Alone in the Park - it's the Prem 2020-21 thread

It's about that time, so let the complaints and assessments of who may or may not be ready begin

and yeah i started because

https://tmssl.akamaized.net/images/foto/normal/fabio-silva-fc-porto-u19-1556117018-21920.jpg

HE'S READY

https://gmsrp.cachefly.net/images/20/08/15/a7db7b9bdb609c3c2e6f41fd497ead84/320.jpg

He [squints at fax] would be ready if he was allowed to be

https://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/webimg/QVNIMTE2MTc3ODY3.jpg?width=640

HE LOOKS READY

was looking frwd to messi going to city and having no discernible effect on their performances.

given lfc have run themselves into the ground over the last 2 seasons and have signed a grand total of 2 players over that period, neither of whom are starters, i'm not expecting them to win the league again.

utd since fernandes have been good but can't see ogs being able to add anything extra on top of what the players themselves can do cf. the way he/they shat it in semi finals last season. de gea could throw in 3 by october and still probably not be replaced by henderson.

chelsea should be interesting as a keegan newcastle 2.0 with all those great attackers plus a dire defence and rancid goalie.

am p stoked for dirtyleeds but not getting ben white from brighton will hinder them, don't rate robin koch that highly

and having said all that it seems equally possible that i will lose all interest by the start of october as prem post lockdown last season p much bored me even incl lfc winning the bloody thing. cl mini cup was enjoyable though.

Yeah the excitement of a new season is tempered by how crap lockdown football has been.

Lampard and Solskjaer both good odds not to see the season out I think, Abramovitch has thrown money at the squad so I don't think a battling top 4 finish will be what he's looking for, Solskjaer probably a bit safer but he's not all that and again, will be expected to improve. Odds of Wolves cracking the top 6 tempered by tiredness, squad changes and the aforementioned crapness of empty stadiums, but I expect us to be thereabouts.

Liverpool won't romp the league but hard to look beyond them or City for the title.

Wolves about to sign an 18 year old Porto forward?

Record fee for one of the most hyped 18 year-olds in the world, hard not to get a bit excitable

Of course their opener is during work hours on a date I'm training. Lol. Three times in a row now.

If YouTube TV lets me record it, maybe.

Zillionaire John Henry cheaping out on the Red Sox and Liverpool so close to winning championships is lols.

Think I’m gonna root for Leeds this season.

lol please please please do

ok i'm not linking to the gutter press but lol Greenwood and Foden are very naughty boys and they should feel bad

I used to think I hated Leeds but at this stage its oddly reassuring, like nu-metal coming back.

Mahrez and Laporte have the rona btw.

VDB is a good addition for Utd, but based on the evidence of post-lockdown football we'll seriously struggle if we don't get another couple of players

The worrying thing is we don't seem to have any plan for the RW beyond Sancho, despite not having a proper winger there for like five years now

Can see us going for a panic loan on deadline day - possible Douglas Costa or the like - which would be pretty underwhelming

As it stands, I think our first XI is up there with the best in the league but the bench options are absolutely dire and Solskjaer seems to not trust any of them to come on and change a game

In summary, 4th will be about the height of our ambitions

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6a/d6/08/6ad608cec0a8ff1f9db5171e0a84b7e5.jpg

He's ready

VDB is a good addition for Utd

Not even slightly convinced by this tbf. Would like to be proven wrong but Utd isn't the kindergarten Ajax is. Think he'll have a hard time making his mark.

Porto is our feeder club now

Think he'll have a hard time making his mark.

He'll get enough games given the state of United's midfield. Then again, could be a Davy Klaassen situation idk.

I rate him higher than Klaassen, VDB's got more talent. I'm just not sure his frivolity will be appreciated/come to fruitition as much as it did at Ajax.

state of Utd's midfield? It's looking better than it has in years

VDB I see as a depth addition who can sub for a few of our midfielders, while hopefully pushing for a starting spot

personally I think our current first XI is a match for anyone in the league

it's when we have to go to the bench that the trouble starts

Obviously he's not going to displace or challenge Bruno F but I guess is the aim is to play him behind him during the half a season when Pogba is injured or underperforming.

is it me or does Fábio Silva look like the singer from a landfill indie band?

https://www.expressandstar.com/resizer/ezUTZcRyx14-ZQyZO_x_bH0SL-c=/1000x0/filters:quality(100)/cloudfront-us-east-1.images.arcpublishing.com/expressandstar.mna/XFCUMDNNIVEWLLNLZCQIYFGNNM.jpg

1) why is he in San Francisco? and 2) I highly doubt it's that big

looks like he has the Golden Touch alright

i hope my dick get big as the Eiffel tower
so I can fuck the world for 72 hours

Fulham are very bad

Damien Delaney’s dream dinner party guests are a trip. pic.twitter.com/MJVgVGwcWZ

— Elvis Buñuelo (@Mr_Considerate) September 12, 2020

Any amount of money says they made him replace Hitler with Keith Richards.

hitler is going to be furious he didn't get an invite, guy's got a temper

I bet he's read some piss poor history books, especially if he thinks China had a billion plus population since the 50s!

I thought I'd misheard this, 5 Live lads pissing themselves

Solid list tbh, I'd sub out Richards for Andrea Dworkin, it's a bit of a sausage fest and I bet he's a boring bastard

Somebody needs to start the non Prem thread so I can lol at Derby

I just spent literally five minutes scrolling down the preliminary FA cup fixture list on my phone. It's astonishing so many non-league clubs are still going in the age of cholera.

Excellent Leeds goal. 1-1 after about ten minutes.

Awful defending for both teams. Would be 2-2 if Bamford wasn’t a terrible fraud of a player.

the curse of the post! but still Bamford is shite!

mo salah with short hair looking hot

missed the start, was hoping this would be spicy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSZBIs0gs0E

Ah 2017 LFC how I've missed you. Actually it turns out that I haven't and have become one of those dullards who values competence over excitement. I blame too much Football Manager. First LFC penalty poor decision imo.

They don't call it the Poorthorns for nothing

The gulf in quality and ambition between Leeds and West Brom / Fulham was enormous.

lol, what a let-off.

Everton deserve to be ahead though.

Quickly call it off!!

who can afford him? city and psg?

pretty much

I'd lean towards the latter

he can play pro bono

Hes following romero

Ow

Per this @TelegraphDucker story on the Grealish deal, he has signed a 6-year deal worth £115m (in wages), which, at £369,231 per WEEK, would make him the highest paid footballer in the history of English football.

(Apart from, maybe, De Bruyne, unconfirmed)

— Nick Harris (@sportingintel) August 5, 2021

jackeen grealish is not worth that imo

Careful there, there's almost as many Grealish fans itt as Spurs fans.

Ugh.

https://static.independent.co.uk/2021/08/05/20/PRI193476170%20(1).jpg

Dunno if I buy that story. Villa’s CEO put out a video to the fans last night explaining the situation and he was very clear that the fee was £100m and that was the release clause the club agreed last summer.

There was also a story that Villa offered a contract more money than City’s offer but Grealish wanted the move anyway - I’d be surprised if he’s on much more than half that wage

I saw the Purslow video. It doesn't mention anything about wages

His basic salary will obviously be less than that, as these things always include a raft of bonuses. So maybe Villa offered him a higher basic salary, but I'd even doubt that tbh

I believe his name is Jack, not Jack Grealish

As inevitable as it seems Messi to PSG is comfortably the least interesting way it could have played out

It doesn’t seem to be guaranteed. Not completely clear that even they want Neymar, Mbappe and Messi’s wages on the books, plus whatever they’re throwing at Ramos, Donnarumma, etc. It’s hard to see anyone giving him €75m a season until he’s 39, though.

messi to liverpool is my preference

Levy running the numbers on sponsorship income tbh

pic.twitter.com/x5nXkyvqo1

— Harry Kane (@HKane) August 6, 2021

Well i think we should take him at his word eh

Lmao. I know I currently work for myself but previous times I’ve worked for someone I couldn’t imagine not turning up to work and then tweeting “shut up, I’m still profesh, I’ll turn up eventually”

"how dare you impugn my character. i shall reveal the true course of events in good time"

small time behaviour perfectly befitting of his club

Hes not there yet

he should have gone for the brainyquotes format for this very important social media communique, perhaps a pic of a lone tree under the milky way or a mountain rather than himself!

pic.twitter.com/HuiuwHuVij

— no context tottenham (@nocontextspurs) August 6, 2021

Minion meme imo

xp
lol darragh

Romelu Lukaku to Chelsea, confirmed and here we go! The agreement is set to be completed after further talks. €115m to Inter and no players included. Paperworks to be signed once details are fixed. 🔵🤝 #CFC

Lukaku will sign a long-term contract for €12m + add ons. 🇧🇪 #Chelsea pic.twitter.com/N47ksuRGpM

— Fabrizio Romano (@FabrizioRomano) August 7, 2021

wtf is going on at Inter?

Tottenham agree fee for Inter striker Lautaro Martínez also wanted by Arsenal https://t.co/NYkni1m4ig

— Gary Jacob (@garyjacob) August 8, 2021

Messi incoming

Didn’t Conte leave because they are like 800 million in debt and told him he would have to sell his title winning team?

Lautaro Martinez’ agent Alejandro Camano: “Lautaro is happy at Inter and in Italy. His decision is to stay”, he told to @CLMerlo. Tottenham made a bid for Lautaro days ago, Inter want to keep him. 🔵🇦🇷 #THFC #Lautaro

— Fabrizio Romano (@FabrizioRomano) August 8, 2021

Inter don’t need to sell aiui.

Inter also want rid of Vidal and Sánchez

back in 2017, then Villa boss Steve Bruce was keen to use Grealish as bait to lure Middlesbrough striker Jordan Rhodes to Villa Park.

Bruce had a strained relationship with Grealish for the majority of his spell in the Midlands, with the former boss frustrated by the midfield ace's tendency to complain to referees as well as his antics off the pitch.

Rhodes was lined up to add goals to a Villa side desperately struggling for firepower - even if that meant sanctioning the loss of a future star.

so Bruce was willing to do a Grealish/Rhodes swap deal, that would have been an alltime classic.

"if Ashley Young is worth £9 million then what must Gary McSheffrey be worth?" also a legit Brucey quote

The man knows the price of nothing and the value of nothing

it was his legacy signings that got Town relegated twice and with one spell of administration in between. Any proper manager would have judged Kenny Irons to be a player with some considerable skill in striking a dead ball, but nevertheless an overweight pisshead who would have struggled to be fit enough for 70's football. And perhaps not sanctioned a 4 year contract on 9 grand a week! I could go on at great length about his ineptitude in the transfer market, but also he probably got lucky a few times.

In 2008, Kenny signed for Liverpool Veterans Side Sacre Coeur, who compete in the I Zingari Combination League. However, following the 4–1 defeat on 9 April at the hands of Bootle side Jawbone FC, Irons finally retired.

At the age of 46, Irons helped England win the 2016 Seniors World Cup, for retired professionals, in Thailand.

Any old Iron came good in the end! I used to talk to this bloke in the bookies who drank with him and said he'd often be knocking back the pints at the bar in the George Hotel before a match day.

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/callum-wilson-makes-graeme-jones-21201344.amp

Some wonderful glowing praise for Bruce from Callum Wilson here, for balance

“I think Graeme Jones coming in as a coach (in January), definitely complemented the manager because he’s a little bit more tactically aware and up to date, whereas the manager has his different strengths and attributes," Wilson revealed.

If I was a club owner I'd save money by simply employing a manager who doesn't need a ghostmanager to do the job for them. To quote DJ Martian "Systems Thinking can solve this problem"

i wonder if anybody's ready?

Covid's ready!

Someone has to start a new thread. You have 2 minutes or it's me

fobttll!

ahaha JINX

lol I knew you had that thread title primed and ready to post!

ironically it's what they should be telling us whenever we post there lol

I'm amazed that Calzino knows who DJ Martian is.

A meeting of two eras, fully 20 years apart!

someone resurrected that classic thread on here recently and I saw it linked on twitter once as a pisstake in response to some bullshit Dom Cummings sloganeering