My idea of happiness? You’ll never get a good night’s sleep again.
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 13:02 (three years ago) link
anyway i’ll stop this now but it’s giving me a great deal of pleasure. (that’s me not voodoo chiles)
― Fizzles, Friday, 5 March 2021 13:03 (three years ago) link
Music is a shortcut to joy. And it hurts
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Friday, 5 March 2021 14:13 (three years ago) link
I think it's useful to categorize the columns.
The Adventures of Adrian Chiles, aged 53¾ I put my own makeup on for the first time - and saw my face in a whole new light.I've decided what to do with the rest of my life: grow a lemon tree.I have finally mastered the dark art of sourdough baking. Here's how to do it.I panic-bought a dartboard – turns out I am a shockingly mediocre player.I've started listening to my friends' music recommendations – shame no one's asked for mine.You’re never too old to climb a tree – and I should know.Seven weeks in, what have I learned from my new life as a dog person?My first drive in an electric car was going swimmingly – until the warning light flashed.I have made a thing of great beauty. And all it took was wire wool and elbow grease.I'm pruning and planting, but one gardening mystery remains. How do snails get up to the fourth floor?My lockdown baking obsession got out of control – luckily I've discovered the perfect bread-free sandwich.Could sitting in a salt cave cure my nasal congestion?Ranch dressing improves everything. So I tried to improve ranch dressingWhat will I do when travel restrictions lift? Complete my odyssey to all 270 London tube stations.
Watercooler ChilesHave you seen Tatler's new rules of poshness? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.There are two new Covid-fighting drugs I haven't heard much about - is it because they are unpronounceable?Video games are good for your mental health? Not if you play like me.
That's nice, AdrianWith the kids locked down and not on the town, I've never slept so soundly.My idea of happiness? A strimmer and a bramble-choked path.Searching for solace in lockdown? I found it in a chore I used to hate.What speed reading has taught me about taking my time.The secret of my hard-won mindfulness? A bargain bag of beauty.The perfect vegan sausages from a dry mix: what other meat-free joys of the 70s did I miss?I used to hate it when businesses got too chummy. Then I met Alan the delivery driver.I'm glad to be back in church – even if there's hand sanitiser instead of holy water.I’ve always been hot on hand hygiene – I even dried them in the oven.I know I’ve been lucky, but lockdown has made my life much simpler.
I think this has may have been said before, AdrianComputers I can live with, but printers I hate from the bottom of my heart.Shopping is a whole new world now I have to wear a mask.If dishwasher-loading was a sport, my dad would be world champion.Never mind machines getting cleverer - is technology making me stupider?
Introspective AdrianNever mind machines getting cleverer - is technology making me stupider?My obsession with West Brom has gone too farIt doesn't matter how clever you are - talk for more than a minute and you've lost me.I am the world's nicest driver - but in an SUV I am treated like a pariah.Hooray, football is starting again! But hang on, I'm dreading it...Lockdown has slowed me down. So why can't I spare two minutes to clean my teeth?First it was sourdough, now it's a puppy - I am a lockdown cliché.
Angry AdrianI don't want to have a barbecue. Not even a lockdown one.
― Alba, Friday, 5 March 2021 17:51 (three years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.
― System, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 00:01 (three years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.
― System, Thursday, 11 March 2021 00:01 (three years ago) link
In honour of the winner, I read the full the column.“I have now embarked on a structured new regime. I resolved to try to hit every number from one to 20 in fewer than 60 darts. I am proud to tell you that in less than two weeks I have managed to do it using a mere 54 darts.”
― mike t-diva, Thursday, 11 March 2021 00:08 (three years ago) link
An Olympic champion at dishwasher loading, but only silver in the Pooterish column race
― ukania west (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 11 March 2021 12:35 (three years ago) link
World champion, rather
I have a lung condition that means actual belly laughs make me have coughing fits.
Chileswriter near killed me.
― Punk's Daft (onimo), Thursday, 11 March 2021 13:50 (three years ago) link
omg i am exceedingly sorry!
― Non meat-eaters rejoice – our culture has completely lost its way (ledge), Thursday, 11 March 2021 14:40 (three years ago) link
Feel like they bured the lede here: 'I have been idly wondering what the difference is between shallots and onions for a good 30 years' would have been a great headline.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/17/hamlet-small-village-grandad-generation-google-lockdown
― Alba, Wednesday, 17 March 2021 14:51 (three years ago) link
I think Chiles is doing it on purpose now:
Isn't it irenic? It's time to bring back beautiful words we have lost
The lexicographer and etymologist Susie Dent tells me it comes from Eirene, the Greek goddess of peace, who also gives us the name Irene. What a pity, then, that you don’t hear of many Irenes these days. I’m sure my nan knew an Irene, but that’s about it in my life. I searched a list of 50 famous Irenes and hadn’t heard of any of them. However, I’m so glad I looked, because I came across the quite fabulously named actor and director Irene Miracle.
― Portsmouth Bubblejet, Thursday, 1 April 2021 08:32 (three years ago) link
definitely doing it on purpose, yeshttps://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/apr/22/gadgets-should-make-life-easier-so-why-cant-i-turn-on-this-no-touch-tap
― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Thursday, 22 April 2021 11:45 (three years ago) link
It must cause resentment that he's paid for this blather?
― djh, Thursday, 22 April 2021 12:01 (three years ago) link
I saw that headline and immediately thought of here.
― Dan Worsley, Thursday, 22 April 2021 12:04 (three years ago) link
It takes almost as much effort to update chileswriter (tm) as he puts into the columns.
― I took drugs recently and why doesn't the UK? (ledge), Thursday, 22 April 2021 12:42 (three years ago) link
to us mere mortals, frustration at getting a tap to work would be a momentary annoyance, forgotten within five minutes, maximum. to The Chad Chiles, it's worth £5000. makes you think.
― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Thursday, 22 April 2021 12:46 (three years ago) link
The surprising truth about Brexit Britain – the wild garlic smelled lovely, but I didn’t want to die there
― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, 22 April 2021 13:31 (three years ago) link
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/28/looking-for-a-plastic-free-way-to-discard-dog-poo-i-have-the-answer
― Pfunkboy AKA (Oor Neechy), Thursday, 29 April 2021 01:10 (three years ago) link
fantastic thread. glad to be made aware of this human milquetoast. like jean teasdale of the onion transformed into a middle aged english man.
― John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet (map), Thursday, 29 April 2021 01:41 (three years ago) link
I want to be this guy’s friend
― Clara Lemlich stan account (silby), Thursday, 29 April 2021 01:52 (three years ago) link
Adrian Chiles is a Guardian columnist
― Clara Lemlich stan account (silby), Thursday, 29 April 2021 01:54 (three years ago) link
I always hated Adrian Chiles based solely on his stint as Match of the Day 2 host, but i have to say as this thread has continued i have more and more time for him. The dealbreaker was the immaculate first two paragraphs of the how to deal with dog shite column followed by the start of the third: "Then I heard from a despairing farmer on my radio show. "
― .robin., Thursday, 29 April 2021 04:06 (three years ago) link
like jean teasdale of the onion transformed into a middle aged english man.lock ilx
― bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Thursday, 29 April 2021 04:11 (three years ago) link
I resolved to heed this call, but, on my next country walk, when the moment came, I could find no means of picking it up. There wasn’t a large leaf in sight.
Adrian mate, flick it with a stick.
― mahb, Thursday, 29 April 2021 06:53 (three years ago) link
I really think it's only a matter of time until Adrian Chiles writes a 'whatever happened to white dog-shite?' column in the Guardian.
― Pfunkboy AKA (Oor Neechy), Thursday, 29 April 2021 10:04 (three years ago) link
tbf if he was writing for the telegraph hed suggest quotas prioritised brown dogshite
― flagpost fucking (darraghmac), Thursday, 29 April 2021 10:13 (three years ago) link
"Why we need an inspiring team talk to get us through the pandemic" - Adrian Chiles
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/may/13/why-we-need-an-inspiring-team-talk-to-get-us-through-the-pandemic
He's started channelling his inner David Brent.
― Portsmouth Bubblejet, Thursday, 13 May 2021 08:04 (three years ago) link
Saw some the other day and thought of Adrian Chiles.
― Are Animated Dads Getting Hotter? (Tom D.), Thursday, 13 May 2021 08:27 (three years ago) link
xpsomeone should finish off the heading for him, it's just slapdash bottom-tier Chiles!
― calzino, Thursday, 13 May 2021 08:33 (three years ago) link
every time you think he can't top his last column, and every time https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/may/26/an-ear-and-nostril-waxing-is-exquisitely-painful-but-just-what-i-needed
― A viking of frowns, (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 26 May 2021 19:13 (three years ago) link
haha omg that picture
― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 26 May 2021 19:16 (three years ago) link
Hmm, they don't put those "you should pay us money so we can keep doing our valuable journalism" banners under his articles huh
― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits), Wednesday, 26 May 2021 19:19 (three years ago) link
that's a wonderful column, perfect little dose of memoir, this man is my hero
― Clara Lemlich stan account (silby), Wednesday, 26 May 2021 19:19 (three years ago) link
Lol just came here to post this
― I was born anxious, here's how to do it. (ledge), Wednesday, 26 May 2021 19:20 (three years ago) link
Of course:
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/jun/17/my-number-one-fear-in-life-being-boring
― Alba, Thursday, 17 June 2021 14:36 (two years ago) link
Amazing, beautiful.
― Clara Lemlich stan account (silby), Thursday, 17 June 2021 15:09 (two years ago) link
next time he has a studio audience I hope they can organise themselves to all start yawning at him
― A viking of frowns, (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 17 June 2021 15:10 (two years ago) link
breathtaking
― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Thursday, 17 June 2021 15:38 (two years ago) link
It’s one of many reasons I can’t throw parties: one yawn from anyone and I want to throw everyone out.
go on
― bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Thursday, 17 June 2021 20:01 (two years ago) link
Thought this revive would be about Edwin Poots
― glumdalclitch, Thursday, 17 June 2021 20:15 (two years ago) link
For fans of Adrian Chiles, be sure not to miss his Antipodean counterpart: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/jun/18/my-microwave-door-got-stuck-with-food-inside-and-then-it-started-to-develop-a-malevolent-vibe
― Zelda Zonk, Thursday, 17 June 2021 22:39 (two years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/XFkgiYv.jpg
poll options not as enticingly phrased, but 3 Dec is a strong winner
― bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Thursday, 17 June 2021 22:56 (two years ago) link
i'm enjoying the laundry horror show tbqf
― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Thursday, 17 June 2021 23:06 (two years ago) link
huge gratitude to this thread for introducing me to 'pooterish,' a perfect word
― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Thursday, 17 June 2021 23:07 (two years ago) link
Chiles def. needs a Lupin Pooter figure to spark off; maybe the student son of his partner. Invent him if he doesn't exist: a columnist's goldmine.
― mahb, Friday, 18 June 2021 12:21 (two years ago) link
this has definitely been a rookie of the year thread candidateit's been a real joy to get to know Adrian
― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 18 June 2021 13:02 (two years ago) link
I hope one day he finds this thread and sees the joy he has brought.
― Alba, Friday, 18 June 2021 14:51 (two years ago) link
I'm expecting ledge to end up being interviewed by Adrian Chiles about this.
― Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Friday, 5 March 2021 12:14 (three months ago) bookmarkflaglink
― Are Animated Dads Getting Hotter? (Tom D.), Friday, 18 June 2021 14:54 (two years ago) link