Thread for Luc Besson's new comic book movie: Valerian

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

http://www.vulture.com/2015/12/ethan-hawke-joins-luc-bessons-valerian.html

This'll be interesting. I saw Cara Delevingne on Graham Norton once, seemed likable.

From the I Love Comics "What are you reading 2014" thread:

Valerian & Laureline - Probably the most acclaimed European sci-fi comic, and rightfully so. The quality of the series drops in the later books, but the first 15 or so are imaginative, socially conscious sci-fi at its best.

...
― Tuomas, Thursday, July 31, 2014 (1 year ago)

Anybody else know about this?

El Tomboto, Sunday, 6 December 2015 16:04 (eight years ago) link

The graphic novels are slowly being translated into English by Cinebooks:

http://www.cinebook.co.uk/index.php?cPath=184

Chicamaw (Ward Fowler), Monday, 7 December 2015 10:03 (eight years ago) link

'Ambassador of the Shadows' and 'Heroes of the Equinox' are must reads imho.

Wes Brodicus, Monday, 7 December 2015 11:50 (eight years ago) link

i am not a big luc besson fan but love the "fifth element" ... these comics look amazing though, excited to see what comes of this. in the meantime frantically torrenting all these valerian & laurelines.

the late great, Monday, 7 December 2015 22:41 (eight years ago) link

read the first one ("The City of Shifting Waters") today - so freaking good!

the late great, Thursday, 10 December 2015 06:05 (eight years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Delevingne leads the cast with Dane DeHaan as the two lead characters in the comic adaptation. The pair are joined by Clive Owen, Ethan Hawke, and Grammy Award winners Herbie Hancock and Rihanna.

Okay.

El Tomboto, Tuesday, 5 January 2016 17:49 (eight years ago) link

Here's hoping gaullic putziness is part of DeHaan's repertoire.

Wes Brodicus, Tuesday, 5 January 2016 17:56 (eight years ago) link

two months pass...

hmm ... doesn't look quite "swinging 60s" enough

the late great, Saturday, 26 March 2016 03:35 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

The cast-in-costume shots online are straight gunmetal blue Mass Effect, missing only the red vertical stripe and white N7 logo. Interesting contrast of pec armor vs boob armor.

Darkest Cosmologist junk (kingfish), Tuesday, 12 April 2016 16:16 (eight years ago) link

I'm kinda disappointed that Valerian and Laureline's classic white space suits have been replaced by black ones, but I guess that's 2010s for you...

https://nothingbutcomics.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/valerian3.jpg

Don't know either of the actors playing the main characters, but the dude in particular looks a lot like the comic book Valerian, so I guess that's something. And based on the footage in that link, it seems the movie is keeping Laureline's comic book origin, where she's a originally from Medieval times and becomes a time-space agent of the future.

I still have faith the Besson can pull this off, or at least he's better suited to make a Valerian adaptation than anyone else. Fifth Element obviously owed a huge dept to the comic, and Besson actually hired Mézières to some design work for that movie. The armored aliens in the beginning are clearly from his pen.

Tuomas, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 19:23 (eight years ago) link

And speaking of debts, I can't wait for the movie to come out and see some fanboys rage that it stole the design of V&L's ship from the Millennium Falcon, when it was actually the other way around...

Tuomas, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 19:26 (eight years ago) link

I liked Besson's adaptation of the Adèle Blanc-Sec comics. Excited for this one too.

Elvis Telecom, Tuesday, 12 April 2016 19:49 (eight years ago) link

three weeks pass...

i was thinking about the fifth element, as i often do, and wondered about who played "Diva Plavalaguna" and had no idea:

The 15 year old Maïwenn met director and producer Luc Besson in 1991. That same year, due to her difficult relationship with her parents, she decided to use only her given name professionally.[1] She and Besson soon began a relationship, and Maïwenn gave birth to their daughter when she was 16.

She was 20 at the beginning of filming (early 1996) for The Fifth Element, during which Besson left her for the film's star, Milla Jovovich.[7]

yikes imo

nomar, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 16:50 (seven years ago) link

Oh fuck, dude. That's no good.

how's life, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 17:01 (seven years ago) link

eurgh :(

i do not sense the entity ted (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 4 May 2016 17:03 (seven years ago) link

I have a couple of female friends in France who have had creepy run ins w/ Bess0n in the past at nightclubs. He is or was allegedly notoriously debauched - in a "weekend-long drug fuelled orgies at the country house" kind of way.

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Wednesday, 4 May 2016 17:35 (seven years ago) link

five months pass...

When I asked Besson about differences between French and American types of science fiction, he began by reminiscing about test screenings of The Fifth Element 20 years ago. “When I did The Fifth Element, the French hated me and they said, ‘Oh, he’s an American now,” Besson said. “Then I released the film in the US and I realized how French I was, because for the people in the US, that was too much at the time. That’s 20 years ago. I remember they did a screen test in Phoenix, Arizona. A big white guy with his popcorn was there with his son.

“The film starts and the guy said, ‘The president of the universe.’ And there’s a black guy coming on-screen. And the guy said, ‘What the fuck is this thing’” A half an hour later there is a blue alien who comes and sings classical music. The guy said, ‘Let’s get the fuck out of here.’ And the guy left.

“I was there watching the guy leaving and I’m like ‘Okay, I’m European, I think.’ I could see a difference at the time. The thing is now with the internet and all of this change, we hear Bob Marley, we’re eating sushi and watching an American show at the same time, from Denmark, from France, from everywhere. I think 20 years later it’s much more like, we all have been American, we all have been European. Which I love. Because we have more access to each other. I think the difference from where I was with The Fifth Element and the American audience was kind of far. But now with this one, I’m still crazy but the world gets crazier.”

El Tomboto, Monday, 17 October 2016 20:55 (seven years ago) link

This is definitely going to be not as good as Guardians of the Galaxy.

El Tomboto, Monday, 17 October 2016 21:11 (seven years ago) link

I dunno, I thought Fifth Element was pretty good, and visually it was about as close to bringing the Valerian & Laureline aesthetic onscreen as anyone has ever managed, so Besson is certainly the one person who could pull off a proper interpretation of the comic. If the script is good and doesn't dumb down the source material and Besson leaves out the silly gags that occasionally brought FE down, this might be awesome.

Tuomas, Tuesday, 18 October 2016 09:21 (seven years ago) link

I thought Besson's Adèle Blanc-Sec movie was pretty great also. Looking forward to this.

thread: I'm probably the only one anticipating Luc Besson's Adèle Blanc-Sec movie

Elvis Telecom, Tuesday, 18 October 2016 18:59 (seven years ago) link

If the script is good and doesn't dumb down the source material and Besson leaves out the silly gags that occasionally brought FE dow

so many Ifs

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 18 October 2016 19:10 (seven years ago) link

three weeks pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BszXhUjJz00

I dunno. So many of the aliens look like every other dumb alien to me.

By the way, I changed this thread title as you requested the other week, Tombot, but it seemed to have reverted back or something? So I've tried again, we'll see.

how's life, Thursday, 10 November 2016 16:52 (seven years ago) link

I'm still really excited that Desplat is doing the score for this. He is still one of the most consistently interesting people doing film music and he booted off the next Star Wars only to sign on to this, something much closer (at least in terms of source material) to what I liked about the original SW films. Desplat usually gets hired for whimsy, suspense or character drama projects so this'll be his first big fantasy thing since Golden Compass.

his eye is on despair-o (Jon not Jon), Thursday, 10 November 2016 17:00 (seven years ago) link

I dunno. So many of the aliens look like every other dumb alien to me.

Yeah, I was a bit disappointed that that the trailer was closer to the grimy LotR CGI look than the more colourful "wonders of the universe" style of the source material... But Besson did manage to get Mézières' style right in Fifth Element, so I'm still hoping he hasn't caved in to current sci-fi/fantasy trends and the trailer is like that so the movie can be sold to people who expect it to follow those trends.

Tuomas, Thursday, 10 November 2016 18:38 (seven years ago) link

I think it looks like fun and I desperately need the promise of fun right now

El Tomboto, Thursday, 10 November 2016 21:40 (seven years ago) link

otmboto

nomar, Thursday, 10 November 2016 22:49 (seven years ago) link

so hey should I buy all the cinebook editions? I feel like I need comic books and jeff bezos will need the money to help stay out of jail

El Tomboto, Friday, 11 November 2016 03:06 (seven years ago) link

I'm not sure how far Cinebook is in publishing the series, but the nine books from Empire of a Thousand Planets to Brooklyn Station, Terminus Cosmos are among the best sci-fi comics ever published, just full of cool aliens and sci-fi concepts, wonderfully drawn cosmic vistas, and sometimes also social/political allegory, which is usually pretty interesting and not finger-pointy. The first two stories, Bad Dreams and The City of Shifting Waters are somewhat less brilliant, closer to YA adventure than the more adult tone the series will take, but they're still fun to read and important in understanding the background of the characters, especially Laureline (who's a time traveler from the past, not from the future like Valérian).

The quality of the series starts to drop after that... The Ghosts of Inverloch/The Wrath of Hypsis is still okay, but Christin's social satire starts to dominate the series more and becomes more heavy-handed, which is a portent of things to come. On the Frontiers is otherwise an interesting story, but unfortunately it features a supporting character who's written as kinda sympathetic even though he rapes an alien woman at the beginning of the story. (He does it to steal her psychic powers, not for pleasure or dominance, but obviously it's still rape.) The fact that Christin doesn't condemn his act strongly enough is sad, especially since the series is otherwise very feminist-friendly, particularly when it comes to Laureline. (As the series progresses, it becomes more and more clear she's the real protagonist and the driving force of the series, while Valérian becomes more of a passive observer, and often a Dude in Distress she need to save.)

The Living Weapons is still an okayish story, though you can from its allegories it was published at the time the Cold War had just ended. After that the series starts to really go downhill. In the last five or so books, the plots are pretty much incomprehensible, and even Mézières' art becomes more simplistic and cartoonish, so the cool sci-fi visions that still made some of the preceding books worthy of reading become rarer too. It's really sad, if they'd stopped doing the series after 1985, it'd be remembered as an absolute classic, but now it's only the first half which gets that honour.

Tuomas, Friday, 11 November 2016 12:06 (seven years ago) link

To put it shortly: read everything up until The Wrath of Hypsis, do not bother with the rest. That book actually provides a pretty good conclusion to Laureline & Valérian's story, you won't feel like there are many plot threads left dangling if you stop there.

Tuomas, Friday, 11 November 2016 12:08 (seven years ago) link

Okay I've never heard of this series but a female lead named Laureline who rocks mod styles? Was it actually based on my LIFE? Ordering now brb

If authoritarianism is Romania's ironing board, then (in orbit), Friday, 11 November 2016 14:43 (seven years ago) link

Mod styles?

But yeah, Laureline is awesome, and I love how the series defies the genre expectations (especially considering it began in 1967) and gradually builds her up to become the proper primus motor of the book. It's actually a nice contrast Christin creates between Laureline and Valérian, she is more proactive and he more reactive, which leads to some interesting plot turns.

Tuomas, Friday, 11 November 2016 14:58 (seven years ago) link

lol everybody had my idea and Amazon is totally out of stock of the first five or six volumes

El Tomboto, Friday, 11 November 2016 18:47 (seven years ago) link

All those books are still available to order on Cinebook's own site:

http://www.cinebook.co.uk/index.php?cPath=184&osCsid=d763b3a18518f837320ff553b42da8cd

Tuomas, Sunday, 13 November 2016 09:08 (seven years ago) link

i have the first eight, been reading them slowly (i think i'm up to four). really really enjoying them.

so ... why did they cut laureline out of the title?

the late great, Sunday, 13 November 2016 18:03 (seven years ago) link

honestly, it's almost too many syllables for international audiences as-is

El Tomboto, Sunday, 13 November 2016 18:45 (seven years ago) link

I've watched the trailer like 20-30 times already, I think, even despite The Beatles

El Tomboto, Sunday, 13 November 2016 19:36 (seven years ago) link

three weeks pass...

So all of the first 12 of the Cinebooks editions finally arrived while we were still unpacking and moving, so it was slow going at first, but last night I came down with flu symptoms so yay me, I've been plowing through these today in between pathetic attempts at naps!

I like that institutional collapse seems to be the main theme throughout (so far - I'm only through False Earths), in some combination of inevitability due to control structures' inability to cope with change, and V&L just wrecking shop wherever they go because lol what prime directive? Also, capitalism is such a drag, you guys! These are definitely French comics from the seventies.

Valerian is superb at math and bad at speeches: this seems like a very good and realistic set of characteristics for a steely-eyed spaceman to have. I hope that makes it into the film.

Laureline is a great, great character. "I can't catch a break! Even space critters are misogynous!" I am more impressed by the Delevingne casting than even before: she and Laureline really do kind of look alike, although I'm disappointed they didn't go with red hair and bangs.

If the movie is really based on Ambassador of the Shadows, how are they going to end it? Also, 75% of the point of AotS is Laureline (and "Grumpy") having to do everything while Valerian is stuck in some aquatic alien brig - the trailer certainly doesn't look like that's the case.

El Tomboto, Thursday, 8 December 2016 01:55 (seven years ago) link

I like that institutional collapse seems to be the main theme throughout (so far - I'm only through False Earths), in some combination of inevitability due to control structures' inability to cope with change

Yeah, this is a big theme, and it'll be later explored with Galaxity itself, but I don't want to spoil it any more. Christin also did a couple of books with Enki Bilal, and The Hunting Party from 1983 is a very interesting (and way more realistic than V&L) look into the Soviet bloc's stagnation and inability to deal with impending end of the Cold War. It's a great book, so grab if if you see the English translation somewhere.

Also, capitalism is such a drag, you guys! These are definitely French comics from the seventies.

Once you get to "Heroes of the Equinox", you'll find a more nuanced look into this, or at least a more even-handed satire. Christin seems to have been firmly in the non-authoritarian "cultural socialist" camp, so thankfully his concepts have been able to stand the test of time and not become obsolete post-1980s.

Tuomas, Thursday, 8 December 2016 07:35 (seven years ago) link

three months pass...

We have trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZsG7WJVZv8

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 15:35 (seven years ago) link

to my astonishment that makes it look pretty good

sean gramophone, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 17:10 (seven years ago) link

the five yr old has watched the first trailer about twenty times, i assume it'll be the same deal for this one. doubt i could take him to see this yet though The Fifth Element at least is generally the kind of PG-13 movie that's not bad for kids.

nomar, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 17:10 (seven years ago) link

xpost -- Yeah between that and the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel there's an actual sense of color schemes at work, which alone is a big plus. Antithesis of the Zack Snyder greyverse.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 17:11 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

I am all in for this.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 2 May 2017 19:39 (six years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Final trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcIlQFPbPnM

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 May 2017 13:52 (six years ago) link

i get the feeling this will be a beautiful mess, and having just rewatched end enjoyed the fifth element recently i am at peace with that

🎵 it's grey pubic now, stoner blue 🎵 (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 24 May 2017 14:00 (six years ago) link

Oversells the 3D a little. I guess all the video game shots of Valerian running headlong through/into/over stuff are from the same sequence that ends with his fall through the glass from the first trailer.

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 24 May 2017 14:04 (six years ago) link

I like Moebius but I don't like Fifth Element apart from Chris Tucker. Haven't seen it in a decade though.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 12 August 2017 20:31 (six years ago) link

I also get pretty hard watching Chris Tucker in Fifth Element.

how's life, Saturday, 12 August 2017 22:21 (six years ago) link

Watched "Fifth Element" for the first time in years a few nights ago. It's tougher going nowadays let me tell ya. I know Moebius worked on the designs etc, but it seems incredibly cheesy now - and I adore Giraud/Moebius and never find him cheesy.

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Saturday, 12 August 2017 23:16 (six years ago) link

Jean-Claude Méziėres, aka the artist of Valérian & Laureline comics, also did designs for Fifth Element, and imo his influence is more obvious on it than Moebius', especially now that you can compare it to this movie, where Besson is directly adapting his concepts.

Tuomas, Sunday, 13 August 2017 08:43 (six years ago) link

Whoops, I noticed Mark S said pretty much the same thing upthread, sorry about that.

Tuomas, Sunday, 13 August 2017 09:04 (six years ago) link

Anyway, I watched this movie, agree with everyone who says the plot is corny and the dialogue feels completely unnatural, but the visuals are nice. I'm usually all for adaptations being they're own thing, but imo this movie sucks the most when it diverges furthest from the source material. In the comics Valérian and Laureline have an interesting love/hate/professional partnership/relationship that feels mature, but here that's reduced to adolescent bickering and oddly old-fashioned gender politics: Valérian's score list, his totally out-of-place proposal, Laureline becoming a damsel in distress that Valérian needs to save, even though in the comics is usually the other way around, etc.

All the glimpses of Alpha's various cultures (which are way too short, I would've rather preferred if the movie was just V & L taking a tour through the station rather the plot we got) and the scenes lifted straight from the comics, such as Laureline pushing her head inside the psychic jellyfish were cool, but the stuff Besson came up with himself, not so much... It's notable that the one major alien race which was not taken from the comics, the Pearls, are a Na'vi style cliché of the noble savage; the comics never depicted their various aliens races in such reductionist ways.

Tuomas, Sunday, 13 August 2017 09:26 (six years ago) link

Excellent post, Tuomas

mh, Sunday, 13 August 2017 16:25 (six years ago) link

the fifth element is on uk tv right now and as usual as i am watching it

mark s, Sunday, 13 August 2017 19:00 (six years ago) link

mool tee pass

mark s, Sunday, 13 August 2017 19:54 (six years ago) link

four weeks pass...

this is coming out on on-demand in November.

El Tomboto, Tuesday, 12 September 2017 17:29 (six years ago) link

About the usual turnaround.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 12 September 2017 17:32 (six years ago) link

where's the demand though

mh, Tuesday, 12 September 2017 17:35 (six years ago) link

it's on

El Tomboto, Tuesday, 12 September 2017 17:47 (six years ago) link

will def watch if netflix gets it

harbinger of failure (Jon not Jon), Tuesday, 12 September 2017 18:17 (six years ago) link

two months pass...

Watched it on the plane ride home last night. Branching off from what Tuomas said upthread, it does feel like the original comic was just copy/pasted over a dumb tech vs. noble savage / cosmic wizard trope. I had never invested much time in the comic but I always liked what I read. Still I ended up liking this more than The Fifth Element, but I can't help but feel that this was missed opportunity.

Elvis Telecom, Wednesday, 22 November 2017 00:33 (six years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Good lord what a mess. There is so much too look at, but it just feels like a bunch of really imaginative, disconnected shorts, with no stakes at all.

I feel like this is the inevitable result of letting a desire to make a film cook for way too long, without ever having an idea of the overall story the film should tell. It really made me think about how many little choices made The Fifth Element work despite itself - casting choices above all, but having a memorable soundtrack and actual jokes meant a lot. Here you have Dane DeHaan as Spaceman Spicoli, who is as dull as they come, a completely wasted turn by Delevingne who deserves much better opportunities imho, and then a bunch of other throwaway performances by famous people who were probably expensive.

The whole shortcut / chase sequence, that looked so cool in the previews, is kind of when you realize the decently entertaining first act was a ruse and you've already seen almost everything the movie has to offer. I don't care what happens to Valerian, nobody is chasing him, hell, the people he's chasing aren't even shooting at him! And the whole reason is because his asshole commander, who is obviously the villain, has been kidnapped and he is duty bound to give chase. In a different movie, then, Valerian is that nameless, dogged cop who our heroes can't seem to lose until some random accident takes out his car or they manage to speed across the tracks just in front of an oncoming coal train. I don't care about that cop.

El Tomboto, Sunday, 17 December 2017 18:05 (six years ago) link

But he was two days away from retirement etc etc. MENDOZAAAAAAA

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 17 December 2017 18:13 (six years ago) link

But he survives! To return as the guy who argues with the smarter, more attractive cop, about why the heroes can’t be saved from their asshole boss, because reasons.

El Tomboto, Sunday, 17 December 2017 19:49 (six years ago) link

Why all the put-on accents? I feel like John Goodman and Herbie Hancock are the only people who mostly just sound like themselves. Clive Owen might not be doing an “accent” but he’s being stentorian the whole time so it’s as if

El Tomboto, Sunday, 17 December 2017 21:03 (six years ago) link

And if we’re going to have an obvious villain like that why fix what was never broken? Have a pasty guy with mock prosthetics ramble and rave like Jerry Falwell. It just works!

El Tomboto, Sunday, 17 December 2017 21:05 (six years ago) link

a completely wasted turn by Delevingne who deserves much better opportunities imho

What?!? The less I see of her the happier I will be. Intensely irritating.

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Monday, 18 December 2017 00:05 (six years ago) link

Looks like you win this round, then

El Tomboto, Monday, 18 December 2017 00:35 (six years ago) link

two months pass...

I think it could've been better if Rihanna and Delevigne had swapped roles.

Dan Worsley, Sunday, 11 March 2018 20:51 (six years ago) link

Glad I'm not the only person that thought that...

Pheeel, Sunday, 11 March 2018 21:27 (six years ago) link

The women were not the problem with this movie.

El Tomboto, Sunday, 11 March 2018 22:08 (six years ago) link

You could imagine a thousand planets’ worth of different casting decisions for all the female parts in this movie and none of them could address the issue of the title character being written as a schmo and played by Derp DuHuur

El Tomboto, Sunday, 11 March 2018 22:15 (six years ago) link

Also if you wanna be woke about Rihanna movies let’s get down about BATTLESHIP already, now there’s a completely underrated future cult classic and I’m not even kidding.

El Tomboto, Sunday, 11 March 2018 22:19 (six years ago) link

that was stated to me in person during the week fyi now im curious

the clodding of the american mind (darraghmac), Sunday, 11 March 2018 22:22 (six years ago) link

Don't be, it's a load of USA! USA! shit.

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Sunday, 11 March 2018 23:44 (six years ago) link

it's fascinating sci-fi and raises important questions about what first contact might actually be like, while celebrating the overwhelming naval supremacy of a bunch of people who would literally never be caught dead in the US Navy, much less make it through basic

El Tomboto, Monday, 12 March 2018 01:20 (six years ago) link

the casting in retrospect is truly amazing, and that's before you even get to all the other truly bizarre decisions that got tossed into the stone soup. I'd make one of my stock bullet lists here but it would just spoil things and this is one case where I don't want to

El Tomboto, Monday, 12 March 2018 01:24 (six years ago) link

three weeks pass...

This wasn't (entirely) terrible! Mashup of Barbarella, Avatar and Star Wars, and I frankly think it did the Native American and/or Vietnam metaphor better than Avatar (tho with some wobbling).

OTOH you have our dewy ex-model leads beating up Clive Owen. (Cara Delevingne sells the sub-Thin Man badinage better than DeHaan, and don't get me started on his pseudo-deep voice; Christian Bale, you have much to answer for.)

I enjoyed the trio of approximately Semitic anteater hustlers cuz that's the kind of unwoke guy I am.

the ignatius rock of ignorance (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 7 April 2018 18:37 (six years ago) link

(btw this is the first Besson film i've watched)

the ignatius rock of ignorance (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 7 April 2018 18:44 (six years ago) link

not even Subway, The Big Blue, or Léon?

just noticed tears shaped like florida. (sic), Saturday, 7 April 2018 18:59 (six years ago) link

no x3

the ignatius rock of ignorance (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 7 April 2018 19:04 (six years ago) link

not even Le Dernier Combat?

scott seward, Saturday, 7 April 2018 19:05 (six years ago) link

i love Leon. this movie was not so good.

scott seward, Saturday, 7 April 2018 19:05 (six years ago) link

he must be so rich from the Taken movies. and the Transporter movies.

scott seward, Saturday, 7 April 2018 19:09 (six years ago) link

I relaxed into the film when I realised that Keanu was what DeHaan was aiming for.

Andrew Farrell, Saturday, 7 April 2018 19:55 (six years ago) link

definitely in the vocal timbre at least.

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Saturday, 7 April 2018 20:09 (six years ago) link

or Rory Culkin

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Saturday, 7 April 2018 20:13 (six years ago) link

he must be so rich from the Taken movies. and the Transporter movies.

I dunno, they make a fuuuckload of movies, and posted a $135 million loss last year before
Valerian came out and flopped.

just noticed tears shaped like florida. (sic), Sunday, 8 April 2018 06:13 (six years ago) link

it grossed $226 m worldwide vs a $177 m budget... that's not good, but likely in the black eventually w/ digital sales/rentals.

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=valerian.htm

the ignatius rock of ignorance (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 8 April 2018 12:22 (six years ago) link

Morbs you should watch Léon, it's a triumph of Manhattan location scouting.

Wes Brodicus, Sunday, 8 April 2018 13:27 (six years ago) link

it grossed $226 m worldwide vs a $177 m budget... that's not good, but likely in the black eventually w/ digital sales/rentals.

a Europacorp person said it would have to gross $400 million to make up for their year losses, and they only held onto a a 20% stake

just noticed tears shaped like florida. (sic), Sunday, 8 April 2018 20:20 (six years ago) link

watched this on a plane. hollllly cow that script is a disaster. hopeless relationships, every line a clunker, important things really unclear (have valerian and laureline been dating already or has he just proposed out of the blue? is he a by-the-books soldier or a rakish rebel who's always stretching the rules? are they one-of-a-kind supercops or are there hundreds of their ilk? what exactly is valerian talking about when he asks their spaceship to give him "everything you've got" for the final firefight?) while other things are just beaten into your skull. i like how we find out three separate times that all the important files are suspiciously classified, then the good officer finally puts his foot down and demands access to the files, finding out exactly one piece of new information before hitting... something else that's suspiciously classified. i wanted him to call herbie hancock back and be like "hey you need to right-click on 'properties' and make sure you've set it to apply to subfolders." i also like how we're seven hundred years in the future, so our two leads embody mores, motivations, and ways of life that we cannot imagine or comprehend, but they still have the Ivy League and Wyclef Jean. rihanna's twelve-minute arc was a joke, the filmmakers got ripped off by hawke's and goodman's agents, and the big character arc for valerian is a last-minute fumble that never makes any sense. i will say it LOOKED great, except for the blobby cgi guys who capture laureline.

tbf my disappointment stems partly from how good that early sequence with the arm stuck in another dimension is - it promises something so wild and fun and comic-booky that the stock plot garbage of the main story feels like a cruel bait-and-switch. besides the arm bit, the best parts are the pointless water-treading episodes in the middle, when valerian and laureline each rescue each other from some surprise problem without advancing the plot in any way (or even remembering to call back to the previous go-round). but at least it feels like hijinks on a city of a thousand planets ought to feel imo.

explosion from DOOM courtesy of id software (Doctor Casino), Tuesday, 17 April 2018 14:28 (six years ago) link

also i do wish I'd seen it on the big screen. i tried last summer, but i was really hungry so i stood in line forever for popcorn and then it seemed to make sense to go to dark tower (which started later) instead. my mistake since that was generically lousy rather than memorably so.

explosion from DOOM courtesy of id software (Doctor Casino), Tuesday, 17 April 2018 14:44 (six years ago) link

another bit that sticks in my craw: in a laborious and overlong scene, the good officer convinces herbie hancock that he needs the security clearance because clive owen is presumed dead and so you really can't carry out the operation without putting authority in the good officer's hands. the request is granted and the audience has been walked through this logic. then, two scenes later, after it's been reinforced that clive owen may have been up to no good: "these killer robots are programmed to answer only to clive owen! but we have no choice but to let them hang around ominously in the foyer." just head-spinningly dumb, this whiplash between pieces of information the movie wants you to pay attention to that do not make sense when put together.

explosion from DOOM courtesy of id software (Doctor Casino), Tuesday, 17 April 2018 14:58 (six years ago) link

You are right that this is pretty memorably lousy (for what it tried to be, not even for what we wished it to have been) and I think your airplane screen experience gave you a much more detailed understanding of the plot mechanics than I could have been bothered with. Did I mention Dane DeHaan starring as Space Cop Spicoli? Because he sucks.

This has been my review of your review of a movie we both watched.

El Tomboto, Tuesday, 17 April 2018 15:03 (six years ago) link

five months pass...

by complete accident I watched Dane DeHaan's "Last Thing On Your Phone" piece for Wired and, well, he is Spicoli.

How you read these comic books and decide that Valerian is only a pretty-looking chucklehead, I don't know.

El Tomboto, Saturday, 29 September 2018 22:46 (five years ago) link


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.