least canonic thing you learnt at school

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one of my history teachers announced that, back when he had been a policeman, he had a arrested a man for flying the union jack upside down

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:33 (twenty-three years ago)

My history teacher was in Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:34 (twenty-three years ago)

A penis is essentially a cypress tree, and a vagina is essentially a cave.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:36 (twenty-three years ago)

i didn't pay enough attention at school to find out what canonic means.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

one of my teachers claimed that rainbows curled for exactly the same reason as wood shavings were curled. he also claimed to have rugby-ball shaped eyeballs. he was an arse. my dad once shouted at him. ha ha.

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

It's called an astigmatism, Alan-I feel his pain.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

my history teacher once brought out a public enemy tape to show us how outlandish he was. oops!

otherwise: english teacher cousin of Trent Reznor.

― Honda (Honda), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Hinda-that's cool!

My teacher tried to impress us by procaliming his love for placebo, pronouncing it plaice-bow.

Any more goth-metal-industrial teacher stories?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:52 (twenty-three years ago)

i am astigmatic too. i suppose he could have been exaggerating, but still. exaggeration = a lie.

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:52 (twenty-three years ago)

my piano teacher's piano teacher's piano teacher was brahms!!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 15:55 (twenty-three years ago)

My grade 7 ecology teacher told me that cats and rabbits could mate together to make cabbits.

― Genevieve, Wednesday, 18 December 2002 16:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Are cabbits carnivorous (and can we eat them)?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 16:07 (twenty-three years ago)

my piano teacher was brahms and liszt.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 16:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark S - that would only be more impressive if your piano teacher's piano teacher was Miss Brahms from Are You Being Served (although I'm sadly not aware of whether Wendy Richards ever played the piano.....)

― lol p xx, Wednesday, 18 December 2002 16:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Getting back to the question. I had an economics teacher who told us that you could eat any part of an animal except a bears liver. Quite what this has to do with non-elastic theory of supply and demand I'm still wondering.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 16:14 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't know what it has to do with ecomomics either, but bear's liver has enough vitamin A to cause a fatal overdose.

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

a maths teacher once told me that a 4-dimensional analogue of a sphere (a 4-sphere??) would have an infinite volume. this was after i had worked out it's volume as a very definite volume using some poncey integral calculus thing.

i have just googled http://alumni.umbc.edu/~ajohns5/4-sphere/4-sphere.html which is pretty much what i did. so i'm guessing he was talking shite.

i was 5 at the time.

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

"If you bite your nails, all of the nail clippings will end up in your appendix, and you'll end up with appendsitis."

"There was this old lady, a wet poodle, and a microwave...." (Kind of a sick story to tell a bunch of second-graders, don't you think?)

"You're all stupid. That's why you're here." (The first words my ninth-grade business math teacher said to us on the first day of class. I'm still pissed off at him.)

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 16:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Had a substitute teacher in the subs' pool who was the cousin of Linda Evans, and at the time her cousin was enjoying fame through Dynasty. We were rotten little fuckers who asked her if she was Linda's cousin and if it bothered her being a sub rather than a star.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 17:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I wanna answer this thread, but I having serious problems remembering school.

Don't get lippy with the tough kids?

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 18:18 (twenty-three years ago)

you can win money by biting ticks

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 18:42 (twenty-three years ago)

If you look at the brains of people who drink alkeehall there are huge holes in them and this makes them dumb and then they drive drunk and kill people and don't do drugs!!! -My choir teacher

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 18:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Ewwwwwww... that's gross Tracer.

Marshall Crenshaw's mom was a subsititute at my high school.

― Aaron W, Wednesday, 18 December 2002 18:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I was quite amused in 8th grade when my social studies teacher said something like "screw alcohol, if I want to relax on a sunday afternoon, I smoke a joint." some of the kids complained to their parents. it was a sticky situation at the time, but the teacher didn't get fired. a few years later, he lived out his dream and moved to africa to start a safari company. he rocked!

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 18:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Same grade 7 ecology teacher also told me that woodpeckers wrap their tongue around their brain each time they peck.

― Genevieve, Wednesday, 18 December 2002 19:10 (twenty-three years ago)

11th grade geography teacher informed us that eating loads of fish is good for a man's sexual virility.

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 19 December 2002 00:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I learned that putting red ink up your nose gets you off school early.

This is also my answer in the 'Favourite joke when small thread'.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 19 December 2002 01:42 (twenty-three years ago)

doh! and to think I didn't actually need to do all that bleeding

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 19 December 2002 01:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Honda, did you mean Anne Vosovic?

― Leee (Leee), Thursday, 19 December 2002 04:36 (twenty-three years ago)

three years pass...

My french teacher told me it was important to use the subjunctive tense, because when she was working as an au pair in the 60's (in France), one of the kids she was meant to be looking after got their hand stuck in a lathe, which meant she had to "use the subjunctive quite a lot".

― JTS (JTS), Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:08 (twenty years ago)

"Marx thought history was always a cycle that repeats itself, but he was wrong."

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:14 (twenty years ago)

I had a history teacher who almost teared up while explaining how communism, in theory, is "just like I was taught heaven is."

Whether he deserved it or not, my friends and I made a very good case for heaven's being a lot more like fascism. That almost made him tear up too.

This was 10th grade.

― martin m. (mushrush), Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

My eighth-grade science teacher told us a story about some hippies who took LSD, stared at the sun and ALL WENT BLIND.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:25 (twenty years ago)

There was one substitute teacher who I had twice, once in 7th and once in 8th grades. He was obsessed with the Steppenwolf song "Monster."

On one occasion he played the song on guitar. The other time he played a tape. Both times he handed out lyric sheets so we could discuss the lyrics.

― Brian Good, Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:39 (twenty years ago)

We had a substitute teacher who came in one day and taught us about how the greenhouse effect was causing a hole in the ozone layer.

― theantmustdance (theantmustdance), Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:41 (twenty years ago)

My history teacher expounded at great length on how his youngest son was a mistake and he hated him.

― chap who would dare to be a stone cold thug (chap), Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:46 (twenty years ago)

had an english teacher in 8th grade who always talked about her born again christian faith and her ex-husband.

― latebloomer: someone's been drinking my youth! (latebloomer), Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:55 (twenty years ago)

i also learned the printing press was invented by mega man

― latebloomer: someone's been drinking my youth! (latebloomer), Saturday, 8 April 2006 16:55 (twenty years ago)

Now that's some good learnin'.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 8 April 2006 17:20 (twenty years ago)

My grade 12 (sorry, "twelfth grade") English teacher was the first authority figure that I ever heard take a stand against homophobia, saying "I really hope you guys aren't into this gay-bashing stuff. We don't know what makes someone gay or straight, and I don't think we were meant to judge people that way anyway." He was a very straight family man, too.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Saturday, 8 April 2006 17:33 (twenty years ago)

my junior year history teacher started off a class one day by sitting up on his desk and saying "i'm racist." he said all of us were racist, too, and that we all need to battle that racism inside us every day.

http://www.law.utk.edu/images/SangerWarren.jpg
warren sanger

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 8 April 2006 17:39 (twenty years ago)

my 11th and 12th grade chemistry and physics teacher had been in military intelligence in west berlin in the 1960s. he told us spy stories. my favorite was about the drills they had sometimes in the middle of the night, practicing for what would happen if the commies invaded. he said the intelligence officers would all be lined up against a wall, with mp's pointing guns at them. the idea was that if there was no time to escape, the mp's would have to kill the intelligence officers to prevent them being captured. i don't know if this was a true story, but it beat the hell out of chemistry and physics.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 8 April 2006 17:48 (twenty years ago)

My 11th grade social studies teacher fought in Vietnam; stated in so many words that, yes, America *does* have a very palpable class system; said Reagan probably wouldn't be remembered fondly by historians, which shocked more kids than I thought it would; spent nearly ever Friday discussing twenty-year-old political cartoons displayed on an overhead projector; once joked to me that his thermos held "sativa tea"; and was amazed when I could correctly identify the group who originally sang "Stranded in the Jungle." Which is not nearly as amazing as Alan's 4-sphere thing.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Saturday, 8 April 2006 17:57 (twenty years ago)

I was taught about different birth control methods by a nun. She gave us a full and frank rundown of each method available at that time, from condoms to the calendar including health risks, cost, reliability, and related chances of going to hell.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Saturday, 8 April 2006 18:04 (twenty years ago)

My AP Spanish teacher taught us about Kabbalah.

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Saturday, 8 April 2006 19:40 (twenty years ago)

Our 9th grade English teacher got back from lunch drunk and red-faced, started doing some grammar lessons, gave up and broke out his guitar and made us sing Beatles songs.

He also showed us his home videos, which pretty much consisted of him harassing his two kids with the camera and them giving him the finger.

We also successfully convinced him that his letting his daughter go to the Nine Inch Nails show was a big mistake, as she would fall into the wrong crowd and do drugs and slut it up.

He was the first anglophone to be hired to teach English at our private French school, as previously it'd be just about any French teacher on the faculty who could kinda speak English (and thus English class would be taught in French!).

― alex in montreal (alex in montreal), Saturday, 8 April 2006 20:00 (twenty years ago)

Any more goth-metal-industrial teacher stories?

My English teacher's name was Saul Hudson.

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 8 April 2006 20:12 (twenty years ago)

a librarian told my class in 2nd grade (1989) that when you taped stuff off tv with your vcr you were only supposed to keep it for a little while, otherwise the people who owned the movie/tv show could sue you. this worried me for a bit.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Saturday, 8 April 2006 20:19 (twenty years ago)

we were taught that some day esperanto was going to be spoken by everyone; that the whole world would know when you said 'tio estas arbo' that you were identifying a tree. this was going to end wars and make it a lot easier to order meals in foreign countries.

also that we had to be sure to always vote because the communists never missed a chance and if we let them win they would take over and persecute the catholics. the nun who told us this drew a diagram with the two voter types labelled respectively 'mr. good' and 'mr. fishface'.

― estela (estela), Saturday, 8 April 2006 20:38 (twenty years ago)

that was all pretty canonical until you got to the shitballs insane nun part

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 8 April 2006 21:43 (twenty years ago)

In 4th grade: The USSR is a horrible place where everyone suffers and no one uses toilet paper. Also, when planning a trip to the moon, the most essential thing to pack is a glass of milk.

― sgs (sgs), Saturday, 8 April 2006 21:53 (twenty years ago)

I had this English teacher in my junior year of high school who (I can't remember why) was telling this long story about this woman who found out that her adult son, who still lived at home, was growing pot in his bedroom closet, with grow lights and everything, but over the course of the story, she started saying "me" instead of "this woman" and "my son" instead of "this woman's son."

― n/a (Nick A.), Saturday, 8 April 2006 22:00 (twenty years ago)

5th Grade: When you get to high school, you will never get a mimeograph from a teacher ever again.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Saturday, 8 April 2006 22:03 (twenty years ago)

12th grade AP English: in college, you will not be allowed to use computers, everything will have to be typed on a typewriter. (this teacher refused to accept papers that had been printed from a computer to a printer.)

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 8 April 2006 22:10 (twenty years ago)

My Shop teacher gave out some chapters of Carlos Casteneda for us to look over.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Saturday, 8 April 2006 22:15 (twenty years ago)

I don't think I learned a single non-canonical thing in school. Hooray Fairfax Co. Public School System. Does learning the amount of rat parts that can be found in a can of Cambell's soup count?

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 8 April 2006 22:31 (twenty years ago)

if you fell through the earth you would instantly stop at the center (8th grade *physics* teacher)

this is true! the us supreme court allowed home recording for the purpose of short term time-shifting only. but I doubt anyone has ever been sued over it.

― a.b. (alanbanana), Saturday, 8 April 2006 22:47 (twenty years ago)

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