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roughly a 50/50 mix of totally unnecessary shit that crams our favorite characters together in unlikely combinations, and desperate underwritten flailing to make sure everything's where it's supposed to be at the start of star wars. not dealing with plot holes as such, outright sloppiness (thousand generations/thousand years), gratuitous fuckups of the universe (e.g. midichlorians), or "it's like poetry" echoes (padme in white outfit, anakin losing hand). though these have the same effect of many of the listed items, in terms of replacing a wonderful saga in the imagination with a banalified retread on the screen.
Poll Results
Option | Votes |
C-3PO is built by Vader, owned by Lars, and around for everything until Bail wipes his memory | 8 |
Boba Fett and the Stormtroopers are all clones of a random bounty hunter who is Obi-Wan's antagonist in AOTC | 6 |
(other) | 4 |
Padme killed in childbirth just to get rid of her; no effort made to cover Leia's memories of her mother in ROTJ | 4 |
Yoda and Obi-Wan just give up on trying to do anything else and go into hiding so the movie can end | 3 |
Qui-Gon, dead and off camera, promises to teach Yoda and Obi-Wan how to become blue ghosts | 2 |
Palpatine's old-man face actually a deformity created/revealed by his own rebounded force lightning | 2 |
Chewbacca helps Yoda survive "Order 66"; they part as good friends | 2 |
Jar-Jar introduces motion to empower Palpatine and start Clone Wars while Padme is away falling in love with Vader | 2 |
Bail Organa tells Mon Mothma to use CGI Leia as Death Star plan courier, before hurrying off to Alderaan | 1 |
Ponda Baba and Dr. Evazan hassle Jyn and Cassian on Jedha mere days before hassling Luke in Mos Eisley | 1 |
Inevitable Han Solo film crap (steals vest from Jar Jar, is told "always shoot first, kid" by Boba Fett, etc.) | 1 |
Obi-Wan learns "certain point of view" defense from Anakin on a lava planet | 1 |
R2D2 is from Naboo, cleaned up and subsequently adopted (?) by Padme; around for everything, no memory wipe | 1 |
Jabba emcees pod-race won by child Vader | 1 |
Vader and Greedo play together as children (deleted scene) | 1 |
Millennium Falcon spotted landing on Coruscant in two-second shot | 0 |
Whole rest of Rogue One's plot | 0 |
Obi-Wan's floating-ball Force lesson actually standard Jedi day-care exercise | 0 |
Bail Organa is close ally of Padme who's been thinking of adopting, and Vader just never though to check in there either | 0 |
Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru are Luke's genuine blood relations, and Vader just never thought to check in there | 0 |
First fifteen minutes of third movie scribbled in to cover Alec Guinness's Anakin Skywalker reminisces | 0 |
Last hour of third movie scribbled in to cover Alec Guinness's Darth Vader reminisces | 0 |
Vader is fatherless child created by Palpatine's manipulation of the Force (implied) | 0 |
― Doctor Casino, Saturday, 11 November 2017 18:40 (six years ago) link
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