Descriptions of Steve Bannon

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a running thread to be polled later. To get us started:

a potato someone dredged out of a restroom wastebasket
a garbage bag half-filled with mayonnaise
a gin-soaked wad of toilet paper

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:14 (one year ago) Permalink

forgot who said it, but I enjoyed one on Twitter observing how Bannon must hate the fact that he looks more like a kindly old lesbian than a cutthroat Nazi.

evol j, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:16 (one year ago) Permalink

from twitter:

Slimer from Ghostbusters before he became a ghost

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:16 (one year ago) Permalink

a poached egg that somehow grew hair

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:17 (one year ago) Permalink

a brillo pad that hates

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:17 (one year ago) Permalink

Michael Shannon after a super-size-me monthlong diet consisting entirely of cigarettes

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:17 (one year ago) Permalink

a giant blancmange rolled in pubes

bayland rippenkroeger, stunt artiste (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:18 (one year ago) Permalink

a septic shit-vessel with oozing pustules

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:18 (one year ago) Permalink

haha bizarro

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:18 (one year ago) Permalink

a peach three months past expiry

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:18 (one year ago) Permalink

a fun one from a comedian friend of mine from college:

"Steve Bannon always looks like he just finished a hot dog eating contest"

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:19 (one year ago) Permalink

Baloo the Bear

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:19 (one year ago) Permalink

a polar bear that let itself go

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:20 (one year ago) Permalink

The "before" picture in a racist weight-loss ad

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:20 (one year ago) Permalink

a hate crime with overactive sweat glands

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:21 (one year ago) Permalink

a grapefruit stuffed with moss

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:22 (one year ago) Permalink

A sea cucumber wrapped in a carpet sample.

Transformed From The Norm By The Nuclear Goop (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:23 (one year ago) Permalink

Steve Bannon at the Movies

Really should direct porn tho'.

xyzzzz__, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:24 (one year ago) Permalink

not enough lips, too many chins

bayland rippenkroeger, stunt artiste (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:24 (one year ago) Permalink

A homemade Jabba the Hutt figure.

Transformed From The Norm By The Nuclear Goop (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:28 (one year ago) Permalink

'a bag-like beast with no anus'

j., Tuesday, 31 January 2017 21:45 (one year ago) Permalink

The bloated, desiccated corpse of William Steig's Shrek

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:20 (one year ago) Permalink

Someone on my Facebook feed compared him to this guy, but I don't know who he is!

Bongo Herbert (Ward Fowler), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:28 (one year ago) Permalink

'otis the town drunk from mayberry but dogged by whispers from the neighbors about his race-porn trading club'

j., Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:32 (one year ago) Permalink

the poster boy for alcoholic rosacea

bayland rippenkroeger, stunt artiste (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:35 (one year ago) Permalink

A slug that's spent several years gestating inside the lower intestine of the cadaver of Philip Seymour Hoffman before hatching out inside a wedge of impacted excrement, then copulating with its mate in the slime path of a gastropod Eddie Izzard, proceeding to chew off its own penis and finally vomiting the remains into a dunghill of rotten cabbage.

めんどくさかった (Matt #2), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:40 (one year ago) Permalink

(I researched the life-cycle of a slug for that one)

めんどくさかった (Matt #2), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:40 (one year ago) Permalink

can i quote you on that one?

scott seward, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:45 (one year ago) Permalink

jowly october revolution LARPer

j., Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:45 (one year ago) Permalink

please do

めんどくさかった (Matt #2), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:46 (one year ago) Permalink

A BBC light entertainer, on his first holiday after the sentence

Chuck_Tatum, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:47 (one year ago) Permalink

Steve Bannon Looks Like A Motherfucker With Some Dark Secrets

めんどくさかった (Matt #2), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:48 (one year ago) Permalink

A holiday to Thailand

めんどくさかった (Matt #2), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:49 (one year ago) Permalink

Philip Seymour Hoffman's disinterred half rotten corpse packed to bulging point with cheap sasuage meat.

chap, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 22:56 (one year ago) Permalink

Poop with a cigarette in it

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:00 (one year ago) Permalink

stray turd

j., Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:02 (one year ago) Permalink

Satan's big toe

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:02 (one year ago) Permalink

like someone tried to bleach a prolapsed anus

constitutional crises they fly at u face (will), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:03 (one year ago) Permalink

Bruce Vilanch's untreated hemorrhoid

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:04 (one year ago) Permalink

A cigar box that's been extensively utilized as an onanistic receptacle.

Transformed From The Norm By The Nuclear Goop (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:06 (one year ago) Permalink

misplaced jerk-off sock

j., Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:07 (one year ago) Permalink

An inverted sea lion spritzed with Binaca.

Transformed From The Norm By The Nuclear Goop (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:08 (one year ago) Permalink

unhinged voice of the racist lumpyproletariat

j., Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:11 (one year ago) Permalink

your future murderer

Chuck_Tatum, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:18 (one year ago) Permalink

your dad's sad laid off friend who asks to store his old paperwork in boxes in your garage while he looks for an apartment after he gets kicked out of the house by his wife but he never comes back for the stuff and he won't answer your dad's calls and finally you help your dad throw the stuff away.

scott seward, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:29 (one year ago) Permalink

america's creepy uncle

nomar, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:30 (one year ago) Permalink

human yeast infection

Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:34 (one year ago) Permalink

lobotomized hitchens

rip van wanko, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:39 (one year ago) Permalink

unctuous doomcrepe

nashwan, Tuesday, 31 January 2017 23:43 (one year ago) Permalink

once again i must marvel at the contrast between bannon's lustrous hair and the face of the career gasoline-drinker below it

straightedge is just volcel for vegans (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 11 December 2017 16:05 (one year ago) Permalink

looking forward to his cameo in ANNIHILATION as the transformed corpse of a dugong

attention vampire (MatthewK), Monday, 11 December 2017 20:14 (one year ago) Permalink

wow, somebody took william h. macy's character from shameless and expanded his head with a basketball pump

voodoo chili, Monday, 11 December 2017 20:24 (one year ago) Permalink

Just irished him up a lil

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Monday, 11 December 2017 20:27 (one year ago) Permalink


Shavet cat person

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Monday, 11 December 2017 20:27 (one year ago) Permalink


remember the lmao (darraghmac), Monday, 11 December 2017 20:28 (one year ago) Permalink

a carbuncled vandal from Virginia . . . a rootless cosmopolitan, a former investment banker at Goldman Sachs, a former producer who worked in godless Hollywood, a man who wouldn’t have a public career at all had he not latched onto a lunatic wingnut zillionaire from the proletarian enclaves of the Hamptons . . . a combination of Elmer Gantry and an aluminum siding salesman . . . one with all the old white folks . . . an endless bluff against his own barely concealed hypocrisy . . . the last heir to House Harkonnen . . . transparently lacking in shame . . . grubby huckster . . . a former investment banker in a camo jacket and 31 dress shirts. . . .

reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, 12 December 2017 19:25 (one year ago) Permalink

He looks like someone in the late stages of demonic possession except instead of a demon it's a fart.

Oiled Launch (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 12 December 2017 19:33 (one year ago) Permalink

don't want to think about bannon's demonic farts

voodoo chili, Tuesday, 12 December 2017 19:35 (one year ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

Trump said Bannon has "lost his mind".

"Steve was rarely in a one-on-one meeting with me and only pretends to have had influence to fool a few people with no access and no clue, whom he helped write phony books," Trump said.

"Steve pretends to be at war with the media, which he calls the opposition party, yet he spent his time at the White House leaking false information to the media to make himself seem far more important than he was," the president added.

rump blasted Bannon’s political instincts, saying he had “everything to do with the loss of a Senate seat in Alabama held for more than thirty years by Republicans.”

“Steve doesn’t represent my base — he’s only in it for himself,” Trump said in his statement.

reggie (qualmsley), Wednesday, 3 January 2018 21:34 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Slob Tzu

Chris L, Thursday, 4 January 2018 02:18 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Today was the day Steve Bannon truly became a broken laundry basket full of sloughed-off back skin.

— Julius Goat 🦆 (@JuliusGoat) January 4, 2018

The Fortnightly Intruder (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 4 January 2018 03:18 (eleven months ago) Permalink

bannon blows himself


reggie (qualmsley), Thursday, 4 January 2018 17:47 (eleven months ago) Permalink

"Bannon may soon face a costly lawsuit after Trump's lawyers threatened action last night."

lol axios

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 4 January 2018 17:55 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Hugo Shavedge.

nashwan, Thursday, 4 January 2018 18:34 (eleven months ago) Permalink

This just makes Bannon more famous. What bad consequence will come from this “self-immolation”? I don’t actually think this lawsuit is real.

treeship 2, Thursday, 4 January 2018 18:37 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Bannon laundered a confessional through a New York-media reporter for the same reason he laundered Clinton Cash reporting through the New York Times, while using his own website, Breitbart, for the distinct purpose of whipping up racial panic among people interested in completely different narrative truths.

reggie (qualmsley), Thursday, 4 January 2018 19:50 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Source: Mercer split w/Bannon began long before Wolff book. Real cause? Mercers vs. Bannon's proposed tax hike on millionaires.

— Jane Mayer (@JaneMayerNYer) January 5, 2018

reggie (qualmsley), Saturday, 6 January 2018 13:39 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Oh hell

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 6 January 2018 19:28 (eleven months ago) Permalink

"I am the only person to date to conduct a global effort to preach the message of Trump and Trumpism; and remain ready to stand in the breech for this president's efforts to make America great again."

"My comments about the meeting with Russian nationals came from my life experiences as a Naval officer stationed aboard a destroyer whose main mission was to hunt Soviet submarines to my time at the Pentagon during the Reagan years when our focus was the defeat of 'the evil empire' and to making films about Reagan's war against the Soviets and Hillary Clinton's involvement in selling uranium to them."

"My comments were aimed at Paul Manafort, a seasoned campaign professional with experience and knowledge of how the Russians operate. He should have known they are duplicitous, cunning and not our friends. To reiterate, those comments were not aimed at Don Jr."

reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 7 January 2018 17:57 (eleven months ago) Permalink

that would be "breach", sloppy steve

reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 7 January 2018 18:00 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Bannon, a soothing voice as well as a professional agitator, tried to argue the dialectical nature of what they had achieved (without using the word “dialectical”). Because Trump’s success was beyond measure, or certainly beyond all expectations, the media and the liberals had to justify their own failure, he explained to the new president.

reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 7 January 2018 20:40 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Other than Trump himself, Bannon was certainly the oldest inexperienced person ever to work in the White House.

It was a flaky career that got him here.

Catholic school in Richmond, Virginia. Then a local college, Virginia Tech. Then seven years in the Navy, a lieutenant on ship duty and then in the
Pentagon. While on active duty, he got a master’s degree at Georgetown’s School of Foreign Service, but then he washed out of his naval career. Then an
MBA from Harvard Business School. Then four years as an investment banker at Goldman Sachs — his final two years focusing on the media industry in Los Angeles — but not rising above a midlevel position.

In 1990, at the age of thirty-seven, Bannon entered peripatetic entrepreneurhood under the auspices of Bannon & Co., a financial advisory firm to the entertainment industry. This was something of a hustler’s shell company, hanging out a shingle in an industry with a small center of success and
concentric rings radiating out of rising, aspiring, falling, and failing strivers. Bannon & Co., skirting falling and failing, made it to aspiring by raising small amounts of money for independent film projects — none a hit.

Bannon was rather a movie figure himself. A type. Alcohol. Bad marriages. Cash-strapped in a business where the measure of success is excesses of riches. Ever scheming. Ever disappointed.

For a man with a strong sense of his own destiny, he tended to be hardly noticed. Jon Corzine, the former Goldman chief and future United States senator
and governor of New Jersey, climbing the Goldman ranks when Bannon was at the firm, was unaware of Bannon. When Bannon was appointed head of the
Trump campaign and became an overnight press sensation — or question mark — his credentials suddenly included a convoluted story about how Bannon & Co. had acquired a stake in the megahit show Seinfeld and hence its twenty-year run of residual profits. But none of the Seinfeld principals, creators, or producers seem ever to have heard of him.

Mike Murphy, the Republican media consultant who ran Jeb Bush’s PAC and became a leading anti-Trump movement figure, has the vaguest recollection of
Bannon’s seeking PR services from Murphy’s firm for a film Bannon was producing a decade or so ago. “I’m told he was in the meeting, but I honestly
can’t get a picture of him.”

The New Yorker magazine, dwelling on the Bannon enigma — one that basically translated to: How is it that the media has been almost wholly unaware
of someone who is suddenly among the most powerful people in government? — tried to trace his steps in Hollywood and largely failed to find him. The
Washington Post traced his many addresses to no clear conclusion, except a suggestion of possible misdemeanor voter fraud.

In the midnineties, he inserted himself in a significant role into Biosphere 2, a project copiously funded by Edward Bass, one of the Bass family oil heirs, about sustaining life in space, and dubbed by Time one of the hundred worst ideas of the century — a rich man’s folly. Bannon, having to find his opportunities in distress situations, stepped into the project amid its collapse only to provoke further breakdown and litigation, including harassment and vandalism charges.

After the Biosphere 2 disaster, he participated in raising financing for a virtual currency scheme (MMORPGs, or MMOs) called Internet Gaming Entertainment (IGE). This was a successor company to Digital Entertainment Network (DEN), a dot-com burnout, whose principals included the former child
star Brock Pierce (The Mighty Ducks) who went on to be the founder of IGE, but was then pushed out. Bannon was put in as CEO, and the company was
subsumed by endless litigation.

Distress is an opportunistic business play. But some distress is better than others. The kinds of situations available to Bannon involved managing conflict,
nastiness, and relative hopelessness — in essence managing and taking a small profit on dwindling cash. It’s a living at the margins of people who are making a much better living. Bannon kept trying to make a killing but never found the killing sweet spot.

Distress is also a contrarian’s game. And the contrarian’s impulse — equal parts personal dissatisfaction, general resentment, and gambler’s instinct -
started to ever more strongly fuel Bannon. Part of the background for his contrarian impulse lay in an Irish Catholic union family, Catholic schools, and
three unhappy marriages and bad divorces (journalists would make much of the recriminations in his second wife’s divorce filings).

Not so long ago, Bannon might have been a recognizably modern figure, something of a romantic antihero, an ex-military and up-from-the-working-class guy, striving, through multiple marriages and various careers, to make it, but never finding much comfort in the establishment world, wanting to be part of it
and wanting to blow it up at the same time—a character for Richard Ford, or John Updike, or Harry Crews. An American man’s story. But now such stories
have crossed a political line. The American man story is a right-wing story. Bannon found his models in political infighters like Lee Atwater, Roger Ailes, Karl Rove. All were larger-than-life American characters doing battle with conformity and modernity, relishing ways to violate liberal sensibilities.

The other point is that Bannon, however smart and even charismatic, however much he extolled the virtue of being a “stand-up guy,” was not necessarily a nice guy. Several decades as a grasping entrepreneur without a success story doesn’t smooth the hustle in the hustler. One competitor in the conservative media business, while acknowledging his intelligence and the ambitiousness of his ideas, also noted, “He’s mean, dishonest, and incapable of caring about other people. His eyes dart around like he’s always looking for a weapon with which to bludgeon or gouge you.”

reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 7 January 2018 21:44 (eleven months ago) Permalink

However much a marginal, invisible, small-time hustler Bannon had been — something of an Elmore Leonard character — he was suddenly transformed inside Trump Tower, an office he entered on August 15, and for practical purposes, did not exit, save for a few hours a night (and not every night) in his temporary midtown Manhattan accommodations, until January 17, when the transition team moved to Washington. There was no competition in Trump Tower for being the brains of the operation. Of the dominant figures in the transition, neither Kushner, Priebus, nor Conway, and certainly not the president-elect, had the ability to express any kind of coherent perception or narrative. By default, everybody had to look to the voluble, aphoristic, shambolic, witty, off-the-cuff figure who was both ever present on the premises and who had, in an unlikely attribute, read a book or two.

reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 7 January 2018 21:54 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Is this Wolff

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 7 January 2018 22:05 (eleven months ago) Permalink


reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 7 January 2018 22:17 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Bannon didn’t promote internal debate, provide policy rationale, or deliver Power-Point presentations; instead, he was the equivalent of Trump’s personal talk radio. Trump could turn him on at any moment, and it pleased him that Bannon’s pronouncements and views would consistently be fully formed and ever available, a bracing, unified-field narrative. As well, he could turn him off, and Bannon would be tactically quiet until turned on again.

reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, 9 January 2018 00:01 (eleven months ago) Permalink

By ten weeks in, Steve Bannon’s mastery of the Trump agenda, or at least of Trump himself, appeared to have crumbled. His current misery was both Catholic in nature — the self-flagellation of a man who believed he lived on a higher moral plane than all others — and fundamentally misanthropic. As an antisocial, maladjusted, post-middle-aged man, he had to make a supreme effort to get along with others, an effort that often did not go well. Most especially, he was miserable because of Donald Trump, whose cruelties, always great even when they were casual, were unbearable when he truly turned against you.

reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, 9 January 2018 03:08 (eleven months ago) Permalink


reggie (qualmsley), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 12:24 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Steve Bannon is like a collage of every gross closeup on Ren & Stimpy.

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) January 9, 2018

Johnny Fever, Wednesday, 10 January 2018 13:12 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Steve Bannon is one of those weird '50s recipes where you stitch slices of olive loaf into the rough shape of a human and fill it with cottage cheese and aspic.

the smartest persin in the room (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 13:28 (eleven months ago) Permalink

a sentient shitpost that magically inhabited a biohazard disposal facility so as to teach the world about alcoholism

reggie (qualmsley), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 19:43 (eleven months ago) Permalink

finally getting the robert redford role he was born to play

reggie (qualmsley), Thursday, 11 January 2018 16:20 (eleven months ago) Permalink

Trey Gowdy, who led the Republican questioning, pressed Bannon hard on his description of Don Junior's Trump Tower meeting as "treasonous." Gowdy asked Bannon whether he would consider it treason for somebody close to him to approach Wikileaks' Julian Assange to get opposition research on Hillary Clinton. Bannon replied that such a scenario would be bad judgment. Then Gowdy produced emails from a Cambridge Analytica employee — the Trump campaign data firm closely affiliated with Bannon — boasting of just such contacts with Assange. Bannon claimed this was the first time he'd seen these emails (though they've been in the news).

reggie (qualmsley), Wednesday, 17 January 2018 21:58 (ten months ago) Permalink

one month passes...
one month passes...

voter suppression middle manager

reggie (qualmsley), Thursday, 3 May 2018 14:37 (seven months ago) Permalink

two months pass...

Hobo LARPer

Funkface LLC (Old Lunch), Friday, 10 August 2018 13:43 (four months ago) Permalink

Just saw Errol Morris has a doc on him at TIFF.

... (Eazy), Friday, 10 August 2018 13:57 (four months ago) Permalink

Yeah, IIRC it's another high-concept one where he just interviews a stained mattress draped with multiple shirts.

Funkface LLC (Old Lunch), Friday, 10 August 2018 14:00 (four months ago) Permalink

Capitalism started in 1983 at HBS, says Steven Bannon

Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Friday, 10 August 2018 14:04 (four months ago) Permalink

Hanging out with Clinton's old traveling companion Jeffrey Epstein of late. Because of course he is.

wayne trotsky (Simon H.), Thursday, 16 August 2018 14:44 (three months ago) Permalink

A colleague of mine has a very unhealthy relationship with lunch at work and often eats stuff past its 'best before' date. No big deal, most food is OK, except that I once caught him microwaving a block of mince lamb that was past its 'use by', a different deal. He ate it wrapped in an out-of-date flour tortilla, with a smear of out-of-date mayo. It looked like Steve Bannon.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:22 (three months ago) Permalink

You hurt me in my heart.

Melted Belts, Priced To Move (Old Lunch), Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:25 (three months ago) Permalink

you hurt me in my digestive system

ghost beef (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:28 (three months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

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