Words, usages, and phrases that annoy the shit out of you...

xps "have you QUITE finished?" in a Mary Poppins voice

I would probably just say “status?”

"You gonna eat that?"

What, you mean the stress is different in "affluent" and "effluent"?

Eh, fugedaboudit. It was a failed attempt at a convoluted joke.

Affluenza

Which I quite enjoy.

SADDLE UP

the name of a really nice bar in Austin!

One of the best known gay bars in Atlanta is Cowtippers.

a tale as old as time

dong as long as mine

"out of interest..."

"I hope this email finds you well."

― hat trick of trashiness (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, November 1, 2023 7:48 AM (one month ago)

this also annoys me. i kneejerk dislike phatic content in emails that is totally unlike anything the person sending the email would actually say if you were speaking. As in, I'm not opposed to platitudes in general (it has taken me many years tbh), but that one and any variant of "regards" ... ugh. Just don't.

"How are you?" is fine. "Hope you're hanging in there." is also fine. and at the end ... "Thanks" is fine. "I appreciate you" is the platitude du jour that I get. It kinda annoys me because lol it has so many syllables that it feels like it's trying to do the "value inflation through length" thing? But it's fine.

But really, most of the time, I assume that the person sending the email would feel embarrassed if I was miserable, dealing with a painful illness, or grieving the loss of a loved one when they email me to ask some favor or mundane question. Just get to the point.

sometimes I'm in a really irritable mood when I get these emails and I will say to myself, "your email finds me well, but unfortunately it also finds me too busy to respond to it any time soon"

Sarahell, I find myself saying "I hope you're well," "I hope you're doing well," and "Be well." I think I got attached "well" because it has two meanings: both "not bad" and "not sick." Both meanings have been especially relevant the past few years.

My other unfortunate tic is saying stuff like "very well, carry on," which I am trying to stop saying because I have a close colleague named Carrie. Every time I say "carry on" in her presence, I feel like it sounds like I am instructing to her to continue being herself. Which is stupid because it's not my job to direct her course of action, and she would be doing whatever she was going to do anyway.

Your post makes me even more eager to restrict my mouth. "Take it easy." "Have a good one." "Keep it light."

Later, taters. Hang loose. Okey-dokey, artichokey.

Sayonara, capybara.
Ciao, sea cow.
Adios, bonobos.
Later on, reticulated python.
In a while, reptile.
So long, dugong.
See you soon, baboon.
Au revoir, arctic char.

...or, you could take leave of all your colleagues like that: "Kevin on", "keep on Daveing", "Sophie away then"... could really bring some new vibes to the workplace...

For years I have started freelance writing-related emails (aka "I want something from you" emails) with

>>How's it going? Hope you're well.

During the pandemic, this has evolved to

>>How's it going? Hope you're staying safe and doing well.

Lately I've reverted back to the former construction.

“You’re really Barbara-ing up that spreadsheet”

Calstars, I believe the most ILXy way to compliment a spreadsheet is to say Excel-sior, but I doubt my colleagues would get it.

Carrie on.

"i appreciate you" is desperate bad stuff, or any version thereof. impossible not to imagine really intense eye contact being evoked.

tell me how to end emails

god people are so fucking mean :-(

tbh I’d rather be perceived as a heartless asshole than a disingenuous Russell Wilson-esque creep, so I agree with all the pretentious language hate.

What about "you raise a good point"* or even "your point is well taken"?

I may be the only person who still says "your point is well taken."

* I have a child who has written "good point" on a piece of paper and hoisted it in the air to communicate "you raise a good point," and I lolled.

"i appreciate you" is desperate bad stuff

lol I said this twice today, once picking up a pizza and again when the UPS store guy printed a receipt for me (no eye contact, sounds closer to preshaychuh in practice)

also re: email, as an admin in a giant bureaucracy I write thank you emails about 500 times a day every fucking day and after a while you start mixing it up because A. it gets maddeningly boring otherwise and B. just saying "thank you very much" every time begins to read as patronizing/insulting/sarcastic (often I'm thanking people for helping me fix something I fucked up or vice-versa, and you REALLY do not want people to think you're being sarcastic in an email reply, so exaggerated politeness is definitely the way to go with someone you rarely speak to on the phone who may or may not hate your guts as a baseline)

lol I said this twice today, once picking up a pizza and again when the UPS store guy printed a receipt for me (no eye contact, sounds closer to preshaychuh in practice)

― the absence of bikes (f. hazel), Monday, 4 December 2023 01:07 (twelve minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

honestly, much better!

"I appreciate you" is in common usage in the southern U.S., it doesn't strike me as objectionable at all.

it's been common usage here for the past few years (not southern US) and it's fine, especially when verbally condensed to something like what f. hazel says.

I’ve known a number of bartenders who would say “appreciate you” when being tipped

was recently and extendedly dealing with a plumber in another state (don't ask)

the woman who answered the phone was all like hi, X's Plumbing, how can i make you smile?

did someone make her do that? idk. it made me want to hang up and call a different plumber though

“By never saying that to another human being again”

I’d be pretty stoked to get something weird like that tbh

tbrh "how can I make you smile" sounds vaguely... sex-workery to me.

Professionally I find myself saying say "How can I support you best?" Or "How can I best support you?"

Sometimes, "How would you like to proceed?" Or "What would you like to have happen?"

None of those phrases are as cutesy-poo as the "smile" one. But when I catch myself saying them I do cringe a bit because they're so mannered and effete.

“How can I help” is good

"better to have loved and won than never to have ridden a horse"

was recently and extendedly dealing with a plumber in another state (don't ask)

the woman who answered the phone was all like hi, X's Plumbing, how can i make you smile?

did someone make her do that? idk. it made me want to hang up and call a different plumber though

― mookieproof, Sunday, December 3, 2023 11:12 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

My daughter is mildly addicted to Chick-Fil-A, which has led me to learn that the official Chick-Fil-A intro script is "how may I serve you," which comes off as creepy to me.

i think we can separate out lines service workers are told to say- always awful- from chosen usages in various contexts, right?

I hope we can all agree that saying "Have a good day" or 'Have a good evening", or whatever, is one Americanism we could do without. I've noticed it's increasingly prevalent with younger generations.

"thank you for providing me with the requested details and being so thorough. This was very much appreciated.

Hope your family is run over by a train,

Neanderthal"

I hope we can all agree that saying "Have a good day" or 'Have a good evening", or whatever, is one Americanism we could do without.

I didn't know this was an Americanism. My colleagues in the UK and Australia say "have a good one." What's so wrong with it?

I always wonder what the one is.

orgasm

"have a shit"

“have a blessed good one”

Sometimes, "How would you like to proceed?" Or "What would you like to have happen?"

OK, now who's slipping sex-worker talk into non-sex-worker contexts?

"Have a good one" is vague enough not to be irritating. "Have a good day" seems kind of personal and intrusive to me, I automatically think, "What the fuck has my day got to do with you? And, frankly, who the fuck are you?"

i like it when people are polite to me

I’ve heard ppl complain about it, I must admit I don’t see how it’s different from saying “good morning” eg