Am I a Terrible Person?

On the other hand, if (...see above...) you made your choice to break up the relationship without fully exploring the chance he might change his position to one you could accept, then he is probably right to feel somewhat abused by your turning away before you had fully explored reaching a mutually acceptable solution.

Men,they're all bastards.....

You do not, any more than anyone else, come with a guarantee not to change in inconvenient ways. It is not for him to say you must sacrifice for him. Any sacrifice you make must be gladly given, and therefore not a sacrifice. Wouldn't he just love it if you'd suppressed your feelings just long enough for them to turn into a simmering rage? Ducky!

If you've neglected to mention that you've killed a few people and drunk their blood on the side then yes you are a terrible, terrible person.

Well fuck me. I talked to him online a little and allowed as to how I missed him (and I do somewhat) and he said "GOOD" very smugly and logged off. I left a message saying "I realize you think I mean I miss us, and to an extent, I do, but mostly what I mean is I miss the friendship. I'm not completely wrong and you aren't completely right." This morning, I have a message back saying "Yes, yes I am."

Obviously there's no point in continuing this discussion. He's right, he's little red riding hood and I'm the big bad wolf. Why, why then do I feel so shitty? I am not completely wrong here! Why is it so much easier to believe the negative things people say than the good ones?

It is, obviously, emotionally dissonant to try to reconcile those lingering feelings with his current pronouncements on your character. Feelings want to chime, not think or reason. You'll just have to get used to your head and your heart being out of synch on this for a while.

And no, it is not your fault, but, as Ally said above, it would have been if you had lied to yourself and to him and gone through with it. As cliche as it is, you cannot be true to anyone else if you aren't honest with yourself. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did, as most would have postponed it or tried o "deal," out of fear of hurting him, or guilt. just think of it this way: isn't it better that if this was to end, it ended at this point, rather than years later when you could not take it any longer, when you two would have been even more deeply emotionally involved and the feelings of hurt and betrayal and guilt even more intensified? You saved both yourself AND him, from so much pain.

Now you have to feel comfortable with all of your feelings - including this "guilt." It's absolutely OK to feel it. You loved him. It was real. if it wasn't, you wouldn't feel so rotten right now. So take your feelings of rotteness as proof that what you had WAS meaningful to you; don't fear them, don't indulge in them either, but feel them, and allow yourself to release them. If you don't experience them, they will come out later, in ways you may not like (believe me). Just remember: this too shall pass.

A trip for a few days might really be a good idea, whether it's Newport Beach or Nepal. Oh, and I'd like to say: thank you for posting this anyway, since i am going through something similar in only one aspect - the person is in your position, wonder how they can be true to themselves, and before I thought that they were really selfish and dishonest...but this thread has helped me see that perhaps if they were not honest with themselves, they'd never be honst with me either. Thank you.

I recently broke up with someone I had been dating for a little over a year. It was a long distance relationship, as he lives about 500 miles from me, but we spoke on the phone and online nearly every day

I recently had small tits, but I had been thinking about enlarging them for a little over year. It was a long thought process, as I grudgingly live with what I have every day & I saw them relatively frequently, but I wanted them to seem larger, & they do (mostly my effort there), so things seemed to be okay. I am 36C, divorced from any reality, and have a 13 year old daughter, who has not helped my tits grow nearly as much as I hoped she would. At 31, nearly divorced, I have lived all over the world and back again. The problem: I want my boobs bigger, but I don't want to go back to Dr. Spaceman. Wouldn't consider either one, full stop.

!!! !! !!!!!! !! !!! !!!!!!!!!! !!

-- woodstock, Monday, August 1, 2005 12:52 AM (2 years ago)

http://www.soundlawcenter.com/images/ybtj-cover.jpg

You're very far from a terrible person, it seems to me.
-- Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 22 January 2003 23:42 (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

familyfortunes.wav

As far as I know you may well be a terrible person, but the details you give above are no reason to make that assumption.

If you've neglected to mention that you've killed a few people and drunk their blood on the side then yes you are a terrible, terrible person.

-- Pete (Pete), Thursday, January 23, 2003

Pete OTM!

I'm mostly kidding posting here, but: I was at a Friends of the Library meeting tonight, and, as they always do, they started with everyone introducing themselves, and (tonight) also saying the one thing they were most hoping for in 2025. There were about 30 people in the room. 29 of them wanted world peace, cures for diseases, an end to homelessness, kindness, etc. I was second to speak: I said I wanted the Jays to get rid of Mark Shapiro and Ross Atkins. If I'd been 30th, I don't think I would have said anything different.

All I see is a real one in the midst of some performance cowards

I would have wished for infinite wishes

Absolutely incredible OP/thread title combo, might be unbeatable

I couldn't finish it tbh.

Maybe it wasn’t really him ;)

I had dinner not too long ago at a ramen restaurant where they seat you in small groups, serve everybody at the same time, and and at the end of the meal diners are encouraged to stand up and announce a dream (personal goal) of theirs. While everybody else had the expected boilerplate stuff (I dream of a big work promotion, continued health of my family, move to a new city, etc.) I announced that my dream was to be able to slam-dunk a basketball on a regulation-height rim, which went over like a lead balloon and earned what might charitably be called a smattering of polite applause.

what's the name of this restaurant so i make sure to NEVER go there omg

There used to be a chain like this here … it wasn’t ramen, it was raw food … Cafe Gratitude… my mom had read some positive article about it in the paper, so I went with my parents and we were seated at the same table with a cancer survivors support group.

We ended up leaving after appetizers and went to Saul’s deli, for which we had much gratitude.

sharing something personal with strangers is something I don't have time for
it's like that scene in the godfather when Vito tells sonny, 'never tell someone outside the family what you're thinking'

In my younger years, I definitely would have said something along the lines of “I would like to taste human flesh just once”

Another quirk about this particular ramen place is that they have only one basic item on the menu, a ramen bowl, and you decide how much pork you want added (none - a ton.) At the end of the meal, whether you share a dream or not, the other diners are encouraged to clap if you've finished the whole thing. Or not if you haven't.

Imagine getting no dream applause and no ramen applause.

Jesus that place sounds like a living nightmare. I would die.

I did get the ramen applause, which was no mean feat since those bowls are HUGE. But the hostess had no problem shaming the lightweights by asking the other diners to hold their applause. Kinda weird in hindsight.

incredible revive

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxRJnWSjjwc

this thread invented r/aita

nah that was south asians iirc

bravo

nice

terrible idea: a restaurant with incomprehensible rules which follow dream logic and constantly change, called Finnegan's Steakhouse.

When you've finished your meal, you have to start all over again.

it wasn’t ramen, it was raw food … Cafe Gratitude

I remember that place... my buddy went there once with Dan Akroyd for some reason, I guess he wanted to check it out

There was just an article about a bay area vegan chain that abruptly closed when they started serving 'farm-raised, ethically sourced' meat and the vegans revolted... so they closed all locations. And they owner's parent was the founder of Cafe Gratitude

reddit AITA urtext

oh sorry, that has been said