x-rated ilxers?

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who's a little bit dirrty?

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Christina A

― james (james), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan P, of course.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan Perry owns this.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:12 (twenty-three years ago)

All other answers are secondary to the one and the only VERY BAD MANG.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:12 (twenty-three years ago)

do i need to bring out the phot of me in my underpants again

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:13 (twenty-three years ago)

We are all Dan's bitches.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:13 (twenty-three years ago)

There can be only one!

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:15 (twenty-three years ago)

becky lucas!!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:17 (twenty-three years ago)

She was running a close second there.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Jess, Ned, Donut Bitch, and Christine "Leafy Green Dragon" can be agreeably smutty. But Dang 0wnz.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:23 (twenty-three years ago)

It's because he's so cherubic in his filth.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:24 (twenty-three years ago)

um, hullo... Kate's Casablancas-bum fiction? Ally's office party antics? Anthony's penis poems?

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Is Julian Casablancas' ass pg-13, R or X?

if x then kate

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

martin skidmore surely!

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:33 (twenty-three years ago)

'cause he's done it ALL.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 18:15 (twenty-three years ago)

To EVERYONE.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 18:17 (twenty-three years ago)

At ONCE.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 18:18 (twenty-three years ago)

What about "I'm Passing Open Windows," aka Ms. Laura? I mean, look at the analsex thread.

― Mandee, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 18:31 (twenty-three years ago)

TWICE.

― Cozen (Cozen), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 18:56 (twenty-three years ago)

With a funny hat ON.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 19:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Am I getting stick here? I seem to have boasted too much about my sex life. Sorry.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:24 (twenty-three years ago)

No, you're getting PROPS.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:26 (twenty-three years ago)

FROM EVERYONE.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:27 (twenty-three years ago)

at ONCE.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:29 (twenty-three years ago)

In OIL.

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:29 (twenty-three years ago)

TWICE.

― Cozen (Cozen), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Three times a lady...

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:30 (twenty-three years ago)

(surely you meant LADY?)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:31 (twenty-three years ago)

(Maybe four if she's lucky.)

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:32 (twenty-three years ago)

CAn I buy you a fish sandwhich?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Which?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:33 (twenty-three years ago)

(Can we go back to where Martin gave us the "Am I getting stick here?" straight line and none of us did ANYTHING with it? FOR SHAME.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

*bows head*

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:37 (twenty-three years ago)

(and me without my courvoisier)

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:37 (twenty-three years ago)

ok let's pretend he just said the stick thing now... GO!

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:41 (twenty-three years ago)

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE?!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Total DEBAUCHERY reprazent!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:45 (twenty-three years ago)

*BOMP BOMP*

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 21:46 (twenty-three years ago)

(*ILX orgy, featuring Dan singing "I Wanna Fuck You in the Ass," ensues*)

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:03 (twenty-three years ago)

elisabeth. she wants to "make friends" with all the girls.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 22:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Woo-hoo! I made a list! Yes, my reputation has been marked forever! (And some day I'll post some nice, family-friendly photos of my dungeon, in case anyone had any doubt.)

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan singing "I Wanna Fuck You in the Ass,"

Only singing it?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I think you're building a place not far behind Dan, Laura, when it comes to sex here. Obviously not at all like Dan's style, you'll have noticed... (Any rep I have may well come from giving the false impression that a patch of several months featuring lots of group sex is more characteristic than my ordinary sex life for the other decades of my life.)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:40 (twenty-three years ago)

DON'T YOU RAIN ON MY PARADE MARTIN SKIDMORE

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Martin beats Dan. You know where Dan is headed -- Martin, on the other hand, is talking about the growth of the subcontinental rail system under the Raj and then says "also once I anally penetrated a young woman with a ball peen hammer at her husband's request."

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:52 (twenty-three years ago)

...and Nabisco makes a late run for the title himself with that last post.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 23:57 (twenty-three years ago)

*laughing my ass off* Okay, these last few posts have reminded me that I am not really all that perverse. Many thanks, gentlemen and gentlewomen, as the case may be.

Martin, I think that you and Dan and myself (and nabisco, too, if he's so inclined) need our own thread, where we can try to top each other on "I did something odder than that" stories, to the amazement, horror, and envy of all of the more straight-laced folks *grin*
Um, Dan, just what parade was it that Martin was raining on? And were you carrying an umbrella like that girl on the Morton salt canister? And why don't people throw parades for me?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 00:15 (twenty-three years ago)

What are you talking about, Laura? I'm entirely straight-laced. I just happen to notice when Martin is making some very sober, coherent point about a given manner and then suddenly you learn something you weren't previously aware of about double penetration.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 30 January 2003 00:16 (twenty-three years ago)

for that reason alone, Martin is my god.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 30 January 2003 00:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah, nabisco, I was refering to your envious ability to call to mind such wonderfully perverse examples at a drop of the hat. If you prefer for me to think of you as being straight-laced, then I shall mentally reclassify you. Thanks for the clarification *grin*

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 00:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm X-rated?

Cause of Julian's ASS?

::sobs::

Everything I'm known for is because of someone else. I actually got recognised in a club in Camden tonight. For what? For being that girl who "wrote a song about Bobby Gillespie as her boyfriend."

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:02 (twenty-three years ago)

i suppose this is a bad time to ask if i can buy the l0llies cd from you directly?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Nabisco, I think you have to work that characterization of Martin into one of your short stories; it's a winner!

― Mary (Mary), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry, I gave my last copy of the album to Hilton. Yeah, and he STILL didn't sleep with me. :-( Cause my band was shit. :-(( You can order it online through the fortune and glory website if you want to. But it's really not very good. I tried to listen to it the other day and just couldn't. OK, that was partly cause I played it right after Hilton played me his band's record, so I should have just given up.

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:10 (twenty-three years ago)

kate you are x-rated cos you owned that flirt thread

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I did? You mean I can flirt online? Then why can't I flirt In Real Life? Dammit, if I could flirt in real life, then maybe Hilton would have slept with me. Why oh why won't Hilton sleep with me? Life sucks...

Wait a minute. I NEVER really wanted him to sleep with me at all. I just wanted someone to moan about that I was in crush with them and they didn't care. Woooo!!! Now I have someone to moan about, I can be happy. Yay! I've missed this! It's been too hard, being, like, famous, and like, a touring musician who gets groupies all the time. I find it far more comfortable and reassuring when I *don't* get laid. And now Hilton won't sleep with me, I can feel normal again.

I am happy because my life sucks cause Hilton Betelgeuse won't sleep with me! Hurrah! I'm so glad we've got that figured out.

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 01:17 (twenty-three years ago)

No offense, Kate, but you're one of few people I ever encountered who I hope never have a crush on me.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 30 January 2003 05:35 (twenty-three years ago)

haha ditto!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 30 January 2003 05:56 (twenty-three years ago)

sorry but i totally think that thats the kind of thing you should keep to yr self.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 30 January 2003 06:05 (twenty-three years ago)

I wouldn't mind if Kate crushed out on me.

― who, Thursday, 30 January 2003 06:14 (twenty-three years ago)

PEOPLES, U+K. Ramosi

― Chupa-Cabras (vicc13), Thursday, 30 January 2003 06:17 (twenty-three years ago)

But Di, no, I like Kate: it's just that her crushes seem pretty, umm, involved, and it'd be a little odd to actually have anything to do with any of them. They're fun to watch, and it sounds like they're fun for Kate, but that sounds like a lot of responsibility for Hilton.

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 30 January 2003 07:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm only X-rated by pre-1968 standards.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 30 January 2003 07:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I feel I need to point out, in case anyone misinterprets, the Nabisco's line about me was a made-up illustration, not an actual remembered quote.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 30 January 2003 13:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Is Ms Laura a full time domme then or have I just gathered this as wishful thinking? I daren't look at the threads which might be slightly too naughty for I am a full-time office minion and my dungeon is full of pot plants. Haha it would be funny if she's the one behind the dom-diary in Bizarre rag. Are you Ms Laura? If so what happened with Bill?

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 30 January 2003 13:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Poor old Martin. It wasn't far off the mark though ha ha.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 30 January 2003 13:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I am a full-time office minion and my dungeon is full of pot plants
Pot plants??? Sounds like a pretty wacky office.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 30 January 2003 13:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Dammit, MOUS, why did you log out for that? I'm curious as fuck now. The ONE TIME someone wants me to crush on them, they won't say who they are. Ah well. Whoever you are, you've made my day, but I understand your reasons for not telling. :-)

I totally understand why people would not want me to have a crush on them. It's VERY involved, and you would have to surrender a great deal of your privacy. If you're use to or OK with living your life in public, that's one thing. But it would suck in the same way that Being Madonna's Boyfriend probably sucks.

I've got to go and look up tourvans for Hilton now. (and Suzy wants her computer back.)

― kate, Thursday, 30 January 2003 13:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, I actually should have spelt out "g4nj4" shouldn't I, to completely clarify...

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 30 January 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

*laughing* Yes, Sarah, I am a full time dominant - but not a pro, and not a domme, and I do not write for Bizarre, though I did use to have a monthly advice column for a local BDSM newsletter (Yay, I am really in print!) And, to be perfectly honest, I don't get to use my dungeon nearly as often as I would like to. But my boys worship me and keep me pretty darn happy and satiated - quite an ideal life, and I am reasonably happy with things. Only improvement would be to bring a female into the arrangement, but it'd have to be someone that I wanted rather than any "female," if that makes sense (and the one that I want moved across the country and I've not seen her in three years:( ).

So, um, what kinda dungeon do you have? And do you prefer to wield the instruments or to feel their impact? And why are you being an office minion these days?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 19:19 (twenty-three years ago)

!!!

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 30 January 2003 19:22 (twenty-three years ago)

(I mean, I think we all know Sarah's dungeon involves those tube-sock ice-blast mechanisms Ramosi thought up.)

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 30 January 2003 19:22 (twenty-three years ago)

What, her nipples are shaped like tube socks?

― Cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 30 January 2003 19:48 (twenty-three years ago)

*trying to imagine such a device as mentioned by nabisco* Does anyone have any sketches? Blueprints, perhaps?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 20:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I picked the wrong day to quit being a submissive.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 30 January 2003 20:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Ms Laura:

Read the following threads:

So which IL* poster(s) would you, you know..., if you could?
How come sarah wont go out with me?

Hopefully all will be made clear.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 January 2003 20:23 (twenty-three years ago)

*sniff* Sorry to hear of your decision, lawrence.

Dan - thanks for the links to the threads - everything wasn't made clear, but it was really amusing, and I think that's even better, all things considered *grin*

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 20:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, the tube sock thing. I forgot to link to the genesis of that:

WOMEN: How many bras do you have?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 January 2003 21:05 (twenty-three years ago)

*laughing* Man, I wish I'd found this group of people so much earier in my life - that Bra thread is totally ingenious! (And I think I own four or five, though I just ordered some new one's for Valentine's Day - and had them shipped to my S/O and put on his credit card so he can wrap them and stress about a gift and I get what I want and not some tacky lingerie that's all itchy and uncomfortable. But I also own several leather bustiers and corsets - do those count as bras or is there an "other" category for them?)

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 21:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I say those are just lingerie in general and not bras.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 30 January 2003 21:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Why not start a new thread on 'other' lingerie, Laura? Usually people just talk about thongs.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 30 January 2003 21:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Hell - thongs aren't lingerie! They're torture devices! Sheesh. And I promised myself that I wasn't going to start any threads that might be remotely perceived as being sexual for the rest of this month. So maybe one on Saturday?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 21:22 (twenty-three years ago)

nabisco: sorry, i read that as being snide when it wasn't. that'll learn me for the thinking the worst of everyone.

ms laura you are the best.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 30 January 2003 22:20 (twenty-three years ago)

*laughing* Thank you ever so much, di. But just what is it that I am "best" at or of? Or do I even want to know? *really goofy grin*

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 30 January 2003 23:43 (twenty-three years ago)

"...then I tickled her hairy axe wound."

― Cozen Skidmore (Cozen), Friday, 31 January 2003 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

nabisco: actually i don't think i should have backed down on that, silly me to have no faith in my social politics. i know that you have good intentions, still, i don't think it was a very constructive thing to say. if someone said that to me, good intentions or no, i would reply, "i never asked you whether you would want me to have a crush on you."

ha probably this is a pointless post, probably kate doesn't give a shit!

― di smith (lucylurex), Friday, 31 January 2003 19:35 (twenty-three years ago)

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 31 January 2003 22:51 (twenty-three years ago)

don't frown. if Kate minded, she would of said. and yer still da bomb.

― di smith (lucylurex), Saturday, 1 February 2003 00:15 (twenty-three years ago)

What is the cure for crushes? Perhaps this should be a separate thread.

― Nicole (Nicole), Saturday, 1 February 2003 00:17 (twenty-three years ago)

i've found a sure way to cure crushes is to actually get to know the person. once you've decided someone is the best thing since rollerskates, its really easy for them to degrade themselves in your eyes.

― di smith (lucylurex), Saturday, 1 February 2003 00:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Connor Smedley.

― Curtis Stephens, Saturday, 1 February 2003 00:46 (twenty-three years ago)

hey, *I* wouldn't mind if Kate had a crush on me, after seeing her picture in Uncut. (tho it'd never work out: I'd drive her to despair with the kinda music I listen to...)

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Saturday, 1 February 2003 08:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Justyn, you've made my morning.

After I've been sitting here in a pit of misery and self deprication, thinking "God, why am I so ugly and so useless and so HUGE and why doesn't Hilton love me, god, I must just be beyond adoration or crushworthiness or anything." Like, "What's wrong with me? Am I really THAT awful that he can find nothing to appreciate in me?" I'm about six inches taller and a stone heavier than him and I've got a stupid American accent and he hates Americans and I'm talentless and awful and ugly and horrendous and wah wah wah, am I just a total fucking pig?

So knowing that someone saw my photo in some magazine and thought I was actually OK-looking... well, that's really really lovely and sweet and you've just made me very happy. Even if it wouldn't work out, it's nice of you to think about it. :-)

Di/Nabisco - I actually totally agree with Nabisco. It is pretty hardcore to be crushed on by me. It's really quite overwhelming and borderline scary, methinks. I'm not offended by it at all, it just confirms what I suspect. But Hilton is a total drama queen; I would have thought he would actually *enjoy* being the focus of such intensity and drama.

― kate, Saturday, 1 February 2003 11:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmph. I was once voted 4th filthiest poster on ILX and nary a mention!

(I am also starting to post only to ask why people don't talk about me. I am becoming meta-crap)

― Mark C (Mark C), Saturday, 1 February 2003 14:23 (twenty-three years ago)

― conner Smedley (gsc660), Saturday, 1 February 2003 17:54 (twenty-three years ago)

speaking of

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 1 February 2003 18:26 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't believe I got away with 'hairy axe wound'.

― Cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 1 February 2003 18:39 (twenty-three years ago)

hOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!i LOVE HOWLING BECAUSE I'M A WEREWOLF!!!!!!!!!!!!

― conner Smedley (gsc660), Saturday, 1 February 2003 18:42 (twenty-three years ago)

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