Correcting someone who's repeating an urban legend as something that "really happened": c or d?

She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police.

When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.

The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:

Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion.

The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's cunt when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect pH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

Me: A friend, huh?

I had successfully forgotten all about the lobster dildo story until now

urgh

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The police think this is the same man who raped a woman last weekend, (school teacher 2 months away from retirement)

if only she'd been retired she wouldn't have been raped!

http://www.lethaldeath.com/Crimson/Images/ResidentDVDvil/Golden%20Girls%20Season%203.jpg

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B0006A9GRC.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V1101278027_.jpg

i thought you were joking....

ugggghhhhhhh.....

i saw some tourists fall for that one on decatur street a couple weeks ago.

Someone, please disabuse me of this now, the paranoia isn't healthy (or probably correct). What genuinely terrifies me is how insightful, intellectual and clear this dude was with his thinking on all other matters we discussed (and there were many).

C'mon, I want an irrefutable 'Why London won't be nuked' argument, preferably from as many of you as possible, all declaring me a silly, naive little twit who should grow up and just get on with life. As I should.

:(

(He also predicted that there would be either an assassination attempt on the Pope within the next two weeks, or a suicide bomb amidst the packed masses in St. Peter's Square. This I'd say is a more sensible call.)

-- You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (papiermachealamphibia...), September 26th, 2006.

who saw nip/tuck last night?

I heard that on Newman and Baddiel in the early 90s, not sure if they nabbed it from somewhere.

McDonalds Playground

Some of you might not be parents, but you may have nieces, nephews, grandchildren or friends with children this will pertain to you too. As I read the following, my heart sank. I urge each and every one of you to pass this on to as many people as you can. I cannot stress how important this is! This is very disturbing news. In addition to the following true story, I will also add that my own sons were playing in the ball pit at Discovery Zone one day. One son lost his watch, and was very upset. We dug and dug in those balls, trying to find the watch. Instead, we found vomit, food, faeces, and other stuff I do not want to discuss. I went to the manager and raised heck. Came to find out, the ball pit is only cleaned out once a month. I have doubts that it is even done that often. My kids will never play in another ball pit. Now read this

Hi, My name is Lauren Archer, my son Kevin and I lived in Sugarland, TX. On October 2nd, 1994 I took my only son to McDonald's for his 3rd birthday.

After he finished lunch, I allowed him to play in the ball pit. When he started whining later on, I asked him what was wrong, he pointed to the back of his pull-up and simply said "Mommy, it hurts." But I couldn't find anything wrong with him at that time. I bathed him when we got home, and it was at that point when I found a welt on his left buttock. Upon investigating, it seemed as if there was something like a splinter under the welt. I made an appointment to have it taken out the next day, but soon he started vomiting and shaking, then his eyes rolled back into his head.

From there, we went to the emergency room. He died later that night. It turned out that the welt on his buttock was the tip of a hypodermic needle that had broken off inside. The autopsy revealed that Kevin had died from heroine overdose. The next week, the police removed the balls from the ball pit and lo and behold. There was rotten food, several hypodermic needles: some full; some used; knives, half-eaten candy, diapers, feces, and the stench of urine. If a child is not safe in a child's play area then where? You can find the article on Kevin Archer in the October 10, 1994 issue of the Houston Chronicle. Please forward this to all loving mothers!

And her message to me reads: "I know you're going to tell me you've seen this before and that it is a hoax - but with all the crazies about these days, I truly believe it."

Whoever taught my mom how to use the internet needs a swift kick in the pants.

This is hilarious though: At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.

She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard.

Whoever wrote this seems to think we wee out of our vaginas.

UH.