AGING PARENTS

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feeling this. my wife's dad died in our house on hospice, we were there in the room. it's a special moment as weird as that sounds. rock on dude.

Yes, I had a very similar experience with my 103-year-old grandmother. I was so glad to be there.

Thank you for sharing this experience with us.

Hugs, Neanderthal.

Yes, many hugs to you and the whole family.

He's gone

love to you

in waves, brother.

oh man <3

I'm going to miss him so much but we're going to be ok. We're a very tight knot family.

Taken the week off of work

<3

May you, your mom, and brother find moments of peace in the coming days. Thinking of you all.

Best to all of you.

Love to you and your family, Neanderthal. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you got to spend some peaceful time with him at the end.

I’m thinking of you and your family, Neanderthal, wishing you all peace and great memories.

My condolences, N.

N.--I'm so moved by your posts that I rather feel bad reporting my good news:

This last Sunday my mother and I looked at another condo, and she seemed quite receptive to it. It's not in one of the neighborhoods I would have preferred, but it is right by a Metrorail station within a few stops in either direction from neighborhoods I do like. Do any DC-area ILXors feel safe venturing out for a FAP?

And N., thank you for your posts. I will probably find myself in similar straits in the near future.

all the best neando, to you and your family: this has been sad and difficult reading but your care and patience and love have been admirable throughout

We're here if you need to vent.

Condolences to you and your fam, N.

Condolences and hugs to you and your fam, N.

My sympathies to you. We're all here for you.

Xxxposts No need to feel bad j.lu. it's what the thread is for and I'm so glad to hear your mom was receptive to the more suitable location <3.

Thank you all above, this thread has been a constant well of support for me. We have donated dad's body to a tissue network and they will take care of the cremation costs.

Job is giving me ten paid days of bereavement. My brother gets a week. We're so very lucky.

Sending you lots of love Neando, my thoughts are with you and your family today.

(Feel bad that I hadn't checked this thread in a few weeks and thus missed recent developments until today.)

My sincere condolences, Neanderthal.

Adding to everyone here. Much love and care.

Adding to the condolences, and I just want to say that your dedication to trying to do the best for your dad through such a long series of painful situations and challenges has been remarkable and what love looks like in action. It's been instructive for me as I contemplate my own aging parents and whatever lies ahead for them.

As it happens I'm at the airport now having made a very short trip up to accompany my mom to a doctor's appointment where she received an expected but still sobering diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment. We've all noticed increasing issues with her memory over the past year and she was kind of in denial about it for a while but things sort of came to a head this summer and she has settled into more-or-less acceptance that something's going on. We don't know much yet — MCI is a broad category that doesn't automatically mean any one thing, although it very much can be a precursor to more serious cognitive decline. We'll see, tests and scans have been ordered. The good thing is that me and my siblings and parents are all on board and in sync in how we're approaching it, and we're working to show Mom as much love as we can at every step. So again, thanks for the model of that, N.

My deepest sympathies, Neando. <3

ilu neanderthal!!! <3

The sense that many of us sit while a darkness gathers over the hill when it comes to our parents' cognitive abilities sobers me.

very sorry to hear about your mother, tipsy. "showing as much love as you can at every step" is really the best foot forward. make sure to be patient with yourself through her journey as well. hoping for the best for her and you and your family!

<3

Been thinking of you, Neanderthal. Love and condolences to you & family <3

sorry to read this news man

The sense that many of us sit while a darkness gathers over the hill when it comes to our parents' cognitive abilities sobers me.

Neanderthal, very sorry to hear the news, was thinking about you and your family the last few days. Best to all of you going forward.

Neanderthal - much care and kind thoughts to you. Grieving can be hard, but also insightful. Where there’s shadows there’s also light. Take care of yourself and family as best as you’re able.

My mother-in-law was getting pretty daffy and we took her in for an evaluation. Turns out she's just getting older but no signs of alzheimers or anything. Still, the doc prescribed a low dosage of meds for dementia and it sharpened her up pretty good. It's like a fog lifted.

The sense that many of us sit while a darkness gathers over the hill when it comes to our parents' cognitive abilities sobers me.

My fondest hope for my mother, and I mean this sincerely, is that when it is her time she will be swinging a golf club.

word has reached me that my mom, who turned 80 last month and also is leaving her current home to move 300 miles east in a couple weeks, has a boyfriend!?!?

― mookieproof, Tuesday, September 12, 2023 12:44 AM (two weeks ago)

so everything was packed up and carted off for the move and earlier this week my aunt came to drive her to eastern PA, and . . . my mom refused to go. didn't want to leave her friends or Joe the Boyfriend, with whom she is in love

fortunately her existing place hadn't yet reassigned her room. it's not terrible; the facilities at her current place are perfectly fine. many thousands of dollars were spent reserving her place eastward, but so it goes

mostly it is lol -- i'm glad she has friends, i'm totally fine with her having a bf (although it kind of sounds like they both have memory issues). but also v. sad

I get it. In a way, part of letting go. Enjoy what's still good.

dang smh -- never ever underestimate the stubbornness of an elderly person. glad she has suitable accommodations at least.

And companionship. My mother in law has a sort of boyfriend at the assisted living facility. My feeling is, she's nearing the end of her life, she should enjoy herself.

Aside from the occasional married couple, my mom's memory care ward has been pretty consistently 90+% female since she moved in four years ago.

Is that mostly because of women living longer, or is there another reason for women being more likely to be in memory care?

It's because women live longer.

Dad's memorial is going to be in November. I think my brother and I are going to emcee a lot of it.

Already had one 'friend' last out at me for picking a date they specifically couldn't attend. Idk why people enjoy kicking me when I'm down but I'm not letting this bullshit stop me.

I've taken an outsized amount of space itt so I want to let everyone else have the space going forward. I'm glad to offer lessons learned for anybody going through similar things in the future. Just email me (ILX email works)

*lash out

Good news: my mother and I are about to make an offer on the condo that seemed to be a reasonable compromise. In theory purchasing this place should be reasonably straightforward; but buying real estate has got to top the list of "positive strssors."

it sure does, good luck and take deep breaths as needed