Sharing intimate details on ILE

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I notice that a lot of you go into great detail about events in your personal life on ILE, to a level that I would be uncomfortable with (if it was me that was doing the sharing, that is, I've no problem with how anyone else wants to use the forum). Do you not feel a little self-conscious talking about such things on what is, basically, a public forum? I do sometimes post about events in my life, but usually just humorous anecdotes, or my attitudes to certain kinds of behaviour. I wouldn't like to go into the ins and outs of my relationships with family / partner etc. Do any of you feel the same? And what am I missing out on? Is it therapeutic?

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:18 (twenty-three years ago)

don't know. i do post some things, but rarely 'bad' stuff (however, i did post the 'i fucked up' thread, and also contributed quite personally to grahams friend problem thread - i hadnt done this before, not quite sure why i did these 2 - to an extent things got quite bad this summer - although have since resolved to some extent)

perhaps partially theres a blurring of forum and 'real life' now, partly because a large numbr of people here are no longer people behind a screen but people i know in person - and partly because of a seemingly huge degree of familiarity with some people here. its easy to forget, how googleable it is!)

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:23 (twenty-three years ago)

what gareth said.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:31 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm just new to ILX but I've shared some intimate stuff about my relationship and the tabloid hell I'm suffering right now. I've found it really helpful coz my partner and family are under a great deal of stress right now and I don't wanna add to it by asking for help with my worries/doubts/insecurities, so in that way yes it is therapeutic. Hopefully I've covered my tracks well enough that the only way I could be identified would be by someone that knows me well.

― Plinky (Plinky), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't really post anything too personal on ILX. You could probably piece together a psychological profile of me from my posts, but I'll save you the bother. I'm just lazy and bumbling along really.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I post under a pseudonym so that I can feel free to have frank discussions with the ILX community without sharing my intimate thoughts with the whole world. That freedom is very therapeutic for me. I rely on ILXers who I meet in real life to understand the greater degree of honesty that the pseudnym allows me, and I rely on them not to out me here and to avoid sharing my ILX name with non-ILX people that they might meet.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't tend to reveal an awful lot about myself - not because I have anything to hide, but because I don't feel the need to bare my soul in public, and I don't have any ghastly problems in my life on which I feel the need to seek advice. I come here mainly to have a bit of fun, and to seek a bit of harmless escapism from my sometimes stressful work life.

I suppose that people feel they have a cloak of anonymity by posting personal stuff in the Net, and I can see how it might be easier to ask for opinions from strangers who are not part of your real life social circle, and who may not be as judgemental.

I lurked here for a little while before plucking up courage to join in, and one of the things that impressed me most about this site (apart from the fact you are all such witty and intelligent people, natch) was the genuinely helpful advice that you give each other, and how sensitively it is done.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 07:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, what CJ said, you are all so NICE to each other!

― Plinky (Plinky), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I post under my real, full name. Yes, I realize anything I write is easily Googlable, but:

1) I'm "Jody Beth Rosen." That's just who I am. Every pseudonym I've ever used has quickly been tossed aside in favor of "Jody Beth Rosen." I would feel dumb calling myself anything else.

2) I don't think I've said anything too incriminating -- I mean, what, is someone not gonna give me a job because they snooped around and found out how I lost my virginity? Their tough luck, then.

3) I'm usually very candid and straightforward about my experiences and feelings -- I only hold back if there's a reason why I feel like I should.

― Jody Beth Rosen, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I do find it strange sometimes but then again not much happens in my life: get up, go to study, listen/buy recs, read a book and sleep. day in/day out so i don't have anything to say abt my private life.

I suppose ppl can confide because they don't know each other. and its also useful, because you can meet ppl who had the same problems.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:39 (twenty-three years ago)

"you are all so NICE to each other!"

Someone clearly never read the Sleeper vs the Strokes thread on ILM.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:49 (twenty-three years ago)

What Jody said.

― Simeon (Simeon), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:51 (twenty-three years ago)

that's the difference between ILM and ILE though Kilian!

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Touche!

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 08:55 (twenty-three years ago)

The concept of a transparent society is not necessairly an Orwellian nightmare

― the Hegemon, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 09:21 (twenty-three years ago)

i post under my real name because my surname is smith and that gives me a certain amount of freedom. i post some personal stuff, but not stuff that involves people i know personally on the board or anyone they know and love. i've never been the kind of person who was very good at withholding personal information.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 09:31 (twenty-three years ago)

not like me.

― unknown or illegal user (doorag), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 09:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I am fairly secretive on ILE, and rarely post on threads inviting personal revelations.

― Jeff W (Jeff W), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 09:49 (twenty-three years ago)

i used to. i don't so much anymore. people are vile. also, i like the caricature i've become.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 09:50 (twenty-three years ago)

I have boundaries, like everyone does. I'll post about personal stuff that's affected me and that I'm happy for people to know about. If it involves other people who posters here know I usually won't post about it - not fair on the other ppl. Same goes for my weblogs and writing in general.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 09:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Sweet Jaysus! I just read the Sleeper vs The Strokes thread. That Calum bloke gives Scots a bad name, I disown him on behalf of my nation. Julio, I'm disappointed, I thought you were a nice quiet person.
However, he does have fine line in insults "Now go drown yourself in a bath full of goat wank" I laffed out loud and got many strange looks from colleagues. I am taking notes from that thread to use when the paparazzi arrive on my doorstep in the next few days - keep your eyes on the papers for "Goat Wank" healines!!

― Plinky (Plinky), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 10:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I blame esctasy.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 10:15 (twenty-three years ago)

''Julio, I'm disappointed, I thought you were a nice quiet person.''

sorry to 'disappoint' Plinky.

actually Calum did email me off list and we talked abt it and we're fine really. he's a good bloke.

I think you can spend too much time on ILX and so you get into scraps and I've had a few (on ILM really). won't stop me from posting tho'.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 10:22 (twenty-three years ago)

That's exactly why I just lurk on ILM *bows head in shame*
I'm too much of a chicken to stand up to people who have such strong and heartfelt views on music. I'm quite fickle and easily swayed music wise, if I like it I like it and sometimes that's the only reason I can give.

― Plinky (Plinky), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 10:30 (twenty-three years ago)

if you hear a record and you think its shit and then someone posts a thread saying its the greatest thing since sliced bread you have to set them straight (or at least have a go) Plinky.

but there's no shame in not posting. you can really spend hours here, and that can't be good as the months pass by.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 10:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Sometimes I feel like I'm an old lady saying, "Back when I was growing up..." - I just have lots & lots of stories to tell. My friends & family already know most of them. So why not tell some strangers? ha ha. I should probably just use my real name, because it's so boring. But I like the mystery of a pseudonym.
And for my testimonial - I find this board to be the nicest, most intellectual group of people I've ever met in cyberspace. (I feel so corny typing 'cyberspace') And everyone has a good sense of humor. So, take that!!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 11:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Eeg, Plinky, sounds like you're in a bad way! So I will send *good thoughts* to help you with that mess. You seem very cool (as do most people here!).

There's only one Ned Raggett, for better or worse, so if people want to google, let 'em. It's a little too late for me to go back and switch to a psuedonym now! But there are things I will definitely choose not to talk about -- if I feel something is private, it will stay that way. I am very comfortable here with just about everyone, let it be said! Obviously if I didn't think that I wouldn't keep making mad dashes around the globe to meet up with people. ;-) Rah ILX!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm in favor of greater transparency in people's lives in general, and although I wouldn't want to _impose_ that on anyone else, as far as I'm concerned anybody who wants to know stuff about me is welcome to it, pretty much.

― Douglas, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

it does seem to be so much easier to divulge personal things online, but it all depends on just how far you want to go.
i dont have a problem making comments relative to a thread that could then be used to work out my identity or life-story, but who is going to bother doing that? bit sad really if someone wants to.
knowing a few things about those you are conversing with helps to make this feel more like you are actually talking to real people, rather than just 'identities floating in the ether of cyberland'.

― donna (donna), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 18:22 (twenty-three years ago)

My life is so goddamn boring I could care less who knows about it. (That would probably be more convincing if I posted under my full name though.)

― bnw (bnw), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 18:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Back when I was a posting fiend, I coughed up a few intimate details that, in retrospect, I probably would've / should've kept to myself (esp. given that I was posting with my full name), but whatever. Too many secrets seems to mean too much self-denial, and while I'm not sure that full disclosure is the way to go (actually, I'm sure that it's NOT the way to go), sharing a little, when the moment's right, is more than fine.

The only problems I forsee is that A) folks that aren't too fond of me could use this highly sensitive information against me (you dastardly bastards) and B) I risk boring the pants off of everyone talking about my bunny slipper fetish or my canker sores or the time Nancy Weedgrass went to the cotillion with Bob Anklebiter instead of me, and they think I'm a dull, awkward, anti-social twerp because of such vulnerable revelations. It's way too easy to feed your ego on online forums (cf. that thread Anthony started about me yesterday, where I've posted FIVE TIMES, out of the 10 or 11 posts on said thread), and the temptation to feed that ego is hard to resist (assuming your ego needs the nourishment).

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 18:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Mmm, ego-snacks!

― CHOMP CHOMP (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 18:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm pretty open about a lot of things, and I can see ways that this could cost me in the future - I've only said a few things about my sex life (I've spared you all any grisly details), but even there there may be things that might put a potential girlfriend off, say. Still, this feels like talking to friends, oddly - one person here is among my oldest and best friends, and there are a bunch of others I've met quite a few times now, and others I feel as if I know pretty well without meeting (Ned, say), and all the gradations down to complete strangers. I guess the friendly, supportive style here helps that feeling.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:04 (twenty-three years ago)

others I feel as if I know pretty well without meeting (Ned, say)

Why thanks. :-) The net me isn't the real me (I tend to be much more down on the real me these days), but hopefully something carries over.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:09 (twenty-three years ago)

The major side-effect of meeting Ned in person (I almost said "in the flesh" but that makes it sound like he was naked) is that I now here all of his posts in a booming baritone voice with jolly inflections and everything. Actually, the really frightening thing is that his speech cadence is almost exactly the same as one of my best friends from high school. (When you called me at work, I freaked out a little bit because for a split second I thought it was him and I was wondering how he got my work phone number.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:15 (twenty-three years ago)

I now here all of his posts in a booming baritone voice with jolly inflections and everything

Heh heh heh. Everyone should get Dan to listen and judge how they speak. :-)

When you called me at work, I freaked out a little bit because for a split second I thought it was him and I was wondering how he got my work phone number.

No wonder my opening conversational gambit about how Boston was a weird city was received so hesistantly.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:25 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't post too incredibly personally because a) my life's pretty dull and b) one of my friends comes here, and i don't want anything i say to be taken wrong. the pseudonym is because you are all stalkers.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:26 (twenty-three years ago)

this booming voice thing happens to me now whenever i read ned's posts, too...

― toby (tsg20), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Now I sound like a character in that old computer game Adventure.

"A voice BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMS out..."

Or I could hire out for Ents with laryngitis.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:29 (twenty-three years ago)

At last, a chance for a definitive answer on how to pronounce "plugh".

(Or maybe that's explained later on. I never got very far and I'm too lazy to look at the source.)

― twice as much nothing happens (reb), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:39 (twenty-three years ago)

the one personal thread i started about a year ago made me look like a complete neurotic, so i tend to keep things to myself rather than expose my psychodramas for the fluff that they are (people were very nice about it tho). i also don't usually post to meta-threads, which is where most of the real chummy action happens, so it just doesn't occur to me to foist irrelevant details on people who would probably be like 'eh?' anyways.

― ch. (synkro), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Anytime I've shared intimate details I've regretted it, though this is probably despite the helpful advice I was given. It can feel a bit embarassing to have bared your soul on such a public forum. Also not everyone is ever going to care, such is the nature of ILX. If I was going to do it again I think I'd do it anonymously.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 19:44 (twenty-three years ago)

''If I was going to do it again I think I'd do it anonymously''

we'll rememeber this ronan.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 20:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm just not an especially secretive person. I tell most people most things anyway. The thing I will always be careful with is talking about other people.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 20:41 (twenty-three years ago)

if you hear a record and you think its shit and then someone posts a thread saying its the greatest thing since sliced bread you have to set them straight (or at least have a go) Plinky.

Ah, but unless you are 100% certain on exactly why it's shit and have the rhetoric/facts/wit to back it up, you run the risk of getting called on it and then behaving increasingly more like a pillock as you desperatley try to defend your position- that's what happened when I first started posting on ILM (and what led to my temporary exile from it- hoping that when I came back, ppl would have forgot all about those embarassing incidents. It's worked, I think.)

― Daniel_Rf, Wednesday, 23 October 2002 21:42 (twenty-three years ago)

HAHAHAHA daniel i know just what you mean, but i havent exiled myself from ilm i just keep on going and hope people arent too mean. (which they havent been yet ).

― donna (donna), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 21:46 (twenty-three years ago)

give us time.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 21:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I made my first ever post to ILM yesterday, but only because Di told me to.

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 21:57 (twenty-three years ago)

as for intimate details, the "what is the most unnaceptable thing to ever come out of your ass" thread is my benchmark. As long as I don't post to that, I'll be okay.

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 21:58 (twenty-three years ago)

oh god, that makes it sound like something REALLY UNACCEPTABLE has come out of my ass.

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 21:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Now speculation will run rampant! Fear!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 22:05 (twenty-three years ago)

not roast beef sandwiches surely rainy?

― donna (donna), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 22:08 (twenty-three years ago)

well I can say without shame that technically, yes, a roast beef sandwich has definitely come out of my ass at some point during my life.

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 22:18 (twenty-three years ago)

as long as they werent still intact its ok.

― donna (donna), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 22:20 (twenty-three years ago)

nonsense Donna, in a perfect world etc...

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 22:23 (twenty-three years ago)

HAHAHA yes recycling rules!

― donna (donna), Wednesday, 23 October 2002 22:25 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't start those sorta "i'm depressed", "my life is all fucked up' type threads 'cause that shit's still gonna be there when i feel ok & i don't wanna see it. i don't talk about sex stuff unless it happened about 100 years ago or is an amusingly loserish anecdote. i do talk about drug stuff & illegal stuff 'cause it's the innernet & you just can, what're people gonna do, send my email address to the police. i don't talk about what comes out my ass because nuthin that surprising ever has.

― unknown or illegal user (doorag), Thursday, 24 October 2002 01:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I've rarely shared personal stuff, but then again, I rarely post more than a couple messages a day. Perhaps someday I'll delve further into ILX and feel the need to share more.

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Thursday, 24 October 2002 02:55 (twenty-three years ago)

''Ah, but unless you are 100% certain on exactly why it's shit and have the rhetoric/facts/wit to back it up, you run the risk of getting called on it and then behaving increasingly more like a pillock as you desperatley try to defend your position''

I'm always certain on why its shit (and I have some rhethric to back) but i'm still called the pillock or what not. the key is not to care daniel.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 24 October 2002 08:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I like two-or-three-word answers that sound like non-sequitors but are actually incredibly revealing if only you knew enough...

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 24 October 2002 09:05 (twenty-three years ago)

the key is not to care daniel.

Punk Rock, Dude!!

― Daniel_Rf, Thursday, 24 October 2002 09:34 (twenty-three years ago)

damn right!!! now here's my grateful dead album.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 24 October 2002 09:36 (twenty-three years ago)

The honest answer is I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. I like people knowing (what I consider to be) interesting stuff about me. I also suspect that anyone who has a problem with me saying these things is unlikely to be someone with who I could be soulmates. Conversely, I feel that by being open and honest about myself, I can get closer to those who *are* happy with me being that way. Does that make sense?

In life, I am very careful about what I tell to whom. But my primary motives are diplomacy, discretion and making sure I don't hurt, directly or otherwise, anyone else. But's it's up to me to decide what I reveal about me.

Having said that, I know stuff about N. that would turn your nasal hair white...

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 24 October 2002 11:28 (twenty-three years ago)

I wanted to talk about stuff and had no one else to tell it to. This probably defines most of my posts actually.

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 24 October 2002 11:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually I also think it's easy to post and wait for advice and act as if ILX is somehow going to solve the problem for you when you'd be much better off just getting out and doing it yourself, albeit having read some of the advice, but it's an easy trap to fall into to just read and not act.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 24 October 2002 11:34 (twenty-three years ago)

i've been doing it a lot more for the past hour or so but that's just because i'm drunk. i've even posted three pictures. i'll regret it tomorrow.

― minna (minna), Thursday, 24 October 2002 15:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark C: this is a big part of my thinking on acting myself and being honest. I do sometimes put people right off me, but I do kind of believe that acting myself and being open will attract the right people and deter the wrong ones, generally. I don't know that I have any evidence to back this up at all. Except I have hit it off pretty well with a lot of the finest and most interesting people I've ever met, so it seems to be working well.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 October 2002 18:46 (twenty-three years ago)

nine years pass...

I think I'm going to start over sharing more. Get ready!

― Jeff, Friday, 17 August 2012 00:35 (thirteen years ago)

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