Saying Goodbye to a Loved One..

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...when you are facing the prospect of family bereavement.

The question I've been thinking of is: how to create a goodbye? Something that is, somehow -- despite the horribleness of the situation -- positive for the person facing it and the people around you. Instead of it just being a slow march full of sorrow and anger.

What things have you done or seen others do? Say stuff to my poorly worded thread, if you can.

xyzzzz__, Tuesday, 23 January 2018 19:45 (six months ago) Permalink

I know it will sound very corny and possibly not helpful at this stage, but my mom (who is 92) is very near her death. She's only intermittently lucid at this point. These days, I mostly just hold her hand as she lies in bed and we say very little. But it's enough. If I'd waited until now to say what needed saying, it would be too late.

I think the only way to feel like you can say goodbye easily is to be as loving, honest and attentive as you can manage, every time you're with that loved one. Leave nothing unsaid, if you can. Then each time you say goodbye, no matter if you think they'll live another dozen years, try leave behind only love and good feelings.

A is for (Aimless), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 20:04 (six months ago) Permalink

I think the only way to feel like you can say goodbye easily is to be as loving, honest and attentive as you can manage, every time you're with that loved one.

This.

My mom died 7 months ago. I never got to say goodbye because by the time I got to where my parents lived she was unresponsive and remained that way for the last week of her life. During a visit the month before she passed she said to me "I wish I could say the things I want to say to you but I can't get the words out" which was just the most heartbreaking thing and I'm now crying at my desk as I type this. That said, I've managed to find comfort in the fact that, despite not having had a chance to say goodbye, I tried my best to be a good daughter and let her know how much I loved her as often as I could.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 21:01 (six months ago) Permalink

Thanks, and apologies for bringing any bad memories back.

xyzzzz__, Wednesday, 24 January 2018 08:47 (six months ago) Permalink

No need to apologize. I'm just still processing the whole thing. This stuff is the hardest. My thoughts are with you.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Wednesday, 24 January 2018 17:58 (six months ago) Permalink

we recently had a goodbye FaceTime w/my wife's grandfather, who passed away after a fall at age 96. he declined over the course of a couple of days and knew it was coming. it was harder than i thought (i had found myself an extra grandfather later in life in him, he was a positive decent guy to the end) but i was glad to see him one last time. we didn't have much to say to him, he didn't have much to say to us, i think he was just tired and ready to go. in his words a couple months before, "your aunt and uncle can just toss me in the back of the U-haul and bring me down to the plot and drop me in, it's all the same to me ha ha."

omar little, Wednesday, 24 January 2018 18:03 (six months ago) Permalink


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