how much do you think about your physical appearance?

What you say worries me. As you clearly know, it does sound as if it is becoming too much of an obsession. People do make judgements based on appearance, but I think people generally do adjust them depending on all the other facts and factors. Obviously those of us here who haven't met you, including me, have a very strong, extremely positive impression of you that really doesn't significantly include your build. (The couple of photos I've seen made you look gorgeous, and didn't give the impression of a fat person.) Obviously impressions are revised when you meet someone, but it sounds to me as if you are putting rather more weight on appearances than most people who matter to you are likely to. What I mean by that is that while strangers on the street have only your appearance to go on, friends and people you know will gather more and more information, and appearance becomes correspondingly less important. Of the ILXers I know in person, the visual/sexual/aesthetic appeal varies pretty widely, but I haven't got the impression that I'm ignored and neglected at gatherings because I'm twenty years older and a twentieth as cute as someone else.

This almost sounds as if I'm saying that people don't judge others by their appearance. Of course I don't mean that, but I do think that it doesn't play such a big part.

I do think abt what i say when i meet someone. I do look back on meetings with ppl and often think: ''shouldn't have said that''. but i do put these things out of my mind pretty quickly.

but, over the last few months, i've become *very* aware and self-concious about the way i look.

i suppose it does have an effect on my life, becuase it makes an impact on how i interact with people and makes me stop doing things i want to do. also, just *thinking* about how awful i look depresses me. it also impacts on everything else too- how i carry myself, my mood etc. i don't know why this has become so *central* to everything for me recently. i just can't believe i'm going through this whole thing again, because i thought that the whole "feeling awkward and self concious all the time" part of my life was over, and i was *finally* feeling confident and good about myself (or at least i wasn't obsessing to the point that i used to obsess).

i'm hoping it's just a phase though - and i'll go back to my old self soon.

for what it's worth Melissa, from the pictures you've posted, i think you are totally gorgeous.

Sometimes its what you cant_see is what is turning people off. No matter how good you look if you radiate the vibe and have that look in your eye of I totally hate myself and how I look-this isn't me. Break the spell and show your ture self Melissa!!- I think your attractive and your posts are interesting and funny. Be yourself and be happy...

It is always that "first impression" that is scary. With people that have some knowledge of you, there's nowt to be scared of; we always think that strangers whip out their magnifying glass to judge our appearance.

Personality matters more than looks, and from what I've read, you have that in spades.

Oh, and sometimes, I'd rather not look at myself in the mirror, either. (I'm not large, at all.) There is no magic wand that says thin people have an easier time.

I'm worried for you, too. Shutting yourself in the house is not a solution. I'm sure you know this already, but concentrate on finding hobbies you love; your looks will then be the last thing you focus on.

: (

as per

-- cozen (skiplevel...) (webmail), Yesterday 11:52 PM. (Cozen) (later) (link)

Adventurese at the cheese shop

I still maintain tht colloquially it's known as, or called, quince

but, yup, it's actual name is quince paste or jelly

TERRORDEATHCHEESE, oh my, that was good.

As regards the appearance issue, I've packed my mirror. It's been the best few days ever as I don't give a damn about my appearance and have an excuse not to. Perhaps I will just not unpack it in the new house and see if my self esteem improves.

As for all the bits of me I don't like (odd teeth, freckles, pot-marked hands) I can't really do much about, so I don't worry about them. The only thing I DO worry about that I can't really effect is my grating voice, but I'm learning to accept that hey, this is my voice, live with it.

And damson pickle/jam is amazing - my mum used to make that using all the damsons that grow round Aston Tirrold. It was immense on toast, if memory serves.