so this is kind of related i guess but i just need to vent somewhere about facebook drama (i know). my boyf is long-time friends with this girl i'll call betsy. i hung out with betsy once over a weekend irl and she was very funny and nice. several months ago she posted some delicately racist thing on facebook, i got up in her comments questioning her, she took offense, i apologized for my tone, she seemed really mad that i called her out. i can't even remember the details anymore. anyway i made some dumb post today about centrist democrats ruining everything and she basically told me i was a moron for believing that politics has any effect on anything at all and that i don't know anything about how the world works. i told her in a pm that her comment hurt, that i thought we were friends but that i don't do name-calling (i know, a little rich from me), wished her the best and blocked her. my read on her is that she is a gen-x ex-mormon who has been through a lot of trauma and bullshit due to her family and abusive ex-husbands but is still fundamentally closed off to the outside world, very much sheltered, has never encountered or sought out cultural or racial diversity in her life and is still attached to a lot of reactionary beliefs. a lot of that might be inaccurate or unfair idk but i just.. can't really excuse her comments, you know? my boyfriend, who generally agrees with me about politics (we have had a lot of discussions, poor guy), considers her a "sister". they aren't constantly in each others lives or anything, but they have known each other for twenty years, and he says he loves her and he's sad that she would say that to me. i'm pretty sure i don't like betsy though - her behavior is total anathema to me. so we agreed that me blocking her was for the best and that if she chooses to keep their relationship going, i would be fine with that, that if she eventually apologizes to me, i would accept it, but that we might not all be friendsies and that vague plans we had talked about re: her staying with us were probably off the table. both he and i are absolutely fine with that and supportive of each others' choices which is great. and i'm glad i'm no longer friends with this person who is probably ten years older than me (grown-ass!) and is racist and randomly attacks a generic complain-y post i make on facebook. i love my boyfriend but there is a small part of me that's disappointed that this person he's close with .. behaves so poorly. oh well, people are complicated and i've never been in a relationship with someone who is so ok with setting boundaries when they need to be set, that is a big important part of what's making this relationship so solid rn, and this boundary seems like a relatively clear-cut one that should be easy to set and forget. anyway, just needed to get that out somewhere.
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Monday, 9 November 2020 03:44 (three years ago) link
Good for you. We’re at a point where people need to learn the hard way. It sounds like you guys understand and empathize with one another, and it sounds like he doesn’t shy away from hard practical decisions, which to me is one of the sexiest things. Also you could have been way harsher so don’t lose any sleep.
I feel you on this. One of my oldest friends from college and her boyfriend have been saying some weird shit... It’s the third time she’s been describing where she lives and she’s had to call out someone’s race to do it. Once in talking about her neighbor who is loud and disrespectful she ‘s like “well, he’s Asian ...” and that was it. No idea how that’s relevant. Another time we were walking into her building and this guy asked us a question about the front door and she was all weirded out. later when she told her boyfriend about it she was like, “this Asian guy didn’t know what he was doing” .... like zzzz you’re boring me pet and you were a poly sci major at Smith so not sure what’s up. Also her bf didn’t vote bc .... the whole system is fucked anyway! Well there’s a new one you sheltered fuck! Ok yup anger issues sorry anyway yeah BUH-LOCK
― surm, Monday, 9 November 2020 04:25 (three years ago) link
Haha. Yeah, people need to either 1) not be racist or 2) not be in our lives.
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Monday, 9 November 2020 04:30 (three years ago) link
That’s what I’m thinking
― surm, Monday, 9 November 2020 04:32 (three years ago) link
And really i mean people should be anti-racist because i know for me it has been and will continue to be a process
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Monday, 9 November 2020 04:36 (three years ago) link
WordPIZZA FOR BREAKFAST today y'all
― surm, Monday, 9 November 2020 12:13 (three years ago) link
I was an anti-racist before, but my partner has done a lot of training me in that regard, since he is of ambiguous ethnic appearance, and often is mistaken for ethnicities he is not. He comes from southern Italian and Chinese stock, so he has darker skin than many Chinese people...let's just say that when we lived in California, people assumed he spoke Spanish. Hell, the first time I took him home, I thought he was a weird goth cholo because of all his gnarly tattoos.
In any case, the strangest thing about our families is that his white mother and stepfather are Trump voters, and he hardly talks to them. They're awful people. His Chinese dad and indigenous Hawaiian stepmom are amazing, but they're so far away from us. So it's just my parents as nearby family, and they are lovely, but have had to be trained over the years, too, particularly my mom. Dad is a leftist at this point.
Long story short: good for you for putting boundaries on idiot racists, and good for your boyfriend for understanding.
― healthy cocaine off perfect butts (the table is the table), Monday, 9 November 2020 12:22 (three years ago) link
ty
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Monday, 9 November 2020 16:23 (three years ago) link
🤍 Happy FridayLove u guys
― surm, Friday, 13 November 2020 22:11 (three years ago) link
back at you, take care of yourself this weekend. ready to be a house-bound do-nothing slug myself.
had an emotional morning after having That Dream where i yell at my parents
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Friday, 13 November 2020 22:23 (three years ago) link
O no. I’ve definitely had those dreams. Weirdly I had a Very Good family moment this weekend, which is pretty rare and surprisingly uplifting
― surm, Friday, 13 November 2020 22:28 (three years ago) link
Was your morning at least cathartic?
yes i lifted a bunch of weights :). glad you had a nice family moment.
now i'm running down the clock at work
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Friday, 13 November 2020 22:38 (three years ago) link
Damn I just realized today was FridayBummer
― flamboyant goon tie included, Friday, 13 November 2020 23:03 (three years ago) link
Why bummer bb?map how much do u lift?
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 00:14 (three years ago) link
i'm finally at 315 for squats
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:06 (three years ago) link
Well fuck! Nice. I have to pick up some kind of routine again, I was doing push-ups every morning and then I was just like, nope
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:09 (three years ago) link
Soooooooooooo i’ve been nonstop texting and jamming music over the phone with this guy from Virginia, this is the first time I’ve met someone i jive with like this since I met my boyfriend all those years ago and it’s… Freaking me out
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:13 (three years ago) link
I m like ... Not ready
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:15 (three years ago) link
does he live in virginia? how did you find him?
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:15 (three years ago) link
He does. One of my best friends lives there, and he’s been a super close friend of hers for years now. I’ve hung out with him a number of times but for some reason when I visited her over Halloween it was the first time I seen him since I was single and it was just like I needed to see him, it was uncanny
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:16 (three years ago) link
And also I shouldn’t even be thinking this hard about it, I am NOT that girl right now
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:17 (three years ago) link
lol
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:19 (three years ago) link
🤪 what’s funny is that I just finished a song about how I’m falling for a guy but I know deep down it’s too soon, it was a fictional piece but looks like I made my nightmares come true
Wassup tonight mappy
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:21 (three years ago) link
I've always had a really hard time reading the people that I've been interested in. In retrospect it seems like there's a fine line between over-eagerness and dismissal and I feel like I've so often been on the wrong side of that line on both sides
― Dan S, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:28 (three years ago) link
you seem grounded surm
― Dan S, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:29 (three years ago) link
💙 I totally understand what you’re saying, and I gotta tell you that being grounded is not a familiar feeling to me so I’m enjoying it while it lasts
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:33 (three years ago) link
I think my own projection often obscured a real understanding of where the person I was interested in was coming from. I wish I had realized that then, it would have been helpful
― Dan S, Sunday, 15 November 2020 01:54 (three years ago) link
You’re walking around in my brain. I know that now but boy did I fuck that up way too many times
― surm, Sunday, 15 November 2020 02:05 (three years ago) link
Very angry at my guy right now, he's being an absolute asshole, just need to type that here to get it out! Please continue scrolling.
― healthy cocaine off perfect butts (the table is the table), Sunday, 15 November 2020 17:30 (three years ago) link
Noooooo! You’re definitely not the only one who’s getting into fights with their loved ones. You guys able to resolve things?
― surm, Monday, 16 November 2020 02:32 (three years ago) link
gl table
my cat is snuggling with me on the couch atm
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Monday, 16 November 2020 02:36 (three years ago) link
I can’t believe I don’t have a dog or a cat in my life right now
― surm, Monday, 16 November 2020 07:12 (three years ago) link
Snuggling with the pup.
Everything okay here. Just had to hash it out.
― healthy cocaine off perfect butts (the table is the table), Monday, 16 November 2020 12:29 (three years ago) link
Oh good so gladI will say that’s one of the things I do not miss about being in a couple, those fights wd tear me apartBut it is worth it for the right person 🤩
― surm, Monday, 16 November 2020 17:00 (three years ago) link
my third ltr is proving to be the least fight-y
― Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Monday, 16 November 2020 19:20 (three years ago) link
Excellent. I was just thinking today if I happen to wind up in a relationship again it will be my number one goal to not have shouting matches
― surm, Tuesday, 17 November 2020 02:09 (three years ago) link
Hardly ever shouting matches, tbh. Mostly just little disagreements and smoldering anger and processing.
― healthy cocaine off perfect butts (the table is the table), Tuesday, 17 November 2020 02:57 (three years ago) link
same here
although...i did actually scream in the heat of an intense talk last week. tbh i've had a lot of smoldering anger about a lot of things lately and haven't really had an outlet for it and it all just sorta bubbled up to the surface. i don't feel great admitting it, and i still feel shitty about having done it.
― donna rouge, Tuesday, 17 November 2020 04:02 (three years ago) link
I'm in a good (avoidant) place with regard to fighting, but part of it is probably due to my being on absolute pins and anxious needles for the last 10 months.
Had good sex today tho, fwiw.
― On average, this critic grades 8.3 points lower than other critics (Eric H.), Tuesday, 17 November 2020 04:47 (three years ago) link
Nice!! Honeymooners u
JG don’t beat yourself up. I’ve been there way too many times to count. Be kind to yourself and let yourself process why you think it got there, it’ll take a couple of days.
― surm, Tuesday, 17 November 2020 06:26 (three years ago) link
Instances of smoldering anger have subsided significantly as the pandemic has gone on, to be frank. There just isn't as much to be upset about, and anything I am upset about seems pretty insignificant.
― healthy cocaine off perfect butts (the table is the table), Tuesday, 17 November 2020 11:27 (three years ago) link
Yes pandemia is definitely beating trivialities and not-so-trivialities into submission for sure
― surm, Tuesday, 24 November 2020 03:41 (three years ago) link
Happy Thanksgiving’s eve sweetumsWhat’s the plan?
― surm, Thursday, 26 November 2020 02:04 (three years ago) link
IT’S ALMOST WINTER
― surm, Monday, 7 December 2020 01:43 (three years ago) link
I dreamed I bumped into a rather cute music writer whom I haven't met during normal times. I was better looking than he thought, for he kept flirting with me and I kept him swatting his comments aside, nervous about the girlfriend about to leave. When she left, we sat on the couch, and he said, "It's about time" and we start making out.
I'd forgotten the dream until I saw his photo on Instagram.
― Patriotic Goiter (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 19:51 (three years ago) link
i was typing out a post about himbos of christmas past but i deleted it.
― ffolkes (map), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 20:57 (three years ago) link
I had a dream the other night about two hook-ups I had many years ago. It was...something.
― "Bi" Dong A Ban He Try (the table is the table), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 22:19 (three years ago) link
i got heated last night / this morning remembering this guy, his name was bl4k3 y3l4v1ch, who i hooked up with in the showers at a 24 hour fitness. he was like 6'3, built like a linebacker with a gigantic schlong. that was going to be my himbos of christmas past post and now i guess it's been resurrected. anyway it was fun to reminisce about him with my boyfriend, it turns out we're both in the bl4k3 y3l4v1ch club, but he took him in a sling at a sex party. anyway!!
― ffolkes (map), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 22:23 (three years ago) link