three-for-£5 offer. They just wouldn’t scan. I got them for nothing in the end, but they all died anyway.
https://www.theguardian.com/business/commentisfree/2023/aug/02/want-a-glimpse-of-dystopia-visit-the-self-service-checkouts
― Alba, Wednesday, 2 August 2023 18:37 (one year ago) link
he's our Larkin
― rob, Wednesday, 2 August 2023 18:53 (one year ago) link
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/aug/30/have-i-told-you-about-the-time-i-split-my-trousers
Haven't read beyond the headline because I don't need to, and neither do you
― look i'm not sally fucking rooney (Matt #2), Wednesday, 30 August 2023 14:19 (one year ago) link
i'll wait for have-i-told-you-about-the-time-i-shat-meself
― da elephant in daruma (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 30 August 2023 14:20 (one year ago) link
This is actually very well done
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/02/the-left-lane-on-a-motorway-is-for-the-virtuous-and-the-good-thats-why-i-love-it
― Alba, Thursday, 2 November 2023 07:26 (ten months ago) link
Sublime
― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Thursday, 2 November 2023 08:04 (ten months ago) link
When the dog shook its head I lost it
― Humanitarian Pause (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 2 November 2023 08:37 (ten months ago) link
ITV Sport Presenter Adrian Chiles eats a banana during the second half of the FIFA World Cup Qualifier - Group H - Ukraine v England (2013) pic.twitter.com/29yzrJ6OGJ— Great British Getty Images (@shitbritishpics) January 14, 2024
― nashwan, Sunday, 14 January 2024 20:38 (eight months ago) link
Actually felt quite emotional after reading this.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/feb/14/i-was-injured-miserable-and-lost-then-steve-wright-saved-me
― Dan Worsley, Thursday, 15 February 2024 07:38 (seven months ago) link
And even more so reading this. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/mar/20/ive-spent-a-lifetime-dreading-the-loss-of-a-parent-and-now-its-finally-happened
― Dan Worsley, Wednesday, 20 March 2024 20:40 (six months ago) link
My god
― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Thursday, 21 March 2024 01:14 (five months ago) link
that was very moving.
― goole, Thursday, 21 March 2024 02:46 (five months ago) link
A stunning piece. My wife's father passed two years ago, this story matches that one in many ways.
― Mark G, Thursday, 21 March 2024 07:58 (five months ago) link
i think its all the better because there's still the odd hint of pooterishness
― close encounters of the third knid (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 March 2024 11:03 (five months ago) link
It'll be a bit jarring when next week he's back to how he folds his underpants or whatever...
― Zelda Zonk, Thursday, 21 March 2024 11:10 (five months ago) link
that's kind of life though isn't it? you suffer some tragedy but the laundry still has to be done
― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 21 March 2024 12:46 (five months ago) link
That's a terrific articulation. My dad died at the same age as Chiles' father when I was in my late 40s, and this all seems tremendously familiar to me.
― ailsa, Thursday, 21 March 2024 13:20 (five months ago) link
jfc, no-one will be calling this stunning
https://www.theguardian.com/world/article/2024/jun/12/i-feel-squeamish-talking-to-germans-about-the-war-is-it-a-british-thing
― prog's nearly man (Matt #2), Wednesday, 12 June 2024 15:30 (three months ago) link
not chiles but this one pops into my head every time i see this thread
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/sep/05/wasps-stung-me-in-the-testicles-but-i-love-them-anyway
― ciderpress, Wednesday, 12 June 2024 17:40 (three months ago) link
More good balls content from 2015https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/23/sexual-desirability-balls-afterthought
― Alba, Wednesday, 12 June 2024 18:09 (three months ago) link