I know rite. Its sweet!
― seagulls are assholes (Trayce), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 11:25 (fifteen years ago) link
i mean if you were fucked up, mayyyyybe
― go cram on 'em (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 11:26 (fifteen years ago) link
Mind you this reminds me of the time I was going thru the fridge when living at parents and saw a jug of liquid and, being a juice jug, I thought "oh nice, pinapple juice!"
And I took a big slug, only to find out it was some kind of horrible fat runoff from cooking :/ BLEUGH.
― seagulls are assholes (Trayce), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 11:27 (fifteen years ago) link
egg nog is bad, making a sauce for fish from a box of chocolates + a wheel of cheese is just taking it to a whole other level imo
― just sayin, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 11:32 (fifteen years ago) link
you know, that's not even abt 'dont you know how to cook?' that's like 'have you ever eaten food in yr life?'
― just sayin, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 11:33 (fifteen years ago) link
once missed the fact that the rice vinegar was supposed to be diluted, so I added it straight to the rice, resulting in the vinegar-iest sushi rice ever. the first bite was good--ooh, flavorful!-- but each additional bite made you progressively queasier.
― sciolism, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 12:43 (fifteen years ago) link
this thread is A+ hilarious
i haven't had any chocolate-and-cheese-on-fish culinary disasters lately (fuck, EVER), but i did recently make rice pudding out of the following ingredients:
leftover ricecardamom seedsmilk2 sugar packets2 international delight vanilla creamers7-8 crumbled ginger cookiesraisins
and it was pretty good.
― figgy pudding (La Lechera), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 12:44 (fifteen years ago) link
(this was at a rental house i was sharing with friends and we didn't have vanilla extract, but for some reason there were those gross creamers.)
sometime last year i made chicken broth from a chicken i had roasted and eaten and then i accidentally left it (the broth) out on the counter to cool for too long.
then i thought, oh why not use it? i made chicken soup for my tired husband and we wound up with food poisoning. oops.
― figgy pudding (La Lechera), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 12:48 (fifteen years ago) link
My mum's freezer died so she made a veg 'rage' curry that we had to eat for about 3 weeks.
All the frozen veg from the plot, in a curry, whether it worked or not.
And the slightest complaint was met with a steely look.
― Jarlrmai, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 13:21 (fifteen years ago) link
When I was a kid (like 13 or so) I made Kraft mac & cheese but somehow missed the instruction on the box to drain the noodles after boiling them so I dumped the cheese powder in with all the water and noodles and ended up with macaroni and cheese soup.
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 13:24 (fifteen years ago) link
One Christmas a relative cooked a Christmas pudding in the microwave for 20 minutes on full power. The result looked like a lump of tar.
― how wide is a lawnmower? (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 13:32 (fifteen years ago) link
Apparently I haven't yet mentioned the time I didn't wash the spinach properly. :-(
― Unregistered Googler (stevienixed), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 13:36 (fifteen years ago) link
super hungry last night. rushing. less than 30 mins to cook and eat. don't want crap, trying to eat well. okay. grill salmon/veg 10 mins. super quick dressing. done. hmm, packet of cous cous, what could be easier? it's been sitting here for months. right, boil water, add to cous cous and wait 5 mins. easy.
boil water, boil water, boil water. argh. so frustrating that i can't seem to use a kettle. occasionally this happens with cups of tea/coffee too. heated the cous cous in the microwave and it came out as some sort of rancid gloopy mess.
― Crackle Box, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 13:45 (fifteen years ago) link
what went uncommented in this thread is that louis's "good recipes" that he linked to sound, and i say this with love, totally bizarre as well.
― north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:29 (fifteen years ago) link
xp dude what is this issue you are having re: boiling water?
― north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:30 (fifteen years ago) link
http://cache3.vuze.com/assets/042/14684240/60069/3JSG7VJESP54O6CAXKJ2P4OHYHSRIQMM_3.jpg
― Crackle Box, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:34 (fifteen years ago) link
forgetting to turn the kettle on when i'm in a rush/mornings. xpost
― Crackle Box, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:35 (fifteen years ago) link
^ louis cooking for his family obv
― Crackle Box, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:37 (fifteen years ago) link
i just looked at louis's other recipes - prawns in sauerkraut?
― just sayin, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:49 (fifteen years ago) link
i cater for weddings, bar mitzvahs, corporate events
― thank you, flipper, for nickelback (country matters), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:50 (fifteen years ago) link
here's my card - it's edible
the prawns in sauerkraut were garnish for a lamb liver
― north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:52 (fifteen years ago) link
really having trouble wrapping my head around that tbh
xxpost I need fiber, not paper
― Unregistered Googler (stevienixed), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:52 (fifteen years ago) link
wow, coffee and smoked mackerel xxxpost
― Crackle Box, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:53 (fifteen years ago) link
it is a tart and playful matting of paper, cumin and steamed cauliflower, i insist you have a nibble xp
― thank you, flipper, for nickelback (country matters), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:54 (fifteen years ago) link
It wasn't a disaster, but a recent corn + potato chowder was just depressing. It started with about 3 dozen ears from the last of my dad's corn patch -- they were already more starchy than sweet, and I didn't get around to them for 3 days or so, so they just weren't very good. We had creamed corn for one meal, then I tried to jazz it up by making a chowder, and it was just starch on top of starch. Bleh. But there's nothing like the first few ears of the summer.
xpost -- LJ should try to wring a "Saw"-type screenplay out of all this bullcrap he tries. Instead of having to cut off his own hand to escape, the hero has to eat some ghastly thing concocted by the creepy be-lipsticked villain in drag.
― Beanbag the Gardener (WmC), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 14:55 (fifteen years ago) link
"ha ha! the key to the padlock securing you to the table is inside this roast chicken that has been stuffed with sprouts, doused in brandy, set alight, and then covered in a radish and dandelion sauce!"
― how wide is a lawnmower? (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 15:08 (fifteen years ago) link
that sounds fairly tame as my recipes go tbh
― thank you, flipper, for nickelback (country matters), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 15:35 (fifteen years ago) link
one time I got drunk and poured whiskey in everything
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:05 (fifteen years ago) link
My mom tried to deep fry a pot roast once. It only cooked the outer shell, and when it was sliced open, it was a Shining-style curtain of hot bloody water. This would not have been so bad had she not volunteered to feed missionaries that night.
I learned qwhen you have company, stick to something you've tried before.
― kind-hearted, sensitive keytar player (Abbott), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:48 (fifteen years ago) link
Please tell us that it was sliced open at the table in front of the guests...
― Gark M (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:58 (fifteen years ago) link
Yes it was!!! :D
― kind-hearted, sensitive keytar player (Abbott), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:03 (fifteen years ago) link
my latest minor "disasters" have been, umm relatively minor, ever since the time I accidentally put twice as much water as should have been in the cake mix and made Weird Cake:
- tossed potato wedges with garlic, rosemary, onion, and oil, but then accidentally left the oven set on a high broil and, after the flames were dealt with, had roughly edible potatoes covered with the ashy corpses of the other items
- shredded big fresh brussel sprouts into a slaw and cooked with ginger, to serve under fish; I think this was sound in concept, except that I always, always greatly misjudge the power of fresh grated ginger
- if trying to make a lemon + cream sauce, use some sort of already-tangy dairy like sour cream or something, or you might make something more like a "curdle sauce"
- I don't even know how to start going into what went wrong with the cornmeal-breaded fried chicken
― nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:05 (fifteen years ago) link
Weird Cake
Would that be like a cake soup?First time cooking sponge cake in the microwave, the resultant mass turned out like packing foam.
― Gark M (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:08 (fifteen years ago) link
Weird Cake actually looked and felt like dense cornbread, except sweet and cake-tasting -- would have been edible and tasty and non-weird to anyone who had never had either cornbread or cake
― nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:10 (fifteen years ago) link
I did the ginger thing again on Sunday, btw. Possibly my problem is that a whole big-ass chunk of ginger somehow grates down to like one teaspoon of "you will not be able to taste anything else you put me in"
― nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:13 (fifteen years ago) link
Tried making tacos the way my mom makes them one day. Sauteed the vegetables to put in the meat and got some lightly fried tortillas going, but I guess the ground beef I used was a little old. As soon as the meat hit the saucepan, my roommates knew something was wrong because the steam that rose had a terrible, unrecognizable stench to it. My roommate described it as the smell of ground beef cooking if the ground beef came from zombies. I always use unfrozen meats the day I buy them now.
― throwbookatface (skygreenleopard), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:14 (fifteen years ago) link
worst thing i've done lately is put way too much mint in a frittata but that still ended up pretty good. mint + sriracha = pleasant lip-numby-burny sensation
― all we hear is lady o'gaga (donna rouge), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:22 (fifteen years ago) link
nabs, to make a lemon cream sauce you should probably mix the citrus with wine or pan drippings or something first, then add the cream SLOWLY while stirring.
― ian, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:24 (fifteen years ago) link
totally makes sense -- thanks!
― nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:26 (fifteen years ago) link
can i just
if you never poured homemade luxury chocolate and camembert cheese over tilapia, you probably don't belong itt
― barrymore, murdrewland (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:26 (fifteen years ago) link
thread now locked to all but one person in the entire history of the planet then
― all we hear is lady o'gaga (donna rouge), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:28 (fifteen years ago) link
the phrase "luxury chocolate" is killing me.
― north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:29 (fifteen years ago) link
How else can you describe chocolates filled with with low-grade rum and brandy? Especially those with chocolate sprinkles on top?
― throwbookatface (skygreenleopard), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:32 (fifteen years ago) link
maybe LJ should write The Ween Cookbook, complete with this fabulous "Chocolate and Cheese" repice
― nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:33 (fifteen years ago) link
We're trying to bring this thread back to "the culinary disasters of normal human beings" rather than "LJ does fusion and by fusion we mean fusion atom bomb".
ginger somehow grates down to like one teaspoon
Key point is, fresh ginger is about a billion times stronger than the dried powder. Actually I use this Julian Graves' Chinese Stem Ginger in syrup, which is pretty good, hot but not bleeeeeeeeeeurrAAAAARRGGH.
― Gark M (snoball), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:34 (fifteen years ago) link
there's nothing wrong with chocolate and cheese by itself -- a cup of hot chocolate is often served with cheese for a snack. pretty typical south american thing iirc.
but melting it all and pouring over a heavily seasoned piece of whitefish? dear god.
― figgy pudding (La Lechera), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:50 (fifteen years ago) link
The fish is the real problem here.
― Like most people my age, I am 33 (Laurel), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 18:00 (fifteen years ago) link
if using tequila & limes to marinate chicken prior to grilling, please remember to use the tequila sparingly, unless you enjoy eating hot booze
― little pomegranate, king of the lily (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 18:04 (fifteen years ago) link