I Knew They Were Real!

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http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20030110/od_nm/odd_malawi_vampires_dc_1

Tom Petty sez 'Fight the Power!!!'

James Blount, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 03:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Raise your hand if, in the context of the week's other threads, you thought this was about someone's breasts.

nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 03:56 (twenty-three years ago)

*coughs*

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 04:00 (twenty-three years ago)

not me, no, not at all.

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 04:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I vant to suck your...

oh never mind.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 04:17 (twenty-three years ago)

...erm, lovely weather we're having, wouldn't you say?....

M Matos (M Matos), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 05:42 (twenty-three years ago)

see, I try to pull a Dan and it just sounds creepy!

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 05:54 (twenty-three years ago)

the "vant" bit was supposed to sound Transylvanian...

oh never mind.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 06:00 (twenty-three years ago)

see, I try to pull a Dan and it just sounds creepy!

*snurk*

rener (rener), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 13:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I REFUSE TO BE A EUPHEMISM

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 15:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Too late...

Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

It was your life's dream, Dan.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 15:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry to thread-hijack for a moment, but I just wanted to share with you my most favourite story ever about breasts........


Groom Killed By Stripper's Boobs

GENEVA - A fun-filled bachelor party at a strip club turned deadly when a 32-year-old groom-to-be who was enjoying the attentions of a well-endowed stripper suffocated while his face was buried in her breasts.

The mind-boggling drama unfolded, say cops, while Daniel Greene was attending his bachelor party at the Pretty Kitty strip club.

The club had been rented out for the private affair.

According to investigators, Greene was enjoying a lap dance when disaster struck: One of the strippers, Kandy Kane, got too into her performance and suffocated the man between her 72-DD breasts.

Witnesses said that Greene had had his fair share of beer, but didn't seem out-of-control.

When the song "I'm Too Sexy" began to play, Greene became excited and began to dance on the tabletop, hooting and hollering, pals said, "like an idiot."

Miss Kane, apparently pleased to see someone enjoying her choice in music, moved in closer.

When Greene took his seat, she began giving him a lap dance, shaking her breasts in his face.

The more she shook, the deeper Greene got lost in her cleavage.

"Daniel was having so much fun," partygoer John Gillman said.

"We all thought he loved being in that gal's chest.

"Who could have known that when he was waving his hands around, he was signaling for help?"

Cheering onlookers eventually realized that Greene was no longer moving, and pulled him from between Miss Kane's breasts.

Now Greene's family is suing Miss Kane and the Pretty Kitty for wrongful death.

Greene's father, George, won't specify the amount they are suing for, but claims that it isn't about the money.

"Those breasts were lethal weapons," he told reporters.

"The Pretty Kitty should not have allowed Miss Kane to have her bust enhanced to the size that she did.

"We hope that by filing this lawsuit, we can send a message to other strippers: keep your bra size within a reasonable range."

Kandy Kane made a statement through her attorneys: "I thought he liked it in there. "

The Pretty Kitty declined comment.
...
entertainment.yahoo.com/e...20009.html

C J (C J), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 15:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, this thread has been completely redeemed. (Why'd his name have to be Daniel, though?)

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 15:55 (twenty-three years ago)

As if the name could be anything else.

Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

A spiritual brother in arms. If that's the phrase to use.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 16:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Brother in something, anyway. What a way to go!

(Bet his fiancee was PISSED.)

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 16:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Sounds to me like the fiance probably paid Miss Kane off. She probably advertises in Soldier of Fortune as the Cleavage Assasin.

Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 16:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Sounds to me like the fiance probably paid Miss Kane off.

Black Widow 2003.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 16:19 (twenty-three years ago)

The story made the NY Times. http://nytimes.com/2003/01/14/international/africa/14VAMP.html

The best sentence is...

"The persistent complaints about vampires have outraged government officials, who describe the reports as ludicrous and issue press releases and statements to make it absolutely clear to local citizens, potential tourists and the world at large that Malawi does not have a vampire problem."

Aaron W (Aaron W), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 18:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Wasn't that stripper story something like the point of the career of old porn star Chesty Morgan?

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 18:42 (twenty-three years ago)

"Chesty Morgan" sounds like she could have been one of my wayward Welsh ancestors

C J (C J), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 18:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Clearly we should dispatch Kandy Kane to take down the vampires and their puppet govt. Too bad she's Swiss!

James Blount, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 18:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I believe Doris Wishman(?) filmed a couple of movies with a busty asassin as the protaganist.

lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 18:58 (twenty-three years ago)

yes, read about it here!

http://www.filmsinreview.com/Features/doriswishman.html

lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:01 (twenty-three years ago)

I once saw a picture of Chesty Morgan...and subsequently had nightmares.

j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Vampires vs. boobs ... oh forget it.

Aaron W (Aaron W), Tuesday, 14 January 2003 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

It's not a zero sum equation! Have you seen Twins Of Evil?

N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 00:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Vampires vs. boobs ... oh forget it.

But in a fair fight, who would win? Perhaps the enterprising vampire might choose the wrong pair of knockers and choke on the silicon.

, Wednesday, 15 January 2003 01:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Their fangs would get all backed up, wouldn't they?

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 01:48 (twenty-three years ago)


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