Love Letters for Fall: LGBTQIA+ // 2020

And really i mean people should be anti-racist because i know for me it has been and will continue to be a process

Word
PIZZA FOR BREAKFAST today y'all

I was an anti-racist before, but my partner has done a lot of training me in that regard, since he is of ambiguous ethnic appearance, and often is mistaken for ethnicities he is not. He comes from southern Italian and Chinese stock, so he has darker skin than many Chinese people...let's just say that when we lived in California, people assumed he spoke Spanish. Hell, the first time I took him home, I thought he was a weird goth cholo because of all his gnarly tattoos.

In any case, the strangest thing about our families is that his white mother and stepfather are Trump voters, and he hardly talks to them. They're awful people. His Chinese dad and indigenous Hawaiian stepmom are amazing, but they're so far away from us. So it's just my parents as nearby family, and they are lovely, but have had to be trained over the years, too, particularly my mom. Dad is a leftist at this point.

Long story short: good for you for putting boundaries on idiot racists, and good for your boyfriend for understanding.

ty

🤍 Happy Friday
Love u guys

back at you, take care of yourself this weekend. ready to be a house-bound do-nothing slug myself.

had an emotional morning after having That Dream where i yell at my parents

O no. I’ve definitely had those dreams. Weirdly I had a Very Good family moment this weekend, which is pretty rare and surprisingly uplifting

Was your morning at least cathartic?

yes i lifted a bunch of weights :). glad you had a nice family moment.

now i'm running down the clock at work

Damn I just realized today was Friday
Bummer

Why bummer bb?
map how much do u lift?

i'm finally at 315 for squats

Well fuck! Nice. I have to pick up some kind of routine again, I was doing push-ups every morning and then I was just like, nope

Soooooooooooo i’ve been nonstop texting and jamming music over the phone with this guy from Virginia, this is the first time I’ve met someone i jive with like this since I met my boyfriend all those years ago and it’s… Freaking me out

I m like ... Not ready

does he live in virginia? how did you find him?

He does. One of my best friends lives there, and he’s been a super close friend of hers for years now. I’ve hung out with him a number of times but for some reason when I visited her over Halloween it was the first time I seen him since I was single and it was just like I needed to see him, it was uncanny

And also I shouldn’t even be thinking this hard about it, I am NOT that girl right now

lol

🤪 what’s funny is that I just finished a song about how I’m falling for a guy but I know deep down it’s too soon, it was a fictional piece but looks like I made my nightmares come true

Wassup tonight mappy

I've always had a really hard time reading the people that I've been interested in. In retrospect it seems like there's a fine line between over-eagerness and dismissal and I feel like I've so often been on the wrong side of that line on both sides

you seem grounded surm

💙 I totally understand what you’re saying, and I gotta tell you that being grounded is not a familiar feeling to me so I’m enjoying it while it lasts

I think my own projection often obscured a real understanding of where the person I was interested in was coming from. I wish I had realized that then, it would have been helpful

You’re walking around in my brain. I know that now but boy did I fuck that up way too many times

Very angry at my guy right now, he's being an absolute asshole, just need to type that here to get it out! Please continue scrolling.

Noooooo! You’re definitely not the only one who’s getting into fights with their loved ones. You guys able to resolve things?

gl table

my cat is snuggling with me on the couch atm

I can’t believe I don’t have a dog or a cat in my life right now

Snuggling with the pup.

Everything okay here. Just had to hash it out.

Oh good so glad
I will say that’s one of the things I do not miss about being in a couple, those fights wd tear me apart
But it is worth it for the right person 🤩

my third ltr is proving to be the least fight-y

Excellent. I was just thinking today if I happen to wind up in a relationship again it will be my number one goal to not have shouting matches

Hardly ever shouting matches, tbh. Mostly just little disagreements and smoldering anger and processing.

same here

although...i did actually scream in the heat of an intense talk last week. tbh i've had a lot of smoldering anger about a lot of things lately and haven't really had an outlet for it and it all just sorta bubbled up to the surface. i don't feel great admitting it, and i still feel shitty about having done it.

I'm in a good (avoidant) place with regard to fighting, but part of it is probably due to my being on absolute pins and anxious needles for the last 10 months.

Had good sex today tho, fwiw.

Nice!! Honeymooners u

JG don’t beat yourself up. I’ve been there way too many times to count. Be kind to yourself and let yourself process why you think it got there, it’ll take a couple of days.

Instances of smoldering anger have subsided significantly as the pandemic has gone on, to be frank. There just isn't as much to be upset about, and anything I am upset about seems pretty insignificant.

Yes pandemia is definitely beating trivialities and not-so-trivialities into submission for sure

Happy Thanksgiving’s eve sweetums
What’s the plan?

Happy Thanksgiving’s eve sweetums
What’s the plan?

IT’S ALMOST WINTER

I dreamed I bumped into a rather cute music writer whom I haven't met during normal times. I was better looking than he thought, for he kept flirting with me and I kept him swatting his comments aside, nervous about the girlfriend about to leave. When she left, we sat on the couch, and he said, "It's about time" and we start making out.

I'd forgotten the dream until I saw his photo on Instagram.

i was typing out a post about himbos of christmas past but i deleted it.

I had a dream the other night about two hook-ups I had many years ago. It was...something.

i got heated last night / this morning remembering this guy, his name was bl4k3 y3l4v1ch, who i hooked up with in the showers at a 24 hour fitness. he was like 6'3, built like a linebacker with a gigantic schlong. that was going to be my himbos of christmas past post and now i guess it's been resurrected. anyway it was fun to reminisce about him with my boyfriend, it turns out we're both in the bl4k3 y3l4v1ch club, but he took him in a sling at a sex party. anyway!!

Uh, you mean the erotic photographer who takes photos of musclebound twinks and leather cowboys?

hahahahaha

i didn't know he was so well known

read that sentence as "I didn't know he was so well hung."