Is this the lamest excuse ever?

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What are the most appalling excuses for things have you made/heard in your time?

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 31 October 2002 17:57 (twenty-three years ago)

When I nicked my cousins lego figures (oh the eternal shame) I gave the excuse that I put them in my pocket and just sorta forgot they were there.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 31 October 2002 17:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Something about having left my maths book on the bus and therefore not having any homework to hand in when said book was in my bag, which was open and in clear view. Nowadays I tend to tell the truth and admit to forgetting or not bothering. How dull.

― alix (alix), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Something about having left my maths book on the bus and therefore not having any homework to hand in when said book was in my bag, which was open and in clear view.

That's exactly what happened to me the first time I hadn't done my homework. David Crof*s said to the teacher "No you haven't - I can see it there in your bag!".

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:15 (twenty-three years ago)

My teacher reached down and took the book, and looked through, exposing my double lie. Bitch. She could have at least gone along with it.

― alix (alix), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:17 (twenty-three years ago)

My favourite lie to explain not handing in essays was that I'd locked myself out of my house. I liked it because I didn't have to act ill or depressed or anything, and it was just unusual enough that it didn't sound like an excuse (I would feel awkward saying something like "My computer crashed" even if my computer had crashed).

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, after DC squealed that's what my teacher did too. My first detention, I think. Might have talked my way out of it.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:26 (twenty-three years ago)

My homework lies usually just turned into rambling, stuff like "well I did questions 1 and 2 and then I got stuck...and I had some English homework to do" (and of course I'd tell the English teacher I had some other homework that totally consumed my time, but I had a go as well), and it usually worked coz at least I had done some homework.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:26 (twenty-three years ago)

i like the way 'lie' is made up of the letters I, L, E.

― s magnet, Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I seem to remember spending ages dreaming up feasible and foolproof excuses. I still do it when I evade train fares.

― alix (alix), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:29 (twenty-three years ago)

the dog ate my nagging wife!!

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 31 October 2002 18:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I just got told by 'the Scheduler' that he has to be back at four to pick up his kids, so we will not be able to go on a trip that has been rearranged 3 times already: "oh really? the kids have to go to school! today! my God what a surprise, of course you couldn't have planned ahead for that!"

― isadora (isadora), Thursday, 31 October 2002 19:04 (twenty-three years ago)

A place I used to work, they got a call one morning from someone explaining that one employee had lost his voice and was far too ill to come to work that day. OK, they said. Who is this calling? "My dad."

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 1 November 2002 23:12 (twenty-three years ago)

it wasn't me.

― di smith (lucylurex), Sunday, 3 November 2002 01:39 (twenty-three years ago)

four months pass...

I have exams next Tuesday and am trying to think of good excuses for not sitting it. I cannot bear the thought of the hellish week (and weekend!) that lie ahead if I have to study for the damn thing. Any suggestions?

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 08:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Anal bleeding is always a great excuse. They never want to go too far into the possible causes.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 31 March 2003 08:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Your dog ate the examiner?

― alix (alix), Monday, 31 March 2003 08:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Anal bleeding? That might appear to reveal more than I would wish, Pete. Anyway, it would be pluggable.

I don't have a dog but could probably get one by the weekend...

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 08:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Whipping up a nice old-fashioned MIGRAINE does the trick: nobody ever argues with lacerating headache pain.

Though of course DUD if you actually get one.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 31 March 2003 09:23 (twenty-three years ago)

It has got to believable and planned to perfection by Friday (to guarantee I have a fun weekend). Although come to think of it, I do feel some pressure behind the eyes and a definite tenderness around the temples...

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 09:30 (twenty-three years ago)

I once took two days off of work to go to Glastonbury with a Hernia. It also explained why I had a rocking suntan when I got back, because with a hernia the docs advie was not to move too much so it was straight out in the sun with me. However it turned out not to be a hernia at all, rather an Incocompression*, a rareish malady which occurse when your large intestine folds back on itself like a bendy straw, and detritus gets stuck in the fold. It is easy to cure with a very thick carbon based drink which will have the side effect of giving you the shits and making you appear that you may have spent the last few days whacked out of yer head on Perry and druqs.

That was a good excuse.

*It later turned out that this only happens to rabbits and small rodents.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 31 March 2003 09:35 (twenty-three years ago)

You went to Glastonbury with a hernia?? Pure insanity.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 09:38 (twenty-three years ago)

my hamster died of a prolapsed bowel.

― alix (alix), Monday, 31 March 2003 09:39 (twenty-three years ago)

What were you doing bringing a hamster to Glastonbury??

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 09:40 (twenty-three years ago)

a) It wasn't really a hernia, it turned out to be an incocompression.

b) It wasn't really an incocompression, it was a lie.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 31 March 2003 09:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Be glad I'm not your boss, Pete. I'd have caught you.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 31 March 2003 10:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, it was a menial summer job and I think I took the "no taking time off" thing a lot more seriously than she did.

I'm now glad I haven't got a boss and am the boss. Incocompression my arse!

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 31 March 2003 10:38 (twenty-three years ago)

I am taking a group of people with hernias to Glastonbuty this year. It's ok if they bring their hamsters. It's a care-in-the-community kind of thing.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 31 March 2003 11:01 (twenty-three years ago)

I did think of taking a bunch of gall stone sufferers but it was more apt to go to the nearby Gallstonebury*. They all bought their pet tamarinds.

*Twinned with Kidneystonehoffen in the Black Forest.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 31 March 2003 11:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Alix - my hamster died of the same, though my vet did tuck it back in and put in sutures and such. But the little guy just curled-up that afternoon and drifted off to Hamster Heaven. I felt so badly for him.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 01:44 (twenty-three years ago)

seven years pass...

A judge rugby-tackled a sex offender to the ground to prevent him escaping from court, the Old Bailey has heard...

When interviewed by police Reid told officers the judge told him he could go home, the court heard.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-12678445

― nakhchivan, Tuesday, 8 March 2011 19:23 (fifteen years ago)

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