social and moral dilemmas in the reign of COVID 19th of its name

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itt: riddles how to act in the current juncture, and answers thereto from all and sundry, wise and sometimes not so wise

mark s, Monday, 6 April 2020 15:28 (one month ago) link

i'll start: is it OK not to answer straight away when my friend rings me knowing i will certainly be in?
this friend is
(i) an emergency worker definitely currently doing something more worthwhile than me, who will need talking down from the stress of it all
(ii) also a little needy sometimes

is it ok to slightly be controlling bat the time of our chats? in this instance i actually have an excuse (not only was i working also -- non-essential but it is work -- but i was hitting a deadline and it was 20 minutes away when they called)

mark s, Monday, 6 April 2020 15:32 (one month ago) link

I went for a walk thru the park and around the block and ran into a friend who wanted to chat. It didn't feel right to tell him to fuck off even tho I suspect he's not the kind of bloke to be doing social distancing very carefully. So I let him walk along with me for a bit and we chatted, tho I kept my six feet distance and moved and dodged so other people could do the same.

Am I a terrible virus-spreader and what do you do in these circumstances?

Kier today, Dom tomorrow (Noodle Vague), Monday, 6 April 2020 15:44 (one month ago) link

As far as your question is concerned mark I think it's fine to pick and choose when we reply to friends as long as it's within reasonable timeframes of not ignoring them, and sometimes it's easier to ignore a call than spend 5 minutes explaining why you can't talk right this minute.

Kier today, Dom tomorrow (Noodle Vague), Monday, 6 April 2020 15:46 (one month ago) link

xpost I think this is fine. Especially if you know that person has other primary support/sounding board people. I have several friends that regularly kind of blanket spread (copy+paste) common grievances like they are unique to them and i had previously put space around interaction with them.

NV, I am pretty blunt about these things. And would just nicely say, "if we are to chat can you please be mindful of physical distancing."

Yerac, Monday, 6 April 2020 15:49 (one month ago) link

Like some people (and you may like them!) don't want advice, they don't want conversation, they just want an audience. And everyone is going through their own shit and has their own different methods of working through it, so I think it's fine to figure out the best time to be that audience for both of you.

Yerac, Monday, 6 April 2020 15:53 (one month ago) link

my life now, my social circle, is full of people who have really intense emotional needs which are not always easily met. i hesitate to give advice after all that awful fight over "emotional labor" last year, but you are, unquestionably, overburdened and overstressed. yes, it's ok for you to politely put them off. it's also ok for them to be upset at not being able to get the emotional support they feel they need. reconciling those two perspectives can be a challenge to any relationship.

Kate (rushomancy), Monday, 6 April 2020 15:56 (one month ago) link

guys is it okay to correct someone who incorrectly states that it’s called covid-19 because it’s the 19th instance of covid rather than because it was named in 2019

bam! Free bees! (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 6 April 2020 15:58 (one month ago) link

When people have been saying CV, I still think they are talking about resumes for 5 seconds.

Yerac, Monday, 6 April 2020 15:59 (one month ago) link

Actually, it's Frankenstein's Coronavirus

may the force leave us alone (zchyrs), Monday, 6 April 2020 16:02 (one month ago) link

i talked to them and they were calling to say they'd gone home from work feeling extremely dizzy -- might be a CV symptom, might be anxiety, might be who knows -- and planned to stay off for a while to see how things go, just in case, bcz this is the "wrong time to be a hero". this explains the time of day, which had thrown me a little tbh. i know they way prefer being in work with stuff to do to being home (where they live alone, as do i). anyway i don't think my not picking up and then calling back was an issue, and i explained the deadline thing. i imagine i'll be talking to them more often over the next few days but that's fine.

mark s, Monday, 6 April 2020 16:11 (one month ago) link

Ok, something I've been wondering. Lots of my friends and family members are posting lots of things about how it's ok not to get anything done during this time, that you shouldn't embark on any great projects, just keep working on staying calm and sane.

I have a complete 180-degree idea about this - I need to be taking on big creative projects all the time, it's what I do and it's what keeps me going. And selfishly I feel like I'm being judged for being like this, especially now, and more so - I feel annoyed that instead of saying reasonably "stop taking advice from people on the internet on how to live your life" they are just taking somebody else's advice and reversing it. Well meaning as it is, I don't want people telling me what kind of behaviour to engage in, especially when they are not qualified to give any advice.

So my question is "can I tell them to quit it with this stuff?" and obviously the answer is "no, leave it alone, it isn't for you, it's also generally nbd and not worth engaging with" and my answer is "ok, I'll vent about it on here instead." So here we are.

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 6 April 2020 16:22 (one month ago) link

yeah, I hate shit like that^^^. I find it condescending but I typically just keep quiet because I figure it's more helpful and for the person saying/posting it than me.

Yerac, Monday, 6 April 2020 16:29 (one month ago) link

how would u approach informing a good not bad internet poster that the last thing we needed was another politics thread, but a close second was another thread for covid posting

ole uncle tiktok (darraghmac), Monday, 6 April 2020 16:38 (one month ago) link

Start an "Ask (insert poster's name)" thread.

Yerac, Monday, 6 April 2020 16:41 (one month ago) link

Surprised we haven't seen an RIP Boris Johnson thread yet

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Monday, 6 April 2020 16:53 (one month ago) link

don’t wanna jinx it

bam! Free bees! (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 6 April 2020 16:54 (one month ago) link

When it happens I’m gonna break it to everyone I know by texting “have I got news for you”

Microbes oft teem (wins), Monday, 6 April 2020 16:57 (one month ago) link

Ok, something I've been wondering. Lots of my friends and family members are posting lots of things about how it's ok not to get anything done during this time, that you shouldn't embark on any great projects, just keep working on staying calm and sane.

I agree 100% with the very last bit of this. The caveat being that everyone has their own means of staying calm and sane and those means are not necessarily the same employed by everyone else. So, yeah, if plunging into a huge project does the trick, eff the haters. I've found that alternating between bouts of intense activity and complete inertia is my personal cup o' quaran-tea.

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Monday, 6 April 2020 17:06 (one month ago) link

really you should just work on not feeling judged there imo

intercept all projection affecting you as early as possible in the process of it affecting you kind of thing

ole uncle tiktok (darraghmac), Monday, 6 April 2020 18:07 (one month ago) link

My general rule is that I can't stop feelings from arising, because they arise from a place outside my conscious control, but I can stop myself from believing they are accurate reflections of outer reality. They can only tell me how I'm feeling, nothing more.

A is for (Aimless), Monday, 6 April 2020 18:18 (one month ago) link

so my nice downstairs neighbours are doing a big shop tomorrow and just asked if i needed anything, is it OK to ask for pre-grated cheese and not expect secretly to be judged

mark s, Tuesday, 7 April 2020 12:26 (one month ago) link

i wd judge you

Kier today, Dom tomorrow (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 7 April 2020 12:27 (one month ago) link

i AM judging you

bam! Free bees! (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 7 April 2020 12:36 (one month ago) link

Just split the difference: ask them to buy you ungrated cheese and then to grate it for you.

Unparalleled Elegance (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 7 April 2020 12:50 (one month ago) link

You could get them to grate it through the letterbox, just wedge the cheesegrater in there and put a tupperware box underneath, problem solved.

Wuhan!! Got You All in Check (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 7 April 2020 12:52 (one month ago) link

c&ping here as more appropriate:

Another one for the new moral quandries pile: the wife thinks we should go out to buy essentials when we need them, as opposed to sending for delivery, as a) this way we are running the risks, not paying someone else to (we are both able bodied, young, well off) and b) we are not depleting the stock of orders that ppl w/ less mobility than us rely on. This flies in the face of govt advice, tho frankly the govt's gotten it wrong so many times now and also is unlikely to care about the fates of the proles who deliver shopping. The only other thing I could think of is that if we go out that means more ppl are out and that means higher risk of contagion for the delivery person, who will be picking stuff up from the same places we go to. Thoughts?

― Daniel_Rf,Thursday, April 16, 2020 7:37 AM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

That delivery person isn't going to stop circulating because he didn't have to come to your house. Working for the greater good means staying at home and reducing the chances of your becoming a vector.

― Yanni Xenakis (Hadrian VIII),Quinta-feira, 16 de Abril de 2020 13:16 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

I had no idea Deliveroo picked up supermarket shopping. Can't use it where I am anyway.

― kinder,Quinta-feira, 16 de Abril de 2020 13:24 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

It’s no longer complicated to me. If the demand is outpacing the supply of delivery spots, the most vulnerable and the literally quarantined people need it more. Only use those services if those populations are able to get what they require. Two week+ waiting times for slots tells me that is not happening here, so I’m carefully going to the store, but as infrequently as we’re able to manage. If more availability opens up as capacity rises, that’ll be the time I stay away too.

― Kim,Quinta-feira, 16 de Abril de 2020 13:35 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Daniel_Rf, Thursday, 16 April 2020 15:49 (one month ago) link

so a slightly smaller dilemma, but also who knows, it could literally be life or death to someone: while I have surgical masks now (the rectangular kind), I am very, very bad at tying them, especially behind the back of my head, resulting in a loose fit/one that needs adjusting, both of which are bad and maybe even make them totally useless. (it isn't just masks -- I suck at fiddly ties in general, at pulling up zippers behind my back, etc. should I be practicing on something? if so, what?

like, I’m eating an elephant head (katherine), Thursday, 16 April 2020 16:28 (one month ago) link

I have this problem too (my big stupid hair getting in the way doesn’t help) but mine is not a surgical mask, it’s a T-shirt I cut up on the basis that two bits of fabric and a paper towel is better than nothing ito preventing aerosols getting from me to someone else. I don’t think it’s doing much of anything for me as such so I figure the fit doesn’t have to be perfect, just good enough

Microbes oft teem (wins), Thursday, 16 April 2020 16:52 (one month ago) link

This has probably been covered in a million posts on Medium (and it definitely says something about me that none of my algorithms serve them up to me) but what’s up if you have a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? You’re not supposed to visit each other, right?

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 April 2020 17:02 (one month ago) link

That is what’s up

Microbes oft teem (wins), Thursday, 16 April 2020 17:04 (one month ago) link

Dang

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 April 2020 17:05 (one month ago) link

for masks that have two sets of ties, I like the top one to rest on the top-back of my head so it pulls up and across my cheekbones.

Yerac, Thursday, 16 April 2020 17:06 (one month ago) link

try doing that with the BOTTOM tie. gamechanger

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 April 2020 17:16 (one month ago) link

This has probably been covered in a million posts on Medium (and it definitely says something about me that none of my algorithms serve them up to me) but what’s up if you have a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? You’re not supposed to visit each other, right?

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand),Thursday, April 16, 2020 10:02 AM (fourteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I think it's likely that lots of people who are dating have decided to cohabitate during this time. I was thinking about this, probably some awkward situations. like people who were on different wavelengths regarding their relationships. one person wanting to cohabitate and the other person being happy to see the person after this is over. or people moving in together and then driving each other crazy within days.

COVID and the Gang (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 16 April 2020 17:21 (one month ago) link

Totally!

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 April 2020 17:28 (one month ago) link

If I'd known of this thread earlier I'd have posted this:

When you friend pops by your garden the day before his Dad's funeral and tells you he Was surprised they let him in to see him on his last day and how flimsy and useless the PPE apron he wore was and how he hasn't had any symptoms himself yet...

How do you appear appropriately sympathetic while backing away while the voice in your head screams GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME?

Non, je ned raggette rien (onimo), Thursday, 16 April 2020 19:28 (one month ago) link

*curb theme*

Microbes oft teem (wins), Thursday, 16 April 2020 19:31 (one month ago) link

I like the impression that Tracer has adopted the french lifestyle

https://www.euronews.com/2020/03/27/can-my-husband-see-his-mistress-french-police-receive-bizarre-lockdown-questions

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 17 April 2020 10:37 (one month ago) link

Should I be feeling slightly bad about ordering CDs or is it basically fine to good?

I've got my bidet and my pills (Noel Emits), Friday, 17 April 2020 14:47 (one month ago) link

feel like we could do a whole thread just on that...
support the economy / dying physical media / desperate sellers vs. endangering postal and other workers for non-essential items

Nhex, Friday, 17 April 2020 14:54 (one month ago) link

Telling myself that CDs are light and basically letters. So the postal services are prioritising as they deem appropriate now.

I've got my bidet and my pills (Noel Emits), Friday, 17 April 2020 15:18 (one month ago) link

So = also. Either me or my phone is totally failing at typing.

I've got my bidet and my pills (Noel Emits), Friday, 17 April 2020 15:21 (one month ago) link

What is everyone’s experience with begging now that nobody carries cash and we are not supposed to go near each other?

I was approached by a guy the other day and it just so happened that I did have cash on me so I gave it to him, all fine. My dilemma (such as it is) was that he was one of these guys who has a really long rehearsed story about why he needs exactly 6.52 - normally I just listen to the story even though we both know it’s untrue because it would be rude to cut them off but this time I was quite tempted to interrupt and say “yeah fine whatever” just to not have someone in my space for 5 minutes.

Microbes oft teem (wins), Saturday, 25 April 2020 12:13 (one month ago) link

I think it's more important for them to get money than to be allowed to go through their story all the way through, I imagine it's a miserable experience for them too.

It has changed for me in that I almost never carry cash anymore, I need to remember to take some for these instances.

Daniel_Rf, Sunday, 26 April 2020 10:20 (one month ago) link


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