An empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator.

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Is this true?

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:29 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

It would have to be sealed very well, and the wasps would suffocate, so it would not last long. How long does it take for a wasp to suffocate?

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:32 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Suddenly I no longer want the details of Tom's homemade vibrator.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:33 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't see why you couldn't have small airholes at one end.

N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:34 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Just a little less time than it takes to orgasm with a wasp-powered vibrator.

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:34 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I SECOND DAN!

Sarah (starry), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:35 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I'm the expert round here and this method sucks.

Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:35 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Yeh, and while you're at it with your airholes, why not install a miniature Starbucks for the wasps? Which end were you thinking of, N?

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:36 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't see why you couldn't have small airholes at one end.

at one end?? you say that like: at least one end. which end would you choose? [like lixi types while I did]

RJG (RJG), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:37 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

URGH. This thread drips with wrongness (and soggy wasps).

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:38 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

surely the wasp vibrator is not vegan friendly

Ed (dali), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:38 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Which end were you thinking of, N?

The other end from Tom was?

Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:39 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Maybe there is something that is like a wasp, but not harmful. Like, a um, a, um. um. I dunno.

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:41 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Are there wasp masochism sites?

What about jumping beans alix?

Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

a fly?

michael wells (michael w.), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Humming birds? They are quite tiny I believe.

Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:42 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

i mean flies. just one would be pretty underwhelming, i imagine.

michael wells (michael w.), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:43 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

There was an old lady who inserted a fly...

Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:43 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Archel, well done for bringing a little prettiness to this ugly ugly thread.

Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:44 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

what about some sort of a small electric motor?

RJG (RJG), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Still not vegan friendly though (jumping beans are moth larvae).

Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Moths. I was thinking of the non-inserted end, just in case the sting pokes through. But you might want that danger. It's horses for courses.

N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:45 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Horses?

Tim (Tim), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:46 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I wonder if there are sites where womens' clothes get all eaten off by moths?

Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:47 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

N. doesn't have the time for those boring middle verses.

Graham (graham), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:47 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Jumping beans are plastic! And would be rubbish, unless you were in some kind of gyroscope. I think Gillander's small electric motor might be the answer, although possibly someone has already thought of this. Apparently the woman who founded Ann Summers moved into a house down the road from my parents. Imagine the village gossip. Or don't.

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:48 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

angry wasps in a condom add a certain pleasure both to the fellow and his lady friend

WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:49 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Imagine Tom's poem taken to it's logical conclusion...

"There was an old lady who inserted a horse,
She came of course..."

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:49 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

barbed for her pleasure?

Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:50 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

This is the best/horriblest/most wrong thread EVAH!

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:51 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

ITS A WASP. YOU DON'T WANT IT NEAR YOUR BITS. Although there are people that enjoy stinging nettles in this way.

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:51 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Have you tested this yourself, Nick?

I can imagine a porn film set in an adult toys' factory's quality control department -- Inspected by Number 69.

j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:52 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Not me, obv.

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:53 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

all home science experiments EVER (as found in Usborne's "So Your Kid is A Precocious Shit and wants a chemistry set for christmas" series)started "you'll need two expty cigar tubes". i never ever had any. or friends. i could do the electric experiments -- they needed brass split pins, wire, a battery, aluminium foil and a matchbox (to make home-made lamp holders)

Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:54 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Are you trying to clean up this thread, Alan?

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

That's what I meant by wasp porn - it's the next step from the nettle thing innit?

Tom (Groke), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

My stepdad used to work as a packer at an Ann Summers factory. They were allowed to take home any damaged chocolate phalluses. I don't think wasps were involved though.

Archel (Archel), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:55 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

the next step being?

blue ringed octupi, spitting Cobras, box jelly fish?

Ed (dali), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:56 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

But it's in a cigar case!

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:56 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Hamlet's only come in thin cellophane.

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 13 January 2003 16:59 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I'm sure there's a joke to be made there.

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

anyway, the Usborne "So your Kid has worked out how to wire up a bulb and battery, woo hoo" series had a home made vibrator on page 46*. It started "For this you will need an empty cigar tube." I also wanted to be a spy when i was a kid, and liked making code wheels. Mirrors were also fascinating for some reason. And Pinhole cameras, obv.

(*Does that make things better, Alix? Though that bit is a lie)

Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:01 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

"Ophelia kink depression suicide shockah" etc

g.cannon (gcannon), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:04 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Thank you for filthying things up. I actually was a spy when I was younger. This too is a lie. I was fascinated by periscopes though.

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:08 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I have one inserted at the moment, and I certainly would extoll its pleasing virtues. I'm sorry - I've just come.

WilliamR (WilliamR), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I'm shocked that no one actually commented on the SIZE of hummingbirds as a strike against their usefulness in a vibrator context (TAKE INTO ACOCUNT THE WINGSPAN, PEOPLE!).

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:09 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

ACOCUNT?!

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:10 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

WilliamR has a periscope inserted at the moment? "I was just looking up an old friend" ho ho

Alan (Alan), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

a rattlesnake would make a much better vibrator.

Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:11 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

A periscope has many pleasing virtues.

alix (alix), Monday, 13 January 2003 17:13 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

wow.

carly (carly), Friday, 26 August 2005 19:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Tracer Hand, I KISS YOU.

The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 29 August 2005 16:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Tracer Hand, I masturbate you with a beehive.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 29 August 2005 17:56 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

See, this is why Tracer likes me more than he likes you.

The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 29 August 2005 20:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Mmmmm, vibrating honey.

Sweet ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 29 August 2005 20:26 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

The greatest thing about that pic is that somebody actually has it framed, on a wall.

Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 29 August 2005 20:29 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

IT IS ART

teeny (teeny), Monday, 29 August 2005 21:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

three months pass...
How have I only just seen that picture?!

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 22 December 2005 11:04 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

ten months pass...
Working late = revive awesome old threads

The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Friday, 10 November 2006 01:25 (twelve years ago) Permalink

Somehow I think if I started this thread, you would not think it so awesome. That's racist!

Scorpion Tea (Dick Butkus), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:34 (twelve years ago) Permalink

t/s: sand vs. wasps

You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:38 (twelve years ago) Permalink

uh, sand, obviously unless it's in your kidney (and even then)

Scorpion Tea (Dick Butkus), Friday, 10 November 2006 02:39 (twelve years ago) Permalink

Oh, and BTW 'Joei wasp vibrator' will eventually come up with a Google hit

#1 hit Dan!

ONIMO ph34rz teh NOIZE (GerryNemo), Friday, 10 November 2006 12:49 (twelve years ago) Permalink

An empty cigar tube filled with WASPs makes an even worse vibrator than you'd imagine.

Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Friday, 10 November 2006 13:19 (twelve years ago) Permalink

#1 hit Dan!

ROFFLE

RUN NOW, RAGGETT

The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Friday, 10 November 2006 20:35 (twelve years ago) Permalink

two months pass...
Two CO2 cartridges filled with a wooden dowel makes a good dildo:

http://godlovesmeat.com/spatulatzar/dildo/

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 14 January 2007 17:53 (twelve years ago) Permalink

Insight into ILXors web-browsing habits = EEK

The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Sunday, 14 January 2007 18:15 (twelve years ago) Permalink

nine months pass...

OK, I admit it I'm intrigued...
http://www.theconevibrator.net/images/product.jpg
Anyone had personal experience of this? It's good for men and women or so it says on the box.

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 13:52 (eleven years ago) Permalink

How does that even work? Do you sit on it?

Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:02 (eleven years ago) Permalink

ding ding ding

^@^, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:04 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I'd love to test it, but I doubt there exists a shop which'd let you test vibrators before buying one.

Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:12 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Actually no, I think some sex stores have tester vibrators their customers can check out. But I don't think you can test it in, er, real use.

Tuomas, Wednesday, 7 November 2007 14:13 (eleven years ago) Permalink

two months pass...

"think"

Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Sunday, 27 January 2008 22:32 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I lol'd.

Bodrick III, Sunday, 27 January 2008 23:15 (eleven years ago) Permalink

This fucking thread.

Dom Passantino, Sunday, 27 January 2008 23:51 (eleven years ago) Permalink

three months pass...

OK, I admit it I'm intrigued...

omar little, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:46 (ten years ago) Permalink

http://www.theconevibrator.net/images/product.jpg

omar little, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:46 (ten years ago) Permalink

I can't see how that would be fun for anyone.

HI DERE, Monday, 19 May 2008 23:58 (ten years ago) Permalink

http://amandaziegler.com/tn_oglethorpe1.gif would hit it

iiiijjjj, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 00:03 (ten years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

that's really, really NSFW by the way.

Tracer Hand, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:37 (nine years ago) Permalink

xhamster???? no thanks.

ian, Sunday, 6 September 2009 23:38 (nine years ago) Permalink

dying @ How Long Can You Last? ad on the side.

clotpoll, Monday, 7 September 2009 00:38 (nine years ago) Permalink

two years pass...

Wait, what?

http://gizmodo.com/5909857/the-bizarre-history-of-the-vibrator-from-cleopatras-angry-bees-to-steam+powered-dildos

I thought Tom invented this?!

Alba, Monday, 14 May 2012 08:10 (six years ago) Permalink

There really aren't any new ideas, huh

I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Monday, 14 May 2012 08:31 (six years ago) Permalink

"cleopatra's angry bees" would be a neat band name. Possibly.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 14 May 2012 08:53 (six years ago) Permalink

eight months pass...

Ten year anniversary of this magnificent thread just passed.

i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 25 January 2013 16:30 (six years ago) Permalink

four years pass...

I neither know nor care what that story is because nothing could possibly top that url.

Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 13:38 (one year ago) Permalink

i'd hate for you to miss out on this rare use of 'pro-tip' in a clinical context

“Here's a pro-tip, if something burns when you apply it to the vagina it is generally bad for the vagina,” Dr Gunter added.

heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:02 (one year ago) Permalink

"Another pro-tip: if your arm becomes detached from your body it is generally good to have it reattached to your body," Dr. Gunter sagely advised.

Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:10 (one year ago) Permalink

Dr. Gunter dispensing that arcane esoterica to which only the pro-est of tippers have access.

Trockasturm Hoar The Ramming Battle Ceraton (Old Lunch), Thursday, 1 June 2017 14:11 (one year ago) Permalink

I should have known someone else would beat me to reviving this thread with that article

PJD PDJ DPJ (DJP), Thursday, 1 June 2017 21:16 (one year ago) Permalink

i came here to post this story :)

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:15 (one year ago) Permalink

this is the beauty of ilx, really - how many other boards would have an extant thread suitable to put this story, and have three separate posters all think to put it there

heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:19 (one year ago) Permalink

Do you check through the archive esoterica or just remember the threads years later?

Stevolende, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:50 (one year ago) Permalink

dude obviously no one who read it has ever forgotten this thread

mark s, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:52 (one year ago) Permalink

i can't speak for the others but the phrase 'an empty cigar tube filled with wasps makes a good vibrator' has been indelibly inked on my brain since i first read it years ago

heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 11:52 (one year ago) Permalink

it's indelible bcz it's true

mark s, Friday, 2 June 2017 11:54 (one year ago) Permalink

the premise of this thread seems like it'd be good test of the limits of rule 34 but no fucking way am i going to be the one to conduct it

heck i've even been an 'oyster pirate' (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 June 2017 12:00 (one year ago) Permalink


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