amazon echo / google voice / siri / alexa / VR / smart speakers ~~THINK ABT IT~~

i love that in a visually overloaded world suddenly the hot tech is p much entirely invisible and driven by sound, both input and output

i went from never wanting one to signing up for voluntary subdermal implantation in about 5 seconds flat

i like going round my friends houses and setting the alarm to 4am when they go to the toilet

I have four Amazon surveillance devices in my home, including one in the bathroom.

these fuckin things don't understand my accent

clear evidence of silicon valley's continuing scotophobia imo

That's scotchophobia iirc

i can't get mine to play any french podcasts unless i say their titles like a brain-dead american literally phonetically pronouncing the words

also my echo has a disturbing lack of respect for charli xcx, viz:

pic.twitter.com/OuqbcgtGy6

— Elisha Sessions 🆒 (@elishasessions) January 3, 2018

My success rate with these devices is pretty low. Ieasier to use the keyboard / screen

“CALL GOOMAH”
“CALL MOM?”
“NOOO”

Never have and never will understand why I should be interested in talking to a machine. Or impressed by it, or whatever. Also, accent here.

it was a present that i initially did not want.

i have now plugged it into the stereo and can invoke any song from the entire history of recorded music by just asking for it. also it does the weather and the radio. it's frankly amazing

Never have and never will understand why I should be interested in talking to a machine. Or impressed by it, or whatever. Also, accent here.

― Whiney Houston (Tom D.), Thursday, 4 January 2018 12:45 (three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Weren't u also against SNA and ILF

Just saying

My mom has procured an Echo sometime in the last couple of months (which I only accidentally discovered while calling for my sister's dog, Lexi, over the holidays). I couldn't get it to much in the way of fun tricks and was quickly growing bored but once I discovered 'Alexa, fart' I was all in.

Still am (xp)

A mate of mine recently got one, obsessed with it, but all I could gain from what he was saying was that he uses it for weather forecasts.

for me it really is about spotify, the radio and podcasts. it also acts as a kind of default Bluetooth speaker to send phone audio to.

anticipated black mirror moment: scolding my children for telling alexa to "shut up"

Meanwhile in the home of Boab Gillespie, erstwhile lead singer of Primal Scream.

"Holl', Alexa, doll, whit's the fuckin' weather like, eh? Still pishin' it doon?"

"Ye whit, hen? Cannae fuckin' hear ye."

Viz Top Tips: Pretend you have a state of the art voice recognition music system, by talking loudly to your SanDisk Mp3 player.

I've actually got a Sandisk mp3 player lol.

I haven't used anything else since about 2011, it does all I need.

I got an echo when they first came out and it was a useful novelty then, using it for weather/music/news/timers. It became indispensable when I started using it for home automation, linked with a Smartthings hub. Now I use four of them to control almost all the lights in my apartment, kettle, wax melter, white noise machines. I have routines created for various milestones in our mornings/evenings, like my morning routine (lights come on full brightness, kettle starts), waking up wife (lights slowly get brighter over the course of 10 minutes, white noise machine shut off), put kid to bed (white noise machine on, overhead lights off, lamp on 50%). Also use them for grocery lists, which sync to the Anylist app, which both my wife and I have on our phones/watches. That one is extremely useful. Occasionally use it to order things. My biggest wish right now is that it worked with Apple Music, my prefered streaming service. I'm subscribed to Amazon Music unlimited, but it isn't as great. I also wish I could search for music and start it playing via the app, but you have to do it via voice , which can be hit or miss. I'll probably get a Homepod when they come out just for music.

you can throw your phone to it though, doesn't that (sort of) solve the apple music problem?

So...you're saying it's more than a fart machine? Interesting.

I can, but it is extra step of connecting my phone via BT and there is no voice search. The value for being able to play whatever song/album/playlist in 2 seconds is lost. That’s just enough friction to make me not want to bother most times.

Our neighbor was impressed by my patient redirection of her unruly Echo when it kept playing the wrong song requests at her NYE party.

'Alexa! Play 'Auld Lang Syne'!'
(plays (fictional example) 'Old Langston' by Conway Twitty)
'Alexa...Alexa. Please stop. Please. Thank you.'

Amazon Music is ok, but I really want all my Apple Music playlists. There is no easy way to convert them over.

I forgot I also use the drop in feature to call to the different rooms in my place. Useful instead of yelling across our long apartment. Also use the mobile app to drop in when I’m out and about.

i'm surprised apple didn't modify appletv to be one of these annoying things before the holiday season.

I hate these things and won't use one, btw. (I do use appletv though)

i don't even use Siri because I feel like an idiot talking to my phone

That's scotchophobia iirc

this is violence

Released on the net as the scotch tapes

i'm too lazy to talk to a computer tbh

the applications Jeff listed sound useful for a big household with kids in it but I can't imagine ever using anything like this in my apartment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5kNP7tyhk8

hahahaha

i sometimes use siri for sending simple text messages or basic google searches but siri in genera is too dumb and unresponsive to be that useful for anything

Shortly after Christmas 2018, the Bobby Gillespie household...

Boaby G: "Holl', Alexa, ah've goat a wee question fur ye that's been daein' ma fuckin' nut in... ye right, hen?"

*silence*

Boab: "So, wis that an aye ur a naw? Anywey, whit it is is ah wahnt tae buy this fuckin' book Julian Cope wrote, it's goat a fuckin' quote fae yours truly oan the cover an' every'hin', (clears throat) '"A total skullfuck of a book, a hooligan saga of rave damaged psychic shipwrecks and mythic time travel", Bobby Gillespie, Primal Scream'... load o' pish, ah mean it's the sort o' shite ah wid come oot wi' but ah've never even read the fuckin' 'hing! Me read a fuckin' novel? Aye right, that'll be the fuckin' day unless it's a fuckin' Sven Hassel or sum'hin'... Oanywey, where wis ah? Oh aye, the 'hing is, ah cannae mind whit ye cry it..."

*silence*

Boab: "... this fuckin' novel Julian Cope's wrote..."

*silence*

Boab: "... fucked if ah can remember whit ye cry the 'hing..."

*silence*

Boab: "D'ye hear me? Whit's it ca'ed?"

*silence*

Boab: (raising voice) "Ah said dae ye hear me? As questions go, it's no' exackly a hard yin or any'hin'..."

*silence*

Boab: (increasingly flustered) "You fuckin' deef ur whit? 'Cuz ah'll fuckin' have ye if ye're rippin' the pish oot me! (breathing heavily and jabbing index finger violently) Think ye're fuckin' clever dae ye!"

Voice from next room: "Robert, what are you doing in there?"

Boab: "Aw, nu'hin', maw, jist, er, sum'hin' oan the telly. (turning back to Alexa) Right, let's get calmed doon here, ah'm gonny ask ye nicely afore ah get upset... slowly whit dae ye ca' yon Julian Cope's shite novel?"

*silence*

Boab: (exasperated) "Aw, fuck me, whit the fuck's up wi' this 'hing? It's like it disnae unnerstaun the Queen's fuckin' English or sum'hin. Man alive!"

*silence*

Boab: (calling to mother in next room) "Hey, mammy, see this 'hing ye goat fur ma Christmas, fuckin' send it back, it disnae fuckin' work! (walks off mumbling) ... fuckin' piece o' crap... they fuckin' saw you comin', hen ... like talkin' tae the fuckin' wa'... ah'd get mair sense oot the fuckin' dug (aims kick at family pet)..."

Alexa: "One Three One."

Smart speaker / dumb user

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JepKVUym9Fg

fuck this shit

i have now plugged it into the stereo

to think you used to be against the very phenomenon of recorded music!

fuck this shit

― brimstead, Sunday, January 28, 2018 7:50 PM (thirty-seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fuck this shit

― brimstead, Sunday, January 28, 2018 7:50 PM (thirty-seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fuck this shit

― brimstead, Sunday, January 28, 2018 7:50 PM (thirty-seven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol j that was when i was more limber, and had more disposable income

now i need electric ariels to fetch sounds into my home

unfortunately i find myself curious about the apple homepod

t/s: being surveilled by tim cook vs being surveilled by jeff bezos

I want one. Not in the budget right now tho.

is it imac-sized but with a giant clickwheel???

£320 for a bluetooth speaker which doesn't understand my accent when i yell at it seems... ambitious

Bears repeating...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAz_UvnUeuU

precisely

whenever i see one of these i have a momentary impulse to destroy it

How is this real https://t.co/zsBWetcQ3m

— Casey Newton (@CaseyNewton) March 7, 2018

referring to this:

Amazon confirms some Alexa devices are randomly laughing and says it's working on a fix, after multiple users posted about it on social media (@shannon_liao / The Verge)https://t.co/ZZCzsdJblBhttps://t.co/su8obK4hWt

— Techmeme (@Techmeme) March 7, 2018

I got a HomePod. I enjoy it, but I do use it almost exclusively for listening to music. Just having easy, voice controlled access to my iTunes library and playlists that I’ve carefully curated over the past 15+ years is worth the price for me. Also works really well being controlled by the phone as well. You can easily switch to whatever the HomePod is playing, change the queue, add something to up next, etc. And it sounds better than what I was using previously (Amazon Music through the echo).

I’d struggle to recommend it to anyone not using Apple Music though. It’s not a great smart speaker, I still use my Alexa’s for all my smart home devices and automations since they are not HomeKit compatible.

less a ringing endorsement than a... maybe a clanking endorsement?

Wasn’t meant to be! Just thoughts, man.

have now plugged it into the stereo and can invoke any song from the entire history of recorded music by just asking for it.

you can't though

pretty freakin close!!

anything spotify doesn't have i just bluetooth from my phone/computer

or play on the record player lol

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/may/24/amazon-alexa-recorded-conversation

Siri on my phone turns on at odd times when I’m speaking French (I have Siri set to English), and does weird things since it’s interpreting French as English. Bilingual life may be pretty rare for people with the lifestyles to buy one of these but I don’t see how they screen for accent differences etc.

it connects to my computer's Bluetooth around midnight pretty regularly with absolutely no intervention from me, no noises at all in the house

throw that shit in the garbage, my g

Siri on my phone turns on at odd times when I’m speaking French (I have Siri set to English), and does weird things since it’s interpreting French as English.

seems to work the other way too. when i say the incredibly common english word 'theatre', it thinks i'm saying 'théâtre' with all the accents i didn't insert into my speech and then says "sorry, i didn't find a device named 'tay-AHH-tra'". alexa is a fucking idiot.

i mean... alexa, not siri

now that i'm here:

• siri has improved year on year, and being able to program siri shortcuts has made it useful for specific routines, but it's still limited in too many ways and is full of the dumbest bugs on the planet
• google is easily the best going – understands everything i say (if it can hear me), only fucks up adding items to my shopping list (and then only occasionally)
• the hilariously bad thing about cortana is it's subject to your pc/laptop's sound card working properly, which i thought would be normal and totally seamless after 30 years of sound cards in windows machines, but apparently not

having gone all-out with google home i'm now able to drift through the flat with one (1) music/podcast playing everywhere. a damned decent and relatively affordable way of doing things, especially since i'm trying to do less with headphones (due to fear of further hearing damage), and especially since there have been a pile of good specials recently (i straight-up can't justify the cost of a full sonos kit-out).

on the whole, it works. if you want music played on a speaker group, it plays on that speaker group and stays nicely synced across speakers. chromecast is better for this because asking the homes to play something is a lucky dip. the sound quality (a mix of homes & minis) isn't excellent but it's absolutely fine, and i love having it follow me around without needing to crank it.

i've gone a bit nuts with home automation too, where it's convenient. so:

• hue: bloody fantastic
• smart plugs: now we can turn on electric blankets on the way home from somewhere
• logitech harmony hub, for controlling the decade-old tv & air con/heater: good tech but the software is the worst thing that has ever happened, seriously well within the range of medieval torture devices

luck·y dip
/ˌləkē ˈdip/
noun
British term for grab bag.

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51KDzehG%2BZL._AC_SY400_.jpg

Siri just plain doesn't understand the things I say and doesn't seem to be getting any better so I've stopped using it.

siri is outright broken on watches, doesn't fire at all most of the time

"electric blankets"

i'm astonished these still exist. do they or are you kidding?

i need to make the first elective duvet.

my commercial song is gonna be a repurposed "electric guitar" if i can clear it somehow

elective, electric, whatever lol

siri is outright broken on watches, doesn't fire at all most of the time

About 9,720 results for "electric duvet"

i'm astonished these still exist. do they or are you kidding?

as long as there are cold blankets there will be a device to warm them

It’s working again on my series 4. I had given up on my previous series 2.

it was absolutely fine on my series 3 until watchos 5

google assistant is now available as a siri shortcut, so you can yell e.g. “hey google, i parked my car here” into your watch and google maps will remember where you parked it

Serious question: why are you guys all not bothered by having every sound you make in your homes spied on?

because

1. network activity monitoring has shown iirc that they (at least google’s iirc) only scan locally for the wake word and don’t send any voice data to the mothership unless they’re invoked

2. i honestly can’t think of a trade-off that matters, given i have what 40 years left to live and will just waste it anyway

3. phones everywhere are doing exactly the same thing all of the time

that said i would never buy one for anyone as a gift, that would be a really shitty thing to do

Sounds as though google is a bit better than alexa, then. Cheers.

yeah alexa got sprung recently for over-listening (can’t find the link i saw recently, but here’s another one from may)

i have what 40 years left to live and will just waste it anyway

my man

lol wait for it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVhFxxyXd0o

I got an Echo as a "welcome to the new office" gift 2.5 years ago (to cushion the blow of being relocated from Soho to a Z4 industrial estate, as far as I could tell). My gf also worked at the same place then, and now we live together, so we have two of these bastards. They continually fall off the wifi, and have to be powered off/on, which entirely defeats their only use, which is playing music while you're cooking/doing dishes/otherwise unable to fiddle with a touch-screen. The novelty of Alexa singing songs or telling lame jokes or ghost stories wore off for the kids after about six months.

Still, Amazon have a nice little archive of me saying "go fuck yourself" and "why is everything so shit" or "where are my fucking keys, eh? Tell me that" after the wake-word which I'm sure can be weaponised at some point.

gotta wifi those keys bruh

Surprised the Echo didn't just drop £500 of home-security facial-recog tech into my Amazon basket so I never have to fumble for physical keys again. "I'll let you back in when you stop swearing at me".

all I do with these things now (alexa and google) is control lights, add stuff to shopping lists and play music (which on google is a major clusterfuck at least half the time). worth having around but I wouldn’t update unless these ones die.

u people are mad letting these things in your homes

we have a five month old called hazel in the house, and sonos speakers with google voice support. saying 'goo goo goo' often sets them off - more worryingly, so does 'hey hazel', though it makes a slightly different beep and doesn't actually respond to any commands afterwards.

I feel confident that Alexa won't send a random email out, it's not linked to my email account (other than through my amazon account). I'm pretty sure it doesn't have the function to just look up my contacts in google mail and send out an email.

No one will ever want to come to my house again once I get this new little robot.

Five and two year old at the table, two year old asks "hey google how does a sponge work"

"According to the website mayoclinic.org the contraceptive sponge is a type of birth control (contraceptive) that prevents sperm from entering the uterus. It is soft and disk-shaped and made of polyurethane foam. The contraceptive sponge contains spermicide, which kills sperm. Before having sex, you insert the sponge deep inside the vagina so that it covers the cervix. Your vaginal muscles hold it in place. The contraceptive sponge has a strap on one side for easier removal. The sponge can prevent pregnancy but doesn't protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs)."

lmao amazing

haha!

hey google what is an upper decker

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/dec/29/amazons-alexa-child-penny-live-plug

Also belongs in a Darwin awards thread:

The challenge began circulating on TikTok around a year ago and often results in the person getting electrocuted