a fascinating look inside kate's mind.



"I don't care if Julian's following me, I'm going to act like he's not there because he's rubbish"



that is hilarious but she will not solve yr writer's block i think

re:writing - just make something up


it will be gone by tomorrow just a rubbish emotional day, really - talked to my sister and it was upsetting.

HOWEVER, the mj gif makes me laugh!

is that supposed to be me?!?!?!? but i don't have red hair, i'm blonde.

you know what the best way to get over writers block is? write silly stories about the strokes. no, i'm not actually kidding. churn. just write utter crap, just to amuse yourself, it doesn't matter if it's good or not, just write. sometimes writing is like a well that needs to be primed.

and julian's ass is NOT rubbish. his band is rubbish, and he's rubbish, and sex with him is rubbish, but his ass... MAN that is some fine spanish bootie. MMMMMMMMM.

what do you call a pirate's treasure? that would be BOOTIE.

you want a REAL look inside kate's mind? mwah hah hah, can't say you weren't warned...

No, I have decided that it is the rest of the world
that is wrong and ass-challenged, and WE that are
normal. There is nothing wrong with obsessing about
Julian's butt. I mean, it's a magnificent butt. Face
it.

Obsessing about female celebrity's butts is considered
perfectly normal (Hello J-Lo, Kylie, etc.) so it's
sexist for The Man to put us down for the same thing.

You know what I'd like to see? Celebrity Ass-Match,
that's what I'd like to see, yeah.

In the red corner, it's Jennifer "J-Lo" Lopez,
weighing in a featherweight 7 Stone.

And in the blue corner, it's Julian "Ju-Lo"
Casablancas, weighing in at... sorry, ladies and
gentlemen, the judges are having to weigh each
ass-check separately.

Ju-Lo comes out wrapped in a silk dressing gown,
raising his fists in the air and making the "we're
nunber one!" sign as his theme song plays "Don't be
fooled cause my ass is so wide, I'm still Julie from
the Upper East Side..."

the front row - comprised of the other Strokes -
cheers loudly and whoops. (What the fuck are their
names? I don't know, aren't they all called Nick or
something? Nick Farfisa, Nick Moog, Nick Theremin,
Nick Hammond Jr and Nick Rhodes, who is not actually a
Stroke but their stylist and "suit consultant." Yeah,
that's it.)

Julian slips the silk robe from his shoulders,
revealing the marvel that is his BUTT, straining
agains the shorts that barely contain it. Several
girls in the audience actually faint from the wonder
of it all.

"Prepare to die, Assablancas" screeches J-Lo, and
launches herself at him.

Julian does not even bat an eyelid, merely turns
around, and J-Lo slams straight up against the butt,
and BOUNCES, flying out of the ring, out of the arena,
and lands in the carpark, on her head, which splits
slightly and causes little rhythmic arcs of red to
pulsate gently in the morning sun.

"I am the ass-champion, I am the ass-champion!" shouts
Julian in triumph, shaking his mighty ass-cheeks.
Several more girls faint and have to be carried out.
"It's my Spanish heritage," he explains to waiting
reporters as he is taken away to be crowned.

OK, my fantasies are weird, but they're ALL MINE...

but wait, there's MORE...

So, it's the day after the bit Celebrity Ass-Match and
all of New York is celebrating Jules' vanquishing of
the evil J-Lo.

To celebrate, Mayor Juliani will be giving Jules the
Key To The City.

"Scweet!" exclaims Jules. "The Key To The City? Does
this mean that I can sneak into all the bagel-shops on
Saturday when they're closed and get MORE BAGELS?!?!?
Rock AND roll!"

The ceremony is, of course, at Rockefeller Centre,
which has been renamed Rock Centre especially for the
occasion. "Yay!" cry Nick Moog, Nick Theremin, Nick
Hammond Jr in unison. "We can go ICE SKATING on the
rink."

"I don't skate," sniffs Nick Rhodes (not actually a
Stroke, but their personal stylist and suit
consultant.) "I don't DO ice, unless I'm sitting by
the side of it sipping champagne cocktails."

"What about you, Nick Farfisa?" the others ask.

Nick Farfisa is shivering by the side of the ice rink.
"I'm too COLD to skate since I shaved my head."

"Oh come on, Farf, you're not still smarting about
that Onion article," sighs Nick Hammond Jr.

"Guy from Strokes accused of trying to look like the
Guy From The Strokes?" whines Farf.

"But you CUT YOUR HAIR" howls Nick Moog. "But now
Pavement will write songs MAKING FUN OF US and then
Guided By Voices won't want to be our videos and give
us cred any more. Getting made fun of by Pavement is
WAY WORSE than getting made fun of by The Onion!"

"I'm HUNGRY" complains Julian. "All this skating has
certainly given me an appetite. Dude, let's go get hot
dogs."

"There are no hot dog vendors in Rock Centre any more
since Mayor Juliani banned street vendors," Nick Moog
sighs.

"DUDE!!!" yells Jules. "That is so wrong. I'm
HUNGRY!!! MY ASS NEEDS FOOD!!"

"Oh no..." quake the other Strokes. "We all know what
happens when Jules gets hungry... Come on, Jules,
let's go to the Fashion Cafe or something."

"NO! NO NO NO!!!" whimpers Jules. "No models! I'm
scared of models."

The other Strokes give Julian strange looks. "You
don't understand, when I was a kid and I had to go to
Dads Take Your Kids To Work Day, all the models used
to point and laugh and call me Fatty-Fatty-Fat-Fat. I
fucking HATE models! I'm not going in the Fashion
Cafe. And I'm HUNGRY!!! I want a HOT DOG!!!"

"What's that ghastly rumbling?" wonders Nick Rhodes,
looking up from his champagne cocktail. "Is that the F
train?"

"No, that's Julian's stomach."

Unfortunately, just at the moment, Mayor Juliani's
limousine pulls up, and the Mayoral Party gets out.
Julian rushes at them screaming "You bastard! You
banned hot dog vendors from Rock Centre and I'M
HUNGRY!!! KISS MY SPANISH ASS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

There is a brief scuffle during which Jules actually
manages to EAT Mayor Juliani.

"Dude! I'm the Mayor now!" howls Julian. "Bring the
hot dogs back to Rock Centre! Hand out free bagles on
the subway! Change the New York State Song to White
Light/White Heat! Redesign the new World Trade Centre
so that the Twin Towers are in the shape of MY
BUTTCHEEKS!!!"

"Julian! Dude, you killed the Mayor!"

"I'm the Mayor now, and that's Mayor Julian to you! In
Lord Mayor Julian to you! I'm the King Of New York!
Fetch me my guilded carriage! We're gonna do this
properly like those Limeys do in England!"

Who will stop Lord Mayor Julian before his ego goes
out of control? Someone call the Powerpuff Girls...

"Awwww," sighs Lord Mayor Julian. "I heart Bubbles..."

Don't even try to guess what happens next... it's too horrible to contemplate. Stay tuned for the next episode of Jules My Butt Cookie...

this totally serves me right. i now have 'don't be fooled cause my ass is so wide, i'm still julie from the upper east side' stuck in my head and NOTHING will blast it out, and my stereo still isn't unpacked to GET IT THE FUCK OUT.

goddamn that fucking flute, as nico used to say...

This already sounds like the most entertaining move-in I've ever heard about...

come home soon I want my galumpki

"I know I should have been home with Ed's galumpki hours ago but I can't stop following Julian Casablancas ass. I am mesmerised his ass though his band's rubbish."

"Three days now of following Julian's ass around on his cross country tour and it's still the size of Robert Smith's. Damn. I will continue this cross trek until he submits to the ass mould."

Wow. I got the ass mould and now he won't stop following me around. I wish he would stop following me. He's rubbish.

I don't care if Suzy won't come to the Strokes with me. The ass mould is not enough for this girl anymore. I must have the rubbish Julian for myself.

Come back Kitten threads! Please! We didn't know the alternative was so much worse.....

I will walk to Ronan's flat and show him pictures of JULIAN'S ASS until he see the error of his ways. He will submit, like me to the cult of Julian's ASS.



doomie, I DO NOT HAVE RED HAIR AND YOU KNOW IT!!!

ugh, i'm so annoyed about my former fucking landlady. the fucker kept me waiting for TWO HOURS to get my deposit back - she was late getting back, and then insisted on WATCHING FUCKING STAR TREK FIRST. and THEN she fucking nickle and dimed me, charging me rent for today, even though i'm not fucking sleeping there tonight. FUCKING CUNT!!!! argh, i was literally shaking when i came out of there, i was so angry. suzy had to get between us to stop us from coming to blows.

but my housemate has a cunning plan... will wait until implementation until i tell you all what it is... oh, but it's utterly devilish and beautiful.

well - a certain someone once shoved a ten dollars worth of bird seed in the insulation of a certain mouse infested ghetto when he/she moved out and the slumlord pissed he/she off when he/she left the premises.

you should move back to the place with the mafioso landlord

No, much more insidious than that, pal. Kate is to practice Zen. My bit involves officialdom at environmental health. A N Other tenant has a cache of laxativo and a grudge about landlady hygiene-related food poisoning. Make of that what you will...I feel threadage coming.

i would have loved to have stayed with the mafioso landlords... they were the best landlords i ever had. (four years after we moved in, they came upstairs, apologised profusely said, "sorry, we're going to have to raise the rent, our expenses have gone up..." and raised it exactly $25 a month. woo!!!) however, when my housemate there adopted her THIRD cat, i thought it was time to bail. she has since become a total catlady. sigh...

yes. zen. hari hari ramalamadingdong hari hari. i am calm and happy and i am off to read juliansmut, hooray!

I know Suzy suggested a close Zen Class but I would rather walk that extra mile to the class of the Zen of Julian's Ass. Even though he is rubbish.

(could not resist!)

i would actually walk to zen class because i walk everywhere. BUT I DO NOT HAVE RED HAIR!!!! AARRRRGGGHHH!!! The state of blondeness is so intrinsic to my very being that this is immensely upsetting to me.

no, no, must practise zen. ramalamajuliancasablancasassalama, i am calm, i am calm.

Just when I had completely given up on this place, I check the boreds out of curiosity and see this wonderful thread. Kate, your story has made my snowed-in day.

glad i could help, nicole!