Films in 2017 that you don't want to see and why

Baby Driver 1.The trailer is awful. 2. It's called Baby Driver.

I thought Baby Driver was the worst title ever until I saw the trailer for Atomic Blonde

About 20 years ago a friend told me: watch HIGNFY tonight, my comedian cousin is on it. He was a desperately unfunny smug twat and I ripped my friend + he agreed that he was nauseatingly bad. 20 years later that unfunny hack somehow stole a living with various R4 comedy-fail projects and "humorous books" and his sprog is the current Spiderman, which I intend to avoid just as much as I did his dad's fucking shite comedy.

Haha

Dunkirk - jingoistic thrash + tasteless technical demonstration is not something I want to spend a nanosecond of my life sitting through.

It is more of a tv movie, but I can't motivate myself to watch Ozark, from what I've read about it it sounds like BJH's decline is terminal. And I didn't like Snowpiercer at all either. But it is very disappointing that the director of Memories of Murder, Mother and The Host is putting out such mediocrity these days.

Oh *that guy*!

What? Don't you mean Okja?

Seconding Dunkirk - a rescue mission that was mostly about saving people is admitidely kinda the best case scenario for a war movie, but Nolan is a ponderous fuck and a WWII setting will maximize that I reckogn.

Spoderman because it is too long for a Spoderman film.

Valerian because I like the comics and don't trust Besson with them.

Dunkirk cos what xyz says and also fuck nolans use of his own talent

apparently Nolan's jingoism has extended to ignoring the 120000 French evacuees, but jingoism aside he is such an empty pile of bombastic wank. all his movies should be burned imo and critics giving this shite 5 star reviews publicly shamed.

Don't hold back, cal.

Seriously though, how can crits like Bradshaw not get disciplinary warnings for misconduct after giving 5 star reviews to Nolan trash?

why are all popcorn movies over 2 hours long now? apes, spider-man, valerian...

Dunkirk isn't.

but i bet dunkirk will feel like it

I don't want to see Dunkirk because 1) soldiers trapped under fire sounds to me like disaster porn, and 2) I recently saw Their Finest, in which they make a movie about the Dunkirk evacuation. Too soon! On the other hand, 70MM screenings in (certain) multiplex theaters.

A Man's Life (novel) Smashwords, 2012

ilb hateread project imo

Yeah, it's a pretty shit tendency. Works ok for the apes one though to be fair.

jesus, I think that A Mans Life novel is written by the spiderman actor's smug prick of a dad I was talking about upthread!

'

‘A top notch stand-up who everyone should see’ The Daily Telegraph

people who are shit in multiple fields

i don't wanna see any of the usual guff this year because just stop already but on the other hand if that's your bag knock yourself out, i'm getting pretty good at ignoring stuff unless i have to talk to a fanchild

I feel glad I gave Dunkirk six stars now.

lol! I can never tell if you are joking or not about your Nolan love.

http://pov.international/en-impressionistisk-filmoplevelse/

I thoroughly agreed with your appraisal of Son Of Saul (which wasn't universally loved), fwiw Fred. But completely disagree with you here. But I'm sure you won't lose any sleep!

Ha, did you see I compared the two films?

no, my Danish is non-existent, just remembered your thread.

Praying for Danish film crit rn

If I put Fred's review through google translator I wonder if I'll get more sense than I do out of Fred's posts on here.

That fucking morrissey film.

Oh yeah "and why": because it looks like the most unappealing thing imaginable. There are hundreds of ppl involved in getting something to the screen and, to indulge my inner imago/calzino for a sec, in this case each one is a terrible cunt who should fucking die in penury :-D

I think Jerry Lee Lewis was otm when he said the musical biopic made about him should have been titled "Great Balls of Shit". It is hard enough to like any musical biopics, even if you like the artist. In recent memory, Born To be Blue wasn't entirely terrible, but not exactly breaking the mould either. But this monstrosity should have been throttled at birth, and fuck the wretched movie as well!

wins otm x 1000,000,000,000

All the shit biopics that come out and no-one's had the balls to make The GG Allin Story. Now that I'd see.

Give James Franco a few more years

And that's the one they can actually call Great Balls of Shit.

lol!

The Ready Player One trailer just went up. Everything I hate about nostalgia, nerds and pop culture wrapped up in a handy package.

not looking good at all, had to check it wasn't a Michael Bay joint.

here's a podcast episode that shits great balls on the book: http://www.idontevenownatelevision.com/2014/06/19/010-ready-player-one-w-mike-sacco/

The only films I have to actively avoid are Iron Man and Die Hard films because they're on tv everyday and some family members somehow don't tire of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D4ECVLm4Ro

I don't know anything about the actual story behind this guy's life, so for all I know the material is there for a really interesting treatment of an important and impressive life, but this looks like the biggest pile of Oscar-bait bullshit ever. Also, "Directed by Andy Serkis."

finally a British movie about posh twats

Exploitative shite that Will be loved by people who actually support throwing disabled/terminally ill people onto the streets.

and it has fucking Tom Holland in it, playing twins.

Okja was quite disappointing. It starts off cute, then turns into a "LET ME HAMMER VEGANISM UPON YE LIKE SO MANY MORRISEYS".

(sorry thats not a thread answer, its just someone mentioned BJH upthread)

An Eli Roth remake of Death Wish, starring Bruce Willis, and set in Chicago.

UGH.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_I4zqC7GN8

Death Wish is sort of funny as a relic, not so much as NRA fantasy in 2017.

Stumbled across Newness while looking at forthcoming projects of my go-to guy for films I don't want to see: Ridley Scott:

I don't want to see it because it's directed by this guy:

http://i.imgur.com/p4pxj6P.jpg

and it's called Newness

and the IMDb synopsis reads:

In contemporary Los Angeles, two millennials navigating a social media-driven hookup culture begin a relationship that pushes both emotional and physical boundaries.

Roth seems to have a very alt right bee in his bonnet

Just what our culture needs, a movie that shows that what Chicago really needs is a white savior to shoot black people. Can't see what could possibly go wrong!!

(btw is that Elizabeth Shue playing Willis's wife?!)

best part of the Death Wish movies is when a kindly old black lady thnx Charles Bronson for coming into her neighborhood & blowing ppl away

— Adam H. Johnson (@adamjohnsonNYC) August 3, 2017

Has anyone seen he trailer for the Jumanji 2017 reboot? It looks like a film my 9 year old would actually really like, but I may have to drop him off at the theater all alone.

You know how you thought that the only thing missing from Oliver Stone's 9/11 movie was Charlie Sheen? Well...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Bj3ZWKINq8

another soderbergh heist movie. he's got, what, 3 good movies out of 25 made?

Okja was quite disappointing. It starts off cute, then turns into a "LET ME HAMMER VEGANISM UPON YE LIKE SO MANY MORRISEYS".

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, August 3, 2017 12:14 AM

I have little patience for preachy veganism, but I found it was negligible here. Flying shit and Tilda Swinton playing the Trumps compensated.

(the heroine and her grandpa eat chicken & fish btw)