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I do this type of thing all the time for comedic effect. One instance that sticks out in my mind comes from college when, in response to the folk parties being held in the suite next door, I told my suitemates that they were probably having disgusting orgies over there, culminating with me imitating one of the girls who lived there saying, "Why don't you put down that tamborine and deal me around the room like a pack of cards?"

I felt kind of bad about it afterwards, but DAMN "deal me around the room like a pack of cards" still cracks me (and my college roommates) up. (It's possible that it's much funnier if you'd seen the girl I was referring to.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 17 January 2003 19:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't think of an example but I think I manage to do this sometimes. the best people don't take offence. because they aren't supposed to, I suppose.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:01 (twenty-three years ago)

that's cold as ice Dan, nice!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:04 (twenty-three years ago)

The first time I ever got decked was because of this. It was 6th grade (my first in public school) and there was this kid named David Conley who was always mean to me. Lining up for gym one day he said something nasty to me (called me a fag, most likely), and I responded by saying: "Why don't you go back to your trailer and fuck your momma?" Immediately he crushed me nose. No one heard what I said, but everyone saw him hit me. When we went to the principal's office I was scared shitless that he would say what I told him. He started to, and the principal cut him short, saying, "I don't care what you said." He kicked my ass several more times (as did most people in my school) and looking back, I can't say that I blame him.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:07 (twenty-three years ago)

me nose = my nose (I didn't suddenly become a chimneysweep)

Also, the guy broke my arm later that year. So I take it back -- I do blame the fucker.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:10 (twenty-three years ago)

he started it.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan that's great, I'm going to find some way to work that into conversation this weekend.

― Maria (Maria), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:18 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought for a moment that was Mary there, and the FAP tomorrow became even more appealing...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:20 (twenty-three years ago)

now martin's starting.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:23 (twenty-three years ago)

That's not mean and unprovoked, it's just creepy in a dirty old man way.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:25 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, sorry, I didn't mean you were being mean unprovokedly.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:26 (twenty-three years ago)

i had an old car just sitting in the driveway -- my roommate decided to offer me some cash for it. i turned him down. then he offered to share the car with me and split the insurance -- which wouldn't work because he's always broke. i said it would still be expensive because i'm under 25 (in canada, insurance gets substantially cheaper at age 25).

he said "well, we could insure it in my name"

and i said "dude, i wouldn't take a SHIT in your name"

― fields of salmon (fieldsofsalmon), Friday, 17 January 2003 20:30 (twenty-three years ago)

when i was seven y.o. my 2nd-grade teacher left the room for a bit and i stood up and told everyone she was probably taking a pee in the hallway. i mimed it. the whole class cracked up (easy room). when she came back somebody "told on me" and i got in trouble. but she was one of my FAVORITE TEACHERS. ???

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 17 January 2003 21:27 (twenty-three years ago)

When I was in 8th grade, my English teacher announced that she was engaged to this absolutely awful guy who also taught at the school. I really hated him a lot, he was dogmatically religious and constantly tried to work it into the classroom despite this being a public school. You'd also get better grades in his class if you joined his little Christian study group that met after school. He also looked like a squashed pumpkin, but that's beside the point. So anyway, someone in my class asked my teacher what she did when he proposed to her.
"I cried," she said.
"Why?" a different student asked.
"Because she was feeling sorry for herself," I said, barely realizing I said it aloud.

English class really wasn't too great a place for me for the rest of that year.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Saturday, 18 January 2003 07:32 (twenty-three years ago)

two instances where I was somehow trying to woo the girl:

1) in fifth grade one day our teacher didn't assign any homework and some jerk went 'what's our homework Mrs. Strickland?' etc. etc., you know the type, so the teacher said jokingly 'everybody watch the Cosby show tonight' and Jennie Ak*ns, who I had a huge crush on at the time (she looked like an eleven-year old Phoebe Cates), said 'my family doesn't watch the Cosby show' which threw the class into a tizzy because in EVERYBODY watched the Cosby show so the teacher asked 'why don't you watch the Cosby show?' and I shouted out 'because her parents are racists!'. Anyhow it turned out that was why they didn't watch the Cosby Show.

2) about three years ago I accidentally told a girl I was trying to woo that I thought she was a dillettante (which she was). She eventually formed a Chan Marshall knockoff group, stalked Jeff Mangum around town for awhile.

― James Blount, Saturday, 18 January 2003 07:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Tracer's story is like a funnier version of The Children's Hour

― James Blount, Saturday, 18 January 2003 07:58 (twenty-three years ago)

when i was in grade 6 there was an annoying girl named brione who had these runners with crystal colour-changing dinosaurs on them. she claimed they were reeboks when they quite clearly weren't. we had quite a long drawn out fight about it which culminated in my writing BRIONE DOES NOT HAVE REEBOKS on the blackboard. taken out of context by the teacher it made me look like a terrible snob and i couldn't quite explain my way out of it because i was too upset. she punished me and the whole class by cancelling the lambs brain dissection that was to take place later that week. it was a lamb's brain with the eyeballs still attached! i was crushed and everyone else's disappointment only magnified it. however by the end of the year ms. high had clearly forgiven me because she gave me the brain (in its jar full of formaldahyde) as a present to remember her by. i kept it in my room for a week before it gave me nightmares and i threw it out. this story has nearly nothing to do with the topic.

― minna (minna), Saturday, 18 January 2003 09:28 (twenty-three years ago)

hehe. my friend once sent this group e-mail around. it had loads of questions on it, like "What is your favourite food?" "Who is your best friend?" blah blah blah. he had answered all the questions, but each person who received it was supposed to copy and paste it into a new e-mail, put in their own answers, and send it around to everyone. there's this one guy who hangs around with us that i particularly despise, so i filled out the form under his name, with answers which mocked him greatly. i would repeat them, but they were just too nasty!

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Saturday, 18 January 2003 09:54 (twenty-three years ago)

My old Geography teacher was this complete twunt who had obviously been brought in to coach the rugby team and since he had to teach something had studied Geography, it's a joke of a course over here, so so easy. Anyway he was particularly crap at teaching it and had no concept of logic or didn't even understand the stuff he was doing. He'd spell about 7 words wrong on the board every day and put apostrophes fucking everywhere. He handed us out a printed example of Field Study one time and people ended up posting it to the headmaster because there were so many spelling errors and more significantly sentences which just didn't make sense, words which didn't exist.

Anyway to top it off he was full of all this feel the burn sports coach shit like "you take on board what I am telling you, but don't expect me to spoonfeed you, TAKE THE INITATIVE AND GO THE EXTRA MILE LADS". Towards the end when everyone stopped going he used to warn the remaining class members "DON'T JUMP SHIP".

I guess all this is provokation but anyway one day he left the room to get something from the staff room and he'd left loads of figures on the board, like marking schemes. It was 15, then 17, then 19, one below the other adding up to 51 and then next to it a few different numbers then a few others next to that and a total again.

So I got up from my desk at the front and changed all the numbers which were being added to different ones. Anyway he came back in and the whole class is practically convulsing with laughter already and he thinks someone is doing something or there's some joke and cos he wants to be one of the boys he's pretending to laugh along.

So eventually he gets back to work and he starts adding them up and he's like, "so your total is 51, that's 13 plus 11 plus 17, erm...................hang on........" and the longest fucking silence ensued. He was just stuck staring at the board and I reckon everyone in the room has never laughed so hard in their lives and he's still like "what's so funny, shut up guys I'm trying to work this out".

I mean it was the meanest thing I have ever done to anyone and by the end he was just so embarassed but fuck it it was also the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 18 January 2003 10:31 (twenty-three years ago)

So eventually he gets back to work and he starts adding them up and he's like, "so you're total is 51, that's 13 plus 11 plus 17, erm...................hang on........" and the longest fucking silence ensued. He was just stuck staring at the board and I reckon everyone in the room has never laughed so hard in their lives and he's still like "what's so funny, shut up guys I'm trying to work this out".

I mean it was the meanest thing I have ever done to anyone and by the end he was just so embarassed but fuck it it was also the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 18 January 2003 10:31 (twenty-three years ago)

oops

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 18 January 2003 10:32 (twenty-three years ago)

That's also not something I said but anyway.

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 18 January 2003 10:39 (twenty-three years ago)

do coaches in europe call their players 'lads'? Cuz over here they tend to go with 'maggots', 'ladies', or 'fags'.

― James Blount (James Blount), Saturday, 18 January 2003 10:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah lads I'd say is common enough. Over here they're slightly more office manager than the US I suspect, I'm sure they do wheel out the "what are you, men or GIRLS" or "my grandma could do better" every now and again.

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 18 January 2003 10:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Awww, and you didn't get the girl? But "dilettante" is such a sexy word!

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Saturday, 18 January 2003 13:48 (twenty-three years ago)

If we remove the typical daily insults and profanities heaped upon my friends to make them feel loved, I think nearly everything counts as 'provoked' in one way or another. I've probably said pretty harsh things about teachers et al. in the past but I can't really remember.

― Tom Millar (Millar), Saturday, 18 January 2003 14:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't really think of anything I've said that's been unprovoked - I did call a bullying boss "a stupid cow" as she was walking past my desk (I had already resigned and it was my last day there)but she was a bitch.

I do remember meeting up with some people and the conversation was so stilted, awkward and uncomfortable (it became obvious very early on there were a number of pretty insurmountable personality differences). I remember thinking aloud and blankly stating: "Oh, sod it. I didn't want to meet you in the first place," which didn't go down all that well. When you think about it, it is the ultimate putdown. Never mind, I don't like you because I don't think you're nice people, I didn't even want to get to know you from the outset. I wouldn't want to see those people again but I do feel a bit guilty about my attitude. I'd like to think I'm a bit more open and accommodating towards new people now.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Saturday, 18 January 2003 14:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Ronan's and Melissa's stories are both mindbogglingly entertaining.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 18 January 2003 15:22 (twenty-three years ago)

cant think of any of my own pieces of vitriol, one of my friends said this about a girl "her mouth looks like the opening to a worm hell"

― jeskam, Sunday, 19 January 2003 12:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I used a nasty racist comment when I was six. I wrote it on the cover of my exercise book. I didn't realise it was racist - someone told me this girl I didn't like was a *******, which I took as a statement of fact, so I wrote "Anita is a stupid *******", thinking it was just "stupid" that was the insult. It makes me shudder to think of it.

― Mark C (Mark C), Sunday, 19 January 2003 18:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh NO, Mark! I probably shouldn't be laughing as hard as I am, but that's kind of cute.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 19 January 2003 22:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm NEVER mean.

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 19 January 2003 23:17 (twenty-three years ago)

I could fill up this board with stories of random mean comments me and my friends make for no good reason. Hell, last time I stayed over the guy I'm seeing's apt, he woke me up with, "Wake up, toolbag" (so I punched him). We've taken to calling a particular girl in our company Cryptkeeper for no apparent reason lately. It never fails to please.

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 19 January 2003 23:32 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll second Ned's comment. I'm intensely jealous of Melissa W and Ronan now.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 19 January 2003 23:53 (twenty-three years ago)

ok, this is not really so much MEAN as it is socially inept. it's also not the MOST, but its all i can think of right now because i am so NICE all the TIME

at a friend's wedding this past summer, we were all milling about just before dinner, everyone trying to figure out where to sit. i was standing next to my friend christine and her boyfriend, each of us scanning for places. christine to me: "hey, we could sit over here." me: "hey, you know who i'd like to sit with? Colin and Lynn!!" and then i wander off...

it was just that i was feeling really edgy and nervous and needed to be with calming influences. that was not the only goof i made with her that day. i guess it's good that i had all my rotten eggs in one basket.

― ron (ron), Monday, 20 January 2003 01:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Being the quiet girl among a group of opinionated lads, I tend to just sit quietly in the corner and put my hand up when I wish to speak. However far too often I will quietly say something unbelievable cutting and cruel, without thinking, or realizing how badly it can be taken. Why do they always listen to horrid mutterings, and ignore my general conversation?

― Celeste (Celeste), Monday, 20 January 2003 03:18 (twenty-three years ago)

I remember I used to yell things from cabs--so cowardly, I know--at lateblooming punkers in the early 80s. "Yo Sid! Grow your hair! Get hip!" I usually had someone egging me on, though, I don't think I would have said that sort of thing on my own.

― Arthur (Arthur), Monday, 20 January 2003 03:26 (twenty-three years ago)

after i slept with a "friend"* of mine in sophmore year of college, i mentioned to two other friends that her breasts were like "soggy baggies full of dead baby mice."

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 20 January 2003 03:32 (twenty-three years ago)

(also i had a penchant for yelling "your so new wave" to passing jocks on my way home from work last year. i'm so grown up.)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 20 January 2003 03:33 (twenty-three years ago)

after i slept with a "friend"* of mine in sophmore year of college, i mentioned to two other friends that her breasts were like "soggy baggies full of dead baby mice."

Dare I say, "Ouch", Jess?

As I've a biting personality, I try to keep my cutting comments to a minimum. However, I can remember a few times (during fights) when I slipped up.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 20 January 2003 19:22 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm NEVER mean.

Kim, why are you such a megabitch?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 20 January 2003 19:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Congratulations, Tracer: when I was seven I'm not sure I'd have known how to go about miming a female urinating.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 20 January 2003 19:27 (twenty-three years ago)

*tell jess to delete asterisk.

― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 20 January 2003 21:24 (twenty-three years ago)

1x i said to jess on ILE, a propos of nuthin in particular, "even when you're right you sound like such a fucking tool". he went [stupid voice that homer simpson does when he's imitating people] "duane, in all sincerity, whatever youre on, get off it" [/stupid homer voice]. ha ha. i don't expect any of you people to find this funny but it fucking was.
jess is ok tho, i don't hate him, i don't hate anyone.

― duane, Monday, 20 January 2003 21:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Kim, why are you such a megabitch?

!!!

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 20 January 2003 23:16 (twenty-three years ago)

i remember when you said that doorag, but i didn't see his reply

― ron (ron), Tuesday, 21 January 2003 02:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah? SO FUCKING WHAT?

― duane (24 hour troubleshooter), Tuesday, 21 January 2003 02:12 (twenty-three years ago)

!!!
wrong answer, I would have accepted:
a) Because I can be!
b) Stop pulling my dick!
c) Any other exchange of lines between Winona and Shannon from Heathers.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 21 January 2003 14:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Years ago I had a mega-bitch friend and I was her trainee bitch, she really fancied this guy but she couldn't get rid of his mate long enough to go in for the kill, so muggins here said she'd "distract" the friend. Anyway, I eventually got him on his own and chatted to him but he kinda assumed I fancied him and, as his mate and my mate were snogging and I didn't really wanna go home, I kissed him, briefly - it was horrible, mainly coz I didn't fancy him I think. Anyway, the next week I discover he's told like the whole world I snogged him, and I was k-embarrassed and enraged(these days I think I'd be quite chuffed that somebody wanted to brag about snoggging me!!). I walked up to him in the local pub in front of everyone and told him that I'd only kissed him coz my mate fancied his mate, I didn't even fancy him and he was a crap kisser anyway. To this day I cannot believe how much of an evil, childish, bitch I was.

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 21 January 2003 15:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Richard Eaton is a wanker.

In these five words from my hand I managed to get Emma nigh on ostracised from her first year at University, She's never forgiven me which is why I have to suffer the constant torture of living with her.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 21 January 2003 15:24 (twenty-three years ago)

oh god, I say so many bitchy things half-accidentally thinking everyone can read my mind and should know that I mean the opposite but even I suspect I'm just being passive aggressive.

This one is trivial but particularly indefensible. At a party a couple months ago, I was talking to this fairly tall guy that I don't know that well who was saying he knew the party would be very "Upper East Side" (like in a bad way) but that it was ok anyway. The friend who knows him much better than I do was teasing him a little about his comments and for some reason I found myself saying to him, "It has been raining lately, but there's no flood" and I looked at his pants cuffs. We were both mortified.

Later he said it was good that I had told him that his pants were on the short side, your friends tell you these things, etc. But really I didn't know him well enough to say something like that. and I suspect the pants selection for him may be more limited than for shorty here. The thing is, the more you apologize for something like this, the more you draw attention to it so I can't. I will burn in hell.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Besides, highwaters are hip as crap if you're skinny and have good socks.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:10 (twenty-three years ago)

see you in hell, my friend.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmmph. I'll bet Mary would agree with me, she likes Burgulat.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh come on, nabisco, you can get meaner than that.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually I think the meanest thing I've ever done to anyone was actually a compliment that went absolutely wrong: this kid in like third grade had a ratty old Boston t-shirt that I actually thought was sort of cool (cf Shania Twain), so I said "Hey, cool shirt." This was insensitive in that I was too young to think that he may not have liked the shirt and may in fact only have been wearing a ratty yellow Boston t-shirt because his family did not have much money. He was very angry with me and very mean about it and chased me off before I could make clear that I was not making fun of him and actually thought the shirt was cool.

I felt really bad about this for a long time, but now that I think about it he stole some Legos from me later in the year so fuck him.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Note to self: STOP SAYING "ACTUALLY"

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Say 'indubitably' instead.

*thinks 'ratty yellow Boston shirt?'*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I dunno, give me a break, he was a third grader in a rock t-shirt, which seemed pretty sweet at the time.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I mean I know eight-year-old Ned had a whole wardrobe full of Soft Boys t-shirts but still!

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 06:58 (twenty-three years ago)

no way, 8-year old Ned had a closet full of Led Zeppelin "Swan Song" t-shirts!

― Tad (llamasfur), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 07:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I remember the Star Wars tanktop in 1979 when I was eight. That did rule.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 07:05 (twenty-three years ago)

I had a pink mesh tank-top once! The woman at the department store said they were cool.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 07:11 (twenty-three years ago)

It may or may not have been early Bugle Boy (before they sold out).

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 07:12 (twenty-three years ago)

There are photos, I trust. And you are going to post them. You are, you know.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 07:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Hah, I sit feeling guilty about Jena Malone but Ned wants to see pictures of third grade boys in mesh tank tops!!!

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 07:34 (twenty-three years ago)

PINK TOPS !!

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 07:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Tsk, I thought this would be a photo of you NOW in such a thing, Nabisco. What is the point otherwise?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 08:23 (twenty-three years ago)

We once did a class activity in 6th grade where we had to sit down on balloons and pop them, one at a time.. This poor overweight boy named Jeremiah plopped himself down and succeeded on the first try, whereupon I loudly commented, "Well, we knew THAT one would break!"

I was a cruel child.

― Heather (Heather), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 08:35 (twenty-three years ago)

for some reason cruelties of childhood are hilarious

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 08:51 (twenty-three years ago)

why do they always listen to my horrid mutterings?

Because they're one of the reasons we love you.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 13:28 (twenty-three years ago)

for some reason cruelties of childhood are hilarious

Thus the wisdom and appeal of Charles Schulz.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 14:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Aww thanks Matt, I'll mutter more often then. I'll try to stop making quite so many of them about you.

― Celeste (Celeste), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Y Tu Mama Tambien

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 14:59 (twenty-three years ago)

You talk about my Mama, Chris, now I gotta cut you. That's the rule.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I saw a guy who a friend of mine used to work with whom I've always had a pretty flirty r/s with, but he's gone and got himself buff thus getting rid of anything that made him attractive Because he was now buff & smug. So I tore him out. But I consider getting buff and being smug provocation, so maybe this isn't right for this thread.

― nellie (minna), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 15:19 (twenty-three years ago)

I think the massive over-retaliation factor should cancel out small amounts of provocation.

I told you all about the girl in my high school that we started calling The Church Lady because she got caught by a priest having sex on the alter of a Catholic church, didn't I?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 16:51 (twenty-three years ago)

HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL US THIS STORY BEFORE.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 16:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Seconded. Shit happens in Hastings, obviously.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 23 January 2003 12:34 (twenty-three years ago)

When cut up by an old lady driver the other day I exclaimed loudly through my open car window "I hope you die soon!"

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 23 January 2003 12:39 (twenty-three years ago)

"she got caught by a priest having sex on the alter of a Catholic church"

I misread this as having been caught WITH a priest having sex on the alter and now I have to go and say about a billion Hail Mary's. Catholic guilt, it never leaves ya. Although it obviously left that woman a while ago...

― smee (smee), Thursday, 23 January 2003 12:41 (twenty-three years ago)

But would that really be such a stretch, Smee? Oh wait...the sexual miscreant was an adolescent FEMALE. Sort of buggers that angle. Or not.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 23 January 2003 12:46 (twenty-three years ago)

:***(

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 23 January 2003 12:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Suzy and RJG 100 Hail Mary's each!

― smee (smee), Thursday, 23 January 2003 13:24 (twenty-three years ago)

That's got to hurt your throwing arm.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Thursday, 23 January 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

That girl got a lot of great nicknames. We also started calling her Lady of the Lake because she lost her panties in a lake (may have been Like Mille Lacs, I don't remember) while fooling around with a guy.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 January 2003 16:01 (twenty-three years ago)

There was a girl called Sarah at school who was fat. In home economics we sat behind her and said 'Farah's sat' lots of times, louder and louder until she noticed. On Friends Reunited she says she has had lots of experiences she is planning to write a book about and that she is now a professional dominatrix.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 23 January 2003 22:49 (twenty-three years ago)

There was another girl we sometimes called Reverend Louis. This seems random until I tell you that her name is Farrah Kohn. She really hated that, to point where she began flying into violent rages.

Ah, high school.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 January 2003 22:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Last night, said in a moment of not-thinking to someone for whom this is a very touchy subject:

"I can't imagine you ever getting married."

― Jen (nstop), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 17:29 (twenty-three years ago)

three months pass...

"Can I set [your hair] on fire?"

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 20:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I gave the finger to an old lady on the subway last week.

― slutsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

(I just realized how hilariously awful that makes me seem. this was actually PROVOKED, I SWEAR!!!)

― slutsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

ten months pass...

Awesome.

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 26 March 2004 05:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't say...

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:21 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is kinda sad for some reason. It made me remember various times I've said something horrible I really regret, like the time I called my little brother a retard when we were fighting, knowing damn well he was at the time struggling with his reading comprehension. He flew into an embarrased rage and proceeded to beat me up with the twiggy end of a broom.

Which is actually hilarious now I think about it.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:24 (twenty-two years ago)

The one and only time I went to camp was when I was 13. There was this annoying kid in my cabin that I had decided to be mean to in some way, and one day after swimming I was delighted to find an opening. We were all getting dressed and the kid was putting his underwear on when I noticed he had the smallest penis I'd ever seen. This was no ordinary cold water shrinkage either - the kid was about 10 and hid penis was about the size of a kidney bean, so I named him bean dink. Everyone in the cabin called him either bean dink or just bean for the rest of the week. I wonder what happened to him? Hopefully puberty was kinder to him than I was.

― Bryan B Sure (Bryan), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Just a few months ago I flipped off some girls at a Students for Bush table in the university union. Not sure if I'd call that unprovoked, exactly. Not directly, anyway.

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:45 (twenty-two years ago)

that wasn't unprovoked, Bryan. dude had a small dick. surely you can't be blamed for that.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Perhaps. I also told some people that one of their friends looked like a snow monkey. She calls herself snow monkey around me now to make me feel bad but I just laugh inside.

― Bryan B Sure (Bryan), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:50 (twenty-two years ago)

see that's where "and that's a good thing" comes in handy.

"you look like a deranged camel...and that's a good thing"

― oops (Oops), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Except it was a bad thing. I kept expecting her to pull a sweet potato from out of her pocket and start washing the grit off of it.

― Bryan B Sure (Bryan), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:54 (twenty-two years ago)

well you don't have to actually mean it.
only the smart ones do the potato washing thing.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:55 (twenty-two years ago)

but hey you're in frigid Canada so she'll have the last laugh

― oops (Oops), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Or whatever sound snow monkeys make when they're happy.

― Bryan B Sure (Bryan), Friday, 26 March 2004 06:57 (twenty-two years ago)

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What's the meanest unprovoked thing you've ever said about someone?

HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL US THIS STORY BEFORE.