I hate my voice, what options do I have?

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Yeah, everyone hates their voice but I RREALLY hate mine and it's fucking many things up for me. In brief: sounds like the bottom of a swamp, goes too fast and trips over words, fluctuates from aforementioned swamp to sounding like a sprightly little female humming bird but ugly, trails off toward end of sentences... not loud enough, ah it's just gross. What can I do? I understand that voice coaches exist but I'm a bit non-keen to take this mighty step so are there any other options first? A conclusive guide to Voicebox Exercising anywhere? If anyone here has used a voice coach, how much did it cost? how long did it take before you sounded like Sean Connery? Any advice would be much appreciated.

― Ian SPACK, Saturday, 19 October 2002 16:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I think I remember an episode of 'V' in which donovan had a little device he put under his tongue that totally altered his voice.

sorry I couldn't be of any more help.

[I am actually sorry I couldn't be of any more help].

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 19 October 2002 16:32 (twenty-three years ago)

You want to sound like Sean Connery?

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 October 2002 16:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Damn, i was hoping you sounded like a Lancs spastic trying to choose a non-babyish birthday card for Vera, the group leader.
As long as you don't have a horrificly misfigured toddler's penis, you should be OK.

― SeanF, Saturday, 19 October 2002 16:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually no, I want to sound like Johnny Cash. My dear old wife-beating granpapa used to look and sound like a gruff Salfordian Cash in a tatty jumper so I want to be like him. But in a suit.

My penis is fine.

― Ian SPACK, Saturday, 19 October 2002 17:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Ian you have to take a class, either individual or with a group. It will cost cash. Find an acting school and take their voice class. Alternately (but preferably ADDITIONALLY) take a singing class. Both will teach you breath control, how to speak/sing from the correct part of your body, and enunciation, but they have different emphases and goals - singing classes stress maintaining a clear even tone and using your breath efficiently (vowels); voice classes for actors stress usually stress diction (consonants). These classes will often run for 8 to 10 weeks, once a week. Expect to pay anywhere from $200 to $300 for a good teacher. There aren't any shortcuts I'm afraid.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 19 October 2002 18:09 (twenty-three years ago)

didn't donovan always wear a members only jacket?

― keith (keithmcl), Saturday, 19 October 2002 18:25 (twenty-three years ago)

But if you do all that don't you essentially amount to a sad twat? (no offence intended to those who have done that obv)

― seanf, Saturday, 19 October 2002 18:45 (twenty-three years ago)

a total throatendectomy

― jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 19 October 2002 18:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't see what is sad about any of this, Sean. We all do some things from vanity, from spending more than the absolute minimum on clothes and paying for professional hairdressing to voice coaching and plastic surgery. There's nothing wrong with any of this - how far you go on the scale is probably a factor of how bad you feel about whatever it is about you, and how rich you are.

Actually, I don't do any of the above really, but that's not out of a lack of vanity so much as having given up trying.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 19 October 2002 19:08 (twenty-three years ago)

(no offence intended to those who have done that obv)

ha ha. ha. ian would be a sad twat if he did all this without really needing to, just as a lark. he would also be a sad twat if his voice bothered him to the point where he was willing to ask other people on a messageboard how he should take action but then do nothing about it at all, despite his continued irritation. you don't have evidence of those things though so YOU are the sad twat. changing your life to be the way you want it is the whole point of living; if you don't have the balls for that don't try and stop the rest of us.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 19 October 2002 19:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Bollocks, you seriously think it's acceptable to conform to a socially constructed model of what a 'nice' voice is??? By going to see a 'voice coach'? That's rubbish. It's like the vacuous sheep on Pop Idol who lose a few pounds because Pete(o) Waterman thinks it will increase their commercial viability. If Ian has a problem with his voice, then it's because he thinks other people have a problem with it. But essentially, it boils down to opinion: personally, i'm not prepared to change anything about me that others don't like; surely THAT'S the whole point of living - individuality.

― SeanF, Saturday, 19 October 2002 20:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Anyway, i'm only trying to hijack Ians thread so don't sweat.

― SeanF, Saturday, 19 October 2002 20:20 (twenty-three years ago)

"If Ian has a problem with his voice, then it's because he thinks other people have a problem with it" - where does Ian say this?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 19 October 2002 20:34 (twenty-three years ago)

So it's sacks with holes torn in them for clothes, and no haircuts or shaving for you then, Sean? If you look at Ian's words, why can't you believe that he dislikes his voice, not just feels that others do? (Hah, Tracer posted while I was writing that.)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 19 October 2002 20:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I think it's sweet how Sean's standing up for Ian's individuality now, when just moments before he was calling him a sad twat. We're so judgemental, Martin, we should really get off our high horses!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 19 October 2002 20:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Sean really is only here for the hijack, he doesn't have a clue what he's saying so please, back to the voice info. I think I will go for the voice lessons (if they even exist in downtown Lancashire) but until then, has anyone got any tips for developing a pleasing husky burr that resounds around the room?

And anyway, individuality is for acne-scarred Fall fans. I'd rather listen to Pete Waterman any day.

― Ian SPACK, Saturday, 19 October 2002 20:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I wasn't calling HIM a sad twat at all, you're being too judgemental, get off your high horse. risking the ironic wrath of scary tag team tactics, your supposed ILX superiority (read: you've posted more than me, my opinion ergo amounts to zilch)has clearly muddied my argument.
Me and Ian have spoke before, and i don't think he's being even vaguely serious anyway.

Ian you bitch, i know exactly what i'm saying; you don't seriously care about your voice do you? You just watched Pop Stars, saw Peteo slag someone off and thought 'shit, maybe my voice is really rubbish'. If changing your voice is going to (in tracers terms) increase yr quality of life then so be it, but at least you've got yer looks hey?

― SeanF, Saturday, 19 October 2002 21:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm listening for hints too, having a muddy West Country accent. I am an acne-scarred Fall fan.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 19 October 2002 21:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Really, i know you're kidding, but have you not considered taking up a 60 a day Silk Cut smoking habit?

― SeanF, Saturday, 19 October 2002 21:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh it's all a big joke! Carry on then.

― Sad Twat (tracerhand), Saturday, 19 October 2002 21:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I smoked for years, and still have a horrible voice.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 19 October 2002 21:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I have a horrible voice, but i've learnt to love it. FIND JESUS IT IS THE ONLY LIGHT...LIGHT...LIGHT

― SeanF, Saturday, 19 October 2002 21:14 (twenty-three years ago)

hehe, quit the silly brawling - my voice IS a muddy dirge and I want a posh new one!

Actually, sometimes I think it's passable in a snidey Lamarr way but I just failed a big important job interview so I need to blame it on something other than my innate rubbishness. I've come to this way of thinking through watching Faking It which is pretty fab in a 'wow, even i can eradicate all my lifestyle flaws' way.

I'm currently nurturing a 15 a day L&B habit but all that's done has made me cough up wads and wads of brown phlegm at all times of the day (sidenote: any advice on how to rid myself of this nasty phlegm without having to quit smoking would also be lovely).

― Ian SPACK, Saturday, 19 October 2002 21:40 (twenty-three years ago)

you could hock it in SeanF's direction

hahaha SeanF I'm kidding now - sorry to get cuntish but i couldn't let you get away with in effect calling me a sad twunt and Ian one too if he dared followed my advice - right? i felt i had to remark on that. if i thought your opinion amounted to zilch i doubt i'd bother - on the contrary i think it amounts to a fairly widely accepted idea about body image: one group with no body hang-ups tells the group that has hang-ups: "you should love what god gave ya and celebrate your irreplaceable individuality - it's GOOD that you're different/odd/ whatever it is that you keep saying you don't like about yourself!!" in other words "i'm not listening to you" in other words "stay in your place"

the difference between this and complaining that Missy Elliot went on a diet are minute

where do you draw the line? "don't get that boil lanced, it's uniquely you! who CARES what other people think!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 19 October 2002 22:04 (twenty-three years ago)

SeanF i've lost all sense of proportion, I don't know what's wrong with me. Sorry. Delete me, etc

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 19 October 2002 22:53 (twenty-three years ago)

I hate it when people refuse to countenance any idea of behavioural or physical modification on the grounds that people should 'take them for what they are'. I always suspect they aren't very happy with the way they are anyway, in a 'methinks he doth protest too much' way.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 20 October 2002 10:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, maybe you're right. Do i have to pay you for that session?

― SeanF, Sunday, 20 October 2002 10:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Ha ha. Actually I have changed my mind/diagnosis. Maybe they really are that self-satisfied, in which case I like it even less.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 20 October 2002 10:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Trawl around Google for breathing/vocal exercises. Learn some stuff about proper breathing and phonating, then play around with your voice until you find a tone you really like and start talking that way all of the time.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 20 October 2002 11:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Cheers Dan, I'll try some of them and if need be move onto the coaching. I've found some decent (if old-fashioned) advice in this book on speaking from the 60s, I've scanned the relevent chapters for people who might want to have a look. Find them at:

http://www.geocities.com/niche_ian2002/Articulation.zip

http://www.geocities.com/niche_ian2002/Developing.zip

They're about 3mb each (17 jpegs in each zip) so Geocities may die after you download one. If so, just wait awhile and try again. Did anything come of that idea of setting up a place on ILX for people to upload files (songs, photos, etc)?

― Ian SPACK, Sunday, 20 October 2002 20:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I think I read somewhere that Princess Diana was terrified of public speaking, and received some voice coaching lessons to help her. One of the exercises she had to do was to practise speaking in front of a mirror with a mouth full of marbles. Apparently this trains you to talk more slowly and to enunciate words more clearly. Not sure if it works or not though.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 20 October 2002 20:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I think the marbles thing was originally attributed to some top ancient Greek orator-philosopher, though I don't remembrer which. He used pebbles rather than marbles. It's always struck me as a very stupid method, but given that Princess Diana tried to commit suicide by running into a cabinet, it's far from too stupid for her.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 20 October 2002 20:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Would that be a parliamentary cabinet?

― C J (C J), Sunday, 20 October 2002 20:58 (twenty-three years ago)

No, a display cabinet, wood and glass. I think she may have tried this very crap method more than once.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 20 October 2002 21:01 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't believe no one has mentioned the use of a portable vocoder!

Actually Tracer is right, you should take an acting class (and specifically a voice one). It will help and it's fun too. What you can do right now is to buy some plays and read the parts aloud to yourself.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Sunday, 20 October 2002 23:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Classes and lessons are not pathetic, definitely take them if you can afford to. Natural talent and genetics are unfair advantages and I don't see what's to be ashamed of at trying to improve them, I mean people exercise to look good, and that's really the same thing.

I took a voice class as an elective last year, and it seems like an unimportant thing but it's made a surprisingly big difference in my shyness - no one laughs or tells me to shut up when i sing now, i learn better in choir, i don't cry when i have to sing by myself, and i do not get nervous about speaking at ALL. If you don't like "the way you are," it is a good thing to change it.

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 21 October 2002 00:11 (twenty-three years ago)

It's always struck me as a very stupid method, but given that Princess Diana tried to commit suicide by running into a cabinet

My friend Travis's guinea pig did that, ran right into the side of his cage over and over until he died. It was quite bizarre, no one knew how to stop him so we just let the little bastard do it.

― Ally, Monday, 21 October 2002 02:14 (twenty-three years ago)

For original question: I know this is not what yoo are going for in wanting to sound like Johnny Cash, but try to sing really melodramaticly, like Scott Walker or David Bowie.

And of course tons of voice lessons. Even if you don't want to sound classical it will help you to sound the way you want if you learn to sing classically.

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 21 October 2002 03:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I cannot imagine that trying to sing like David Bowie can ever be good advice.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 21 October 2002 11:19 (twenty-three years ago)

True fact (honestly, I haf insider knowledge):

The Queen received voice coaching to stop her sounding so affectedly posh that no one could understand her.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 21 October 2002 12:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I cannot imagine that trying to sing like David Bowie can ever be good advice.

This would be an incorrect assumption.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 21 October 2002 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I think we have proven BY SCIENCE that Princess Di was dumber than a guinea pig.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 21 October 2002 16:36 (twenty-three years ago)

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