Kate Is Bored. Please Talk About Ass.

But! I found a pair of socks down behind my chest of drawers. Woo! Free socks!

nor do i have vodka, so double :-(
but its only 11am here so thats probably a good thing.

I am doing my best to get myself kicked off the JulesMyButtCookie mailing list by refusing to talk about anything but ass. So that's normal then...

********************

I was going to post this ten minutes ago, but the server is so slow that I've checked and actually, no, they are NOT my socks. Maybe I should just send Graham back a big package with all his underwear in it. Or maybe i should just throw it away... but then again, they're nice socks. Big and thick mansocks. Great.

t.hopkins the witchfynder is on later i shall tape it

"Now this is clearrrrrly asssss...!"

*cracks whip* Now! Get moving!

Though maybe I might actually write up that Celebrity Ass-Match that I was joking about on JulesMyButtCookie... J-Lo vs. Ju-Lo: FITE!!! and of course he wins, so Mayor Juliani gives him the Key To The City, which Ju-Lo is very pleased about, until he discovers that it DOESN'T actually unlock all bagelries on Saturday and he gets pissed off and then discovers that it was The Evil Mayor Juliani who banned all the hot dog vendors from Rock Center, and that makes Jules MAAAAAAD so he goes on a rampage and declares him self King Of New York and then it sort of turns into a Powerpuff Girls episode until Bubbles shows him that love, love, love, love, love, L-U-V makes the world go round and he and Bubbles ride off into the sunset together, the end.

It used to be the first link from asking Jeeves "What is a good sight for erotic literature?"

Searching through the celebrity section, I remember http://eu.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/100-percent-ginuwine being a good reason to lose faith in humanity.

That'll get no responses...

Man, I'm so disappointed, I was just reading some hot and heavy Jules slash, and then the writer pulled back to reveal he was in bed with BLOCK FROM THE VINES!!! EEEUUUWWWW!!! Way to ruin my horn, there...

Crikey....

Uh, yeah.

Jack Daniels drives the getaway car indeed... I can't drink Jack, it makes me punch people, but if I did...

Answers on a postcard please, my housemate will probably be home soon.

Where the fuck are all the Americans? is it the worst shopping day of the year or something? Poo.

I can't even get excited about Strokes slash right now. What's wrong with me? Too much milk...

(I sigh a lot.)

I went downstairs to put the milk away, and discovered empty alcopops bottles all over the kitchen, so my freaking landlady has been at it as well, and that scared me into sobriety. That is one thing that'll stop me drinking alone... fear of turning into that freak!

i didn't go to mother. i went and wrote julesmut until i fell asleep. so there. this is the one nice thing about living in central london. it may be a wasteland after the offices shut, but when you find an open cornershop, they're always willing to sell you booze.

ass, ass, ass, oh how i love ass. except the cheeky girls, that's just wrong.

indie ass (possibly st***t m*****h's ass)

x-post... GOODNESS! Scottish ass, oh my!

Good times.

the chemistry upthread is undeniable, yeah

You are a nonsensical young man. No chemistry is required to mix vodka and milk.

your challenge now is to find a post where either you, suzy or I offers one of the other's a cup of tea from the other end of the sofa by the power of the internet.

Um, that's too easy. Every day between November 2002 and June 2003! In fact, the Time Team thread would be a good place to start. Hang on, BRB.

time team vs. eastenders: FITE!!!

(That may not count as indeed I was asking to be made tea. I think.)

Wow K8 I am astonished YOU were the one to revive this! Times: changing.

Times: Autumn

Lock up your dirty drone rock sons

Why surprised, Abbs? Changing in what way?

Been at a fulltime job long enough to be bored enough to want to talk about ass? (Also it is now Autumn and I go a bit sexmad in Autumn.)

x-post ha ha ed knows the score

Ass is for grabbing when someone is pulling something out of the oven.

I just thought it's be an LBZC being like "lol K8 likes boys, she is an ass-lover."

It seems as though not an exceptional amount of men actually have asses.

orbicular, alabaster, lilywhite, velveteen, seductive

I have found you Five Ass Adjectives.

I am assuming you like your butts with a bit of pallor.

What is an LBZC? (Sheesh, I'm starting to sound like the Lexfox I've been off the internets so long.)

Lazy Bad Zing Cnut?

x-post those are good adjectives for ass.

lol Britishes zing crew

and the acronym was a mystery to me fr many a month, too...I thought it was some made-up East Coast gang.

I have not thought about ass in so long that I have forgotten what kinds I like!

(This thread did actually pop up randomly in the random thread generator and made me do a LOL.)

I seem to recall that generally I preferred sort of bony asslessness. Except for Jules' pillowbutt.

AAAAHHHH mystery = solved.

those two dimples in some women's lower backs - c/d?

I had such low standards back in 2002! Maybe I should drink more. Or take less medication.

I am still thinking about the best type of arse for boys. I still think my favourite is the kind where no ass is apparent, until they bend over, and then two bony creases appear in the back of their trousers. This is highly appealing.

Bony creases. I just wanted to write that again.

ARGH ARGH ARGH THE UNIVERSE IS AGAINST ME.

I think I shall have to lock myself up until August is over to preserve the menfolk of Europe.

Overcrowded tube pulled into the station. I thought for a moment about letting it go by and getting the next one. The train stops and the door opens directly in front of me, to reveal... INCREDIBLY beautiful (I swear to god he had to have been Swedish, no other boys are so pretty) tall, lanky blonde DDB with very pointed nose, pulling off his leather jacket in the heat. I squeezed myself on beside him like a shameless hussy, aghast at what I was reduced to for sexual jollies.

It probably would have been too forward to leap swooning into his arms? I can't imagine even Swedish DDBs would particularly like overweight middle aged women throwing themselves at him sighing "Take me to your Scandinavian Socialist SexParadise!"

Anyway, I got off before him, feeling distinct hot flushes.

Must not leave house for rest of weekend!

August is over (and how).

Until August? I wasn't even drunk when I typed that. AUTUMN.

Anyway, I got off before him

Well, at least one of you did.

Ha ha, I should be so lucky!

I've had too many double whiskies at this point. OK, two.

Wanted to start a thread about Superb Ass and lo and behold there already is one in the annals (heh) of ILX.

Boom-da-boom-boom boom-da-boom-boom ass, he got that superb ass

http://fuckyeahthomyorke.tumblr.com/post/146336423

Sod the tea, Ed, let's get some Talisker up in this bitch.

Celebrity ass is a state of mind.

SCOTTISH ASS. (Do Scots call it arse?)

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EhY0g4AWAAAtPJC?format=png&name=small

Probably gonna get FP'd for this, but it'd be worth it. Never mind, I'll show meself out.

(At least I didn't revive the thread with the CELEBRITY ASSMATCH fanfic...)

the topic is ass

nsfw?
the topic is ass

the sentiment was expressed most eloquently by Sir Steve Winwood on his 80s classic "Don't You Know What My Ass Can Do?"

This is way better than anything any Winwood ever did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6eMf7VGgzs

(The past is a foreign country. (I keep thinking I should take up drinking again as it would certainly kill the time, I'm glad threads like this exist to remind me why that's a terrible idea.))

Today has been one of those days where lockdown has just really *got* to me, and I'm pretty much got to the point where I could not go on.

There's literally one thing that gets me through and keeps me going, and that's the little oxytocin bursts of ~the current musician who I find better than anything else earth on earth~ - right now, I don't know *why* but that's The Shamen, and that's what's getting me through, like literally everything about Colin Angus is good, I like his synth wibbles, I like his haircuts, I like his clothes, I like his ridiculous Roland G700 Guitar Synth, I like his high, flutey singing voice, and yes, I like his butt in pleather trousers. Or even pleather chaps, with a harness!

Like, if there's something else that keeps you from the Void, I'm glad for you, but this is mine. Flippant posts about boy butts!

It's so weird going back and reading these threads now, it makes me laugh so hard - since coming out as transmasculine, wow, it was such a complete ~MYSTERY~ why I was always so inordinately interested in cute pop star boys' butts? Ha ha ha oh god, like I remember arguing so hard, with Anthony on another thread, and he kept saying this desire was so queer - and I kept insisting it WASN'T, like the assertion of my right to fancy male butts was certainly *something* - I guess it turned out he was right. It was my understanding of queerness that was wrong. I always thought that calling me queer was trying to force me into a lesbian identity that didn't fit. I did not understand, at the time, that it could be one's gender that made one queer.

I said a few weeks ago on the trans thread, that I felt as though I didn't really have any right to a gay/queer male identity - but this sense of - other people acting as though I should feel *shame* for these queer desires, the disapproval, the intolerance... I think in a lot of ways, I actually *do* have a pretty intimate understanding of gay shaming, albeit from a trans perspective. I never understood the point of 'Pride' until someone pointed out it was the opposite of shame. Yeah, wow, boy oh boy do I know a lot about people wanting you to feel shame!