I was so wasted...

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I'm all about being sober. That is, when I'm not drunk or fighting the urge to get drunk. Being entirely sober for 3 weeks was an accomplishment to me. During that time, I smoked zero cigarettes. That was a bigger accomplishment.

Then, I saw Camper Van Beethoven at Irving Plaza. Some people came over last weekend, too.

Today I made chicken chili which requires one bottle of beer to be poured in it. Since I was at the store simply to get one bottle of beer, I got one big bottle of beer.

Now, I am drinking vodka and 7-up and made a special trip to the store for a pack of smokes.

I don't have a steady job. I'm not working tomorrow.

Think I have a problem? I do. When stress gets me riled up, by the end of the day, I'm thinking it's time to get fucked up. When I drink, I smoke. It's just how it goes.

I don't want to be addicted to anything. This sucks. Is anyone else in the same boat? I spent 2002 drinking at least once a week, often 2 or 3 times and smoking about 3 or 4 packs a week.

Please give me the number of a good and cheap hypnotist.

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 24 January 2003 04:33 (twenty-three years ago)

if drinking 2 or 3 times a week and smoking 3 or 4 packets a week is considered particularly bad, i am obviously going to hell in a handbasket

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 24 January 2003 04:37 (twenty-three years ago)

I can see how that would seem lightweight to some people, but the thing is when I drink, I'm not socially drinking or having a few beers to unwind. I get shitfaced to the point where my girlfriend doesn't even want to be in the same room as me or I'm stumbling home from the bar and I wake up wondering how I got home. The thing is, I get so fucking polluted that I need a day or two to recover. So, I might smoke a pack and a half on a wednesday, but the next day I'm in a stupor and all dazed, so I might only have like one or two cigarettes. Then, friday, I'll get shitfaced because it's the end of the week. Saturday, I may drink again, or I might be so wrecked from friday, that I skip a day. But, if I skip Saturday, chances are I'm getting polluted again sunday so that I start off the work week hungover.

It's like college never ended sometimes. I also realized from my 3 weeks of recent sobriety that I'm entirely different when I don't drink. I don't get frustrated or angry so easily and words don't just fly out of my mouth when the pressure's on.

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 24 January 2003 04:49 (twenty-three years ago)

What I'm saying is I drink so fucking much that skipping a day or two is often necessary. I'm not just having a 6 pack. If I go for beer, I might start off with a 6 pack, but I'll go back to the store before the night is through, often at 10 or 11pm on a work night. By 1 or 2, I'm fucking wrecked listening to music and smoking like a chimney trying to figure out how many hours of sleep I'll need. Since I'm a designer, I typically have the sorts of jobs that allow me to come in between 9 and 10... and let me tell you, I need it. I waltz in at 10 after 3 cups of coffee and breath mints galore puffy faced and shaky, trying to keep my stinky alcohol-vapor excretion from my bosses nostrils. I feel like it escapes through my pores since regular drinking leads me to being a sweaty butterface.

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 24 January 2003 04:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Scaredy Cat your writing on this thread is awesome!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 24 January 2003 05:19 (twenty-three years ago)

I know, I make type-o's frequently. Sorry about that. I don't know why, but I started writing "their" when I mean "there" or "they're" and shit like that. Pisses me off, boy....

I'll try to keep the spelling errors to a minimum.

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 24 January 2003 05:41 (twenty-three years ago)

when you talk about the big bottle of beer i thought of like this giant 2 or 3 metres tall bottle

― Chupa-Cabras (vicc13), Friday, 24 January 2003 05:46 (twenty-three years ago)

i think tracer hand was being sincere.

and don't sweat the their/there/they're bit. My students don't!

― That Girl (thatgirl), Friday, 24 January 2003 05:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, wow, I never even thought of that! I've never been complimented on my writing before. Thanks, Tracer!

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 24 January 2003 06:03 (twenty-three years ago)

yes, I was being totally sincere!!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 24 January 2003 06:16 (twenty-three years ago)

i mean it sounds like you're a little sick of the drinking krizzap and despite your current state-of-becoming-enzombified it seems like your writing also reflects these weeks of sobriety so from my selfish standpoint i'd say keep up the sober chunks

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 24 January 2003 06:25 (twenty-three years ago)

(poss bad wording)

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 24 January 2003 06:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Gotcha.Thanks, Tracer, you're right. If I was the way I was onlly-not-too-long-ago, I suppose this would've read like a disasterpiece. It's not the best writing in the world, but your response made me read it again and it's not a total mess, either. I guess it's probably just because I used simple statements instead of artistic license. Or something. It's 1:30 and I'm not very drunk yet. Woohoo.

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 24 January 2003 06:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Find some other way to relieve stress -- I find mindless television, or sometimes breaking things or at least threatening to. Friends you can yell at are nice too.

Also sex.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 24 January 2003 07:53 (twenty-three years ago)

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