Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2022

The ones I can imagine actually watching:

The Bob's Burgers Movie
Death on the Nile
Jackass Forever

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Part One)

God, why don't they just start putting these movies' release dates into the title?

This one baffles me the most: White Bird: A Wonder Story is an upcoming American war drama film directed by Marc Forster and written by Mark Bomback, based on the 2019 graphic novel of the same name by R. J. Palacio. The film is a "companion piece" to the 2017 film Wonder, based on Palacio's 2012 novel, and stars Gillian Anderson and Helen Mirren . . . After the events of Wonder, bully Julian has left school. He is visited by his grandmother from Paris, who tells him stories of her childhood - as a young Jewish girl living in Nazi-occupied France during World War II, she was hidden from the Nazis by a classmate and his family.

voting halloween ends

Hard not to vote for Spider-Man tbh, since the previous one is now clearly going to win every single goddamn Oscar this year.

the spider-man movie is the sequel to the animated spider-verse movie from a few years ago, it'll probably be good

Mario film seems like it has the most potential meme value

'secrets of dumbledore' will probably get my vote. whole series is such a mindless cash grab, plus who needs anything with the rowling (or depp) name on it anymore?

i didn't realize black panther 2 was planned for this year, seems like a lot of things are up in the air.

they replaced depp with mads for the new fantastic beasts, an upgrade tbh which will only marginally dilute how shitty the entire enterprise is

ah i mean that's a major major upgrade, but still

Someone needs to take a chainsaw to the people involved in all the new TCM movies.

I don't even know what several of these are. A less dire list than previous years, if not by much.

Black Panther 2 probably not happening this year given that filming hasn't completed and afaik Letitia Wright is still overseas and still an antivaxxer.

lol did i read something about the new one featuring a remorseful leatherface trying to live a normal life?

the new chainsaw, obv, not the new black panther, tho i guess the idea would be much more interesting in that movie!

No reason to be hopeful about another new Chainsaw, but last two installments of Halloween make me even less hopeful about this third nu-Halloween.

Another poll could be about how many of these actually hit their release dates.

The Jurassic franchise has been coasting on endless CGI dinosaurs threatening to eat people long enough.

glad this is becoming a yearly tradition

related article:

https://jacobinmag.com/2021/12/disney-mass-culture-commodification-tv-movie-franchises

We can all agree that the Jackass movie is the most promising though, right?

The only ones I want to see are Jackass and Mission Impossible.

i think (desperately hope?) there's a chance the new scream will be good

Scream's kind of hard to fuck up at this point. If you're in, you're in. If you were never sold on it, then this probably won't get you there.

idk what that means. beyond it being a scream sequel i think it's worth looking forward to bc it's radio silence's follow-up to ready or not

nu-Halloween films are stupid but entirely entertaining, I give them a pass.

There are a lot of likely terrible movies in this list. Are we really still making Ice Age and Minions movies in 2022?

"DC League of Super-Pets" I hope this is a dark reboot ala Joker

skeptical that the new thor is gonna be as good as the last one, but hey, i guess that's my most anticipated

I’m in on Jackass and curious on Scream and Mission Impossible. Doubt I’ll see anything else on this list.

I couldn't believe just how bad Branagh's Orient Express remake was, don't hold out much hope of him turning it around w Death on the Nile

I'm all-in on Jackass, Thor, maybe Mission, probably Spider-verse. I think Creed III is Michael B. Jordon's directorial debut.

God, why don't they just start putting these movies' release dates into the title?

Would make the thread especially fun given how many of these were due out in 2020 and 2021.

Write in for the matrix which was released close enough to count, especially given how awful everything about it looked from the trailers

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

i thought there was already a Flash movie? the poster is Flash blowing a bubble with bubble gum? did i dream this?

you are thinking perhaps of the epic cinematic masterpiece Shazam

https://rlv.zcache.com/shazam_shazam_blowing_bubble_gum_poster-rd316f2ae891d4fa1a55583a7523b0715_wv4_8byvr_540.jpg

idk I wouldn’t normally associate that title with misremembered, possibly imagined films

ahhh Shazam of course. the movie wasn’t bad iirc!

lightyear feels the most offensive i think

Yeah, Shazam was pretty good.

(And has a sequel out next year of course)

Can't imagine Death on the Nile or the new Fantastic Beasts being anything but awful and surely Top Gun will be a contender.

Lots of worn out dreck here, but The Batman stands out as almost sadistic in trying to beat some more juice out of the horse paste

Though maintaining Harry Potter/JK's public prominence is fairly evil too

Disappointed to discover DC League of Super Pets is an animation

The Top Gun is a McQuarrie joint, so almost certainly a competent entertainment. (Also presumably blatant propaganda, due to being a Top Gun, but that doesn’t necessarily negate the former.)

Lightyear seems the most painfully crass of these, in the way that most decades-later origin stories by different authors degrade both themselves and the original. But perhaps a little more so, inasmuch as the structure of the first couple Toy Stories actively encouraged kids to create their own backstories through play.

Top gun, the batman both look good good not 'in the circumstances' good

Avatar 2 seems like the most predictable of all these. It will be a visual spectacle. It will be bland as hell with characters so insubstantial you must be reminded who they are in every line of dialogue. The story will have a moral which will squat on you as heavily as the knowledge of your own death to come. Good times!

The JK Rowling stuff needs to die but also seems pretty weird to do black panther 2 with no boseman

i hear they fucked up scream

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

They let Trevorrow write and direct another JP movie. lol.

I couldn't believe just how bad Branagh's Orient Express remake was, don't hold out much hope of him turning it around w Death on the Nile

― Ward Fowler

I watched 10 minutes of it and could barely believe how bad it was.

hey no spoilers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbVpSbchFrU

I guess these aren't remakes/sequels but jesus christ:

Warner Bros. is in prep for “Barbie,” starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling and directed by Greta Gerwig, who co-wrote the screenplay with partner Noah Baumbach. They’re also at script stage on a Hot Wheels film. In July, Netflix will shoot the anticipated remount of “Masters of the Universe,” with Kyle Allen starring as the buff, blonde He-Man. Universal Pictures is at work on a horror franchise based on Magic 8 Ball with Blumhouse, and the studio is bringing Rock ’Em Sock ’Em Robots to life with Vin Diesel. At Paramount, Tom Hanks will embody his childhood favorite Major Matt Mason, the astronaut action figure, with “A Beautiful Mind” screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, and MGM will put forth Polly Pocket with writer-director Lena Dunham and star Lily Collins.

https://variety.com/2022/film/news/mattel-films-robbie-brenner-barbie-he-man-1235166459/

OTOH I would maybe watch a documentary about serious adult humans making these movies:

"Jason Bateman’s Aggregate Films is also at work on movies based on the Mattel dolls Chatty Cathy and Betsy Wetsy."

hardcore pornographers reading that line: "yikes that sounds undignified"

Lena dunham’s polly pocket movie, what a world

This isn't even set to start filming until this year, reportedly, but, uh ...

In June 2016, writer Randall Wallace stated that he and Gibson had begun work on a sequel to The Passion of the Christ focusing on the resurrection of Jesus. ... He implied that part of the movie would be taking place in Hell and, while talking to Raymond Arroyo, said that it also may show flashbacks depicting the fall of the Angels.

In January 2018, Caviezel was in agreements with Mel Gibson to reprise his role as Jesus in the sequel. In March 2020, Caviezel stated in an interview that the film was in its fifth draft. However, in September 2020, Caviezel then said that Gibson had sent him the third draft of the screenplay.

After many years of delay, the production is starting in the summer of 2022. The sequel will be released exactly 20 years after The Passion of the Christ, in February 2024.

holding out hope for a slate of Apostle spinoff films to be announced at this year's Comic Con

Jesus Christ

three day takings eagerly awaited

fingers crossed for a good friday

Christ 2: Harder, Christer

poster leaked

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9b/Oh%2C_God%21_Book_II_%281980%29_poster.jpg

five bags of popcorn

I’m gonna give it five bags of popcorn and a jumbo cup of soda because Jesus was probably thirsty after not having any soda for three whole days

Scream were actually pretty enjoyable. not scary at all, but the humor much less eye-rolly than 4.

Having watched it, I'd say Top Gun Maverick is now in my most promising list.

turns out that real people doing stunts in the real world and a good story is a refreshing change from two computer generated characters ending the film with a punch up.

which is how 85% of the films listed will end.

also maybe Downton Abbey, I havent seen that so cant confirm...

Was wondering if we had a Top Gun thread but yeah I thought this new one was great. The last half hour was thrilling, very Mission Impossible

ILX was way ahead of the curve.

https://kotaku.com/morbius-memes-twitch-movie-morbing-time-nintendo-switch-1848987370

Walter Chaw makes a decent case for the new TG: https://www.filmfreakcentral.net/ffc/2022/05/top-gun-maverick.html

(still a tough sell for me, I admit; the original may be my very least favorite of the big 80s blockbusters)

is this where we are talking about tom gun: cruise control starring my favorite action star tom gun

anyway, maverick: totally fine! really thrilling sports movie where the sport is murdering people for the government in a big fast plane. pretty much nothing gay about it except for the brief instances where cruise mourns his long-departed life partner goose, but at least true to form the straight romantic scenes are hilariously parodic and boring. (love connelly though, her presence in any movie is... comforting(?) to me. need to bring this up to my therapist.) and nowhere near as beautiful and palatial as the first but it functions much better as a blockbuster

it is also awful evil propaganda and that only really settled in when they're celebrating their kills at the end :) i like a lot of reagan-era "the cities are swarming with drug-addicted mutants and the only person who can save you is a cop who doesn't play by the rules and his enormous gun" conservative propaganda (and of course i also love the cia propaganda franchise also starring my beloved tom gun) that feels like it transpires in a hilarious fantasy universe only vaguely attached to ours, but i can perceive the real world consequences of the collected tom guns a lot more when i actually watch them. i already know i would hate to fly a really fast plane with a gun attached to it, but i will say it made flying a really fast plane seem so attractive, aside from all the scenes of people's faces bending backward because of the all of the fuckin gs they're absorbing (which made me think... oh, this is technology morphing the human body into new shapes... and my brain autospliced the opening airplane hangar scene from cronenberg's crash into the film)

When you got movies like Tom Cruise in them, you can't lose

tom gun drops to his knees to make out with the zip in ice kilmer's stomach, tony scott returns from the dead to light the strands of saliva between tongue cruise and val's cancer

excellent review Brad!

i also enjoyed it more than I expected... it's very well constructed as a war-sport-mission-popcorn movie. agreed that the romance doesn't quite sing, but those scenes still has more in them for me than all the stuff with the generic new recruits. although i guess it worked for some --- when the shithead guy steps up and does something useful, a mild round of applause went up from somewhere in the auditorium. my partner whispered to me, baffled: "who's a fan of Hangman?!

but the real step down from the original was aesthetic... Scott and the score gave it this amazing hazy overpowering quality that's really been smoothed out here.

also i couldn't get past how stupid their mission was. really? there's no other way to do this? what if you sent in, idk, a slightly higher number of planes. oh right, only the enemy has the super advanced unstoppable Fifth Generation Fighters. clearly we've starved the Pentagon for too long.

put me down as someone for whom the new recruits worked, but that's prob because they're like the crew of a slasher film, all paper-thin archetypes

I kept thinking of the Futurama line about "a dedicated young man, with no characteristics."

lol

this could easily become "most promising" if they do the right thing and cast danny devito as the title character

A live-action film is in development based on the classic arcade game with an endless appetite, #PacMan https://t.co/Z6nBd7qgmD pic.twitter.com/aG98LUtTym

— The Hollywood Reporter (@THR) August 8, 2022

predator 5 best predator

Y’all have almost convinced me to watch it.

All the manbabies on Twitter whining about the ending has convinced me to watch it.

I thought Prey was...well, I didn't much like the original Predator to begin with (never saw any of the other sequels). Liked the girl, liked the dog, liked the setting, but I found a lot of the action hard to follow, to the extent that I had to rewind a couple of scenes to be sure what was going on. I'm happy that people are happy, though.

it definitely feels like it's being overrated just for not being bad. it isn't bad, but it isn't particularly good either. acting was fine, the effects were pretty good, i didn't have a problem with the action, but there was nothing in particular in it that excited me or seemed especially interesting.

i do agree that i enjoyed it more than the o.g. Predator, which i rewatched recently and is a very unpleasant movie

the animal disembowelment in Prey i found extremely unpleasant. was going to watch it with the boys but the 10 yo loves animals of all kinds and i think would be pretty upset by it

that said it looks absolutely amazing on a good tv (brag brag)

Today in S/R/F news…

"Disney+ added that the new series, TWO GIANT GORILLAS FUCKING, will most likely reside behind the age-restriction barriers on the streaming service." https://t.co/oX3GVdcnIx

— DrewMcWeeny (@DrewMcWeeny) August 23, 2022

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imn_gHwvUmc

"fletch, confess" with jon hamm as fletch

preview is promising? feels like they're trying to cash in on "knives out" kinda but a few lines made me chuckle

sorry "confess, fletch"

I...kinda want to see that.

The novel (and the whole Fletch series) are drier and smarter than the Chevy Chase movie suggests. And solid plots. Hamm seems like a great choice.

I read three or four of the novels as a teenager, around the time the movie came out. They were good; I wonder if they'd stand up now.

I seen Confess, Fletch this week and it was dreadful. Enough very good or competent people involved to wonder why it fell so flat.

i thought it was pretty ok! i lol’d throughout, maybe too loudly on the plane. i will not remember a thing about it by tomorrow

The actual mystery plot itself was fine but 98% of the jokes just died horribly. It wasn't even that they were terrible jokes but something about the delivery felt really off. One of the worst films I've seen in a while.

Not gonna go to bat very hard for it but my experience was more like Brad's: amusing and diverting enough, and I lolled several times. I'd watch another sequel, though I have doubts this was successful enough to make another

loved the rookie detective getting constantly outfletched by fletch

Not as good as a Fletch book, but a good modern adaptation of a Fletch book. Would happily watch two a year.