Real England

coming over here, watching our snooker

https://southwarknews.co.uk/area/bermondsey/borough-man-jailed-after-burgling-kent-supermarket-before-colliding-with-police-vehicle/

reading about petty crime is pretty interesting. "Officers also found a bag containing a long screwdriver, gloves and a hammer." definitely a professional.

best detail here is that he collided with a police car during the getaway and...

Following his conviction, Simms will be disqualified from driving for two years on his release and will have to take an extended driving test.

Emergency services are at Chester Market after reports of customers being affected by fumes. This was due to the cooking of a large amount of chillies and there are no wider public health concerns.

The market has been evacuated but we are working to get it back to normal asap. pic.twitter.com/t07a2vcRZ9

— Cheshire Fire and Rescue Service (@CheshireFire) January 27, 2024

^this exact thing happened years ago near where I used to work in Soho/London, a Thai restaurant was cooking up its chili sauce in bulk and people started reporting some sort of chemical leak.

Police arrived en-masse, cordoned off the area, and smashed doors down. It was a proper scenario, and iirc it was only a couple of years after 7/7, I guess they were still on high alert.

i'm not saying the good people of Chester are lightweights but

do chillies even have an aroma? I couldn't identify it in the way I could tell if someone is cooking with cumin or garlic.

I know they do have an aroma but idk what it is! anything I cook with chillies is either overpowered by garlic, ginger or cumin

if you vaporise enough dried chillis in a wok I can confirm that it makes a spicy smoke that catches in your throat and makes you cough, generally means something delicious is on its way.

ah, you don't get that when you fry 4 or 5 chillies or a sprinkling of flakes with other ingredients.

they use capiscum in pepper spray, so yeah

Real Wales

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/jan/25/llanelli-dj-jailed-for-urinating-on-cancer-patient-and-posting-video-online

“It’s just something me and the boys do when we are drunk.."

it's well worth avoiding men like this, as much as you can.

I like how the explanation just amplifies what a piece of shit he is

Brookfield admitted assault. Robert Thomas, defending, said: “In terms of the incident there’s very little that can be said in his favour.”

When even your own counsel can't be bothered to make excuses for you...

It’s just something me and the boys do when we are drunk

Tearful XL bully owner Ashley Warren BEGS for breed to be ‘wiped out’ after they killed his mother

Look at the absolute state of this clown, a 39 year old man.

https://metro.co.uk/2024/02/04/woman-killed-attacked-two-dogs-man-arrested-20220624/

one of the dogs that killed his mother-in-law was called Bear, that tells you all you need to know about his dog owning mentality, weapons rather than pets.

Is Jaywick still the most deprived town in England? It's a weird place anyway.

There is an XL Bully owner up the road from me. There is a sign on the rickety gate that reads something like they have no responsibility for anyone who gets seriously injured or killed by their dog. I don't trust the gate to contain this beast, every time there has been strong winds another plank comes off it. And then my dumbass dog makes it a more fraught situation by barking at this beast.

Loving that these brain donor programme participants think a shitty little warning sign absolves them of responsibility for their dogs. Any prosecutor would say ‘so you knew your dogs were potentially violent?’

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GFpWKUYWEAApZ-2?format=jpg&name=small

imagine having a sign like this at the front of your house

My uncle had a rottweiler called Bear when I was a kid. He was a bit of a nutter. The uncle I mean. The dog did jump at me once which was pretty scary given it was probably bigger than I was but somehow I avoided getting a dog phobia

I got attacked by a huge German Shepherd at a farm in Kerry when I was a kid and despite it being a short one-two snaps attack I was bleeding a lot and had bite scars on my belly and hand for years afterwards, but I've never had a dog phobia over it, but you do need to exercise legitimate caution with some dogs. With this being the 70's nobody suggested I should have a tetnus booster - ah.. it'll be reet with a bit of germolene.

Is Jaywick still the most deprived town in England? It's a weird place anyway.

Its usually in the mix but I think Blackpool's the one

bloody coastal elites getting all the bragging rights!

I too got a German shepherd bite as a small child, but when I was taken to Emergency to get stitches, the doctors found weird swelling near my spleen while looking for possible inflammation and it turned out to be kidney cancer. The dog belonged to our neighbour and was not put down.

I wonder if the King has a weird swelling anywhere...

xp

I love German Shepherds and I think in a way that story enhances their rep as innately good creatures. Some dogs just don't like kids or get nervous around them - which is understandable tbf

Not just dogs tbf.

Hans was a good boy, plus I was definitely a kid that pestered dogs and had been bitten before. He did not have to go live on a farm for my sake.

This morning I was waiting for a connecting bus in the centre of Cambridge, it was about 10 minutes late, and the queue was now snaking past the other bus stops. A group of five men started a new queue next to ours, so I was stressing a bit about that when the bus finally arrived. Somewhere behind me I heard a Spanish woman telling off two teenage boys for dropping litter, their response was "It's too early for this shit" then "why don't you go back where you come from?" - wish I had intervened but was distracted by the fact that the woman in front of me had just let the five men go in front of her without a word. As I got on the bus the teenagers were discussing whether "Why don't you go back where you come from?" was racist (their conclusion was "no" and "it's too early for this shit") then the packed bus was held up for a further five minutes behind a bin lorry, and as I stood there stressing about missing my train I thought "yes, this is the real England experience, just need some miserable pissy rain to seal the deal" so thanks ILX.

It's been a landmark in Weston-super-Mare since 1935 🌸
But the group looking after the floral clock say they needed to make it easier to look after.

This is their plan ➡️ https://t.co/2OQO2AA8wb pic.twitter.com/5JmD5333g5

— BBC West (@BBCBristol) February 8, 2024

hahaha oh my god

also just reading your post now CaAL :( ❤️

actually, i'm not sure how true that is. acticle says 'plan' but the picture is in past tense and then you look and the clock is different. and then you look harder and the *houses* are different. so it's obv not the same place.

oh, the old pic is 1935 and it IS the same place

KEN likes it anyway

there are few bus stops that really sum up that feeling of faded dystopic england than north greenwich’s “Millennium Leisure Park East” unless you’re talking about the next stop along, “Millennium Leisure Park West”

followed two stops later by excellent pomo contradiction Millennium Village Oval Square. no I didn't need to look that up

Real England thread: xl bullies are child eating monsters
Dogs thread: xl bullies wouldn’t hurt a fly!

They are also smaller dog-eating monsters.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgQTymQSYQY

Interview with Mark Molesley of Gosport Borough

https://i.ibb.co/MGHNc6T/Screenshot-2024-02-28-at-12-45-51.png

This happened in Glasgow but still: 'Angry families turned up to find me dressed as Willy Wonka'

The only thing that's not Real England about this is that the organisers of the event apologised and refunded everyone's money.

more here:
fyre festival is going well

Also, Glasgow's not in England

More and more are saying this

'cyberflashing' lol.. dude totally looks like a cyberflasher

Court jails first person convicted of cyberflashing in England

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/mar/19/court-jails-first-person-convicted-of-cyber-flashing-in-england

Ian Beale – 2024 Wall Calendar

Becky for PM.

Hi Backy. Thanks for highlighting this, we will find the officer responsible and make sure that they are disciplined

— Sandford Police (@Sandford_Police) April 1, 2024