The hooker takes a deep breath and yells "What? They sold me a chihuahua?"

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― Jody Beth Rosen, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 03:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, so a blonde walks into a bar. The bartender sits down and says "See that Californian over there? If you hold this pencil between your ass cheeks that Californian will do the mattress Macarena with you all night long." The blonde tosses back a Martini and says "Whatever." A Irishman says "I'd stick a cue ball in your mouth to get a drink."

So the blonde thinks a minute and says "You better pet him first, he looks mean."

― Jody Beth Rosen, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 03:57 (twenty-three years ago)

....The string stands up and says "Paint my house."

― minna (minna), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 04:45 (twenty-three years ago)

All right, a Californian walks into a bar. The bartender says "You owe me a twenty." The Californian says "I'm waiting for a lady." A pig says "I'm sorry, I couldn't help noticing. Aren't you a Californian"?

So the Californian takes a deep breath and yells "Sure, but don't hit me so hard with the hammer."

This is obv where Bob Dylan got his lyrics for Ballad of a Thin Man.

― gazza, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 04:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Here's your throat back. Thanks for the loan.

― Jody Beth Rosen, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 04:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I am in turmoil with my "inner Dan Perry"

― gazza, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 05:45 (twenty-three years ago)

This guy walks into a bar. A dog thinks a minute and says "I'm sorry, I couldn't help noticing. Aren't you a guy"? The guy looks around and says "Can you recite the Carmina Burana from memory?" The dog pounds on the bar and yells "I'm gonna do you right here on the bar!"

So the guy tosses back a gin and tonic and says "I was talking to the the dog."

HA HA HA! I like this a lot better than 'real jokes'. I must be a computer!

― Momus (Momus), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 06:46 (twenty-three years ago)

So the midget takes a deep breath and yells "You think I wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"

― michael wells (michael w.), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, so a string walks into a bar. A Californian says "I'm sorry, I couldn't help noticing. Aren't you a string"? The string gets flustered and doesn't know what to say. The Californian cozies up to the string and stands up and says "For ten bucks I'll go upstairs with you and show you more pleasure than you can possibly imagine."

The string shouts "You're an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

People in the college library are giving me funny looks cos I'm laughing aloud. Ha!

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:34 (twenty-three years ago)

So this monkey walks into a bar. A truck driver cozies up to the monkey and says "For a quarter I'll do anything you want, as many times as you want." The monkey says "I'd love to do you right here on the bar." The truck driver says "I'm sorry, I couldn't help noticing. Aren't you a monkey"?

The monkey looks around and says "I'm a frayed knot!"

― Plinky (Plinky), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:01 (twenty-three years ago)

All right, a rabbi walks into a bar. A guy gets close to the rabbi and sits down and says "Give me a hundred bucks and I'll hold this pencil between your ass cheeks." The rabbi orders a Manhattan. The guy says "I'd fly from here to the end of the bar to get a drink."

So the rabbi says "You're an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:19 (twenty-three years ago)

so, this hooker walks into a bar. a priest sits next to the monkey and grimaces "I know its you that ate all my mushrooms", the hooker says "i want to smoke a L in the back of the Benz", the priest splutters "i'm sorry but i'm not in New Cross right now"

the hooker rips off her bra and hollers "DAVID RAPOSA IS A FUCKING GENIUS!"

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:23 (twenty-three years ago)

gareth is describing friday's NYC ilx fap obv

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:26 (twenty-three years ago)

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