Bizarre telephone messages C/D

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So I just arrived back at my desk to find a message asking me to phone some burd about a trip to Shetland, she didn’t leave her name, she asked specifically for me and said I’d know her number. I've never been to Shetland and I've no intention of going there, especially not in this weather(its wild). Whatthef*ck?
This is the second time this has happened, the other week I came home to an answer machine message telling me there was a nursery place available for my child, which would be great if I had a child. I think somebody has stolen my identity, either that or I have a split personality and I’m living a double life!
I have a quite an unusual surname (round here anyway) so I don’t think I’m being mistaken for some other person with my name.
Does this happen to anyone else?

― Plinky (Plinky), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 13:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry - wrong number.....

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 13:41 (twenty-three years ago)

we received a piece of SPAM on our TELEPHONE in the spring - an obviously prerecorded message with a guy "slyly" looking for "mike" so he could tell him about the big secret website that they implied they were going to be able to rip people off with. I do not want spam on my phone.

― Josh (Josh), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 13:43 (twenty-three years ago)

About 2 years ago, I received a string of phonecalls for someone else. They were from all different kinds of people, even doctors confirming appointments. I tended to have odd messages on my machine, so I changed it to, "This is Sarah. This is not Lydia. Stop calling for Lydia. I don't know anyone named Lydia." And I still got those stupid messages. I guess ppl hear the machine cut on, then stop listening and just wait for the beap.
I get SPAM on my phone sometimes. But nobody tries to be sneaky about it.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 14:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Then there was the business that kept calling and asking for 'Jon Raggett,' who happens to be my uncle, allegedly for the 'great business deal' that he asked them to call back about, on my number. After confirming with my uncle that it was all bogus, my thoughts on the matter were unprintable.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 14:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Someone left a message on my machine last night asking if he was on my list to get his driveway plowed. I also get people calling all the time thinking I am either a catering service or a foot doctor. This is because the smartarses at Qwest gave me a phone number with lots of repeating digits that looks like and was probably previously held by some commercial firm.

I am not even going to get into the number of times a FAX MACHINE has tried calling me (as late as 2 AM once).

― Nate Patrin, Tuesday, 22 October 2002 14:53 (twenty-three years ago)

I had one message on my voice mail which was a woman moaning she didn't have any money, had to move, would (not?) take the house... Obv the wrong phone nr.

― nathalie (nathalie), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 15:49 (twenty-three years ago)

A handy script for dealing with telemarketeers (as found on B3ta):
http://www.xs4all.nl/%7Eegbg/counterscript.html

― Simeon (Simeon), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 16:12 (twenty-three years ago)

We have a similar number to a bank and we used to get occasional calls that would just go, "Hi, I'd like to withdraw five hundred pounds please." Ah, the possibilities for lame sarcasm. Them: "ngh????"

I wish I could stop sounding like a little kid on the phone. But, far more importantly, I wish I'd learn that for as long as I get the "is mummy or daddy in?" treatment I can just go, "Oh, I'm only twelve, don't try to sell me anything, BYE" as a get-out-of-telemarketing-free card like my brain always screams at my mouth as it idly blabbers, "Yes, I'm over eighteen, yes, I have a credit card, no, not really, um, er, no thanks, yes but no thanks, er..."

― Rebecca (reb), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 16:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Apart from the story I've told about a bloke randomly phoning and asking if I was Helen Fielding ("I did not write Bridget Jones Diary" three bloody times.), there's another journalist called Anna Chapman. I think we're next to each other in a few address books, so I occasionally get people thinking I'm her and leaving messages which make no sense to me at all. ("Heather from [PR company] called. She says the only copy of the CD is still in Paris, but everything's okay with the dancers on Tuesday." I'm sorry?)

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 17:32 (twenty-three years ago)

When I was at a David Bowie concert. I held up the cell phone during Ziggy Stardust, but I found out afterward that it was the wrong number. I always wondered, what the people who recieved it thought.

― A Nairn (moretap), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 00:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I fear I have told this story on here before, but friend S bought in China a novelty fake mobile phone where pressing the buttons triggered pre-recorded voice samples of a woman with a thick Chinese accent saying things like "hello?" "wrong number" "i am not here now please leave message bye", which we all found highly amusing, so friend J recorded it as the answerphone message on his real mobile phone. His mother then rings him a few days later and, panic-stricken, phones the university and the police telling them that she urgently needs to contact her son who has obviously been mugged by a nervous-sounding Chinese woman who has stolen his only means of contacting his family.

(He later had his phone stolen while he was actually talking to her on it and replaced it with one small enough to fit inside his mouth, which he demonstrated several times and suggested could be a security precaution.)

― Rebecca (reb), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 01:37 (twenty-three years ago)

i got a phone message not long ago of a woman saying in a sultry voice that she wanted to have sex with me. since i had just moved in here and my number wasnt even listed yet i did wonder how she got my name and number.
she didnt tell me how to contact her back though, so i never found out anything.

― donna (donna), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 03:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I remember a message my dad received on his machine a few years ago that sounded like a very angry black woman going, "Tina! TINA! I know my man over there. I know he there. YOU CAN KEEP HIM! And where's that money you owe me." and on and on along those lines.

In college, the vice president of one of the fraternities had a very similar email address to mine, and I used to accidentally receive emails that delt with things too serious or important (or dangerous) for the mailing list. That was entertaining at times.

― Stuart, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 14:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I once got a message on the answer phone from an angry and large sounding woman, shouting: "I fuckin know what you've been doing with him, so don't think I don't. I want it to stop right fuckin now or I will fuckin kill you" etc. After I had stopped shaking and realised that I wasn't actually having an affair with anyone, I did 1471, called her back and said "I think you had something important to tell someone, but you left it on the wrong machine". She was sweet and hugely apologetic. I was so charmed I ended up saying "Yeah, I hope she's quaking right now...."

― Madeleine (Madeleine), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 16:12 (twenty-three years ago)

''i got a phone message not long ago of a woman saying in a sultry voice that she wanted to have sex with me. since i had just moved in here and my number wasnt even listed yet i did wonder how she got my name and number.''

damn wish i was that lucky!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 16:28 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.hotpoop.com/pics/jim3s.jpg

― Dada, Sunday, 7 December 2003 04:47 (twenty-two years ago)

dada is pure genius. i haven't laughed out loud all day long.

― possible m (mandinina), Sunday, 7 December 2003 05:32 (twenty-two years ago)

psychoexgirlfriend.com

― Wintermuté (Wintermute), Sunday, 7 December 2003 06:21 (twenty-two years ago)

five months pass...

Ugh, someone emailed my phone with a spam URL and woke me up at 4am this morning. FUCKERS. Is there anything I can do about them?

― 24 hours with the King of Snake. (SNAKE!) (ex machina), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

switch your phone off when you go to bed.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

a few years ago I received two or three phone messages on my work phone from some guy who said that he had an 'interesting opportunity' for me--that day only--and that he could be reached at room number whatever at the red roof inn. I never called back but I've always been a little curious as to what sort of perversion/scam the fellow had in mind.

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 11:53 (twenty-two years ago)

You missed a chance for your kidneys to be sold into the white slave trade.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 11:55 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.foundmagazine.com/audio.html

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 12:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmmm... never had this kind of spam on the phone. I think I could do without being woken up at 4am by Reindeer L. Orthodontist telling me to satisfy my woman y0u pindick.

My dad got an odd phonecall a few weekends ago very early in the morning about 3am. The guy sounded scared at first, saying he was lost and trying to get to East London. He said he was in the phonebooth outside McDonalds in Letchworth where we live. It sounded like he had a kid with him in the background going "Dad, dad the stations that way - I can see it". The guy started getting very abusive and asking my Dad what he was doing up at that time of night (answering a phonecall you numbskull). Then he started going "I can hear your wife calling you to bed" (my dad is divorced as of one year) then the caller and his son started laughing.
God knows what this could have been. Very strange indeed.

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

there was a friend of mine, whose work colleague once received this phone call by a guy with a strange accent asking for a lady called "Anita Johnson", who wasn't like a staff member but may have been a customer, but she's not allowed to put people through to anybody but staff members, so she offered to take a message and pass it on if this lady is indeed there. And the message this accented guy gave was "no matter what happens, i'll always love her". And she searched for Anita Johnson but she wasn't there. And she felt sad that this heartfelt message is not delivered.

Then it turned out that the strange accented man was the friend of this friend who was trying to prank call her, but got through to the wrong person so he went through with the pranking anyway.

classic

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 19 May 2004 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

five years pass...

This is amusing: LBJ and Abe Fortas get their wires crossed with a call between a couple in Denver and their friend in DC.
http://www.weirdvibrations.com/?p=224

― jaymc, Wednesday, 16 September 2009 16:49 (sixteen years ago)

eleven years pass...

― he said that you son of a bitch (Neanderthal), Friday, 12 February 2021 16:38 (five years ago)

Great revive (genuinely).

― Mosholu Porkway (Boring, Maryland), Saturday, 13 February 2021 00:29 (five years ago)

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