Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Nice work with the quotes. Wouldn't want to think that you were trying to pass that off as your own.

he's not really annoying, maybe not stupid, but there's this gloomy eeyore type who's been here for several months stalking sullenly around the office, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else, refusing eye contact. i came upon him the other day leaning against a wall in the hallway, staring angrily at closed door (which is a now-empty office being used as storage.) he's kind of creeping me out, tbh.

If she asks me if I would like a slice of an apple one more time I am going to take the apple slices and shove them down her happy little throat.

If you share an office space with another person, and you are going to use the phone in said shared office space to make a personal phone call, at least try not to talk AT THE TOP OF YOUR FUCKING VOICE. alskdjfa;lksdjf;alksdjfal;ksdjf

i used to have that once. what i did is called her extension a few times while she was on the phone - when it went to voicemail i'd hang up after a second. when she'd get off the phone and notice she'd had a few hang-ups she'd get all worried that she'd missed an important call. after a few times the 30 minute calls with her mother/sister stopped! :D
the calls didn't actually bother me - i just thought it was funny.

She only uses her outside voice on calls to certain family members, so in addition to being distracted by her yelling into the phone, I also get a heaping helping of unintentional TMI. She's generally very aware of the drawbacks of shared space, and thus normally very considerate, but she just has this one blind (perhaps deaf) spot that drives me crazy, because I can't work when somebody is yelling about a newphew's potty training progress eight feet away from me.

Maybe those family members yell at her over the phone, or that newphew is in the background banging pot lids together or something. Still, you are totally right, and ew.

Jenny you should start making comments about whatever she's telling her mother, sotto voce, and if she stops and says "excuse me? this is private" you can act all suprised and say "o rly cos your loud rambling suggested otherwise".

"Z-Pack? Antibiotics? You should NOT take that, it's going to destroy your immune system. When I was twelve, I had a terrible overwhelming flu that left me bedridden for a week. I refused to take medicine, because I don't trust it. Because of that, my body produces such powerful antibodies that I've never been sick since."

girl who says "evidently" and "literally" all the time and loves Harry Potter and Twilight. Getting on my nerves a bit.

also she has thousands of stories of situations she has been in where someone has acted insanely mean, aggressive, unreasonable, duplicitious towards her that always leave me thinking that she's left out the bit where she was a total prick thus bringing about said treatment.

Woman has been covering for someone who's on leave and has phoned up several times every day this week saying "SINCE you haven't put this data in the shared folder like you were meant to, please spend the next 15 minutes trying to look things up while still holding the phone and listening to me babble, and then read them out to me" and then wondering why I haven't managed to do the other tasks she's set for me.

So I was idly wondering how come the guy on leave got his job done without phoning me ever, and whaddyaknow, I have put all the data on the shared drive! In a fairly obvious location! It's just I'd been slack about putting something else up there so I just assumed she was right and didn't tell her to go and look ;_;

someone added "tigger and pooh friendly tails" and "eminem: the way i am" to my amazon shopping cart

Definitely you before unexplained and unnoticed blackout.

"isn't it ironic that america's supposed to be the land of the free, but europe has so much more freedom than us? I blame the puritans."
"I definitely wouldn't want to live in England though. They have so many rules. They probably have a rule against breathing."

That was the same person saying both those things?

yep.

Thinking of petitioning MPs to instate a law that non-technical staff replying to a long technical explanation with "well I don't see why you can't just do it anyway", and then saying it AGAIN when one of the many reasons why not is repeated in different terms, should be dismissed on the spot.

Also, thanks for appointing a 20-year-old kid who doesn't know any programming languages to a programming role on the same salary as me, and then talking him up as being about to turn any minute into the great messiah of the project. Motivational!

Fuck. Really fucking had it.

should be dismissed on the spot.

I was hoping that sentence was going to end "should be hung drawn and quartered", but then I was working in IT support in what feels now like the middle ages.

20-year-old kid

...will fuck up big style shortly, given enough rope, etc..

Sounds like an equal opportunity case, r spacecadet.

the great messiah of the project

Meaning that he'll be crucified for everyone else's sins?

> Also, thanks for appointing a 20-year-old kid who doesn't know any programming languages to a programming role on the same salary as me

does he have the same surname as the boss?

Workmate at the next desk is playing a John Mayer cover of "Free Falling"

>_<

Kill me pls.

An email made the rounds today whining about how there were spiderwebs outside the window and someone needed to "take care of them" IMMEDIATELY because they were "scary". The people participating in this email discussion were serious.

on the OUTSIDE of the window.

o_0

The windows, by the way, are on the 5th floor and are sealed shut, so taking care of the spiderwebs OUTSIDE would most likely involve a gigantic ladder outside

your tax dollars at work

Oh I've worked in govt departments, I know all about the morans that can lurk therein :/

A coworker who sits near me has been going on and on to anyone who'll listen (and even those who won't), for at least an hour, about burning a bag of popcorn in the microwave. This is the sad high point of her week, I guess? I'm torn between desperately wanting her to stop talking and a perverse desire to see how long I can get her to latch onto the topic. I'm guessing through the end of the week, easy, if I play my cards right.

my work from home days (2 days a week) just got taken away. ouchouchouchouch

shit my condolences. don't know what i would do w/out my wfh day.

why did they do it?

Oh man I would love to work from home or work part time... sigh.

My entire career goal is to one day go freelance. Work from home everyday. MM.

I feel bad for you, ss. That must be hard to take.

our company got taken over at the beginning of the year and i guess they just worked out our campus has a wfh policy. no reasoning except that they just don't like it. im mad but trying to tell myself that going in 5 days a week is what most people do and what i did before this job. its rough when you have a 3 day office week for years and then its taken away though.

Today I had a looooong debate with a co-worker where I tried to convince him that the Washington Monument, clearly visible outside the window, was actually called the Washington Monument. He thinks it is called the Obelisk. Seriously. And he won't change his mind.

Near the end, he also stated his belief that Van Jones is/was a " bombthrower", to which I replied "yeah but you think that's called the Obelisk" as I pointed out the window.

too much civ will do that to a mind.

If you're asking around to borrow a calculator, specify upfront that it is for a conference in Indianapolis that lasts through Tuesday.

ARGH ARGH ARGH ARHG ARGH.

The manager of our call centre is the most STUPID, annoying, ignorant, twunt I have had to deal with in a long time. I have been working for the PAST TWO MONTHS trying to get a report correct for her. Basically, we track All Calls, and then Answered Calls (as a subset of all calls) - and the conversion ratio for both.

So you have:
All calls (X) - Converstion Rate A%
Answered calls (Y) - Conversion Rate B%

We have been having lots of trouble trying to establish a way of correctly tracking Y, so Y has been going up and down the past few months. And yet she seems to be UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND that if Y changes, then B% will also change!

I sent her TWO emails last week explaining why Y has changed. With analysis showing that A isn't changing, so the data is correct, it's just our way of tabulating Y that's wrong.

Today I get an email going WAAAH WAAAAHHH WAAAAAAHHHH CONVERSION RATE B IS ALL WRONG!!!! Like, clearly, NOT having read any of the emails I sent her, or looked at the analysis or ANYTHING. DUH DUH DUH. If B is dependent on Y, and Y changes, then B will also change. What kind of elementary logic is that?

I am going to have to go up there later this week to basically EXPLAIN to her how to use Excel, as if that's not bad enough - do I also have to teach her how to READ FUCKING EMAILS?!?!?!??!! I guess I do.

Like, I understand that this is pretty techy stuff for non-maths-heads, but HOW DOES SHE HAVE HER JOB if she does not understand elementary maths?

It's just like... if I've sent two emails explaining why something has changed... and then I STILL get an email (cc:d in to all and sundry, like she does, which is another gripe, argh) saying OMG OMG THIS THING HAS CHANGED - LEARN HOW TO READ YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT.

So many office job descriptions should actually read ' you will stare vacantly into space, breathe through your mouth at all times, feign knowledge of your role and surreptitiously fart once an hour into an ergonomic chair.' Does this sound familiar?

Ha ha, no - that job description is me about 75% of the time.

This woman is just lacking in basic... I know it would be rich for me to call someone out on social skills, but it's like - everyone else in this place, if you do something for them, they'll email to say thanks, they'll get back to you fairly quickly if there's a problem. This woman, if there's a problem, she will wait a week, say nothing, until you finally try and chase her down, and THEN write an angry email (CC:ing in everyone and their boss) - which advertises nothing except "HI I DID NOT READ THE ORIGINAL EMAIL IN THE FIRST PLACE".

In this case, she IGNORED a really really blatant discrepency BECAUSE IT WAS IN HER DEPARTMENT'S FAVOUR - and resulted in the figures being what she "thought they should be." When the *programmer* pointed out the discrepency (the kind of thing SHE would have known about because she asked the computations to be done that way, I had no idea, as the computation was fairly counter-intuitive) the rates dropped back to normal levels, then she's all OH NOES YOU BE STEALING MY HIGH RATES.

it's hard to deal with shit like that. i cannot stand snarky all staffs emails or having my superiors cc'd for no reason other than to complain through email inclusion. normally i find it best to respond in kind (as in include everyone the sender did), address the concern (again) and as politely as possible point out why said person is an ignorant pile of useless.

The person who would do that to me in the office has been made redundant after 13 years' "service". Boo fucking hoo. Besides, if you are really going to drop a person in it there are other, craftier ways to go over their head (starting with the good old BCC) that get the job done.

you can get burnt doing that. i've seen it.

So a workmate comes up to me as I'm grabbing my stuff to pop out for lunch, to ask me about an email I'd just sent. So I pause, and in my usual silly way, pull what I assume is a kind of "yeees?" silly "whats up" face.

He almost leaps out of his skin startled, sucks air through his teeth, and flinches backwards, eyeing me in alarm. He continues to stand there going "uh..." and looking terrified, as I, now flustered, stammer "what? What?". He never explains his utterly bizzarre reaction and we continue our conversation.

I mean come on, it wasnt THAT silly a face, jesus. The guy reacts REALLY WEIRDLY to things a LOT. Takes offence and freaks out at the tiniest gesture or misread tone of voice. Its like he's lost all social ability.

there's only one way to settle this.. post wdyll of silly face

The one from last nights FAP looked horrible enough :(

aww

is the moral of this story "LOL, IT ASPIES"

Maybe I looked like this:

http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/object3/378/98/n63627971441_8170.jpg

xpost hahahaha.