Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Leave work on my chair instead of in the inbox? Fuck you you fuckin' fuck.

My chair is my inbox :/

please send me no more chain emails of soldiers in iraq holding puppies that say 'break this chain and you will suffer tonight'. you cretins.

FUCK THAT HSTENCIL GUY

oh, you're-fired-paws

"have you ever seen a picture of the solar system? don't you think it's weird how the water on earth just doesn't fall out?'

"i can't help swearing, it's the way I was brought up."

"Ugh, Indian people. They all smell."

I don't even understand the 1st one?

"He won't like that. Change it to something dull"
"Shouldn't we let him not like it first? I think he'll like it"
"No. Something dull."

HAHAHAHAHAH o god, no, really? no. i'm so glad i'm not there tonight.

FAMILY GUY QUOTES ALL DAY

SERIOUSLY THIS HSTENCIL GUY CAN"T MAKE UP HIS MIND ABOUT WHAT TO LISTEN TO!!!!

hpencil changed songs. (June Is Finally Here - Don Caballero)
hpencil changed songs. (My Home Is The Sea - Matt Sweeny & Bonnie Pr)
hpencil changed songs. (Esoterica of Abyssynia - Sun City Girls)
hpencil changed songs. (Stuck On You - Rose Tattoo)
hpencil changed songs. (Venus In The Morning - Mayo Thompson)
hpencil changed songs. (sleeping is the only love - Silver Jews)
hpencil changed songs. (A Child's Lullaby - Philip Lynott)
hpencil changed songs. (God's Song (That's Why I Love Mankind) - Ran)
hpencil changed songs. (Instant Archaeology - Sun City Girls)
hpencil changed songs. (Think About Me - Fleetwood Mac)
hpencil changed songs. (Goat And Ram - Matt Sweeny & Bonnie Prince
hpencil changed songs. (Emerald - Thin Lizzy)
hpencil changed songs. (emerald - Thin Lizzy)
hpencil changed songs. (Without Epression - Terry Reid)
hpencil changed songs. (Lost Love Blues (unissued alternate take #2))
hpencil changed songs. (I Have Always Been Here Before - Roky Ericks)
hpencil changed songs. (punks in the beerlight - Silver Jews)
hpencil changed songs. (Stevie (For Steven S.) - Royal Trux)

my co-workers are finding the hypothetical name 'mike hunt' hilarious right now. they've never heard this amazing joke ever before.

have they heard mike omicallyunderdevelopedsenseofhumor?

my new team leader fell asleep in a meeting with a government client!! thank god it wasn't a meeting for one of my projects, he was good enough to stay awake for those.

also the senior programmer basically went on a one-man crusade today to make alterations to the company style guide, which has been in service for several years without complaint, and which he won't ever need to use because he's a programmer.

whereas the six people in the organisation who actually create content will have to go through and manually change every occurence of what he wants changed through company documentation and what-not.

oh and now I remember my story about the admin girl who won't answer her phone. I spoke to my old team leader, who went and spoke to the area manager, who then got in a fight with two other managers for 'leaking information' to me!! when it was another manager entirely who tipped us off to the slackarse's ways in the first place.

YOUR DREAMS BORE ME

Conversation between my boss and me this morning.

Boss “have you seen The Da Vinci code?”
Me “Erm no, i haven't read the book either”
Boss “it’s .......”
Me “like I say, I haven’t seen it”
Boss “oh, sorry.”
Me “right! I’m just going downstairs”

thankfully, and even in an office as large as mine, there hasn't been one discussion about the da vinci code movie/book yet.

Bloody hell the co-worker is being annoying right now. He keeps singing fragments of songs, and shouting out nonsense phrases - anyone would think he had Tourettes.

a) singing "Oh, what a breast!" about once a minute
b) humming the main riff from War of the Worlds
c) reading out random phrases from the website he's working on.

d) whistling the theme tune from Steptoe And Son (badly)

One sharp blow to his temple will stop him annoying you forest!

i'm probably a pretty annoying co-worker. i have larry david-esque levels of interest in other people's lives, and basically spend the day occasionally roffling at ilx.

Another annoying thing about Big Dave: his lunch breaks. Everyone here gets an hour for lunch. Everyone either sits at their desk eating (and surfing the web in some cases, including me), or goes out for an hour. Dave, on the other hand, goes out of the building for 75 minutes or so - and *then* comes back and eats his lunch at his desk.

Erm, i do this, but i eat it before i go to soak up the beer. No one complains though as they usually come with me.

HALF AN HOUR, PEOPLE.

This dumb scrunt sitting across from me has gone to lunch and left her computer on with the lite/smooth-'jazz' station playing loud enough for me to hear through my headphones.

I think I am about to accidentally kick her power cord out of the wall.

Big Dave is having an affair.

I know he's definitely seeing someone in his lunch breaks - it's hardly an affair, though, because he's not seeing anyone else.

Today, he's alternating between singing The Birdie Song and whispering "oooh bloody nora! ya little monkey!" in a "comedy old man" voice.

Forest; ask him why on earth he’s singing the birdie song.

Everybody’s annoying me today.

I have two preggers coworkers, so our lunch hours are spent discussing constipation, throwing up, and the pains of labour.

The worst. Any comment asking them not to discuss clearly means you hate all kids and other women, correct?

A good policy for new mums returning to work, I feel, is to PRETEND that there is a person in the office who cannot have kids for biological reasons, and IMAGINE what it would be like to be considerate to that person. That way you do not annoy other women in the office by ducking out of responsibilities with the OH MY BABY excuse (this happened at the last non-magazine office I worked at).

Can’t believe my boss, she’s done it again (see Conversation between my boss and me this morning upthread)

Boss “have you seen XMen 3?”
Me “I’m going tonight”
Boss, tells me more than I’d like to know.
Me “like I say, I haven’t seen it”
Boss “I’ve done it again haven’t i?”
Me “yes!”

fwiw, it's a hard movie to ruin, since it comes pre-ruined.

new team leader came in with 10 years' writing and editing experience and launching a redesigned website on his cv. turns out he was, in fact, totally fucking useless in front of a computer (a bit of a problem when it's an IT company!) and couldn't follow the simplest instructions to save himself. he handed in his notice after SIX DAYS!! god I was furious, since it was me who he kept asking to cover his own incompetence.

My supe just complained to me about her daughter in law, who she accused of trying to 'ruin' her seven year old grandson because 'she would make him a sissy if she could, she's so bad.' Her crime? She wants to teach him to make sure his clothes match.

My workmate called me Maggie Thatcher, and Iron Lady, several times y'day. He also said "shut up mum!" to me.

I think I'm being the annoying coworker at the moment :/

Raise the fucker's poll tax.

Hahaha :D

"ducking out of responsibilities with the OH MY BABY excuse"

And even worse is the "here I am at work but I have BABY BRAIN so I cannot think straight or get anything done" excuse. I don't get to use "I have DIDNT GET ANY SLEEP AT THE WEEKEND BRAIN so I cannot think straight or get anything done" as an excuse and I really don't see the difference.

RIGHT THATS IT. You may be my best friend, but I wont let that prevent me from being pissed off at you when you act like a whiny little martyr. Dammit, stop making everything such a fucking DRAMA, I have to WORK with you! And try and stay FRIENDS somehow!

/furiousfedupcranky

Conversation with co-worker: "Can you fix [this webpage i'm working on], the form doesn't work and I can't see any problems with it"

Me: "Yes, there are two very obvious problems. One, you've done [blah blah blah], the same mistake that you made last time you had to ask me for help with this. Two, you've missed out a closing quote mark on one of the tags on the page. Look, it works now I've fixed it."

(wait ten minutes)

Co-worker: "It still doesn't work."

Me: "It did after I fixed it." *click on View Source* "no, because you've just re-uploaded your broken version and overwritten the one I fixed."

To myself: grrrrrrrr

'And even worse is the "here I am at work but I have BABY BRAIN so I cannot think straight or get anything done" excuse.'

So true. My boss has been using this excuse since she announced she was pregnant. She's not even HAD the baby yet......

OMG, the new gal in the department is a Perfect Storm of homicidally annoying tics.

"Thank you SO much." (Anytime anyone does anything.)

"I'm sorry for interrupting." (When you're doing nothing but breathing.)

"Bub-bye" at the end of every phone call.

Uses max number of words in discussing the simplest concepts.

DAN BROWN

My co-temp has asked me for the second time today what we are supposed to do with this task we have been assigned. It is an absurdly simple task, with one easy step. The first time she asked me what we are to do with it was, no exaggeration, less than 30 seconds after it had been given and explained to us.

I cannot tell you how repugnant I find it that we are apparently considered equally competent and valuable by the temp agency.