My super-interesting storytelling experience!!

I had a tofu sandwich that turned into a worm desert with larvae skulking through air pockets of the bread. The bread was tomatoish, which means "red with little tomato flavor" and was actually a pita. It is now that I realize the holes in a pita are relatively small and there is little chance actual larvae was weaving itself in and out of the air pockets of my sandwich. Yet, they were, and I stand by that observation. They slid in and out of the crest, from crust to crust, as if mimicking a great sea serpent lithograph from the era of witch trials and superstition, greatly influenced by the frozen-frame dragons of China. I don't know that these pollocks were that informed, but I'm not either, so the connection through space and time works well for me. China and witch trials. Pollocks and me, we've got something in common.

I put the sandwitch down, opened its dust cover and peered inside and began to read its fleshy memoirs. It was a foreign language. I couldn't even get past the setting. Was it pink, brown, grey, white? It was hard to tell through the red and green noise, which seemed to cover it in a beehive of commotion reminiscent of television static.

Static. As the thing bled noise from the table, the Misfits sang: "Static! Static! Static!" and I thought, "Psychic TV, Dayglo Abortions, KMFDM is a drug against war... what is this? Tunafish? Salami?"

My hands were covered with the unknown meat and the unknown paste which accompanied the meat. I licked my fingers to the tune of 10,000 watts of bittersweet lemon-ginger and a 9 volt battery pressed against my slobbery tongue, which was connected to my slobbery brain.

In a knee-jerk response, I shot the offense in a spasmodic retard gesture, limp-wristed, into the great beyond with the all the disgust of a same-charge magnet and promptly pissed myself as it's condiments backsprayed into my slimy, anxiety-greased face.

Moments later, I felt the liquid caking on the skin of my cheeks. I wiped with my finger a red and yellow discharge which I instantly realized was the beautiful juice of a whopper long gone.

THE END.