Lads, it's the Premier League thread - EPL 2019/20

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Grant Hanley categorically not ready.

ShariVari, Friday, 9 August 2019 19:14 (nine months ago) link

Norwich really don't deserve this

Number None, Friday, 9 August 2019 19:30 (nine months ago) link

This is going to be one of the better performances by a team that loses 8-0 isn't it

Dadjokke (Sgt. Biscuits), Friday, 9 August 2019 19:33 (nine months ago) link

Hold on, Grant Hanley's playing in the Premiership?

Euripedes' Trousers (Tom D.), Friday, 9 August 2019 19:37 (nine months ago) link

In a manner of speaking.

ShariVari, Friday, 9 August 2019 19:38 (nine months ago) link

The own goal was pretty hilarious.

But there was a span of ten minutes when it was 2-0 where Liverpool should have conceded

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Friday, 9 August 2019 19:44 (nine months ago) link

alisson ;_;

gbx, Friday, 9 August 2019 19:44 (nine months ago) link

Plucky Pukki pulls one bakk.

Euripedes' Trousers (Tom D.), Friday, 9 August 2019 20:30 (nine months ago) link

more footage of Delia Smith and Alan Hansen please. i wonder what theyre saying to each other

Windsor Davies, Friday, 9 August 2019 20:32 (nine months ago) link

o rite

Hansen on Delia: “My wife and I met Delia and Michael through the Radio Times. The Radio Times used to take readers to New York and back on the QEII and that's where we first met, and we've all stayed in touch and we're really good friends.”

slightly more confused/intrigued than i was before

Windsor Davies, Friday, 9 August 2019 20:33 (nine months ago) link

"you can't win anything with cooks"

Number None, Friday, 9 August 2019 20:33 (nine months ago) link

Norwich manager looks like a bad guy from a Steven Segal movie

The World According To.... (Michael B), Friday, 9 August 2019 22:23 (nine months ago) link

He's a mean looking dude, for sure.

Euripedes' Trousers (Tom D.), Friday, 9 August 2019 22:31 (nine months ago) link

he looks a hardened Wehrmacht commander when he dons the full length leather jacket.

calzino, Friday, 9 August 2019 22:32 (nine months ago) link

Norwich manager looks like a bad guy from a Steven Segal movie
so he looks like Steven Segal?

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 9 August 2019 22:40 (nine months ago) link

Steven Segal isn't bad, he's ABOVE THE LAW

The World According To.... (Michael B), Friday, 9 August 2019 22:41 (nine months ago) link

Has long enough passed that I can post this?

Norwich return to the Premier League. The Championship, like all good parents, will keep their room just as they left it for when they come back home next year.

— Danny Baker (@prodnose) April 27, 2019

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 9 August 2019 22:48 (nine months ago) link

#bantz

They're pretty decent going forward. I think they've enough to stay up. Get fucked Danny Baker

The World According To.... (Michael B), Friday, 9 August 2019 23:34 (nine months ago) link

Hi I’m a Crystal Palace supporter now.

president of deluded fruitcakes anonymous (silby), Saturday, 10 August 2019 01:28 (nine months ago) link

Wolverhampton here

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Saturday, 10 August 2019 01:38 (nine months ago) link

i just like a good game (match)

alomar lines, Saturday, 10 August 2019 03:01 (nine months ago) link

Welcome all.

I’m not sure Norwich are much better equipped than Fulham to cope with the Premier League but it’ll be fun to see them try. Pukki and Leitner should score goals. I suppose it only requires Newcastle, Villa and Sheffield United to be worse.

ShariVari, Saturday, 10 August 2019 06:08 (nine months ago) link

this whole ozil/kolasinac thing seems so weird to me. are they actually being threatened by an organised gang with regard to their testimony or something?

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 08:56 (nine months ago) link

Is there an ilx fantasy league?

help yourself to another slice of apple ... crumble (Willl), Saturday, 10 August 2019 09:04 (nine months ago) link

there used to be but I dont think so anymore

or something, Saturday, 10 August 2019 09:59 (nine months ago) link

better that way

imago, Saturday, 10 August 2019 10:59 (nine months ago) link

i'd forgotten again that jack wilshere exists

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 11:33 (nine months ago) link

oh good, VAR is going to really improve the Prem this season

seven against feebs (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 10 August 2019 12:42 (nine months ago) link

the use of it for razor-thin offsides is so wrong-headed

Number None, Saturday, 10 August 2019 12:51 (nine months ago) link

yeah absolutely it isn't the existence of the tech i'm bitching about at this stage, but if they keep this shit up i'm gonna stop watching football

seven against feebs (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 10 August 2019 12:53 (nine months ago) link

I see the league is going to be as competitive as ever.

Euripedes' Trousers (Tom D.), Saturday, 10 August 2019 13:35 (nine months ago) link

Bournemouth finish about as well as my local team

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Saturday, 10 August 2019 14:14 (nine months ago) link

man why wwas this the game they gave us here locally

Bournemouth look terrible

Sheffield, well, mama always said....

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Saturday, 10 August 2019 14:40 (nine months ago) link

finally a goal

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Saturday, 10 August 2019 15:21 (nine months ago) link

lol...Bournemouth gonna Bournemouth. give away the equalizer with 2 minutes left

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Saturday, 10 August 2019 15:46 (nine months ago) link

silby your team got a draw....against a 10 man Everton....at home.

could be worse! a point is a point

i'd rather zing like a man, than FP like a coward (Neanderthal), Saturday, 10 August 2019 15:54 (nine months ago) link

Billy Sharp :D

seven against feebs (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:05 (nine months ago) link

Grealish has got a bit of a Cathy Dennis thing going on here now, hmm

Dadjokke (Sgt. Biscuits), Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:33 (nine months ago) link

Didn't watch a ton of Spurs last season but thought Eric Died was as poor as Trippier, be interested to see if he lasts the season as a regular

Ooh good chance for lucas

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:35 (nine months ago) link

Eric died lol

Aston "Family Court" Barrett (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:35 (nine months ago) link

Danny Rose might end up outlasting Poch.

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:36 (nine months ago) link

Lol not deliberate
Xp

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:36 (nine months ago) link

Grealish can't pull off that look like Patrick Berger could.

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:38 (nine months ago) link

Actually watched a snide broadcast of everton v palace in an everton pub... never felt in much danger of exposing myself with extravagant gloating goal celebrations.

Glass half full: we gritted out a point we didn't deserve

Half empty: we played shit and should have been stuffed and are definitely going down if that's the best we've got

Aston "Family Court" Barrett (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:39 (nine months ago) link

wanna hear darragh on that goal

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:39 (nine months ago) link

Lol, starting like we ended last season.

ShariVari, Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:39 (nine months ago) link

One punt down the middle

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:39 (nine months ago) link

Sweet pass, way too easy. Spurs will still win I think but hella shakey at the back.

oscar bravo, Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:51 (nine months ago) link

disgrace

phil neville jacket (darraghmac), Saturday, 10 August 2019 16:51 (nine months ago) link

bragging rights

The final score is in! @DiogoJota18 secures the win for @Wolves ending the game in a total score of 3-5 🔥 Gg to @Ekonsa15 and @AVFCOfficial 💪 But overall a very entertaining game for the charity of @AcornsHospice ❤️#wolvesesports #fifa20 pic.twitter.com/4ba7hIh01b

— Wolves eSports (@WolvesEsports) April 4, 2020

Kier today, Dom tomorrow (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 4 April 2020 13:25 (one month ago) link

Kyle Walker lmaooo pic.twitter.com/Yue2LaUiEl

— Dean Van Nguyen (@deanvannguyen) April 5, 2020

Matt DC, Sunday, 5 April 2020 16:02 (one month ago) link

Smolov a model of probity in comparison.

there's.....a lot......happening here pic.twitter.com/ZPhU3IEbmz

— Steadman™ (@AsteadWesley) April 5, 2020

ShariVari, Sunday, 5 April 2020 18:34 (one month ago) link

Looks like a thoughtful young chap.

Did somebody just say eat? (Tom D.), Sunday, 5 April 2020 18:39 (one month ago) link

Belarusian premier league (ice hockey as well) is still calmly going on! It probably doesn't help when President Lukashenko is saying things like vodka, saunas and honest agrarian graft will defeat the rona.

calzino, Sunday, 5 April 2020 20:08 (one month ago) link

From @TheAthleticUK:

FIFA is to confirm an indefinite extension to the season.

It means each country’s football association can choose when the campaigns ends.

They'll also alter the dates of the transfer window & allow contract extensions for players out of contract in June. pic.twitter.com/DhtgokoVZT

— Ollie Bayliss (@Ollie_Bayliss) April 6, 2020

Number None, Monday, 6 April 2020 13:56 (one month ago) link

pep guardiola's mother has died of covid-19 in spain

ole uncle tiktok (darraghmac), Monday, 6 April 2020 14:33 (one month ago) link

aw jeez :(

Kier today, Dom tomorrow (Noodle Vague), Monday, 6 April 2020 14:35 (one month ago) link

#LFC backtrack and apologise:

Peter Moore: "We believe we came to the wrong conclusion last week to announce that we intended to apply to the Coronavirus Retention Scheme and furlough staff due to the suspension of Premier League football and are truly sorry for that."

— Melissa Reddy (@MelissaReddy_) April 6, 2020

Number None, Monday, 6 April 2020 17:48 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

you take your eyes off the football news and fun breaks out

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/richard-keys-newcastle-united-takeover-18125632

"Are we to look away and forget everything? Now is there an argument that it is nobody's business how Saudi Arabia does it's business domestically?

"I get and understand that, we should never try and impose western morals and principles on countries elsewhere in the world. It is for them to decide how to run their country. I wouldn't argue with that.

"But if you are the host country who are inviting in, I think you've got a right to say these are the rules."

clap for content-providers (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 21 April 2020 16:24 (one month ago) link

^^ good stuff

So the Dutch PM yesterday ruled out any big events till at least Sept 1st. This includes footy matches. Where the Dutch FA cowardly didn't dare make a decision, and w/ UEFA ($$$) pushing countries to finish their national leagues regardless (they'd settle for 5 a side probably, as long as it gets done), this now means the Dutch league is definitely dead. There'll be no "champion", and who will get what EU cup place will be up for debate, but at least it's clear. The clubs had already agreed weeks ago it was best to just forget this year (AZ too, who are second to Ajax only on goal diff and beat them twice this season).

Is the PL waiting for Bozza et al to come up with a same measure? To show UEFA "lookit frères our hands are tied"?

Desperate to play behind closed doors I think. Which is thoroughly unsatisfactory imo.

clap for content-providers (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 22 April 2020 10:37 (one month ago) link

Let all the chief execs have a game of Wembley singles if they're that arsed

Dadjokke (Sgt. Biscuits), Wednesday, 22 April 2020 10:45 (one month ago) link

Desperate to play behind closed doors I think. Which is thoroughly unsatisfactory imo.

Whatever ends up happening will be unsatisfactory. I can't really see any good solution.

The Rampaging Goats of Llandudno (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Wednesday, 22 April 2020 12:53 (one month ago) link

yeah i think the tournament style finish, behind closed doors, is as cloae as you'll get to a fair outcome

steer calmer (darraghmac), Wednesday, 22 April 2020 14:43 (one month ago) link

The green light has been given for the @Bundesliga_EN to restart May 9- behind closed Doors. The health department needs to agree and the league has to present them their plan but as of now things are looking up and up for May 9th return of German ⚽️.

— Taylor Twellman (@TaylorTwellman) April 20, 2020

Number None, Wednesday, 22 April 2020 14:52 (one month ago) link

Is it wrong to cough a couple of times as you're being marked for a set piece?

Non, je ned raggette rien (onimo), Wednesday, 22 April 2020 21:17 (one month ago) link

red card for simulating expectorating

genital giant (Neanderthal), Thursday, 23 April 2020 00:06 (one month ago) link

https://www.irishtimes.com/sport/soccer/la-liga-outline-detailed-proposals-in-bid-to-return-to-action-1.4236430

The protocol calls for clubs to be given a month of training where possible, with two weeks of group and full-team sessions following two weeks of individual training.

Some clubs are concerned about the plausibility of that plan and returning to competition without sufficient training. That process begins with a four-part protocol written by doctors from three first division clubs and reviewed by medical departments at a further four clubs across the top two divisions. The protocol was distributed to every La Liga side and discussions with medical staff began on Wednesday. It has been shared with other European leagues.

The preliminary stage (phase one) of the protocol for the resumption of training involves at least three tests being carried out on every player before a return to activity, beginning with polymerase chain reaction and serology tests. The league hopes to carry out a first round of tests on April 28th to gain a picture of where they are and establish which players have built up an immunity to the virus. The final test of the first phase must be conducted two days before a return to activity.

Once sessions begin, up to two weeks after that first test, players will be subjected to daily serology antibody tests which the league has acquired. Any player found to be positive will be isolated.

Phase two is individual training sessions to be carried out at the clubs’ training grounds in a controlled environment that has to be disinfected before sessions. “Clean area” notices will be placed at entry points, the number of staff allowed in will be limited and training times staggered to prevent players coinciding with each other. Strict rules are laid out for the preparation of food – only one cook will be allowed – for laundry staff and for security. Employees will be categorised as high or low protection, with footballers in the former group.

Players will arrive at training always in the same car and in kit, taking away the following day’s kit in a sealed, biodegradable bag. Dressingrooms are not to be used and there will be a maximum of six players on any pitch and no more than 12 on site. No more than two players will be allowed in the gym and no interaction with coaching staff will be allowed. Staff must wear gloves and face masks, as must players until on the pitch.

From phase three, squads will be in isolation at the training ground, residency or a closed hotel space occupied only by the team. They will not be allowed home and will be in individual rooms. There will be no communal areas. Sessions will be conducted in three eight-player groups with no more than 20 staff on site. Those groups will be split across three dressingrooms, ensuring no more than three players are together. After sessions, they will return to their rooms.

Multiple dressingrooms, disinfected after every use, will also be used for the phase four, the final stage. At that point, teams will be able to train together for the first time with a view to a return to competition. In an ideal scenario the whole process will take a month, although there is a recognition of the fluidity of the situation. Details of matchday protocol are yet to be finalised but will stipulate that games are behind closed doors and, following the intervention of the federation and players’ union, not closer than 72 hours apart.

Number None, Friday, 24 April 2020 08:08 (one month ago) link

When Baltimore was rioting because of cops a couple of years ago, a baseball game or two got aired without crowds and you could choose one feed that didn't even have announcers, just whatever ambient sounds the field mics could pick up. Great way to watch a game and hopefully a football league or two try it.

Greta Van Show Feets BB (milo z), Friday, 24 April 2020 08:11 (one month ago) link

Yes! The swearing!

Tim, Friday, 24 April 2020 09:30 (one month ago) link

players will be subjected to daily serology antibody tests which the league has acquired.

lol fuck the doctors we need to keep Vardy alive!

calzino, Friday, 24 April 2020 09:43 (one month ago) link

i watched Wolves play in the Europa "behind closed doors" and it was shit tbh and it must be fucking shit to play in those conditions

clap for content-providers (Noodle Vague), Friday, 24 April 2020 12:33 (one month ago) link

This all seems to be predicated on the idea that the 2020-21 season will be going ahead, which would seem to be a fool's prediction right now.

does anyone know of any choir-organ repairers? mine broke (Matt #2), Friday, 24 April 2020 13:24 (one month ago) link

Think the assumption is that the 2020/21 season will have to be an odd one too (for example half the games and no crowd)

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 24 April 2020 13:28 (one month ago) link

i would still prefer to wipe next season and finish this one properly at some point if possible next year or whenever, but clearly that's a terrible financial imposition

clap for content-providers (Noodle Vague), Friday, 24 April 2020 13:39 (one month ago) link

Furlough the fuckers up to a maximum of £2500/month, it's not like their skills are of any use whatsoever right now. De Bruyne? Firmino? Glenn Murray? Compared to a shelf-stacker in Asda they're a complete waste of space.

does anyone know of any choir-organ repairers? mine broke (Matt #2), Friday, 24 April 2020 14:17 (one month ago) link

Employees will be categorised as high or low protection, with footballers in the former group.

There it is

Non, je ned raggette rien (onimo), Friday, 24 April 2020 15:08 (one month ago) link

Furlough the fuckers up to a maximum of £2500/month, it's not like their skills are of any use whatsoever right now. De Bruyne? Firmino? Glenn Murray? Compared to a shelf-stacker in Asda they're a complete waste of space.

― does anyone know of any choir-organ repairers? mine broke (Matt #2), Friday, April 24, 2020 3:17 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

can't tell if this is a joke post or not

oscar bravo, Friday, 24 April 2020 15:34 (one month ago) link

thanks, was gonna say

clap for content-providers (Noodle Vague), Friday, 24 April 2020 15:53 (one month ago) link

Not sure myself!

does anyone know of any choir-organ repairers? mine broke (Matt #2), Friday, 24 April 2020 15:59 (one month ago) link

i would still prefer to wipe next season and finish this one properly at some point if possible next year or whenever, but clearly that's a terrible financial imposition

That's more or less what I said the day they cancelled postponed this season: there seems very little chance of playing this year full-stop, so why not just freeze everything for a year and restart this season in March 2021 at the point we left off?

The Rampaging Goats of Llandudno (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Friday, 24 April 2020 22:57 (one month ago) link

Player contracts, TV contracts.

in twelve parts (lamonti), Monday, 27 April 2020 05:29 (four weeks ago) link

two weeks pass...

Danny Rose has described talk of a Premier League return amid the coronavirus pandemic as ‘b*******’, insisting he doesn’t ‘give a f***’ if it helps lift the nation’s morale if lives are still at risk.

I think ILX's fave lb could do a better job than Whitty.

calzino, Tuesday, 12 May 2020 10:26 (one week ago) link

I still listen to a few football podcasts and, in terms of ads, it's wall-to-wall Jose/Paddy Power. So my idle question for which I can't be arsed to DMOR and for which I have no personal insight whatever: what's COVID done to online gambling? Presumably, there's fuck all to gamble *on* but gamblers will find other things to gamble on?

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 20 May 2020 10:16 (five days ago) link

Albanian football and South African horse-racing never stopped during the lockdown and people were punting on eFootball, don't ask me i haven't a clue!

calzino, Wednesday, 20 May 2020 10:23 (five days ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvrGNgY9_i4

Marbles man, betting on marbles!

Le Bateau Ivre, Wednesday, 20 May 2020 10:26 (five days ago) link

actually I think it was the Moldovan league that kept going

calzino, Wednesday, 20 May 2020 10:29 (five days ago) link

Belarus, it was

Le Bateau Ivre, Wednesday, 20 May 2020 10:31 (five days ago) link

that's the one! their pres reckons hard agrarian slog in the fields and a litre of vodka a day keeps the rona away

calzino, Wednesday, 20 May 2020 10:34 (five days ago) link

Man, that marbles thing has sent me spiralling into the past. I want to a) see a domino topple and b) bet on it.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Wednesday, 20 May 2020 10:38 (five days ago) link

I've been having a dabble on the Hong Kong racing, it appears to be less shady (and therefore easier to make money on) than the UK stuff

or something, Wednesday, 20 May 2020 10:49 (five days ago) link

Dinamo Brest vs BATE Borisov should be a cracker today.

ShariVari, Wednesday, 20 May 2020 11:02 (five days ago) link

Saw a blow football set for sale the other day, I'd completely forgotten about that. I was thinking it could be a way to finish the season off - that or Subbuteo, or maybe Logacta - but I suppose it wouldn't be great for distancing. Danny Rose into the trenches it is then!

zoom séance goes tits up (Matt #2), Wednesday, 20 May 2020 11:47 (five days ago) link

Dan Walker is a fucking wasteman

come out you melts and bams (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 23 May 2020 11:31 (two days ago) link

^

Appleman Appears: 20/2/2020. Whose Cider You On? (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 23 May 2020 14:06 (two days ago) link

(No idea if he's said or done anything to bring that on particularly, but always worth repeating)

Appleman Appears: 20/2/2020. Whose Cider You On? (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 23 May 2020 14:07 (two days ago) link

Not really, I just saw him.

come out you melts and bams (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 23 May 2020 14:26 (two days ago) link

That's generally enough.

Is Lou Reed a Good Singer? (Tom D.), Saturday, 23 May 2020 15:29 (two days ago) link


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