I'm going to be a bridesmaid!

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I've never been so I'm kind of excited, and especially since there was apparently minor controversy about my inclusion. The greatest thing is that my cousin, the bride, and I are like the Patty Duke Show we look so much alike, so obviously as everyone does she picked bridesmaid dresses that she would like for herself, so it'll look great on me. The real question I have though is what exactly do bridesmaids do? Will I be expected to do anything? Will it suck?

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 05:42 (twenty-three years ago)

cool. there is a book called something like the Bridesmaid's Handbook, but if you were going to do everything in that you'd have to start a year advance and might die of exhaustion.

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 05:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Rockness. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 06:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I only have a couple months so I reckon it can't be too much stuff? It's a very posh fancy affair by the way, being held in a place that was on a show called Castles of America! It costs tens of thousands of dollars! Which is hilarious because it's my white trash dysfunctional family, what the hell? At the mother of the bride's first wedding, the only person to show up with even so much as a sports jacket type attire was my dad.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 06:09 (twenty-three years ago)

i think you have to arrange showers and stuff

― ron (ron), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 07:06 (twenty-three years ago)

I think for regular bridesmaids the only thing you have to do is wear the dress and avoid making out with the groom (publicly, anyway).

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 14:12 (twenty-three years ago)

nicole's book is difft from mine, which says "do groom haha" on p.1

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 14:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Just don't stain his tuxedo.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Urgent & Key: can one still have bridesmaids when not getting married in a church? Or is an aisle required?

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 14:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Vicky to thread!

― chris (chris), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 14:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Archel you can do whatever you like, it's your wedding innit?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 14:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I was a bridesmaid when a friend of mine got married at a courtroom, so I don't see why not. Despite getting married I am still pretty clueless when it comes to the etiquette of weddings.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:01 (twenty-three years ago)

page 2: as bride and groom prepare to cut cake, bridesmaid must snatch figurine of latter from top of cake and bite its head off

then she may spit or swallow, as so she chooses

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I've only been a bridesmaid as a child, but even then you get jewelery (unless this is just a British custom and I'm building your hopes up, but the groom should get you a present of some kind.) I think it would be better as an adult. You get to drink free booze and first refusal on flirting with the cute single men. If you can trust the bride not to make you wear anything awful it should be fun.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

OK, so now I need to know what places I can get married that have aisles I can walk down but aren't churches.

I can only think of supermarkets.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I find Mark's advice to be somewhat questionable.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Generally your job is to keep the bride from freaking out. Therefore you and the other bridesmaids should be alternating between making sure the bride stays relaxed and comfortable and handling the random minor mishaps that always happen at a wedding. (Major mishaps, like the groom getting caught in a broom closet with the best man, probably should not be hidden from her.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Archel - Castles, there's millions of tiny wee non cheesy/flashy ones that are sooo romantic. I think that's what I'm going for, small, secluded & historical.

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Major mishaps, like the groom getting caught in a broom closet with the best man, probably should not be hidden from her.

So did they eventually come out of the closet?

*flees*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

One would assume so! It would be a shame if they had to live out their forbidden love in a broom closet until they died.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly in "The Cask of Amontillado"

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Bridesmaids organize the stagette (if there is one), have a hand in the Jack N Jill (if there is one), look uglier than the bride (they don't show her up) and keep her from from having a nervous breakdown (when she has one).

I guess it depends on how organized the marring couple are. I missed the Bridzilla show last night but I've seen some crazy brides back when I used to work at a church.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Ahem, excuse my ignorance but what's "the Jack 'n' Jill"? I always thought it was cock-er-knee for The Pill...

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I was a bridesmaids three years ago. It was fun! Our dresses weren't bad, so that helped. You just had to walk, stand in line, and get your picture taken. I caught the bouquet (yet there's been no boyfriend, let alone getting married, arrrrrrrgh.) They didn't serve alcohol at this wedding so no free booze that time.

― rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:07 (twenty-three years ago)

An alcohol free wedding! What the point in going then?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Ahem, excuse my ignorance but what's "the Jack 'n' Jill"?

At a very basic level, just a party which helps raise funds for the wedding. Its often on par with a stag and stagette but held earlier and from the name has both sexes present.

My summer of hell working at a beach involved cleaning up the aftermath from several of these. You'd think being the only guy working with 8 girls at a beach would be an ideal job. It was living hell.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Party to raise funds for the wedding? Isn't getting presents enough? Interesting concept though.....

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I really really wished this was a Sarah thread. I don't know why.

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:40 (twenty-three years ago)

smee, I went to three weddings one year, and only one had drinks!

The moral of the story is only go to weddings of Irish and Swiss folk.

― rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

And Scots!

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:47 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah, fundraising parties for weddings are tacky. people shouldn't have big weddings they can't afford on their own. To be honest I actually think wedding presents verge on tacky too. but whatever/

― g (graysonlane), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, me too. I especially hate wedding lists, it's a damn cheek. I'm not having one, me and the fiance aren't having a proper reception so it'd be even more of a cheek to ask for gifts and not even pay for folks dinner!

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Never mind big weddings, when you live in a farm area or near a farm area a wedding and even a modest reception is more then most young twenties can afford.

Besides its like a stag meets a stagette. I'd wander in to open the park around 7 and they would still be going at on the beach, in the parking lot and anywhere else they could be alone.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 17:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ewwww, horrible mental images...
So basically they just pimp their friends out for wedding cash?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 17:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally what are the dresses like? will they, uh, showcase your assets?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 17:25 (twenty-three years ago)

And can i be your date regardless??

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 17:34 (twenty-three years ago)

So basically they just pimp their friends out for wedding cash?

But its the brides friends and the grooms friends getting friendly. More LUV = everybody is happy.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 18:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Weddings are all about pumping people for cash and presents, largely so that you can ease the burden of merging two distinct financial entities into one household.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 18:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Weddings are all about pumping people.

I thought this thread was going to be another depressed one along the lines of 'I'm going to be forever the bridemaid, never the bride' and that the exclamation mark just represented grim defiance.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 18:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Haha Tracer but what will your girlfriend say?

PS you couldn't pay me to make out with the groom so that's right out.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 18:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I went to wedding with N. once. It was nice. He looked gorgeous in taffetta.

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 18:56 (twenty-three years ago)

and then tax time comes and the taxman fucks your ass.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 18:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh yeah! I forgot that Mark. You were all sleepy and had already 'done' all the bridesmaids.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 18:57 (twenty-three years ago)

my wifes bridesmaids spent the day primping her up. my groomsmen spent it drinking and handing me towels.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 18:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I love going to weddings. Free food and booze and dancin' musics. but the bridesmaids always seem to attached or busy with pictures and nonsense to be hit upon.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 19:01 (twenty-three years ago)

haha Ally my girlfriend would be speechless at the sight of me in a tie! i've already shaved my backhair and everything, there's no way you're going without me.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

You just want to come to a Castle of America.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 20:30 (twenty-three years ago)

No one has ever even asked me to be a bridesmaid. I think I'd look cute in taffeta :(

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 21:30 (twenty-three years ago)

If the saying is true then I'm never going to get married, as I've already been a bridesmaid twice, and will be doing it again twice this year.

The best person to ask to find out what you need to do is the bride, whatever she wants you to do, you do!

Find out how many other bridesmaids there are going to be, and if she's appointed a 'chief' bridesmaid. You'll need to know when the weeding is, and what events she wants. Does she want a shower, does she want a hen night, or even a weekend away? For that you'll need a list of friends she wants to come along. Does she want you to go with her to look at wedding dresses? Is there a wedding fair she'd like to go to, that you can go with her too?

One awkward point is whether you'll have to contribute to the dress or not. Most of mine I've not had to pay any money, and I've got to keep the dress, but one of them I had to pay for the material. Some bridesmaids have to pay for the whole thing, and some don't pay anything, but don't get to keep it. (obviously, depending on the dress this might not be a bad thing...)

On the day you just have to give her support, and carry things she might need, like make-up, tissues, spare stockings etc. You'll have to practice your smile for the camera, as you'll get sick of the sight of the official photographer, and all the guests taking their own shots.

Make sure the bride doesn't get too sozzled, and grin and bear it if you have to spend the day with a disgusting best man or usher.

But you'll have a fantastic time, just relax and enjoy it. And you won't have to worry about what to wear!

― Vicky (Vicky), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 09:57 (twenty-three years ago)

I understand there are some best man related duties also.

― Tim (Tim), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 10:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 20 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

perhaps i could be the male stripper ?

― anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 2 March 2003 23:22 (twenty-three years ago)

That would make it glorious and good.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 2 March 2003 23:31 (twenty-three years ago)

You could get a book with ideas for mentalist games that you should be playing.

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 3 March 2003 01:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Are female strippers out?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 March 2003 01:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Depends on whether they're lesbians or not

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 3 March 2003 01:43 (twenty-three years ago)

What about cross-(un)dressing strippers?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 3 March 2003 01:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Depends on whether they're lesbians or not

Tatu to thread! That would be the ultimate for AllyNuptials.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 3 March 2003 02:05 (twenty-three years ago)

I only find male strippers disgusting. Take as you will.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 3 March 2003 04:26 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

Everyone, I'm trying to help my mom decide on her outfit for the wedding, and receive this email in return:

Although I found one thing ~ I told Megan I'd wear that to the wedding and defy people to make comments. It was like a denim jumpsuit, skin tight except the bottom of the legs flared out. But the top was sleeveless/strapless and the front had leather lace cups :) cool.....

WHAT THE HELL?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 25 April 2003 20:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Your mom once again shows that there really is nobody else like her, is there?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 25 April 2003 21:15 (twenty-three years ago)

If I ever get married, I want Ally's mom to come to my wedding.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 25 April 2003 21:19 (twenty-three years ago)

As the bride?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 25 April 2003 21:22 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think I could handle being Ally's stepfather. Mrs Ally's Mom can be one of the ushers or something.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 25 April 2003 21:24 (twenty-three years ago)

If I ever get married again, I know what I want my bridesmaids wearing

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 25 April 2003 21:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Martin, do you want to marry my mom?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 25 April 2003 21:32 (twenty-three years ago)

does it come with a cowboy hat?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 25 April 2003 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, it's tempting Ally (obviously I am imagining someone like you, but my age), and it's a generous offer, but isn't she marrying someone else?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 25 April 2003 21:51 (twenty-three years ago)

SIGH. Ok, so now my parents are refusing to come to the wedding on reasons that are kind of vague and noncommittal--a conglomeration of money, differences with both sides of the family, just plain annoyance, etc. So now, yet again, I am put right in the middle of a massive family dispute (the mother of the bride is having a fit) and getting held for ransom. Mother-of-the-bride will not even meet up with me now to give me my bridesmaid gown (which she had shipped to her)--she's just going to "pop it in the mail to me".

I mean, yeah, my parents are right, my family treats me like shit and it offends them how nicely they treat my cousin and how little regard they have for me, but for god's sake acting like children hardly helps the matter. Help? I don't even want to go at this point. Anyone wanna come with me to make me feel better, at least?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 9 May 2003 15:16 (twenty-three years ago)

two weeks pass...

Please, please, please fucking shoot me.

WHO IN THIS BITCH WANTS TO COME TO A WEDDING? You win: a free two-night accomodation at the Marriot Islandia, dinner, open bar, and the endless entertainment of my family, billed as "the travesty of everything" currently (actual quote). You will have to be available June 12, 13, and 14 and promise to act as obnoxious as possible. There is also the possibility of an Electric Six show on the 14th. FIRST PERSON TO EMAIL ME IS THE WINNAH!

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I would love to come for the sheer spectacle, but alas, can't get away on the 12th. Also I'm out here.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:18 (twenty-three years ago)

I hope my too-small dress causes me to suffocate and die en route to the extravaganza of misery.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm surprised no one has volunteered for this! Weddings = free drinks, people. Where else can you get alcohol poisoning on someone else's dime?

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I've been at some amusing rock promo dinners...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If I were anywhere near NY on these days, I would so be down for this. It would be great, we'd get drunk and it would be a free for all. It would go down in the annals of your family history as "The Incident With the Girl from California."

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My guess is that they don't want to take part in the travesty of everything.

Luna is on the same wavelength as me, another friend of mine is supposed to go with me but is totally not responding now that she has a "job," which is a little weird because she claimed that when she started, she told them she'd have to be off those days. But we were gonna go lez it up to ensure I never get invited to another family event again.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:02 (twenty-three years ago)

People have no sense of FUN anymore.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:41 (twenty-three years ago)

two weeks pass...

I am never wearing makeup or hairspray again. I had my hair done up like I Dream of Fucking Jeannie, and my face was cadaverous! Despite how horrible I looked (you can see in these pictures, I'm barely recognizable), I picked up! SCORE: ALLY 1, EVIL MAKEUP AND HAIR WOMAN 0.

Anyway, here's two crappy shots taken by people who didn't know how to use my camera (note the classy invasion of the camera strap).

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/images/ann&bridesmaids.jpg

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/images/bridalparty.jpg

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 14 June 2003 23:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think that's the hairstyle we all voted for, is it?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 15 June 2003 09:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh my god. Poor Ally, what did they do to you?

― Nicole (Nicole), Sunday, 15 June 2003 15:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Which one is she?

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 15 June 2003 15:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't even pick you out ally!

― That Girl (thatgirl), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

i was a best man yesterday - it was fun

― james (james), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally is a hairhopper!!

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Sunday, 15 June 2003 18:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally is surely fourth from left, next to the bride. It isn't among the best 50 photos I've seen of Ally.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:06 (twenty-three years ago)

No. It isn't. I looked like a Hoboken whore.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 16 June 2003 00:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Poor darling Ally! What did they do to you? Whom do you want me to beat up for you? You usually look splendid in photographs too!

Oh well. At least nothing could cover up the fact that you, m'dear, have the best smile out of any of those other females. Even if it had to be plastered onto you. :)

― Dee the Lurker (Dee the Lurker), Monday, 16 June 2003 01:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I like how in the top photo you have demon eyes. It's like you're saying, "I may look like the girl down the street from you, but I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL (just like the girl down the street from you, oh drat)."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 12:21 (twenty-three years ago)

The girl down the street from you? Dan, do you live in Central Islip? Or Ronkonkoma? Oh, I know--Commack.

(ah South Shore jokes, will they ever START being amusing? I don't understand why there's not more of them, since South Shore L.I. is even tackier than Jersey)

Whatevah. Most of the comments have gone along the lines of "You look beautiful, but nothing like you." which I'm ok with, and everyone thinks Ann looks gorgeous which is really the important thing--if SHE had been stuck with the Babylon hair I would've had to have smacked someone in that salon.

Other interesting facts from the wedding:
1) those blue roses were dyed that color. Unfortunately, the dye didn't stick in the humidity/rain and bled blue spots onto Ann's gown.
2) One of my aunts got plastered ass drunk and was even hugging the bartenders goodbye at the end of the night, and told the guy who was trying to pick me up that she thought he should have sex with me on the beach after he ordered someone a sex on the beach, which was horribly embarassing.
3) My 6 year old cousin indicated that she found me insane.
4) My friend Pamela was mistaken for my mother at least 6 times.

It was a lot of fun. I'm gonna put some more pix up on a website for all the bridesmaids so I'll post a link here as well.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:29 (twenty-three years ago)

This is the unfinished photo album.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 16 June 2003 17:06 (twenty-three years ago)

That looks like a good time!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 17:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, it was. I smoked cigars and drank beers with the guys, it was kind of discontinuous whenever I'd see myself in a mirror while doing this.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 16 June 2003 17:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, that looks totally fun.

This is kind of off the subject, but do you ever look in the mirror when you're drunk and feel rather pleasantly surprised by your appearance, like hmm, better than I thought! . . . only to look in the mirror the next morning to realize that you are your own coyote date?

Not that this has happened to me or anything.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 16 June 2003 18:28 (twenty-three years ago)

I have never been inclined to gnaw off my arm after looking in the mirror.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 18:30 (twenty-three years ago)

I wish I could've gnawed off my hair on Friday night.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 16 June 2003 19:05 (twenty-three years ago)

felicity: TOTALLY.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 16 June 2003 19:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally, I can safely say that I can't recall your hair doing done that way;> However, you did a wonderful deed---plus you'll remember how NOT to dress your bridesmaids if/when you choose to marry.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 16 June 2003 22:18 (twenty-three years ago)

*ducks*

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 16 June 2003 22:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Blount, you're going down.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 16 June 2003 22:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Bloodshed with the Hacksaw: The Wedding Saga

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 16 June 2003 23:02 (twenty-three years ago)

seven years pass...

so i'm at a wedding sunday and after 3 mediocre/lousy speeches from the bridesmaids another guest at my table loudly proclaims that he's never heard a good bridesmaid speech at a wedding. very loudly.

― got electrolytes (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 24 May 2011 14:15 (fifteen years ago)

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